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Hi guys! It’s been a long time since I posted here & I have been through some relationships that really taught me a lot.. Some of these things were to really be careful with trusting & opening up to just any guy..

 

I’m going to tell you briefly about my past relationship just so you could judge better for the present one! (I’m really sorry this is going to be looong but I’m a sucker for details..)

I don’t know if I mentioned before that I wasn’t the type to be that serious in relationships (although I’ve always really wanted a serious one) & the reason I was like that is because the guys I had met were just kind of playboys & weren’t smart enough to attract me..until I met my ex, he was very attentive & protective of me.. Everything happened quickly with him & we loved each other, but he turned into a manipulative person; being there but not really there; pulling away then coming back when I say I’m leaving; ALTHOUGH he was talking about a serious relationship since the beginning & he let everyone know we were together.. Moving on, I was tired of the games & left.. I cried my eyes out, it hurt me A LOT because that was the first time I really opened up to someone & got treated like this.. I promised myself to never let myself get fooled again..

 

Fast forward a few months, I left the country, started my dream job, I really flourished cause I was happy & I felt strong being on my own.. he came back but I said no & I meant it cause I moved on and he didn’t mean anything to me anymore. I also met lots of ”boys” but I was aware of who they were & didn’t let them affect me, I was just having fun & was able to shut down my emotional side with them..

 

Until (a few month ago) I met my boyfriend, the one or who I thought would be the one.. I still hope so cause I love him.. we were colleagues but we had never met in person.. It was during the lockdown that we started talking on Instagram (he used to follow me and like my photos but I didn’t pay attention..) I sent him the first message, & he took it from there, asking to meet me right after 4 days (it was the day the quarantine was over, the day we really clicked, kissed and got together) he would drive for 30min every other day to come and see me even for 2 hours, sometimes he would come everyday to where I live or pick me up to run errands, we would cook for each other, work out with me, buy me roses, introduce me to his mom, pay real attention.. It was like a fairytale, a dream (this is what he said & this is how I felt also), a couple in a perfect harmony, he mentioned that he was looking for a very serious relationship and that’s what I wanted too. In fact, even when I told him that I don’t have sex before mariage, I thought he was going to walk away like other guys, but he admired that & stuck around!! We were both so happy, we had plenty of time for each other, he cared for every little detail (if I ate, if I slept well, if I needed something, he was very supportive of my Muslim religious practices although he was Christian..) I was the happiest girl in the world when we were together, he cared & it felt amazing cause I didn’t ask him to care, it was genuine.. I was the “woman of his dreams” as he said, & he thought I was smarter, more beautiful, better than him, but God he’s so good! 💔

 

Fast forward 2 months, we both lost our jobs & had to go back home (Long distance relationship was going to start & he assured me he wanted to go 110% in the relationship) .. We both cried the night he was going to leave.. I cried MY EYES OUT, I wanted him around..

I, then, left the country a month later & we made it work through video calls, it wasn’t the same, it was very hard but it happened...

 

He started getting busier back home but he would always find a way to call me during the day (& of course, every night before he sleeps) It was devastating that we didn’t have the chance to do more things together because of the lockdown & because we lost our jobs.. we were both depressed but we kept each other sane every time one of us started to feel down.. He confessed he loved me and so did I.. He was also living with his mom that I love although I never met her, but we always interact through video calls.. He was looking for a way to get a visa for me to go visit him but it didn’t work out given the present situation.. He had talked about him coming over to my country cause it was easier for him but he didn’t proceed with that.. He just said he’ll need to look into it cause even meeting up in another country wasn’t easy because of the lockdown..

