Jump to content

My aunt is a narcissist and she wants to be my landlord


Recommended Posts

About a year ago I moved out of my aunts house. We agreed to go half on the rent but because of COVID I haven’t been able to get back on my feet as promised. I get unemployment but that pays for my needs and nothing else. My aunt offered a place that she owns worth my half of the rent but I’m reluctant to go because she’s known to break boundaries. Even in the place I have now she pops up without calling even though I’ve told her more than twice not to.

 

My fear is that I’ll get over there and she’ll be doing that AND more because now she’ll have a key. Also I have a mentally ill uncle that lived there about ten years ago and she called Marshals to get him out of there. She thinks I’m stupid and I’m lowkey wondering if that’s her plan for me which makes me even more wary to go.

 

Do you think I should struggle where I’m at or go in the cheaper apt and just deal with her a little longer?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Doesn't sound like it is worth it just to save a few bucks.

 

Do you still owe her money from last year? Ask your mom/dad what they think of the idea.

 

Right now you are secure I surmise but barely making it. What happens if you take the chance and she kicks you out in 3 months? Will you be worse off than now?

 

Lost

Link to post
Share on other sites
Doesn't sound like it is worth it just to save a few bucks.

 

Do you still owe her money from last year? Ask your mom/dad what they think of the idea.

 

Right now you are secure I surmise but barely making it. What happens if you take the chance and she kicks you out in 3 months? Will you be worse off than now?

 

Lost

 

Okay I should have been more specific I can pay rent and bills in full but it’s a “rob peter to pay Paul” kind of situation. Other family members like her sister who she always scapegoats think I should do it because “she’s getting old and if she died I’d have something that belonged to me”

 

But that’s not a good reason to me because first of all waiting for someone to die to cash in and only to cash in is plain wrong and who’s to say she’s going to give it to me? Who’s to say I won’t have to fight other family members for it?

 

My next plan is YouTube which I have faith in but that money is not a paycheck. It could take months and up to a year to see revenue off of that

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know tons of young people looking to make it big on U Tube so you are wise not to see that as any sort of income.

 

If she is getting old and needs help from time to time then it would be good for you and her with that living arrangement but you are right it is kind of morbid to do it in hopes of scoring property.

 

How about this. Talk to her and tell her IF you agree to move in the place it will be just like any other renter with an agreement, privacy and rights for each of you. No just walking in unannounced or invading your privacy just because she owns the place.

 

If she agrees and you both have an agreement then I would consider it on a limited term basis.

 

Lost

Link to post
Share on other sites

Try having a discussion with her and ask her nicely if she could at least text or call you before she visits you. If she arrives at your doorstep unannounced, don't open the door. Repeat until she gets the message. I did this once long ago and the couple who popped in no longer came unannounced anymore. They learned after I ignored them twice in a row.

 

As for the key, ask her for privacy and not go into your place. If an argument ensues over this, you'll have to accept the way she is and these conditions because there's a catch to this cheaper rent.

 

If you can't deal with these circumstances, then struggle at a new place of your own. At least you'll have peace of mind despite the financial struggle. Weigh what is more important to you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You don't have a good relationship with your aunt so this seems fairly straightforward to me. You've already spoken about your privacy and her coming over unannounced. She's disregarded you. The relationship is not good or she doesn't trust you. It's probably best to find your own place.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This sounds too imbalanced. At least with a roommate you'd be dealing with someone who is equally invested enough in their own privacy to honor yours.

 

How much money would you save as a trade-off for a life walking on eggshells 'around' her?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Okay I should have been more specific I can pay rent and bills in full but it’s a “rob peter to pay Paul” kind of situation. Other family members like her sister who she always scapegoats think I should do it because “she’s getting old and if she died I’d have something that belonged to me”

 

But that’s not a good reason to me because first of all waiting for someone to die to cash in and only to cash in is plain wrong and who’s to say she’s going to give it to me? Who’s to say I won’t have to fight other family members for it?

 

My next plan is YouTube which I have faith in but that money is not a paycheck. It could take months and up to a year to see revenue off of that

 

If she is truly a narcissist, then it's only a matter of time before she turns on you and kicks you out, or if you have a contract in place, will make your life such absolute hell that you will leave yourself.

 

Don't kid yourself about inheritances and don't listen to bad advice. Especially when behind that advice might be self centered interests, like if they can rope you into taking care of her, nobody else needs to deal with her bs.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Don't kid yourself about inheritances and don't listen to bad advice. Especially when behind that advice might be self centered interests, like if they can rope you into taking care of her, nobody else needs to deal with her bs.

 

Great point. It makes no sense to invest in landing on the 'right' side of anyone you'd need to tap-dance around--for life.

 

Chances are, you'd spend countless years making yourself miserable only to end up deleted from the will over some latest slight.

 

Is that really any way to live?

 

Skip that. Use your intelligence to invest in a course focused on your own best interests. If your investment in Aunt is not sincere and balanced, then what should that tell you?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
I'm trying to figure out how any of that makes her a narcissist.

 

Is it worth her barging in on you to save some money on rent?

 

It’s too long a story to explain but she starts arguments and then plays victim. Then when you decide to step away from her she calls the rest of the family and says that “she has no family” but when you try to be family she picks petty fights. It’s exhausting.

 

Or one time when I was considering moving from my old place into a new and cheaper one (mind you it was her idea) she got mad that I found the place (because the place was further away from her) and threatened not to help me even after she said she would

Link to post
Share on other sites

What do you mean by "help you", Do you work full time in a decently paying job? Can you afford this place or get roommates.

 

Who cares if she gossips too everyone?. Sever the financial dependence and your problems will be solved.

 

Stop trying to control/change her. She is who she is and all you can do is have boundaries and become independent of her.

Then when you decide to step away from her she calls the rest of the family and says that “she has no family”

 

I found the place (because the place was further away from her) and threatened not to help me even after she said she would

Link to post
Share on other sites
I would stay away from the aunt given what you've written. Maybe finding a situation with some roommates, or even just a room to rent in someone's home is a better option.

 

Where I live is small, word of mouth, and what most people would consider “backwards.” Most people OWN HOMES and in order to get a rental you literally have to know a guy who knows a guy. I got my place because one Sunday I went to church with my aunt and had a conversation with the landlord, who used to be my aunt’s employee (yeah she’s used to being the boss of EVERYBODY).

 

I literally found out about this place the day before I made this thread... barely a week and a half ago. I’m just gonna see if I can get my old job, literally any job, see what other forms of help I qualify for, start YouTube and keep it moving.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It’s usually a red flag when you have to make such an important decision so quickly. At this point it’s really just me because with me living in an area so small most of the people I would ask for help know or know of my aunt and last thing I need is a “he say she say” petty drama.

 

I’ve been through enough

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...