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Hi I’m in relationship with over 3 years with a lady. And she lives abroad so different cultures etc. She always says things to hurt me and I keep telling her to stop. It’s like she don’t care. Now I do everything for this lady Financial support Holidays etc. If I say to her your words are hurting me she always says I’m not hurting you. Now we had o huge argument the other night and I hung up the phone. She message me next day saying good morning i saw the message but haven’t opened it. I hope this silent treatment will work. Because previous arguments I just text her back. And all is ok for few weeks. Then Happens again. My question is how to make this lady understand that her words are hurtful

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Is there a reason you're dating someone overseas and not locally? There isn't anything you can do or magic recipe to make someone see eye to eye with you. If she refuses to accept she's hurt you, you can do one of two things 1) stay or 2) go.

 

You don't need to stay in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship, by the way. Take care of yourself.

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Yes I’ve met her about 20 times. Some times she can be lovely. But other times it’ like what she says to me she don’t care it’s hurting me. Now I know people from Eastern Europe can be cold I’m lost I’m 50/50 she has a daughter from previous marriage and I care deeply for her too.

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My thoughts are (and they arent really related):

 

1. long distance relationships are hard to maintain and you're better off finding someone local.

 

2. the silent treatment is never the way to treat a person you care about and a relationship that you want to fix.

 

Silent treatment is for when you are done. Of course you may not feel like talking and then in that case, you say to your partner, I'm upset and I'm not ready to talk. And you should provide some insight as to when you may be ready to talk. as in, I'll call you tomorrow or I'll let you know when I'm ready. But you have to balance this with respect. no one really deserves to be left waiting indefinitely. if you're really that upset and don't know if you'll get over it, you have to say that, too.

 

You can't change anyone but yourself. if she can't understand that she hurts you, over & over then maybe you need to dump her.

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What I can't understand is why you would put up with this toxic (and I would even say abusive) behaviour for three long years?? Always remember, you are showing her that you accept her bad behaviour and she thinks there's nothing wrong with it. You teach people how to treat you. Don't like being treated like a piece of garbage? Then dump her. Show her you have some self-respect.

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Hi thanks for all your responses. Just want to add. This lady was married when she was young and it ended up a very abusive marriage he drank took drugs stole fro her. And also physically abused her and threatened to kill her. Would this be why she is like this.

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Unfortunately she can say things to hurt you because you allow it. The first time it happened was when you should have said that such behaviour was unacceptable to you and that if it happened again you would not be able to continue the relationship. By pretending like it never happened and texting her, you enabled that bad behaviour to continue. She has no reason to stop, because she knows that every time you just come crawling back. If she truly cares for you (which I doubt, because you are mainly just a source of financial gain) she needs to put the effort in by apologising and changing her ways. Definitely do not contact her - she must do this herself.

 

Frankly, I'd have a good think about why you are putting so much time and money into someone you barely know and still haven't moved forward with, after 3 long years. Do you somehow feel that you won't be able to find love with someone local, or that you can only have a woman in your life if you pay their expenses? Maybe if you held yourself in higher regard you would realise you should be seeking far better for yourself.

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