Days went on & he became more of a workaholic (he runs his own business), texts were less, & night calls were more about his work mostly, I don’t mind it at all but I missed my boyfriend, the funny care-free guy I fell for, the authentic attention he used to give me, the thoughtful messages every now & then, the way he used to be so attentive, they times he would call me when he was having his lunch.. It only takes a few second to send a text but of course I mentioned it only once to him, I told him that these things cannot be asked for, you either care & show that you care, or you don’t.. and he had said he was sorry and that I was right.. but of course, he did it again (I don’t think he meant doing it but I just don’t know anymore).. Last time we talked, I was sick and slept all day & he didn’t even know cause he didn’t ask how I was.. I bet he thought I was ignoring him which is why in fact, I immediately texted him when I woke up saying that I was glad he was being productive at work , « but since you didn’t ask, I’m gonna tell you anyway that I took some pills and slept all day..» & that we need to think about our relationship because routine killed it & made him care less for me, & that I felt like I was more like his manager than his girlfriend.. I may have also said that “I wasn’t mad cause I was used to this situation with my ex..and I can’t beg for care and attention” & I wished him a great evening..

 

The shock was that he literally ignored my texts (I told him we didn’t have to end it like that if that’s what he wanted)..he didn’t reply at all, ignored my calls, hung up on me.. 14 days now & not a text, not a call.. nothing.. I’m so frustrated cause he knows I’ve been through a lot for him, I even went against my family & convinced them that we were going to get married eventually whether they support me or not..I couldn’t even tell my mom that we stopped talking, I don’t want anyone to blame me cause I still believe that what we had was real.. I really hope that he still thinks about us during his busy days.. I know he’s doing this on purpose cause he knows that I hate not getting answers; in fact, the 1st day we met, he asked me why I broke up with my ex and I told him that I can’t deal with manipulation and hot/cold vibes, I also told him that the thing I hated the most was not getting answers of why my ex was acting as such, & he said :”you’re right! No one should do that, cause it’s messed up and unfair, I know I’ll never treat you like that..” he said he was different, and I don’t see how he’s any different now..

 

So, thank you so much if you got so far, I’m just sooo confused & don’t know what to do anymore.. (PS: he just turned 39, & I’m 27 soon, I couldn’t send him a birthday text cause he disrespected me so much by ignoring me..) I’ve been fighting my feelings about us on top of the depression I already have.... Nobody’s perfect, he’s not perfect and I love his flaws, and I definitely know I’m not perfect but it felt magical with him.. Please tell me what you guys think... 😢❤️

PS if it means anything: most guys I’ve met, my ex and my « bf » are scorpios.. I just can’t help it with this sign.. I’m a cap which is why my stubborn ego & self respect tell me to never reach out to him if he doesn’t..it hurts..

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I'm sorry you went through this. I can totally relate. Dated 2 Scorpio men and had a female Scorpio female friends in the past. All those relationships crashed and burned.

 

I'm an Aries and you would think the passion between these two signs would ensure a long lasting relationship. Not a chance.

 

In all cases, the chemistry was off the charts (with the men) and we related easily at first. Unfortunately my experience in all 3 cases was the same. You think things are fantastic and then at some point, something in your gut says all is not well. Scorpios are great actors and they rarely tell you what they really think. One can go on with a friendship or sexual relationship for a long time which seems fine but you feel something off.

 

The hot and cold - like in your case - is a prime example of what happens with these folks. H & C means they don't like or respect you anymore. This is what they do. They torture you with head games, manipulative tactics, and have great fun doing so.

 

Both men lied about being single when in fact they were in other relationships. I started questioning things and they became emotionally abusive and hot/cold.

 

The female friend actually hated me but continued to use me for favors. Snide comments about my appearance started here and there which caused me to question the so called friendship. She was as fake as a phony dollar bill. She got pretty nasty when I said no to her requests for favors. I ended up ghosting her and she tried to manipulate with phone messages about how hard her life was and how she missed me. Yeah right.

 

Avoid this sign at all costs. Maybe pairing with their own sign would work out but for the rest of us - stay far far away!

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Well, I'm not much for zodiac, but I will say that an inordinate number of my friends and former boyfriends are Scorpios. I think five total. Three were born on the s​ame day in November. But I actually get along well with those people. On the whole, they've been great relationships.

 

Incidentally, I have another relatively large grouping of friends born in mid-March..... Pisces...

 

But I digress.

