Is this the final straw in the relationship

[Supinthis]

So I have been in a relationship for the past 3 years now and it has always been hit or miss and our main issues come down to my boyfriend he has no communication skills what so ever ,no time management, listening skills aren't super great either, in the past 2 years since the birth of our child things have been getting worse he doesn't seem to prioritise me or his child, he doesn't help us financially, doesn't work , very rarely helps with house work and will only do any childcare related things when told to (just to name a few) I know he loves us both and is the funniest guy and when he actually tries and bothers is so great So a few weeks ago it got to the point I told him that he is on final chance and if he doesn't sort it out then as much as I don't want to it will be the end of our relationship

 

So I would like to mention that I have a body positivity Instagram account as a plus size woman (this will be relevant) and pictures of boobs(censored) and belly are on it he knows and gave his full blessing for this I also have a only fans but this is only belly again and uncensored boobs nothing else again he knows and is fully aware of this

 

Now he is bisexual and when we first got told I said if he wants to sleep with a man he could but he had to tell me if he was talking to a man and keep all lines of communication open about what is happening so tonight we were talking and I mentioned about my boobs and the fact he mentioned about doing a onlyfans for himself as a joke it was during this that I have found out that he has sent pictures of his penis to this Internet group chat that he is on I asked if they were old one (meaning those from before we were together) he said some were, I asked if any are from the last 3 years during the time that we have been together he said that there is. I asked if he was serious and he said that the chat he is in is mostly made up of males (like that makes any difference)

 

I told him that its the fact he didn't tell me or communicate any of this to me I have always been open with anything I post as I never wanted and issues to arise from this He said its not like it was one person in particular and its not like he cheated and he claims he hasn't done this in a year Which I understand but its the fact he never told me and i feel like its a completely different scenario I have told him I want him to stay at his mums house tonight whist I decide if this is the final straw in this relationship

[Hollyj]

Why would you have a child with someone like this? What do you get out of this "relationship?"

 

He does not love or respect you. You need to look at his actions. He is using you for financial support and as a personal maid . You are setting a terrible example for your child by being with a loser like this. UGH.

 

Are you okay with him having sex with others? What does he do all day?

 

I feel so sorry for your kid. You knew who this lazy loser was. I don't get it!

 

I hope that you have been using condoms. Get tested for STIs!

[Lambert]

Why isn't he working or contributing?

[Capricorn3]

Why would you have a child with someone like this? What do you get out of this "relationship?"

 

He does not love or respect you. You need to look at his actions. He is using you for financial support and as a personal maid . You are setting a terrible example for you child by being with a loser like this. UGH.

 

Are you okay with him having sex with others? What does he do all day?

 

I feel so sorry for your kid. You knew who this lazy loser was. I don't get it!

 

I hope that you have been using condoms. Get tested for STIs!

I second this post. What a toxic and dysfunctional relationship. I can't understand why you would even be with a guy like this. Do the right thing for your child. Set a good example. A child deserves a happy, healthy and stable environment. Right now, it's none of that.

 

Ans yes, it should be the last straw!

[Rose Mosse]

Well, I'm not sure you have much to go on if you want to take the high road, OP. I understand you're hurt but really... Both of you seem to be pushing the boundaries. What's the point of being with a person who wants to be with other people sexually unless it's something you're into? There's no reason for him to be looking or participating on those websites. Onlyfans is an online money grab for people looking to sell images of their body, no? There's no reason for you to be there either. I think you have low self-esteem, unfortunately, and he wants to explore his sexuality.

 

Have a heart to heart together but don't be surprised if he has something to say about your ongoings also. I agree both of you need to set a better example for your child. Hopefully he also gets his act together and helps provide for the family.

[Hollyj]

Well, I'm not sure you have much to go on if you want to take the high road, OP. I understand you're hurt but really... Both of you seem to be pushing the boundaries. What's the point of being with a person who wants to be with other people sexually unless it's something you're into? There's no reason for him to be looking or participating on those websites. Onlyfans is an online money grab for people looking to sell images of their body, no? There's no reason for you to be there either. I think you have low self-esteem, unfortunately, and he wants to explore his sexuality.

