Jump to content

Relationships and work balance?


Recommended Posts

Hello everyone, This is my first post, I'm going through a tough patch. Im sure some of you experienced this and can help. Im 25 yr old M. I was with my "ex" for 1 year and 2 months. So not so long, but to keep it short she had broken up with me because I had a tough few months working on my new business and really putting in a lot of hours into work and not into our relationship. She ended things in the beginning of Sept, and Beg of November I decided to text her and give it one last chance. Im posting the texts here. let me know what you guys think!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

 

Me

Hey, free tonight to talk?

 

Ex

There’s nothing to talk about !

 

Me

i understand, just thought i’d reach out.

Sorry to bother

 

Ex

What did you want to talk about ? I don’t get it

 

Me

Just i think i made you sad. I miss you. As well there was no definite bad stuff between me and you, so we didn’t end on bad terms.

 

Ex

I did everything for you, i did my best and eventually it was time i leave a relationship that wasn’t meant for me. I wasn’t appreciated & I hope you learn from ur mistakes

 

Me

I understand it was your time to leave. Live and learn then.

Thank you for appreciating me.

 

 

Then no answer its been couple days now, What's the next move.:icon_sad:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry about this.

 

I have to echo LH above, in that she has made it very clear where she stands: nothing to talk about. That's her truth, and, as such, it has to be respected.

 

You know yourself, and the details of the relationship. Give yourself some time to reflect on both, to feel your way through the feelings. You may come to find, in addition to recognizing some places where you could improve in sustaining a romantic connection, that you'd be better matched with someone with a different temperament. That's not a knock on you, or on her, but just the mysteries of compatibility.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Your next step is to lose her contact information. She couldn't have been more clear that she is done with this relationship and has no interest in your whatsoever.

 

Just because there was nothing majorly awful between you, doesn't mean that the relationship will carry on. Usually when people end a long term relationship, they have given it a lot of thought and you need to respect that decision.

 

As for work balance and dating, when I was neck deep starting out in my career, I really had to find guys who were on the same page. Meaning as busy as I am and like minded. The guys who were just in a 9-5 was pretty much impossible as they would be home early and ready to go out, demand my attention and time and so on. It was unworkable as they would get bitter that I worked long and often unpredictable hours while they were sitting around bored planning dates I'd end up having to cancel. However, dating guys who were equally busy made life easy and smooth. We were able to understand and support each other. So that's my advice to you really - find a woman who is busy career wise herself and so much more sympathetic to long hours and dealing with issues.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Breakups are always difficult, even when they do end on good terms. I understand that you miss her and would like to try again but I think she has her mind set. From what it sounds like, you are focused with work and your business. Definitely use this time now that you are not in a relationship, to completely focus on your work and business. Also give yourself a break too. She was upset that you were not there enough because you were taking care of your responsibilities in your work life. Maybe that's a sign that you need to also give yourself some attention. Hope it all gets better for you!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Your next step is to lose her contact information. She couldn't have been more clear that she is done with this relationship and has no interest in your whatsoever.

 

Just because there was nothing majorly awful between you, doesn't mean that the relationship will carry on. Usually when people end a long term relationship, they have given it a lot of thought and you need to respect that decision.

 

As for work balance and dating, when I was neck deep starting out in my career, I really had to find guys who were on the same page. Meaning as busy as I am and like minded. The guys who were just in a 9-5 was pretty much impossible as they would be home early and ready to go out, demand my attention and time and so on. It was unworkable as they would get bitter that I worked long and often unpredictable hours while they were sitting around bored planning dates I'd end up having to cancel. However, dating guys who were equally busy made life easy and smooth. We were able to understand and support each other. So that's my advice to you really - find a woman who is busy career wise herself and so much more sympathetic to long hours and dealing with issues.

 

That is exactly what I did when I was dating. And why I did it. It was my life too for 15 years before I became a married mom and then I traded that unpredictability for the unpredictability of parenting. My husband was just as crazy busy as me. I remember precisely how unworkable it was to date the 9 to 5-ers. One of them asked me when I "take dinner" - meaning when I worked late nights at the office (pre-internet -you couldn't really go home) I would order dinner in and continue working while eating -and he assumed that I got a "dinner break". Nope. Not a standard job. Another guy who I told specifically "if we make plans during the week I might have to cancel -weekends are better" - chose to stop seeing me when I had to cancel the second time. Then there was the guy who lied to me about planning to go to medical school because he was intimidated that I'd been to graduate school and likely made more $ than him. Wasn't gonna work.

 

You don't want a "girl with a career path" -you want a woman who is ambitious like you are about pursuing a career or profession -just like dancing fool said.

 

I also agree that you absolutely have to leave her alone.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Just i think i made you sad. I miss you. As well there was no definite bad stuff between me and you, so we didn’t end on bad terms.

 

There is this which isn't true, is it. You both did end on bad terms and for reasons that were not good. She didn't feel appreciated by you. The quicker you realize how much the relationship wasn't working, the quicker you'll also make this for yourself and a whole lot smoother too, accepting that the relationship is over. She wasn't happy with you. This is your cue to take it for what it is and move on with your life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Then no answer its been couple days now, What's the next move

 

As the others have already pointed out, there is no next move.

 

She is done, and while you might not have ended in a screaming match, it did end on bad terms for her and there was definite bad stuff. She had likely been feeling upset and hurt for a while and got to the point where she couldn't take it anymore. Her feelings toward you are not positive ones. You seem to be underestimating how painful that is for the party who feels like they're being excluded from your life. "Bad stuff" includes more than the obvious cheating or abuse, in other words.

 

As she suggested, learn from this. Don't wait until it's too late to appreciate a loved one.

Link to post
Share on other sites

There is no next move.

 

She's moving on as should you. It's over.

 

She told you that she was unappreciated and hopes you'll learn from your mistakes. This means you were very consumed with your job without attention to her, she felt ignored and unimportant. Your job took top priority over her. She felt left out. She hopes you'll learn from what you did and won't do it anymore in your future relationships. That part is "live and learn."

Link to post
Share on other sites
To all of you here, Im sitting down at the office reading this, and I cannot believe that you guys are taking time out of your day to respond to my relationship problems. TO every one of you Much much love

 

Best of luck to you and so glad you feel you got helpful input!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Next move would be to focus on running your business during a global pandemic. Probably takes everything you've got right now. While you might miss the ex, it's not a good time to believe that you can make a relationship a priority in your life at this time.

 

Best wishes for success. The rest can come later.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Catfeeder, i love this response, yes it takes a lot and i just turned 25 yrs old, so still pretty young in my opinion. I can't make relationships a priority... and the last quote you said "Try backing off. It seems to be a well kept secret how many wonders occur and problems straighten out when we do nothing but leave someone alone." ------- I saved it on my phone aha! LOVE IT

Link to post
Share on other sites
Catfeeder, i love this response, yes it takes a lot and i just turned 25 yrs old, so still pretty young in my opinion. I can't make relationships a priority... and the last quote you said "Try backing off. It seems to be a well kept secret how many wonders occur and problems straighten out when we do nothing but leave someone alone." ------- I saved it on my phone aha! LOVE IT

 

Great! It works well in business, too--to a degree. It doesn't mean that you don't hold people accountable, but it avoids micromanaging. Allow people the opportunity to fix things without trying to do it for them.

 

When we can give people enough room, that's when they can surprise us.

 

Head high.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...