 

I'm sorry to hear that this relationship fell apart. I don't know what's going on, but I wouldn't minimize it to just a zodiac situation.

 

he didn’t reply at all, ignored my calls, hung up on me.. 14 days now & not a text, not a call.. nothing..

 

This just sucks. Are you really set on staying with this guy?

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Maybe he's not sure what to say to you and is in the process of realizing also that a long distance relationship isn't going to work. It sounds like he's trying to avoid a confrontation and the silence may not be personal as in him actively thinking about your past relationships and saying to himself, "I'm going to be the douche that hits replay."

 

I don't think the average person is so coordinated and malicious to want to do something like that. Don't let your anger or sadness or anxiety get the best of you.

 

Take a step back from the relationship and use the quiet to think too. I think recouping that way and getting your bearings in all this might help. It's horrible and painful but you can work through this. Give yourself a few days to rethink all this.

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It honestly sounds like he got fed up with the long distance relationship and is lacking the courage to tell you so.

 

Yes, this.

 

I think he's been losing interest for a while and was possibly hoping you would take the hint and be the one to end it. He's made it so that you didn't have much choice, which is not good of him. But whether or not you'd said something at this point, the end was coming. It's not because of the day he was born, either.

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Sorry to hear that. LDRs are very difficult in general and particularly when you've only known each other for a couple of months and there's no viable plan in place to bridge the distance.

 

Unfortunately your assessment that you're not over your exes is correct and that you still jump in too fast with both feet.

 

Sending this last message was clearly a way for you to break it off out of frustration. It was angry and he viewed it correctly that you said your piece and you're done.

 

Make sure you get to a doctor and therapist to address the depression and volatile moods.

, « but since you didn’t ask, I’m gonna tell you anyway that I took some pills and slept all day..» & that we need to think about our relationship because routine killed it & made him care less for me, & that I felt like I was more like his manager than his girlfriend.. I may have also said that “I wasn’t mad cause I was used to this situation with my ex..and I can’t beg for care and attention” &
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I just know that I’ve been ignoring my feelings and thoughts trying not to go there and think of the pain..Him cutting me off after everything we’ve been through really SHOCKED me. I don’t wanna believe he could be this bad to me, not a second I felt like he could be when I was dating him..at all..

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I'm sorry you went through this. I can totally relate. Dated 2 Scorpio men and had a female Scorpio female friends in the past. All those relationships crashed and burned.

 

I'm an Aries and you would think the passion between these two signs would ensure a long lasting relationship. Not a chance.

 

In all cases, the chemistry was off the charts (with the men) and we related easily at first. Unfortunately my experience in all 3 cases was the same. You think things are fantastic and then at some point, something in your gut says all is not well. Scorpios are great actors and they rarely tell you what they really think. One can go on with a friendship or sexual relationship for a long time which seems fine but you feel something off.

 

The hot and cold - like in your case - is a prime example of what happens with these folks. H & C means they don't like or respect you anymore. This is what they do. They torture you with head games, manipulative tactics, and have great fun doing so.

 

Both men lied about being single when in fact they were in other relationships. I started questioning things and they became emotionally abusive and hot/cold.

 

The female friend actually hated me but continued to use me for favors. Snide comments about my appearance started here and there which caused me to question the so called friendship. She was as fake as a phony dollar bill. She got pretty nasty when I said no to her requests for favors. I ended up ghosting her and she tried to manipulate with phone messages about how hard her life was and how she missed me. Yeah right.

 

Avoid this sign at all costs. Maybe pairing with their own sign would work out but for the rest of us - stay far far away!

 

 

Oh my God, I’m glad you can relate but I’m also so sad we had to go through this! I’m a Capricorn (an Earth sign like you) and I know that not everyone can attract us that easily except scorpios.. Things with them tend to start off so passionate and unreal! I’m sorry for your “friend”, I can’t believe how manipulative people can be, like if you’re not happy anymore, let me know and we’ll move on! But them, they just have fun watching you suffer!!

