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He left for his ex


Evermore419

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I met this guy about 2 months ago on an online dating site. We finally met in person and he was the sweetest guy I have ever met. He told me he was single for 2 years so and he was looking for a long term relationship. Everything was great between us, we even things planned to do when lockdown is over. I have have a sleepover already and he told me how much he loves me how crazy he was about me. And showed me through his actions too. No red flags yet, we talked yesterday in morning and everything was ok. Didn't hear from him during the I thought he was busy. So I wished him good night and went to bed. Woke up this morning and I had text from saying he has a bad news for me; we can't see each other anymore because he doesn't have the spark it was only sexual for him and didnt really feel anything for me. His actions in the previous days says the opposite but good. I ask him the reason and he finally admitted he has a contact with an ex and he realised he still loves that person and that feelings he didn't have when we were together.

What should I do? I have wished him the best of luck with his ex and wished me good luck too

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I'm tempted to give the obvious answer here and say quit looking online!!

 

Beyond that, if you really must participate in the online sh__ show (which I get because the option to meet someone in real life has all but been removed) I'd like to think at my advanced age I have this all figured out but the truth is I am at a complete loss here because sometimes you really can't tell when someone is not being sincere. Every serious relationship I've ever had, they were 100% in full speed ahead immediately, and all of those relationships lasted many years and in one case decades. The ones who weren't in from the outset, never were.

 

Given this, my only advice is Head High, Block and Delete, and recognize that this says a whole lot more about him than it does you.

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He told you he loved you after 1+ months of dating. Big, ole red flag! How many times did you see one another.

 

Insta relationships never last. One has to get to know someone, it certainly does not occur in such a short time.

 

He doesn’t want to be with you. I don’t understand what you’re asking? The guy is an insensitive jerk!

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Everything the others have mentioned.

 

And also, he told you what appears to be a very unflattering piece of information about his ex. It takes courage to tell the truth but it also means his inability to close old doors is a character trait you might want to avoid. This is not the sort of person you want in your life so dust yourself off, look at the glass half full and skip on down your merry way. There'll be better, more fun, endearing, loving and probably self-aware partners to date in the future.

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I am so sorry, you are going through this. I just ended a 7 and half month relationship. You need to heal your heart and move on. It is going to be hard. That was not nice he said those things to you.

Well hey, it should make it easier to have no contact. He was a jerk at the end. You can tell a lot about a person not during your relationship, but when you break up.

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I'm sorry. You did the right thing. What he did was not cool or nice... Love bombing and then making like it was just sex. People know what they do.

 

With that said, block and delete. Never entertain this joker again. He does and says as he wants. His words and actions have no meaning. Losing him is actually a gain.

 

Be kind to yourself and if you didn't use condoms, get tested for sti.

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he finally admitted he has a contact with an ex and he realised he still loves that person and that feelings he didn't have when we were together.

 

What should I do?

Thankfully there wasn't too much time invested in him - hardly enough time to really get to know someone. Block and delete all contact. You walk away and get on with your life.

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I'm sorry. You did the right thing. What he did was not cool or nice... Love bombing and then making like it was just sex. People know what they do.

 

With that said, block and delete. Never entertain this joker again. He does and says as he wants. His words and actions have no meaning. Losing him is actually a gain.

 

Be kind to yourself and if you didn't use condoms, get tested for sti.

 

I second getting tested for STIs.

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I was too blind to see the red flags since I did really like him. What baffled me was how things turned 180° degrees within 48 hours. Friday evening he wanted to plan a date with me. Saturday afternoon we had a nice chat but he disappeared in evening and Sunday morning it was over with me. What hit me most was the fact that he said it was more of a sexual thing for him. It made me felt he used me to get back to his ex. Didn't even thought it could be rebound relationship since he told he is single for 2 years. What a fool I have been.

I didn't see it coming, first time I have found myself in such a situation. Totally unprepared for the emotions I am going through right now which made me start this thread.

And thank you everyone for your support 🙏

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I was too blind to see the red flags since I did really like him. What baffled me was how things turned 180° degrees within 48 hours. Friday evening he wanted to plan a date with me. Saturday afternoon we had a nice chat but he disappeared in evening and Sunday morning it was over with me. What hit me most was the fact that he said it was more of a sexual thing for him. It made me felt he used me to get back to his ex. Didn't even thought it could be rebound relationship since he told he is single for 2 years. What a fool I have been.

I didn't see it coming, first time I have found myself in such a situation. Totally unprepared for the emotions I am going through right now which made me start this thread.

