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Ex says he's suing me for Defamation of Character.


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I ended this relationship a year ago. I've moved on with my life. I blocked him everywhere and did whatever I could to limit any access he had to me. But, unfortunately we (kind of) work together. I say kind of because we are both vendors who work the festival circuit. So no we don't work for the same company, but we both work at a lot of the same events. We are both business owners. Our businesses are not in any way affiliated with each other. And we are not in direct competition with each other either. I'm a mixed media artist. What he sells is something completely different. (Keeping it to myself for privacy reasons.)

 

I found out last week through a pretty reliable source that he is planning to sue me for defamation of character. This actually has me worried. I am finally at a place in my life where things are going really well. Of course this would happen now.

 

He is not well-liked by other vendors. So after I ended things with him a lot of people came out of the woodwork to tell me how glad they are that I'm done with him. So I admit there were a lot of conversations with other vendors about what a jerk he is. But all of these people already knew what a jerk he was before. They all came to me. THere was a lot of "Remember what a fit her threw last year at *name of festival* when they made him move his tent?" etc. I never told any customers to not buy from him or anything like that. There is actually a whole group of vendors here in my area who are friends outside of the scene. And they all have a really durrogatory nickname for him. The point I'm making here is he had a bad reputation before I broke up with him. And most of these conversations with other vendors took place via text or some other written media, so there is evidence of all of it. I think this is a good thing since I can prove exactly what I said and I can also prove that I didn't initiate these conversations. I mean really... who hasn't talked crap about an ex at some point in their life? But talking crap about an ex isn't the same as defamation.

 

I could be wrong but it is my understanding that defamation of character has to have negatively impacted a person's job/income or it isn't classified as that. I don't know though, I could be wrong. Feel free to correct me.

 

Another thing that concerns me, he comes from a pretty wealthy family. He has a trust fund. He lives with his absolutely loaded mother. His mom bought him his car. He doesn't have bills to pay, etc. He can afford a way better lawyer than I can. I come from a working class family and I've worked hard for everything I have. I own my home. I built my business up from nothing. Hopefully the judge would see this and think of him as some spoiled brat trying to ruin a hard working person's life and have some sympathy for me.

 

Also, woudn't it be hard for him to prove that any drop he's had in sales is because of me and anything I said and not because of the pandemic? Both of our businesses depend on large gatherings of people. This year everyone who works at festivals is suffering, not just him.

 

 

Do you guys think I have anything to worry about? Do you think he even has a case? There are a lot of people who already didn't like him. And what other vendors think of him has nothing to do with what customers think of him. If he does have a case how should I proceed from here?

 

And I'm sure this will come up at some point... if anyone is wondering why I dated someone with such a bad repuation, simple answer is I didn't know. I was single and new to the whole scene when I met him. I think it was a case of him pouncing on new blood before anyone could warn me about him. And he is really charming. He has multiple college degrees. He is good looking. It's not like I knew what kind of person her really was. And when he really started showing his true colors I ended it.

 

PS, I don't know why but my spellcheck does not work at all on this forum. So if there are any mistakes that I didn't catch, sorry.

 

Thanks in advance.

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Not much you can do unless papers are served. In the mean time do not talk about him to ANYONE. Do not mention his name, do not discuss this with any mutual acquaintances. It doesn't matter if the whole world can't stand him, it's irrelevant.

 

What is relevant is that you stop mentioning his name to anyone including on social media, etc. Make sure you delete any and all posts that may directly or indirectly mention him. Delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

I found out last week through a pretty reliable source that he is planning to sue me for defamation of character.

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How would anyone reliably know something like that unless they are close to your ex and therefore no friend of yours?

 

There is really nothing you can do unless he actually tries this. Overall, these kinds of things are rarely pursued because it's very difficult to prove and truth is a defense. Basically, it's not defamation if it's true.

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Cynder,

 

This guy has probably heard you are doing well without him and now in love with a wonderful person so he is trying to push your buttons and stress you out.

 

Did he ever send a letter telling you to cease and desist? NO he didn't. This is all he said she said crap that even if he filed would be frivolous.

 

Don't worry about something that hasn't even happened or you let him win without doing a thing other than start a rumor.

 

As I recall he is the one that went around and got several contracts of your cancelled right? You could counter sue if you chose to.

 

This is all nothing until you get served papers so go about your life and ignore him. There is nothing to do anyways until you are served.

