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**NO JUDGEMENT PLEASE**

I feel like I’m in a pickle.

 

In June of 2019 I began a relationship with Geo. I met him at a part time job I was working at. He is a trucker. The chemistry was immediate. He told me he was separated and about to divorce. He told me not too long after we were dating that his wife and himself still lived together. He continued to say that he planned to divorce her. It is now a year and a half later and he is still married. If I bring up the situation he denies that he ever planned to divorce her. He has blocked my number before and earlier this year he ghosted me for two months. He says he does this because he feels guilty about his family. His wife has done much for his parents in helping take care of them. He is much older than myself. I’m 31, he’s 50. I always ask him what his plans are for me for my future. He just says that “You are my future.” And it’s a future of “love” that he regrets blocking me and ghosting me but he kept trying to deny his feelings for me. But he can’t anymore. So during his time ghosting me there was a gentleman that I knew from a previous job. He ran into me in public one day and asked for my number, I gave it to him. He said he always liked me and wanted to be with me. It’s so different. He’s so certain about me. Wants to take me to San Fran to meet his family. Talks about out future things. Asks if I were to marry him where I would want to go on a honeymoon. He seems very future oriented and has his mind set on me. He is not married. Nothing binding him from me. And I guess I am at a crossroads. As much as I have chemistry with Geo and I do believe he loves me, I don’t know if I’m okay with living in the shadows. And Jack is so much more certain about me, can offer me stability and his undivided time and love. When I told Geo about Jack he got jealous and drove here just to see me. He said he felt his heart was taken out of his chest.

 

Who do I turn to?

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Hasn't he shown you time and again that he has NO plans for you.

 

Speak, the guy was living with and still married to this woman- I am certain she has no idea that she is separated, you need to stop being so naive. . What were/are you thinking! Geo does not love or respect you, his actions clearly demonstrate this. He was concerned he would lose his sidepiece to Jack, it had nothing to do with his feelings. If he had any feelings for you, he would have left his wife long ago. This will not happen. You "prince" is a trucker with a history of cheating, I am certain there are other women. Wake up!

 

You need to address your self worth for continuing with this creep, you also need to address your character flaws for cheating with a married man. Terrible!

 

Lose Jack as he deserves much better than you. You also need be single for a long while to do some self reflection on your partner choices.

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I find the dilemma here hard to understand. One of these scenarios, the guy is actually considering you, your feelings, your needs and prioritizing how he can give a you future. The other, is only focused on himself. Even his reason for racing to you is about him, his feelings. Not any real concern for you.

 

I would search my feelings for Geo... Are they just ego driven, lustful needs to be chosen over the wife? Dating a married man, allowing him to put his needs above your own, says a lot about your own feelings for yourself.

 

Making a mature decision to have something real with new guy over someone that uses you and makes it pretty blatantly clear that's all he has to offer, seems like a no brainer. IMO and actual takes you out of a pickle and into a real future with someone.

 

Do you fear that? Some people make bad choices because they can't handle good things.... Its a hard dynamic to explain, self sabatoge, but do you pick bad guys because its easier to be a victim than it is to take a chance that things could actually work out?

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Neither. Married people are off limits. Plus, 20 year age gap relationships have a 95 percent failure rate.

 

Have you even been on a date with Jack? Sounds like he's as dysfunctional as you, speaking of elaborate future plans when it sounds like he hasn't even known you a year. And you're not serious about him since you're not scared that speaking with Geo will ruin what you have with Jack.

 

Until you achieve a healthy self esteem and work on being happy solo (read books and articles on how to achieve these, or attend therapy), you'll attract, and be attracted to people as dysfunctional as you.

 

Good luck getting non-judgmental advice. That type of shallow, avoiding every facet of a problem advice, won't get you to grow as an individual.

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When I told Geo about Jack he got jealous and drove here just to see me. He said he felt his heart was taken out of his chest.

 

Oh, what a load of equine manure.

 

You can't take this man seriously so I hope you didn't buy that. He doesn't love you. If he did, he'd find a way to make himself single again so he could pursue that with you. He's just mad that his side distraction (you) might leave him high and dry and having to face the reality of being unhappily married.

 

There is no future with him. You need dig your head out of the sand and see that, girl. And honestly, I don't see a future for you with this other man either. You haven't said one thing about what you like about him. It's all about how much he likes you and what he offers you. That is fine and dandy but I don't get the impression that you are genuinely interested in him as a person.

 

Best bet? Let them both go. You're not going to wind up with a cheating married dude, and you wouldn't be choosing Jack for the right reasons either. Stay single for a while and work on building your self-worth to the point where you run away from creeps like Geo, and you'll make better choices in your love life in general.

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Your decisions seem to be based on one man that doesn't want you and another that does.

No where do I see you making a self assured decision about you future based on your self worth.

 

Luring Geo away from his family seems it might validate your worth.

Being with the second guy who wants you is again allowing these men to determine your worth.

 

I vote for neither and take some time to work on your self esteem and make choices from a place of confidence.

Just curious. When Geo told you he was still married, why did it take you so much time to figure out he was still under the same roof with her.

Those facts should have been excavated before you went any further. If he hid them, that should have been the last moment you spoke to him. . But you didn't.

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Geo - liar, manipulator, cheater. If he will cheat with you, he'll cheat on you. Please get that through your head.

Jack - love bombing you, aka also a liar and a manipulator.

 

Do these sound like good options to you? OP, you seem to have a very messed up idea of what love and romance is. Maybe drop these two and actually work on that. None of this is love and both of these men are toxic.

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It sounds like you need some time to not date anybody right now. You’re settling on Jack because he’s different then Geo, and you’re staying with Geo because you can’t fully have him. I think you like the chase and hunt when it comes to Geo. So please be single.

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I agree with limichelle. Take a time out. Jack seems ablaze with glory on a white horse because Geo is failing. It's a bit like seeing water on a dry day but why have water when you can have wine?

 

Take your time. Enjoy the ride. Don't jump from one situation to another. The problem is you're unhappy with this married man and vulnerable. It's okay to acknowledge that and to feel sad.

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Holy cow, you really believe this crap coming from Geo? The guy is MARRIED! I bet his wife doesn't know their marriage is toast and she is getting divorced! You are being conned and lied to totally! Wake up!

 

Jack is too much too fast. Forget both of them and sort yourself out.

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Step one: Dump the cheater and block him.

 

Step two: Slow things way down with Jack. This guy is telling what ever you want to hear to get you.

 

If Jack cares about you he will wait and let things progress naturally.

 

You know Geo is a cheater and has been long before he met you. I wonder how many other women has has as a side chick.

 

This is actually a pretty easy choice.

 

Lost

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From what you wrote, I'm pretty sure that Geo was married to his wife all along and he was just having an affair. He was keeping you a secret, which is why he blocked you and ghosted you. Maybe the wife was getting suspicious, so he cut you off. If he still always lived with his wife, no divorce and acting really dodgy too, he wasn't separated. You have very clear evidence that Geo is a liar and can't be trusted, and also not serious about you.

 

Regarding the other man, he sounds lovely and genuine, but if you don't actually love him, I don't think you should continue with him. It sounds like he may just be your rebound because Geo ghosted you. The point to be in a relationship and marry is because you're in love and you want a future with that person. If the old colleague guy is just your distraction from Geo then you're not with him for the right reasons.

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