 

I don’t think I’ll ever let someone in ever again in my life, cause if it wasn’t p for him and how “magical” it started, I wouldn’t have done it..

He wasn’t going hot/cold as my ex really, no matter what, he kept the texts coming even if, in very few times, they weren’t that long or thoughtful as they would usually be..

What shocked me was the way he cut me off just like that cause I wrote him that message..

Now I remember tearing once when I told that I don’t like it and he was very sorry and said he didn’t wanna see me cry and he would often talk negative about himself “I’m sorry I’m stupid..” etc etc..

The thing is I know that I don’t need him, I want him. I’m a very independent and strong person, I know I will eventually move on if it doesn’t work out, but there will always be a scar in my heart because of this and it hurts.. (I know he was really looking for a wife and thought it would be me cause “he didn’t have as much time as me for a relationship“, as he said once “I’m still young, I can always find someone” but I want him.. I invested so much time and feelings in us..

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Well, I'm not much for zodiac, but I will say that an inordinate number of my friends and former boyfriends are Scorpios. I think five total. Three were born on the s​ame day in November. But I actually get along well with those people. On the whole, they've been great relationships.

 

Incidentally, I have another relatively large grouping of friends born in mid-March..... Pisces...

 

But I digress.

 

I'm sorry to hear that this relationship fell apart. I don't know what's going on, but I wouldn't minimize it to just a zodiac situation.

 

 

 

This just sucks. Are you really set on staying with this guy?

 

I don’t usually minimize relationships to just zodiac signs but it just stroke me that most guys I met were scorpios and their behavior was pretty much similar.. I can’t find any other excuse because I can’t be that bad with picking boyfriends! I always communicate and ask for feedback if I think there was something wrong going on in the relationship.. I do , however, sometimes keep it all in if I notice something then just explode.. I haven’t really changed with him..

I admit that if I called him that day instead of sending that message with anger, we would be okay by now and we may have talked about it and found a way out of the situation, but I’m just that spontaneous.. and I didn’t expect this in return from his part..

I don’t know if I should expect some explanation from him in the future.. I just know that I need one and can’t move in without it..

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I can’t find any other excuse because I can’t be that bad with picking boyfriends!

I admit that if I called him that day instead of sending that message with anger, we would be okay by now and we may have talked about it and found a way out of the situation, but I’m just that spontaneous.. and I didn’t expect this in return from his part..

 

Actually, yes, your picker could be off and that's worth considering. Two manipulative guys in a row. If you're not careful, you'll end up with three.... or more.

 

It's not good to explode with anger, but you do have a right to be angry and a relationship should be able to manage that.

 

You're not the only one to blame, even if you did react inappropriately.

 

If he didn't like the way you approached him with your problem, he could be a big boy and tell you so. He could talk to you about it. He could even break up with you about it.

 

But instead, he behaved immaturely and slunk away like a coward, leaving you with questions and anxiety. And this is a 40-year old.... that's who this dude is, believe me. You didn't make this monster. You just chose him.

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Leave him alone from now onwards. He's not worth your time. The more you keep spending time on people who aren't worthy or showing interest in your life the more you lose yourself. Cut your losses and do the thinking on your own. You do not need him for closure.

 

If someone opts not to respond to you the situation is clear. He/she does NOT want to engage. Your options are now to focus on other areas of your life and learn to make decisions that start to benefit you, not drain you.

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Maybe he's not sure what to say to you and is in the process of realizing also that a long distance relationship isn't going to work. It sounds like he's trying to avoid a confrontation and the silence may not be personal as in him actively thinking about your past relationships and saying to himself, "I'm going to be the douche that hits replay."

 

I don't think the average person is so coordinated and malicious to want to do something like that. Don't let your anger or sadness or anxiety get the best of you.

 

Take a step back from the relationship and use the quiet to think too. I think recouping that way and getting your bearings in all this might help. It's horrible and painful but you can work through this. Give yourself a few days to rethink all this.