 

If he wants to sue you he will but it doesn't mean he will win.

 

Lost

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TRUTH is a legitimate defense for a defamation suit.

 

If you have evidence to support what you may have said, give it to your lawyer.

 

If he is an idiot, he will pursue the suit--airing his character before he loses.

 

Then you sue for court costs.

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Not much you can do unless papers are served. In the mean time do not talk about him to ANYONE. Do not mention his name, do not discuss this with any mutual acquaintances. It doesn't matter if the whole world can't stand him, it's irrelevant.

 

What is relevant is that you stop mentioning his name to anyone including on social media, etc. Make sure you delete any and all posts that may directly or indirectly mention him. Delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

 

 

I guess another thing working in my favor here if it does go to court is that I have always been big on keeping my dirty laundry off social media. Even when I ended it, I hid my relationship status so no one would see that it went from in a relationship to single. I use Facebook mainly to promote my business and keep in touch with people who live far away. I'm not someone who posts my whole life on there. So I've got that covered, lol

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How would anyone reliably know something like that unless they are close to your ex and therefore no friend of yours?

 

There is really nothing you can do unless he actually tries this. Overall, these kinds of things are rarely pursued because it's very difficult to prove and truth is a defense. Basically, it's not defamation if it's true.

 

My ex is active in the local Pagan/Occult community also. My area hosts one of the largest Pagan Pride festivals in the country, and there is a Pagan group around here that is really influential with that Festival. That group also has a private Facebook group. A lot of the vendors and performers at the Pride festival are in the Facebook group. And I am friends with the lady in charge of it all. Well, because of some shady behavior my ex was engaging in in the Facebook group, he was banned. I knew nothing about any of this because I don't keep tabs on him and I have him blocked everywhere. Well, this past Saturday I was actually at this lady's shop that she owns (This is the lady in charge of the Facebook group, etc) And she told me that my ex is pissed off that he's banned from the group so he messaged her and said that if she banned him because of anything I've been saying about him it's all lies. And then he went on to talk about this lawsuit that's in the works, etc. I guess she told him he has no case because everyone hated him before I even was in the picture, etc. And she also told him "She didn't get you banned from anything. You got yourself banned."

 

So, that's how I found out. I consider her a reliable source. I'm a vendor at the Pride Festival and so we are friends but she's also a business associate.

 

Yes, I never said anything that isn't true. And a lot of the things talked about with other vendors were things that other people witnessed. There were a lot of other vendors who heard him repeatedly verbally abusing his staff and verbally abusing me at events on a regular basis. People have seen him throw his little tantrums at events, etc. He's actually gotten himself kicked out of a few shows and banned. And some of the show organizers who banned him made it a point to contact me just to tell me I'm not banned. Like, "Yea we don't want him here but you can still come and sell, etc." So yea, truth is my defense. I'm not a liar. And I still think proving that any drop in sales was strictly my fault and nothing to do with the pandemic would be really hard for him or even a lawyer to do.

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He is blowing smoke.

 

This gave me a really funny visual in my head lol. I actually have no sense of smell from birth so I never noticed but after I broke up with him one of my friends told me he smells like patchouli and farts. Idk... i read blowing smoke and that's the first hing I thought of and then got this picture in my head of a big cloud of smoke coming out his ass when he bends over. Idk, my mind is weird. :p

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Cynder,

 

This guy has probably heard you are doing well without him and now in love with a wonderful person so he is trying to push your buttons and stress you out.

 

Did he ever send a letter telling you to cease and desist? NO he didn't. This is all he said she said crap that even if he filed would be frivolous.

 

Don't worry about something that hasn't even happened or you let him win without doing a thing other than start a rumor.

 

As I recall he is the one that went around and got several contracts of your cancelled right? You could counter sue if you chose to.

 

This is all nothing until you get served papers so go about your life and ignore him. There is nothing to do anyways until you are served.

 

If he wants to sue you he will but it doesn't mean he will win.

 

Lost

 

 

My thoughts exactly. He knows I'm with someone new (who I kinda met through him oddly enough) and he wants to just throw a wrench in everything. For anyone reading this there wasn't anything scandalous about my new relationship. I met my current SO when she was dating a friend of my ex. But my ex and the friend she was dating were both out of the picture before we started really talking. We were just acquaintances up until that point.

