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Girl from my class


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I know this story is long, I'm sorry!

 

So there's a girl(18) in my(21) class. About a month ago I got her snap and while we were talking that night, I asked if she'd want to do the homework together that week. She said yes and that friday we did just that. We met up at the library, did the homework and talked for a little. I don't think it went bad by any means. Come the next day I replied to a selfie that she posted on her story and we talked for a little until she just sent a picture with nothing. We did that for a little and I eventually just left it on opened. The next day one of my friends told me to just hit her up and ask if she wanted to grab food or something, so I asked if she was free that sunday (or whatever day it was) to grab food. She told me she had plans that day but asked if there was some other time. I told her I was free that whole week, minus a couple days, and she said she'd let me know. Well, she never did let me know lol. I kinda took that as a sign that she wasn't interested and I just left it at that.

 

Later that week she snapped me "heyyy", to which I just said "what's up?". I always assumed when girls send something like "heyyy", then its a good sign right? Turns out she was just asking about some assignment we had in the class. I can't remember the whole interaction but I eventually just left her on opened.

 

These types of messages would continue for about 3-4 weeks. She'd hit me up maybe 2-3 time per week asking some random question that she could easily find on Canvas, Giving me no opportunity to Things like "when's this due?" or "how do we turn this in?". I'm talking maybe maximum of 4 clicks on Canvas and she could find her answer, but instead she would decide to snap and ask me. Normally I'd say this would be a good sign, but whenever I'd answer she'd always respond with a dry message. Something like "for real" or "facts", and that's it. Giving me absolutely nothing to go off of if she wanted to have any type of conversation. Around week 2 of her doing that I kinda stopped giving her the attention because, quite frankly, it got a little annoying. If she wanted to talk, I feel like she'd make an actual effort to keep a conversation going. I'd just answer, she'd say something, I'd say something, she'd give me a dry response and I'd leave her on opened. Well around week 3 she hit me up (again) asking some random question and eventually she told me she tested positive for covid and would have to quarantine. I can't remember the whole conversation, but I know it ended the same as the others.

 

This is kinda where it gets weird.

 

So one day in class (I believe a class or 2 before she got out of quarantine), she snapped me in the middle of lecture and told me she'd been zoned out the entire time and asked if I'd send her the notes afterwards. When I got back to my dorm I snapped her 2 full pages of notes. She opened it maybe 20 seconds later, and no more than 10 seconds later responded with a snap of her that said "thank youuu". She didn't screenshot the snaps or anything and she definitely didn't have enough time to write everything down (snapchat sends you a notification whenever someone screenshots a picture). I thought that was a little strange but I just left her on opened and that was that. A few days later I genuinely needed one of the answers for the homework, so I snapped and asked if she'd done it and she responded with something like "yeah I'm trying to get everything done so I can go crazy when I'm out of quarantine". I asked if she could send me that one answer and also asked when she got out. She sent me the answer and told me what day she got out. I don't remember what all we said after that but it ended exactly the same. She sent a dry message and I leave her on opened lol.

 

My roommate told me I should just give it one more shot and ask her out again just to see what she says, so I did. The first day she was back in class I sent her a snap and was like "ayeee look who's back!". She said something, I said something, she said something about her being out til 3am every night, etc. Eventually I said something like "haha so now that youre out are you gonna take me up on that lunch date?" and she was like "haha maybe", I said "sooo is that a yes or no lol", then she ducked and said "it's a i would say yes but it depends on how much school work i get done since there's been so much". My roommate told me to be kinda blunt so I just offered that we could grab food, bring it to the library and we could do the homework we had due that week. I also added that she could say no if she didn't want to. She ducked again and said something like "haha sounds fun but...blah blah blah..but I'll let you know". So I really took that as a sign after that. I just said alright sounds good and left it at that.

 

Come that friday or saturday she snapped me with "heyyy" again. I just said what's up, and she asked if I'd done the homework (the same homework I recommended we do together), and I told her I didn't. She said "shoot" and I left her on opened. Then come a couple days later, I ended up matching with her on Tinder. Whether she was paying attention to who she was swiping on or not, I have no idea, but I still found that weird. I didn't message her and I don't plan to.

