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Hy, I am 23 and I have a girlfriend and we're in a 2 year relationship. We are about to move to a new country together for further education. We have planned our future and will obviously live together and even our families know about that. But the thing is that she has started to cheat, and I don't wanna go and start to new life with someone like that. My mental health is already at a bad state even before her and now she keeps adding to it. But here is the paradox, I don't know if it is 100% a good idea to leave her because over the last 3 years i have started to loose my hair and because of that I have a very low self esteem and Idk that after her I can find anyone even that in a whole new country. And its not like i cannot get girls, that has never been a problem for me but now with all these things combined. I am in ambivert and I dont like to talk to people a lot, so having a probability of making a new girlfriend later in life is already low because of this and now this hair problem. I want to go to a new country and experience a good life for the first time because i have never been happier in my life because of the family and the college i was in. I care so much about my hair that I even got a prp (surgery for hair loss) done and even started to eat healthy again, but there aren't any results. She has been supportive with me all the time and also cares a lot about me a lot but along with that she lies to me and cheats. I wanted to break up with her since the 2nd month when i got to know about her lies but i couldn't do it because the odds weren't in my favor. And I dont date a lot, this relationship was after a 5 year gap as I didn't want any random and wasteful relationship to waste my time and energy on because I was cheated on the previous relationship and now i'm stuck with this again. So I am not able to break up with her because i'm losing hair already at this early age and i think because of that i won't be able to get as good as a girlfriend, which cares about me a lot (but also lies and cheat ?). And again moving in to a new country is a life changing decision in which both of are families will get involved and from then things will get even more serious and for me an even deeper hole to get out of, so thats why i want to make the decision fast as we could be moving to a new country in upcoming 2-3 months. Thanks (if you reply).

writer- 3954 (for future reference).

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I wanted to break up with her since the 2nd month when i got to know about her lies but i couldn't do it because the odds weren't in my favor.

 

The odds aren't in your favour with a cheater, either.

 

She's showing you that she doesn't love or respect you. The likelihood is high that she will eventually leave for one of her new guys anyway, so it is better end it now rather than delay the inevitable.

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Wow I'm sorry to be blunt but I think you were wrong to think that you couldn't find a better woman all that time! Two months into the relationship your girlfriend was already lying to you. So straight away the relationship was not good. To be honest what you're saying doesn't really make sense. You said she cares about you but how can she care about you if she's cheating on you? She doesn't care about you or respect you. If she did she wouldn't be cheating on you, it's as simple as that.

 

I understand you're self-conscious about the hair loss, but many men have thinning hair or are even bald. It's more common than you think. Plenty of those men are in relationships or married. I've been with guys with thinning hair or bald myself because it doesn't bother me. You've been putting up with this bad relationship and your cheater girlfriend not because you can't find any other women. But because of your own self doubt and self criticism. The longer you continue being with your girlfriend, the more you're wasting your time and missing out on actual good women who are still out there. The hair thing is really not as important to women as you think.

 

Go to the new country and study and live your life as you want. And leave your cheating girlfriend behind.

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I don't know if it is 100% a good idea to leave her because over the last 3 years i have started to loose my hair and because of that I have a very low self esteem and Idk that after her I can find anyone even that in a whole new country.

 

Staying with a cheater will make your self esteem even worse.

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Staying with a cheater will make your self esteem even worse.

 

I agree with this. You are breaking your own heart. How could being alone be worse than being with a fake love? I never understand this.

 

Actually, that's not true. I think I dated guys that were not that into me and made me question my own worth in the past. And I think that was caused by wanting someone to love and appreciate me.

 

What I didnt realize is, those people were never going to change. It was me that had to change. Being willing to walk away from a bad match is the only way to find a good match.

 

Dump this person and do not move with them. Start fresh.

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You can always shave your head. Bald men are sexy.

 

Are you depending on her or her family to support you or are you staying with her family or her connections while you're in the new country? What's the problem here or why should going your separate ways affect your future plans for further education? You'll find other women to date. You're too anxious, upset, angry, hurt, confused right now so staying single and as far away from this person as possible might be healthy for you.

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She's cheating because she's afraid to leave a relationship that has ran it's course, not because you are losing your hair...you are feeling unattractive due to your lack of confidence, feeling unhappy with yourself, and place blame on things without really seeing the real issue. You are sounding nervous, anxious, depressed, etc. You need some relief. I would call off leaving the country, stay close to family, end the relationship, take break from everything while seeing a therapist for some counseling. Get yourself mentally better before you make any big life decisions.

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First step is get rid of this cheater you call gf.

 

Your anxiety, depression, fear, lack of confidence, and even your obsession with hair really stems from the soul sucking mind fck that a relationship with a cheater is. Basically, it's easier to obsess about your hair than to deal with all the bad aspects of your relationship and get rid of it. It's a form of avoidance - fixating on a non issue (virtually all men lose hair and bold guys ARE sexy) because you don't want to deal with the giant problem. Except that the giant problem keeps eating away at you and will continue to destroy you if you don't suck it up and get rid of it, aka deal with it for good.

 

End this toxic relationship. Go on your own and start a fresh chapter in your life solo - that's what builds confidence. Knowing that you can. Embrace life. Meet new people. Learn who you are outside of relationships, as a person. Grow as a person.

 

Most importantly, it's not hair that makes you a man, it's what you do with your life, who you are as a person.

 

When you fixate on something so shallow, you'll attract shallow people to you, aka cheaters. When you grow as a person and offer depth and character, you'll attract good quality people to you who also have depth and a lot to offer and .... don't cheat. Like attracts like.

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yes you're all right but there's one more thing. idk clearly what i want to do in my life, obviously i'll get a job in the degree that i'll receive but i dont want to keep doing that for the rest of my life, that 9-5, i'm not really that kinda person and she thinks the same about her. So i thought with her i'll figure out what i wanna do in my life. but then there's also the daily torture of my own mental health, where I ask myself "Is this really all worth it?". but then also, what will I do in my life then, i have nothing figured out yet. and things doesn't come easy to you when you've been in stress and depression for the past 4 years.

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yes you're all right but there's one more thing. idk clearly what i want to do in my life, obviously i'll get a job in the degree that i'll receive but i dont want to keep doing that for the rest of my life, that 9-5, i'm not really that kinda person

 

This has nothing to do with her or staying in a bad relationship.

 

You would be best-served by working on your self-esteem. It's in tatters if you're searching this hard to hang on to someone who has no respect for you, man.

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That's a solo job. You'll be fine as soon as you start letting go of negative people and relationships. She's betrayed your trust more than once already and your self-esteem has taken a lot of hits. Confusion would be common but I think it may be contagious too. She's dragging you down.

 

Things might clear up once you're single and free to think about what you want to do with your life.

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