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Getting back with an ex but I just don't know


Jrw6643
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So my ex and I broke up this year. we've been together for just about 6 years. I ended it because I just wasn't happy, we took breaks before and I felt better but we ended back together. But this time, I ended it officially. I felt great, I started getting happy. We still interacted at times but nothing to major. Yeah I thought about her and was reminded about her but I felt happy. I met someone else and she's great, I've had such a good time since we met, we connected quick. But then my ex started talking to me a bit more, before she knew about my new girl. She did find out and she was pissed. We talked on the phone one night, the first time I heard her voice and it honestly felt so nice to, after we talked I had this feeling I never had before. Now my ex has had a lot happen after we split, I know it's not but I feel like it's my fault these things happened, that I jumpstarted it even tho I know it isn't. I wasn't there and I regret that, I wish I was. Now my hands are tied because part of me wants to try to make things right especially because we have so much history and I definitely see it working out but another part of me wants to just let go, stay with this new girl and move on simply because I don't want those feelings coming back of being unhappy and it not working out. Any feedback would be appreciated and I hope I worded that well enough. Thank you

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Don’t DO IT! This is Mercury Retrograde and whether you believe in astrology or not, it’s a famous time for unearthing exes and all of your BS that you haven’t dealt with. If you do this, I can tell you that you will likely regret it. Exes come back at this time for closure - that’s all. Most relationships will not last and particularly because you aren’t “aren’t sure.” You are playing with fire here I think. If you are truly that confused, take a break from everyone right now to be fair to everyone involved. Look, I have made this mistake an exhausting number of times in my past. Someone still has a connection to an ex that they are denying and they are with someone else. Ex finds out, gets triggered, promises things will be different if you only PICK ME! F*ck, I could write a book on this. Don’t do it. If you are that confused, cut ties with everyone and be single until you are clear.

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I wouldn't because your reason is just that you have feelings for her -that's not enough. What has changed that would mean you two would be able to make it work? I married my ex fiancee 11 years after our cancelled wedding. We got back together after almost 8 years apart. We'd changed a lot. Each of us. And those changes were the main reason we were able to get back together -that and we'd really only broken up that one time -I mean brief times when we threatened to break up the first time around that we dated but more like a day apart because of an argument. We weren't drama-laden like you two sound. So unless there have been really significant changes in each of you that would affect how you would interact this time I wouldn't get back together because of a feeling and especially if you have doubts.

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On/Off relationships are fraught with ongoing unresolved issues that simply cycle just as you are seeing. Unfortunately it keeps both people on a toxic roller coaster.

 

Now you have dragged some unsuspecting soul into the toxic mix. Do not string the exgf along and don't use others as filler when you're "off" again in your toxic relationship.

 

Try to be decisive and resolute.

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Guilt. It plays tricks... it might be worth looking into if you ended the relationship without enough closure. Your previous relationship sounds volatile and unpredictable so I'm thinking perhaps closure was always hard to come by and arguments were often left unresolved.

 

The first thing I would look into is what's causing you to look backwards or compelling you to keep looking in the rearview mirror. Sadly, it does mean or indicate that you're not ready to start a new life with someone else. You may even be using your new relationship as a crutch or something to help you overcome that void or the guilt of ending your previous relationship.

 

Some things to keep in mind when breaking up:

-you may not have all the answers for awhile

-the person you were last in a relationship with may not have the answers either

-there's always a gray area especially if you shared a lot of life together and intimacy

-speaking to an ex while dating someone new is generally not recommended out of respect to your current partner

 

You'll get the hang of it eventually. For now it'll seem confusing and painful. You'll have to learn to close doors in order to open new ones fully. Whatever you decide is your choice.

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Since you're the one who ended it, stick with it and stay there. Don't go back. Keep moving forward with your current, new girlfriend.

 

Tell your ex in a very respectful, kind way that it's best to go your separate ways. Drift apart and fade away out of respect for your new girlfriend. If your ex is relentless, then ignore, ghost, block and delete.

 

Concentrate and focus on the new girlfriend. Stop being emotional about your ex because it's over. Don't be so indecisive. Do the right thing and stay the course with your new relationship. Stop waffling back 'n forth.

 

If you can't make up your mind, cut your new girlfriend loose so she can be with a man who knows what he wants, is completely loyal and devoted to her, unwavering, steadfast and absolute. She deserves that.

Edited by Cherylyn
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