 

Now the very weird part. Maybe 15 minutes into class this morning she snapped me. I saw it but didn't open it because I was trying to write stuff down, but maybe 20 mins later I opened it and she said "the fact that i haven't been here in so long scares me haha" (she'd missed the last 2 classes). I just replied "lol how many classes have you missed?" and she didnt open it til like 30 mins after class ended. She just said "2" and I responded "yikes i think thats the limit" and she just said "probably". I just said "you didnt miss much" and she's left me on delivered for the last 2 hours.

 

And that's where it ends. I'm genuinely so confused with this girl and I have no idea what kind of game she's trying to play. Whether she's using me as backup or just likes the attention (Idk how much attention she could be gaining from her hitting me up first all the time), I don't know. Like if she doesn't want to hang out or talk then why continue to hit me up, especially like the last time she did?

 

I've come to terms a while ago that this probably won't work out, but does anyone have any idea what game she could be playing?

Edited by E98
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It seems like you're more mature and confident than she is. She's flirting (or trying to). Ask her again to do something outside of classes/studying. If she keeps hemming and hawing, well then back away.
That's the thing though, I've been backed off since the first time I asked her out. It's always her initiating these interactions. Are you sure it's a good idea to hit her up to hang out a 3rd time?
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Have you had an actual face to face verbal conversation with this girl?

 

Ask her out in person. You are making this harder than it needs to be trying to read things into silly replies.

 

I agree with Wiseman, ask and be sure she understands it is a date. If she isn't enthusiastic about going then drop it and leave her be.

 

Lost

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Have you had an actual face to face verbal conversation with this girl?

 

Ask her out in person. You are making this harder than it needs to be trying to read things into silly replies.

 

I agree with Wiseman, ask and be sure she understands it is a date. If she isn't enthusiastic about going then drop it and leave her be.

 

Lost

We met up and did homework together a few days after I got her snap. I won't see her until next Tuesday, so you think I should ask her then? I'm just hesitant to ask for a 3rd time after she ducked on me the last 2 times. And I tried dropping it after the first go-around, but she's the one who continues to message me first. I'm not sure how much more obvious I could make it either lol.

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She knows you are interested in more than homework buddies and you were pretty direct so there should be no misunderstanding here.

 

From what you have written I would say she likes the attention and having you as a in class note taker but if she was into you wouldn't she have tried a little harder?

 

If you need to know for sure if she is interested but flaky or not interested ask her in person. Hey_______, you never got back to me on that date. If she says anything but yes lets go then your reply is "I will take that as a no then, talk to you later" and walk off.

 

Then please ignore her and focus on someone less flaky.

 

You gave it a good try no matter what happens.

 

Lost

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Whether she's using me as backup or just likes the attention (Idk how much attention she could be gaining from her hitting me up first all the time), I don't know. Like if she doesn't want to hang out or talk then why continue to hit me up, especially like the last time she did?

 

Bingo.

 

This girl likes knowing you like her, but she's not genuinely interested. She's avoided your attempts to meet twice now. That's not the behaviour of a girl who likes you.

 

I would stop playing her silly game.

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Bingo.

 

This girl likes knowing you like her, but she's not genuinely interested. She's avoided your attempts to meet twice now. That's not the behaviour of a girl who likes you.

 

I would stop playing her silly game.

I understand she's playing a game, but I don't understand how to get out of it lol. If anything she's been the one giving ME attention despite her obviously ducking on my attempts to go out. Like I don't want to be mean and tell her not to talk to me or something but I genuinely have no interest in talking to her if she's going to act the way she is.

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She knows you are interested in more than homework buddies and you were pretty direct so there should be no misunderstanding here.

 

From what you have written I would say she likes the attention and having you as a in class note taker but if she was into you wouldn't she have tried a little harder?

 

If you need to know for sure if she is interested but flaky or not interested ask her in person. Hey_______, you never got back to me on that date. If she says anything but yes lets go then your reply is "I will take that as a no then, talk to you later" and walk off.

 

Then please ignore her and focus on someone less flaky.