 

No, he never sent me a letter asking me to stop.

 

And yes, he got my biggest contract terminated and he tried to get me booted from a show that I make thousands of dollars at every year. Luckily I was able to smooth that over with the organizer and get back in.

 

Yea, he will do what he wants. He's a spoiled brat who has never been told no in his life. Karma doesn't care how rich a person is, though.

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TRUTH is a legitimate defense for a defamation suit.

 

If you have evidence to support what you may have said, give it to your lawyer.

 

If he is an idiot, he will pursue the suit--airing his character before he loses.

 

Then you sue for court costs.

 

 

Well, might be a matter of opinion but he's an idiot in my (and a lot of other people's) opinion. If he does pursue a lawsuit he will make himself look like more of an ass than anyone else. I have a really good reputation in the scene. The only bad thing people associate with me is him.

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This gave me a really funny visual in my head lol. I actually have no sense of smell from birth so I never noticed but after I broke up with him one of my friends told me he smells like patchouli and farts. Idk... i read blowing smoke and that's the first hing I thought of and then got this picture in my head of a big cloud of smoke coming out his ass when he bends over. Idk, my mind is weird. :p

 

Hahahaa I mean he is pulling your chain because you are happy.

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My ex is active in the local Pagan/Occult community also. My area hosts one of the largest Pagan Pride festivals in the country, and there is a Pagan group around here that is really influential with that Festival. That group also has a private Facebook group. A lot of the vendors and performers at the Pride festival are in the Facebook group. And I am friends with the lady in charge of it all. Well, because of some shady behavior my ex was engaging in in the Facebook group, he was banned. I knew nothing about any of this because I don't keep tabs on him and I have him blocked everywhere. Well, this past Saturday I was actually at this lady's shop that she owns (This is the lady in charge of the Facebook group, etc) And she told me that my ex is pissed off that he's banned from the group so he messaged her and said that if she banned him because of anything I've been saying about him it's all lies. And then he went on to talk about this lawsuit that's in the works, etc. I guess she told him he has no case because everyone hated him before I even was in the picture, etc. And she also told him "She didn't get you banned from anything. You got yourself banned."

 

So, that's how I found out. I consider her a reliable source. I'm a vendor at the Pride Festival and so we are friends but she's also a business associate.

 

Yes, I never said anything that isn't true. And a lot of the things talked about with other vendors were things that other people witnessed. There were a lot of other vendors who heard him repeatedly verbally abusing his staff and verbally abusing me at events on a regular basis. People have seen him throw his little tantrums at events, etc. He's actually gotten himself kicked out of a few shows and banned. And some of the show organizers who banned him made it a point to contact me just to tell me I'm not banned. Like, "Yea we don't want him here but you can still come and sell, etc." So yea, truth is my defense. I'm not a liar. And I still think proving that any drop in sales was strictly my fault and nothing to do with the pandemic would be really hard for him or even a lawyer to do.

 

I typed out a HUGE response and then deleted it by mistake, but in essence, I was saying what a lot of people have said here: He's going to have a heck of a time proving defamation. First of all, he has to prove you actually did substantive damage (generally in the form of financial damage or damage to his reputation that harms him in some other significant way.) AND, he has to prove that you were lying about him. Simply talking to others about behavior that they also witnessed is NOT defamation; there's a big difference between saying, "Remember that time George got really mad at that festival and started screaming and cussing at everyone?" (recounting behavior that you and others actually witnessed) and saying "George is a psychopath. He belongs in an institution -- forever. He is a danger to others and to himself and is likely to kill someone." (diagnosing him with a mental illness when you're not qualified to do so AND speculating about his potential to commit murder.)

 

One of my exes claimed he was going to sue his ex before me for defamation because she had "talked crap" about him in their community. Likely, what she'd really done was simply have conversations about some of the weird/awful stuff he said and did to her, stuff that was probably entirely true, and it got back to him. And, he wasn't all that important in his community or anything -- it wasn't like he was a local celebrity (or even a local businessman) who stood to lose money because of anything his ex-wife said about him. I told him all of this (while secretly giggling to myself inwardly at his arrogance). He never ended up pursuing anything, as I knew he wouldn't. I've no doubt that he went to a lawyer who advised him he didn't have a legal leg to stand on.