 

Have a heart to heart together but don't be surprised if he has something to say about your ongoings also. I agree both of you need to set a better example for your child. Hopefully he also gets his act together and helps provide for the family.

 

Rose, he has never done it. I think it is highly unlikely he will suddenly morph into a decent human being and provide and contribute. We should never expect people to change.

 

She should have walked long ago. They are both setting a poor example as parents.

[Rose Mosse]

It still doesn't change the fact that she has low self-esteem. That issue will continue to attract the wrong types of partners, sadly.

 

OP, I think you need to spend more time focusing on yourself, rebuilding your own self-image without the help of Onlyfans or other websites or social media, seek people who reaffirm your values and be with a partner who values all of you. If you've been too accepting, perhaps it comes with issues with your self-worth also. None of these patterns in dating or relationships are going to change until you're able to move past these blocks in how you view yourself.

 

I don't agree with what your partner has done but there are gray areas in your relationship already.

[SherrySher]

You two are behaving like this, with a child in the background?!?

 

As a mother, you need to put your clothes on, and stop this. You're a mom now, I doubt there's any kid in this world that wants his moms breasts all over the internet.

 

As for this guy, whether he tells you about what he's doing, or not, both of you are just as bad as the other.

 

You're parents now! Neither of you should be acting like this.

[Hollyj]

It still doesn't change the fact that she has low self-esteem. That issue will continue to attract the wrong types of partners, sadly.

 

OP, I think you need to spend more time focusing on yourself, rebuilding your own self-image without the help of Onlyfans or other websites or social media, seek people who reaffirm your values and be with a partner who values all of you. If you've been too accepting, perhaps it comes with issues with your self-worth also. None of these patterns in dating or relationships are going to change until you're able to move past these blocks in how you view yourself.

 

I don't agree with what your partner has done but there are gray areas in your relationship already.

 

Anyone that would put up with behavior has major self esteem issues. Currently, she is supporting and cleaning up after two babies. I don't get it. I would rather be alone.

 

OP, put your clothes on! Hw would feel if your child or parents saw this stuff?

[1a1a]

In to counter balance the people saying you have to put your clothes on because you’re a mum. Mums still have a sexual side and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that. (Caveat, many people have not fully shaken off Puritan ideas around sex so brace for many to make the judgements those above have warned you of).

 

Agreeing with the rest, the stand out troubles in the dynamic you describe are bad time management, bad communication, not pulling his weight. What does your ideal partnership look like? What are your deal breakers? Should poor communication be a deal breaker (I think yes personally for that makes it so much harder to work through stressful times together). I know it’s flippant to say leave this guy but in all honesty, it might be time to dream that as an option.

[Hollyj]

In to counter balance the people saying you have to put your clothes on because you’re a mum. Mums still have a sexual side and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that. (Caveat, many people have not fully shaken off Puritan ideas around sex so brace for many to make the judgements those above have warned you of).

 

Agreeing with the rest, the stand out troubles in the dynamic you describe are bad time management, bad communication, not pulling his weight. What does your ideal partnership look like? What are your deal breakers? Should poor communication be a deal breaker (I think yes personally for that makes it so much harder to work through stressful times together). I know it’s flippant to say leave this guy but in all honesty, it might be time to dream that as an option.

 

Putting oneself online for the world to see is at another level. This has nothing to do with "Puritan"values, but good judgement, especially as a parent..

 

I also don't see this as a "sexual side," but attention seeking.

[Seraphim]

I don’t think it is Puritan values either , it is one day when your teen sees naked mom on the internet or someone says hey dude isn’t that your mom? And then people are laughing at your child.

[Wiseman2]

Who supports the three of you?

[Billie28]

All I see is that the op got pregnant within a few months of meeting this guy.

They didn’t know each other.

Subsequently the guy admitted to being bisexual.

OP decided she was ok with that under the condition that if he was to pursue sleeping with another man that he lets her know.

Meanwhile OP is trying to gain self esteem by posting photos where men are attracted to overweight women.

It’s a small niche.