 

 

I really agree with you but I’m just too confused to think positively.. I don’t also think he could have all this evil in him.. I’ve dated him since April and although I know time means nothing, but I think I know him well enough to say that he’s better than this.. I just got shocked.. and maybe he’s saying this long distance thing is not that good anymore but I know for sure that none of us will get to relive what we had with someone else.. Hope somehow he considers this and makes it right for both of us.. Can’t really be mad at him as long as I don’t know his thought.. I’m just upset he dealt with it this way (cutting me out of the discussion)..

Don’t know what I should think about, just trying to not think..

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It honestly sounds like he got fed up with the long distance relationship and is lacking the courage to tell you so. I’m really sorry.... btw don’t blame the sign. I’m a scorpio and I’m alright ;)

 

But I’m not to blame for this.. I genuinely hate long distance relationships, I just agreed to go through it for both of us and I was doing my best.. if it wasn’t for this COVID, we would still have our jobs in the same country/city and the same company.. I don’t wanna pay the price for going all in in something I thought was going to work.. it’s how relationships are supposed to work, not give up cause things are harder..

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Unfortunately, you'll have to accept that after dating 8 weeks it just didn't work out.

I genuinely hate long distance relationships

 

.. it’s how relationships are supposed to work, not give up cause things are harder..

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Yes, this.

 

I think he's been losing interest for a while and was possibly hoping you would take the hint and be the one to end it. He's made it so that you didn't have much choice, which is not good of him. But whether or not you'd said something at this point, the end was coming. It's not because of the day he was born, either.

 

I didn’t really blame it on his sign but I couldn’t help but notice this being the thing in common between him and most of the guys I’ve met.. Guess I’m a magnet for bad relationships..Maybe I’m an easy target for manipulators but I’m not to blame, you’re supposed to be all in or all out, not in and out at the same time..

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I don't agree with what he's doing either but we can't change someone else. The only thing left to do is figure out how we want to proceed given any situation. There's a lot of energy and pain used up pushing people to agree with us when it's either not in their nature or a person doesn't see eye to eye. It's one thing having an open conversation with no hostility or ignorance and it's another for it being a one-way discussion. Another person has already checked out. I don't much have patience for this over the years. The time and quiet now inbetween can now be used to reevaluate what you thought about the relationship in the first place and let things sink in - how things have changed, what you want for yourself, how you will handle your other relationships like your mum or others as you eventually rethink whether this relationship is no good for you anymore.

 

There's a lot to be said in what's not being said either. Always remember that someone who values you and cherishes you will muster up the intelligence, courage or effort to meet you halfway.

 

I also wanted to comment or commend you for sticking to your beliefs (no sex before marriage). You're doing well and I think your mum would understand. Look to your family and yourself for which direction to take from now on, not this person you were seeing. He has opted out of the picture. If he contacts you again, it's up to you to have evolved past the heartache to have made a decision on your own on whether this was good for you to start with.

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Sorry to hear that. LDRs are very difficult in general and particularly when you've only known each other for a couple of months and there's no viable plan in place to bridge the distance.

 

Unfortunately your assessment that you're not over your exes is correct and that you still jump in too fast with both feet.

 

Sending this last message was clearly a way for you to break it off out of frustration. It was angry and he viewed it correctly that you said your piece and you're done.

 

Make sure you get to a doctor and therapist to address the depression and volatile moods.

 

 

But there’s no way to bridge the distance unless he comes over to my country (which he was thinking about but it wasn’t as serious as when he was trying to fly me to his country), he even suggested that he comes over and signs mariage documents so that it would be easier for me as his spouse, but of course, i can’t ask him to do it unless he insists..

I did say my piece but I was angry and didn’t know what to say anymore.. I was upset that he didn’t care how I was all day being absent and just sent that.. I admit I overreacted but I was spontaneous.. would’ve been easieeeer if we were face to face but what can I do now..

I’m trying to deal with my depression on my own.. it’s not easy, he was helping by being there, but since he left, it was kind of the breaking point for me with all the other bad things happening in my life.. maybe one day I’ll check with a doctor., thank you so much

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It's not about "blame", it's about poor choices and jumping in way too fast and expecting way too much, way too soon in very unlikely/improbable situations.

