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Sad, scared, depressed and need help thinking this through


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Sounds like an ideal situatiob DancingFool and that would work for me.

 

Yes, only thanks to you paying half the rent and therefore helping her save up and putting her in that position and look at how she is paying you back for that....

I wouldn't treat a random stranger off the street the way she is treating you.

 

You are afraid of possibly living with strangers......consider that many strangers might be a million times kinder and more decent to you.

 

A family friend met a nice woman while volunteering. They are both older and single and super happy living together. They actually decided to do that because they are both getting up there and are in the same boat in terms of having little family. They also have similar interests, habits, living habits and so on. They wouldn't trade their arrangement for the world and actually feel much safer and more comfortable living together than living alone. They often joke that they get along like long lost sisters without the sibling rivalry and fighting. Companionship aside, the other part of that is financial. They could live solo, but splitting the bills actually frees up funds for travel and being able to do more fun stuff they couldn't do otherwise. Point being - don't be closed off to different directions in life not just in the moment, but overall, in the long run.

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I just had my resume done by a professional. I will look into temp work. Didn’t think of that. Thank you!

 

Temping is wonderful. It's how I was able to find the 'real' jobs I wanted. The position you take doesn't matter as much as the relationships you build from within. From there, when a perm 'headcount' opens, you may be given the opportunity to write up the position you want for the person you want to work for--or otherwise apply for jobs from within that are never published to the public.

 

Don't just send resumes to agencies--you need to contact them to set up an appointment for however they are interviewing these days. That's the only way to get on their active rosters for placement.

 

Don't limit yourself to 1 or 2 agencies--they don't all service the same companies. Start with the radius closest to you and keep interviewing, 1 per day, at least 3 per week, until you've covered every conceivable agency--and then some.

 

Once I ended up getting placed by the firm most far away from me that specialized in an industry where I had no experience. I didn't realize that they were that specialized, and so it was during the interview that we each realized that we had both made a mistake. But they were so kind and the partner even spent time with me. A month later after hearing crickets from ALL the agencies to which I'd applied, THEY are the ones who placed me--only 10 minutes from my home.

 

After a lot of temping while working my master's at night, that fluke placement unfolded into a 14 year run and the best match of my life. Fingers crossed that I can hold onto it--everyone is suffering layoffs these days. You are in excellent company, and I'm holding you in my thoughts.

 

All agencies will tell you that they have nothing at the moment. That's fine. No good agency has jobs lying around. The idea is to be on the active roster when the next match comes in. It doesn't need to be fabulous--it can be any spot with a good firm--no need to worry about being overqualified. Each placement gives you access to check out the culture and learn the possibilities.

 

Write more if it helps, and I believe that we are all with you in spirit!

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Just popping in to say I’m in and out of panic mode.She hasn’t told me what’s happening yet but I heard her talking about the appraisal and loan docs needed. I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. Some days I feel like it will all be okay and others like today feel like I’m doomed. I’ve thought about roommates and that is still not my ideal as I’m such a introvert. But it may be the only solution until I get my inheritance. I’m looking at apts and of course they want income. But if I can pay 6 -12 months in advance they might allow me to move in. I’ve been applying to jobs. I had a interview on Saturday which I haven’t heard back from yet. my ideal situation would be a place of my own. I like not having to worry about other peoples living habits or decisions which will affect my life.

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I enjoyed the interview. He said he liked me but had 2 more people to meet. He said someone would reach out this week but nothing yet. Of course I’d take it if it’s offered to me..

That's great. How do you feel about the interview on Saturday? Did they mention when you might hear back from them?
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I enjoyed the interview. He said he liked me but had 2 more people to meet. He said someone would reach out this week but nothing yet. Of course I’d take it if it’s offered to me..

 

That sounds promising. Did you reach out by any chance to thank him for his time after the interview? Fingers crossed for you.

 

Hang in there. It's bananas, I know, with everything going on. You got this.

 

If you are feeling anxiety or panic attacks or overwhelmed, what used to help me were either writing or breathing exercises. Yes, basic, I know. But they were simple and tried and true for me. Sometimes I'd write. Sometimes I'd just breathe and be aware of my heartbeat and acknowledge any racing thoughts, worries, fears etc. Especially when hurt and anger or fear involves family members, it's not easy and it can feel like your walls are closing in. Just remember that an upswing and a new morning will come around with new activities. Stay with it.

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I'm sorry to hear this. That's good that you are still applying. Hang in there.

 

Same here. Every little thing's gonna be all right. (from a song I love and I sing it to myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed, so I share it here with you -it helps me some!)