The followers might be in the thousands worldwide but it’s minimal compared to what the majority of men will follow. Fit models etc. Don’t judge me for saying that , it’s fact and proven.

 

As far as I can tell , the OP’s partner has not done anything wrong in the way of posting images online or sending to groups.

She didn’t ask him to communicate that, she asked him to let her know if any chat thatmight lead to a physical encounter.

Only.

 

As far as her parenting skills. I don’t think there is any issue there! And I don’t think people should judge her parenting based on her low self esteem belly posts.

 

As for his parenting skills. Well that’s up to the OP to decide if she is happy with it? Will tolerate it? Etc

 

It’s clear that both parents have low self esteem issues.

And needs to be looked into.

 

OP??? What’s your thoughts?

[Tinydance]

Well all the stuff about him not communicating, not helping around the house, not working, not taking care of your child, is bad. Probably warranted for you to leave the relationship over that. However regarding him sending photos of his penis, it's a very grey area there. I understand you have a body positive Instagram (I follow many myself). But you are nude in these photos except breaststroke censored, as far as I understood. And it's a public Instagram so literally thousands of people can see you naked. Also Only Fans is where you make money from posing nude, right? So you are doing these things where you are showing your nudity to hundreds of people. Maybe you even get paid for it? Your boyfriend is OK with it so that means in turn you have to be OK with him doing the same. Yes he should be open with you about it but you can't be upset he showed nudity to some people online when you show nude pictures to thousands of people. It's a double standard.

[Tinydance]

All I see is that the op got pregnant within a few months of meeting this guy.

They didn’t know each other.

Subsequently the guy admitted to being bisexual.

OP decided she was ok with that under the condition that if he was to pursue sleeping with another man that he lets her know.

Meanwhile OP is trying to gain self esteem by posting photos where men are attracted to overweight women.

It’s a small niche.

The followers might be in the thousands worldwide but it’s minimal compared to what the majority of men will follow. Fit models etc. Don’t judge me for saying that , it’s fact and proven.

 

As far as I can tell , the OP’s partner has not done anything wrong in the way of posting images online or sending to groups.

She didn’t ask him to communicate that, she asked him to let her know if any chat thatmight lead to a physical encounter.

Only.

 

As far as her parenting skills. I don’t think there is any issue there! And I don’t think people should judge her parenting based on her low self esteem belly posts.

 

As for his parenting skills. Well that’s up to the OP to decide if she is happy with it? Will tolerate it? Etc

 

It’s clear that both parents have low self esteem issues.

And needs to be looked into.

 

OP??? What’s your thoughts?

 

Actually I follow plus size women/models on Instagram and you're wrong in saying people don't follow. Many of these women have numbers of followers ranging from a few thousand up to even a million. Many have 50, 000, 300, 000 followers, things like that. So it's not actually that niche. Plus size modelling is also becoming a lot more common. Not as a fetish but in fashion catalogues and fashion shows and so on.

[Tinydance]

In to counter balance the people saying you have to put your clothes on because you’re a mum. Mums still have a sexual side and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that. (Caveat, many people have not fully shaken off Puritan ideas around sex so brace for many to make the judgements those above have warned you of).

 

Agreeing with the rest, the stand out troubles in the dynamic you describe are bad time management, bad communication, not pulling his weight. What does your ideal partnership look like? What are your deal breakers? Should poor communication be a deal breaker (I think yes personally for that makes it so much harder to work through stressful times together). I know it’s flippant to say leave this guy but in all honesty, it might be time to dream that as an option.

 

I'm very open minded so even if someone has a child and they pose nude, OK, up to them. I just think it's hypocritical to be mad that her boyfriend sent some penis photos to a few people when she appears nude on a public Instagram and Only Fans. If you are doing something yourself and you want your partner to accept it, then you need to be fine with them doing it too. I'm sure with appearing nude on Instagram and Only Fans (where people pay), she would be getting lots of admiration and sexual messages and things like that. This is not innocent by any means. I think to each their own but hypocrisy is not a good look.

[SherrySher]

In to counter balance the people saying you have to put your clothes on because you’re a mum. Mums still have a sexual side and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that. (Caveat, many people have not fully shaken off Puritan ideas around sex so brace for many to make the judgements those above have warned you of).