 

When you take charge of your dating life and take responsibility for your choices, you'll have a lot less heartaches. You dumped this 8 week, long distance guy in a fit of clingy rage and then wonder why he backed up?

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Actually, yes, your picker could be off and that's worth considering. Two manipulative guys in a row. If you're not careful, you'll end up with three.... or more.

 

It's not good to explode with anger, but you do have a right to be angry and a relationship should be able to manage that.

 

You're not the only one to blame, even if you did react inappropriately.

 

If he didn't like the way you approached him with your problem, he could be a big boy and tell you so. He could talk to you about it. He could even break up with you about it.

 

But instead, he behaved immaturely and slunk away like a coward, leaving you with questions and anxiety. And this is a 40-year old.... that's who this dude is, believe me. You didn't make this monster. You just chose him.

 

 

I honestly think it’s just my luck=picker!! For my ex, that one showed red flags since the very 1st week, I was aware of the games he was playing but still I fell for it and stuck around.. but with my current boyfriend, it was really different! Aren’t we supposed to go all in when someone treats us right all the time and makes us feel special? And trust me, I kept looking and looking for red flags for months, I even had friends trying to find something on him, I said maybe I was too blinded to find any.. nothing appeared!! On the contrary, girls were jealous of the way he was treating me, saying a guy like him doesn’t happen all the time and that I deserved it because of the great person I am..What went wrong? I don’t know!

 

I admit I reacted inappropriately and angrily but it was spontaneous.. and I know he was under some pressure at work.. but as you said, a relationship should be able to manage it.. I should’ve just called when I felt something was off that day instead of letting it all out like that.. But I was even more upset by the way he reacted..

 

As he’s almost 40 and the kind who really wants to settle and build a family, I’m really confused.. and we’re even unlucky because of the lockdown..

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You have your closure and answers. You dumped him in angry text.

 

That was the last thing I wanted to do cause I love and want him.. I was angry, yes! But I was spontaneous, and as his “woman of his dreams”, I expected him to react, go angry, even put up a fight for it cause that’s what couples do..Not this..

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I'm afraid that you are confusing love bombing - a fast, whirlwind, intense chase, complete with over the top compliments, future talk, gifts, flowers, spending an inordinate amount of time together, instant relationship, etc. with Love - a deep, calm feeling that takes a long time to grow and develop, something sturdy and reliable, a feeling that rides out the bad times, not just the good. Nobody Loves you instantly OP, not in any real or genuine way. Please stop confusing lust and excitement for Love.

 

Basically, your picker is seriously broken and your ideas of relationships are still very fairy tale and juvenile.......unfortunately, that leaves you very vulnerable to men who can easily take advantage and manipulate you. I'm actually glad that this thing was cut short by work and visas. I think you were lucky because if this had gone on, you would be hurt much worse. OP, you are bit too old at 27 years to also be so naive when it comes to relationships and dating. At 2 months, you don't know who this man is, yet you are telling your fam you will marry him. Please get your head screwed on straight and don't even think marriage until you have dated for 2 years and have really seen the person in their good times and their really bad times.

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Leave him alone from now onwards. He's not worth your time. The more you keep spending time on people who aren't worthy or showing interest in your life the more you lose yourself. Cut your losses and do the thinking on your own. You do not need him for closure.

 

If someone opts not to respond to you the situation is clear. He/she does NOT want to engage. Your options are now to focus on other areas of your life and learn to make decisions that start to benefit you, not drain you.

 

 

And that’s what I did, I haven’t texted him since the 22nd of October.. Thankfully, I still remember how strong I became at holding back and knowing my damn worth, so I’m trying to let it rest..and I reaaally tried to move on (avoiding thinking and talking about him, convincing myself I didn’t need him, and I don’t, I just want him and I prefer that he makes it right, but no way in hell I’m going to chase after him, even if he doesn’t reach out at all..)

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