And thank you everyone for your support 🙏

 

His ex probably contacted him on Saturday sometime. Perhaps it was even her that nudged him to tell you that you were just sex.

 

You also don't know if they've been broken up as long as he says, or if was one of those on-off merry-go-rounds that they never really quit. At least you now know that wasn't actually available for a relationship at all.

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I was too blind to see the red flags since I did really like him. What baffled me was how things turned 180° degrees within 48 hours. Friday evening he wanted to plan a date with me. Saturday afternoon we had a nice chat but he disappeared in evening and Sunday morning it was over with me. What hit me most was the fact that he said it was more of a sexual thing for him. It made me felt he used me to get back to his ex. Didn't even thought it could be rebound relationship since he told he is single for 2 years. What a fool I have been.

I didn't see it coming, first time I have found myself in such a situation. Totally unprepared for the emotions I am going through right now which made me start this thread.

And thank you everyone for your support 🙏

 

She may have come back and he said it was just sex to make her and himself feel better. He'll pretend he wasn't love bombing you and all, to live with himself.

 

Its happened to most of us. It is hurtful, embarrassing, and makes us feel foolish. And even worse, you don't instantly stop liking the person. You still want them to be the person you thought they were and hope it can still somehow be fixed.

 

Try to ride those feelings out. You didn't deserve this but now its on you to help yourself and heal. In time, you'll see him as just a mistake in your past. And we make mistakes... It happened but it doesn't define you. Remember that.

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I was too blind to see the red flags since I did really like him. What baffled me was how things turned 180° degrees within 48 hours. Friday evening he wanted to plan a date with me. Saturday afternoon we had a nice chat but he disappeared in evening and Sunday morning it was over with me. What hit me most was the fact that he said it was more of a sexual thing for him. It made me felt he used me to get back to his ex. Didn't even thought it could be rebound relationship since he told he is single for 2 years. What a fool I have been.

I didn't see it coming, first time I have found myself in such a situation. Totally unprepared for the emotions I am going through right now which made me start this thread.

And thank you everyone for your support 

 

There are other ways to let someone down easy. He didn't need to tell you that in those words. Onwards and forwards.

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She may have come back and he said it was just sex to make her and himself feel better. He'll pretend he wasn't love bombing you and all, to live with himself.

 

Its happened to most of us. It is hurtful, embarrassing, and makes us feel foolish. And even worse, you don't instantly stop liking the person. You still want them to be the person you thought they were and hope it can still somehow be fixed.

 

Try to ride those feelings out. You didn't deserve this but now its on you to help yourself and heal. In time, you'll see him as just a mistake in your past. And we make mistakes... It happened but it doesn't define you. Remember that.

 

You are right, I feel embarrassed, it did really hurt my self-esteem when he said it was just sex and he had no feelings.

It all happened abruptly, that I it has left me broken.

I cant even tell family and friends what I am going through right now because I am so embarrassed to be treated this way.

 

Thanks anyways for your post :)

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His ex probably contacted him on Saturday sometime. Perhaps it was even her that nudged him to tell you that you were just sex.

 

You also don't know if they've been broken up as long as he says, or if was one of those on-off merry-go-rounds that they never really quit. At least you now know that wasn't actually available for a relationship at all.

 

I am starting to believe he may lied to me all along. Some part of me doesn't want to believe it was all a lie since his personality changed so dramatically within 48 hours.

The text didn't even sounded like he wrote it himself. He is grown up man of 34 years, but I guess his age doesn't have anything to do with him being a jerk

 

I cried a bit yesterday but feeling a little better today.

Thank you for your kind words

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The text didn't even sounded like he wrote it himself. He is grown up man of 34 years, but I guess his age doesn't have anything to do with him being a jerk

 

That's precisely why I wonder if he was prompted to write it by someone else, such as the "ex." It sounds like she found out about you and told him what to write to put the nail in the coffin.

 

And no, age unfortunately doesn't have anything to do with how much of a tool someone can be. I'm 39 and have known men around my age and older to pull crap like this. (some women too, of course, but I don't date women and can't speak from experience there!)

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You are right, I feel embarrassed, it did really hurt my self-esteem when he said it was just sex and he had no feelings.

It all happened abruptly, that I it has left me broken.

I cant even tell family and friends what I am going through right now because I am so embarrassed to be treated this way.

 

Anyone would feel this way after getting a break up text like that.

 

Makes me question whether there was an ex at all... It seems so deliberately cruel and unnecessary to tell someone they were just a sex object. It's like an extra step.

 

I think it's possible that he actually has a girlfriend or a wife, and that she sent the text.

 

Either way, you are better off now that it's over.

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