 

Oh really, and you just assume all this, have you?

 

I never once said anything about not being sexual. Be sexual all you like, be freaky, try new things, enjoy it to the fullest....BUT do it in the comfort of your own bedroom for your partner(s) only, and not on the internet for all to see.

 

There has got to be some level of respect and decency when it comes to becoming a parent and how you conduct yourself as a person. You're no longer a single person who only has to think of themselves, you've got a child you're raising and your choices could one day affect them.

[SherrySher]

Thank you Holly and Seraphim, I'm glad that someone got the just of what I meant.

[SherrySher]

I also have no issues at all with women of all sizes being body positive, it's a healthy thing. But there is a huge world of difference between modelling and wearing beautiful clothes in tasteful pictures, versus near nudity and only fans pages.

 

You're someone's mum...the days of you being careless or selfish on your choices, should be over. What you do now, could affect your child down the road.

[Batya33]

Putting oneself online for the world to see is at another level. This has nothing to do with "Puritan"values, but good judgement, especially as a parent..

 

I also don't see this as a "sexual side," but attention seeking.

 

Same exact. I don't think the puritan comment was a counterbalance at all but just more like looking at an extreme that is irrelevant and an irrelevant assumption. I think it's far riskier for parents who are not married where the relationship is also shaky to engage in activities that risk custody were that to happen down the road and also the practical risks as Seraphim mentioned of the child's friends finding those photos.

[SherrySher]

Same exact. I don't think the puritan comment was a counterbalance at all but just more like looking at an extreme that is irrelevant and an irrelevant assumption. I think it's far riskier for parents who are not married where the relationship is also shaky to engage in activities that risk custody were that to happen down the road and also the practical risks as Seraphim mentioned of the child's friends finding those photos.

 

Excellent points made. I'm not sure that some parents are aware of how posting pics like that can become relevant in a custody case, but it really can.

 

It's risky behavior to say the least, you're absolutely right.

[Hollyj]

All I see is that the op got pregnant within a few months of meeting this guy.

They didn’t know each other.

Subsequently the guy admitted to being bisexual.

OP decided she was ok with that under the condition that if he was to pursue sleeping with another man that he lets her know.

Meanwhile OP is trying to gain self esteem by posting photos where men are attracted to overweight women.

It’s a small niche.

The followers might be in the thousands worldwide but it’s minimal compared to what the majority of men will follow. Fit models etc. Don’t judge me for saying that , it’s fact and proven.

 

As far as I can tell , the OP’s partner has not done anything wrong in the way of posting images online or sending to groups.

She didn’t ask him to communicate that, she asked him to let her know if any chat thatmight lead to a physical encounter.

Only.

 

As far as her parenting skills. I don’t think there is any issue there! And I don’t think people should judge her parenting based on her low self esteem belly posts.

 

As for his parenting skills. Well that’s up to the OP to decide if she is happy with it? Will tolerate it? Etc

 

It’s clear that both parents have low self esteem issues.

And needs to be looked into.

 

OP??? What’s your thoughts?

 

Being with someone who refuses to work, help around the house, and assist with the child is a parenting issue. Having a child with this loser, is a big problem.

[Supinthis]

So i have read every comment and thank you for your feed back

 

So I would like to start with saying that I have know this man for many years about 21 years actually so its not a complete stranger and this was our third time being together (2012 and 2009 for previous relationships)

 

We have sat down and discuss this and we have both agreed that its isn't good in our relationship at the moment and we both have issues we need to work on so we have separated with the possibility of maybe one day getting back together but only after we have worked on our issues

 

We are being very flexible with our child and my now ex is going to be seeing our child frequently

 

He said he is glad we actually sat down and discussed this and this isn't out of anger

 

It hurts a lot but time will heal and hopefully we both come out better people in the end and our main focus is ourselves and our child

[MissCanuck]

It is best that you two have separated, OP.

 

You have tried out the relationship three times, and it has failed each time. It is time to truly accept that you two are not suited to each other and would be better off apart as co-parents.