 

You gave it a good try no matter what happens.

 

Lost

Noted, I'll keep that in mind. Thank you!

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It's a homework thing. That's all. She's 18 and probably doesn't know how to say no, she's not interested without possibly offending you or causing you to become more into her. You have to read between the lines and realize she's not interested. Keep things chill and civil because you appear to have the same classes and it's no reason for things to get awkward.

 

And also good job putting yourself out there and asking her out more than once. I think you'd have more fun with someone else.

 

I understand she's playing a game, but I don't understand how to get out of it lol. If anything she's been the one giving ME attention despite her obviously ducking on my attempts to go out. Like I don't want to be mean and tell her not to talk to me or something but I genuinely have no interest in talking to her if she's going to act the way she is.

Respond to her texts a couple of days later (take your time). Don't depend on her for homework (do your own homework or ask someone else). It doesn't have to be stressful or difficult. Take it easy.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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It's a homework thing. That's all. She's 18 and probably doesn't know how to say no, she's not interested without possibly offending you or causing you to become more into her. You have to read between the lines and realize she's not interested. Keep things chill and civil because you appear to have the same classes and it's no reason for things to get awkward.

 

And also good job putting yourself out there and asking her out more than once. I think you'd have more fun with someone else.

 

Respond to her texts a couple of days later (take your time). Don't depend on her for homework (do your own homework or ask someone else). It doesn't have to be stressful or difficult. Take it easy.

 

Thank you!

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To be honest if I was to guess, I'd say she's not interested. If she's new at university then maybe she just needs someone to talk to, she needs help with assignments and she also likes the attention. I know she messages you a lot but I think you need to think about the actual content of the messages. As you said yourself, she doesn't make any conversation except it's all about asking about homework. People are not that complicated and if they're actually interested in you, they would make a lot of conversation. The conversation wouldn't be dry and not just about trying to get homework help.

 

You actually haven't been subtle, you've been very direct and you asked her out twice. She pretty much said "no" to going out with you twice. I think always making excuses is the same as rejecting you. Personally I think you should just stop talking to this girl all together because it sounds like she's using you for attention and help with the class. I think don't help her anymore because she should be doing this work herself. Getting a lot of help with her work is actually plagiarising. Or if she's struggling, she can contact the lecturers. It's not actually your responsibility to be giving her this much help. She's an adult and in college but she sounds immature to be honest.

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we’ve hung out one time and i wouldn’t even consider us friends. that part isn’t hard to understand, the part that’s hard to understand is why she keeps hitting me up when she knows MY intentions but ducks on them. also why she hits me up first every time but sends dry responses and the. matches with me on tinder.

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To be honest if I was to guess, I'd say she's not interested. If she's new at university then maybe she just needs someone to talk to, she needs help with assignments and she also likes the attention. I know she messages you a lot but I think you need to think about the actual content of the messages. As you said yourself, she doesn't make any conversation except it's all about asking about homework. People are not that complicated and if they're actually interested in you, they would make a lot of conversation. The conversation wouldn't be dry and not just about trying to get homework help.

 

You actually haven't been subtle, you've been very direct and you asked her out twice. She pretty much said "no" to going out with you twice. I think always making excuses is the same as rejecting you. Personally I think you should just stop talking to this girl all together because it sounds like she's using you for attention and help with the class. I think don't help her anymore because she should be doing this work herself. Getting a lot of help with her work is actually plagiarising. Or if she's struggling, she can contact the lecturers. It's not actually your responsibility to be giving her this much help. She's an adult and in college but she sounds immature to be honest.

 

makes sense. it’s just confusing how she’d hit me up when it isn’t about class. like the last time she did she acted like she wanted to have an actual conversation but then acted super dry? then matches with me on tinder lol. thanks though.

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part that’s hard to understand is why she keeps hitting me up when she knows MY intentions but ducks on them. also why she hits me up first every time but sends dry responses and the. matches with me on tinder.

 

She likes knowing you'll respond. She likes feeling desired by you. So when she's bored or wants attention, she writes to you.

 

It's typical attention-seeking behaviour from a young and inexperienced girl.

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