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Can you hold onto the month-to-month on your current place until your inheritance comes through?

 

Have you applied at temp agencies?

 

I cannot afford the rent here on my own. And if I do stay my inheritance wouldn't last long if I had to pay for a year here.

 

No, I have not attempted temp agencies yet. That is on my todo list.

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I cannot afford the rent here on my own. And if I do stay my inheritance wouldn't last long if I had to pay for a year here.

 

Okay, well month-to-month is not a year. The inheritance would give you the money to secure a more suitable place.

 

I have not attempted temp agencies yet. That is on my todo list.

 

If you want to start working quickly, I'd put some focus onto this. It can be a placeholder paycheck while you seek a more permanent position.

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Sorry this is happening. Do you enjoy living alone or do you feel better in a family setting?

 

Since your divorce, have your kids lived in the home you sold to your ex-husband?

 

Is it the money holding you up or the overall confusion of how and with whom live?

 

Take some time to reflect on what your ideal living circumstances might be.

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Update. I woke up on Saturday and noticed she was starting to pack. I finally just asked her what’s going on I said I have no idea when your moving. The discussion got a little heated. She told me that I’m acting terrible to her and being disrespectful to her! Because I say this is a bad time for me and how I’m screwed. I said yes that’s all true. I told her I’m scared and have no job etc. she’s said I was willing to help you but not how you’ve been acting. I don’t even want to be around you. I told her she is a bad communicator because I had no idea when she was moving and had no details. She swore she told me. I don’t think I have memory loss.

 

I told her she really needs to listen to my side. To put herself in my shoes. She at first didn’t want to talk anymore but I explain to her that I would never do this to her and I’m scared. If I had a job and was more settled I wouldn’t feel so insecure about it all. She insisted that I’d have my money and move out anyway and I’d be able to find a place fast. That she can’t carry me. Which I never asked her to do. Not sure why she said that. I pay my rent and bills and never asked her for anything. I said do you think it will only take a month for me to find a place to buy? (Mobile) Things take time like they did for you.

 

Wow there a lot more but basically she is angry with me because of my attitude, I’m not happy for her. I told her we were supposed to buy together and she changed her mind without discussing it with me And it would of gone a lot easier if we sat and talk about her decision. I understand that she needs space so do I but I would of told her what I was planning and then waited to move when she had a job and felt she could afford a place on her own. She went upstairs and for some reason I felt calm. I think because I told her how I felt.

 

Nothings changed. Her house closes on Dec 11th but she will pay rent for December and I’m still giving notice January 1st. if I can’t find a place by February , I will stay with my friend for a couple of months. Pay her a small rent save money and be more relaxed about finding a mobile or rental. Yikes. I guess I’m Calling this a reboot in my life. I’m surprised I haven’t had a nervous breakdown.

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Oh I forgot to say she came back downstairs after our talk and talked to me about things I could do and offering suggestions. She seemed a bit more compassionate and maybe heard how hard this is for me. But of course the suggestions were all things I’ve considered and thought through. But since then she has been nicer.

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Oh I forgot to say she came back downstairs after our talk and talked to me about things I could do and offering suggestions. She seemed a bit more compassionate and maybe heard how hard this is for me. But of course the suggestions were all things I’ve considered and thought through. But since then she has been nicer.

 

Glad to hear this.

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Update: I’ve been feeling okay lately. But seeing her pack is a reminder that the end is near and it’s hard not to slip back into fear and I’m feeling sad again today. Back on the pity pot.

 

Things I’m trying to focus on:

 

I had a great phone interview on Tuesday and have a second interview tomorrow. Fingers crossed that goes well. I have an in person interview on Thursday for a furniture store. I’m not thrilled about going back to that kind of retail business but it’s a job and I need to show income to rent.

 

My inheritance might be here in December or January. I wish I knew the exact amount so I could plan before moving.

 

I’m struggling with:

 

Being in limbo. Not having enough information about so many outstanding things

 

Putting myself in this situation. I truly don’t ever want to be put in this position again. I know things could be worse but it’s just really hard to deal with so many bad things at once.

 

I don’t want to pack. I hate moving. It’s so much work. But I have no choice.

 

COVID is getting worse. Along with me many other people are wondering how there going to make ends meet. Why did she have to this now?

 

I wish I was my daughter. Good job, great credit and a place to live that she will own. Life would be so much easier if that was me.

 

Unfortunately. I live in a place that is expensive. Rents are high and income isn’t.

Edited by janut1
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