 

I don't think you have anything to worry about, but it might make you feel better to seek some legal advice, if you feel inclined to. I too think your ex is just blowing smoke, though. He's probably hit a rough patch in his life and is lashing out. Things haven't turned out the way he hoped, and you've moved on, and he hates that.

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You have a right to your opinion, he cannot sue you over that. If you lied about anything, then that is another story.

 

Why were you dating a guy who was living with their mother? How old is he?

 

Stop talking about him.

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You have a right to your opinion, he cannot sue you over that. If you lied about anything, then that is another story.

 

Why were you dating a guy who was living with their mother? How old is he?

 

Stop talking about him.

 

 

A lot of millennials live with their parents into adulthood. And his Mom also has a lot of health problems that he was helping her out with. Like I said in my original post, he's a business owner with multiple college degrees. He clearly had other ambitions/successes in life. I don't really see why that question is even reverent.

 

I haven't talked about him in a long time. The conversations I had with other people happened shortly after we broke up and that was a year ago. It says that in my original post as well.

 

Thanks for your reply.

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Who insinuated this? It's best to stop talking about him, no matter how much you can't stand him. It doesn't matter if he's the biggest Bozo on the planet. Anyone can sue for whatever they want, whether it has merit or not.

 

The point is, it's not a matter of whether this hearsay about suing has merit or not. Just being sued in itself is an expensive headache. Stop talking about him. Lesson learned.

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Do you guys think I have anything to worry about?

 

I doubt you have anything to worry about. First of all, he hasn't actually done anything but run his mouth which takes zero skill or effort. Secondly, suing is a pain in the ass if you don't do it every day. There's a whole process you have to go through. But most importantly, if he actually does file suit, he'll have to prove financial damage as a direct result of your actions.

 

If you're really worried about this, do some research into your local court system. Familiarize yourself with the process for civil claims. Lawyers may not even be necessary. And--most likely--a lawyer won't even touch the case on either side. It's usually not worth their time, as the max payout is usually capped quite low ($5k in my vicinage).

 

I sued my gym last year for $1300. The first thing I tried to do was get a lawyer. But it didn't make financial sense for either of us. He would have taken a big cut of my winnings, and that cut was barely even worth his travel time. So, I proceeded without a lawyer.

 

My gym did get a lawyer, and they proceeded to d*ck me around for six months, I guess in an effort to confuse me or get me to give up. But it didn't work, and after a drawn out and enlightening foray into the legal system, I got my $$. Just took patience and tenacity.

 

I went to court a couple times as part of that experience and watched due process in action. The court system sees frivolous lawsuits all day, every day, and it's kind of fun to watch the judge make mincemeat out of plaintiffs who bring those cases to court. I definitely suggest going to court one morning to watch the trials.

 

If you do end up getting sued, there is usually an ombudsman or community liaison that you can contact. He or she can't give you legal advice, but they can give you facts about the process that will help you along the way.

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Who insinuated this? It's best to stop talking about him, no matter how much you can't stand him. It doesn't matter if he's the biggest Bozo on the planet. Anyone can sue for whatever they want, whether it has merit or not.

 

The point is, it's not a matter of whether this hearsay about suing has merit or not. Just being sued in itself is an expensive headache. Stop talking about him. Lesson learned.

 

I stopped talking about him months ago. All these conversation took place around November/December of 2019 right after I broke up with him. I think hes just financially strapped because of the pandemic and needs someone to blame. I also wonder if he found out I'm with someone new and that's what brought this on.

 

How I found out is explained in another reply I wrote. Right now I don't have time to go back and find it. Also I'm on my phone so sorry if this is sloppy.

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Who insinuated this hearsay that he's suing you? Have you received court papers or a letter from an attorney?

 

There's are better ways to make or save money during covid.

 

You need to seriously question the source of this gossip/hearsay.

 

It sounds like whoever insinuated this is making it up to amuse themselves with thier own Judge Judy drama.

 

Unfortunately it seems like you are still in some strange power struggle with this guy . Or you've make some unknown enemies along the way.

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Who insinuated this hearsay that he's suing you? Have you received court papers or a letter from an attorney?

 

There's are better ways to make or save money during covid.

 

You need to seriously question the source of this gossip/hearsay.

 

It sounds like whoever insinuated this is making it up to amuse themselves with thier own Judge Judy drama.

 

Unfortunately it seems like you are still in some strange power struggle with this guy . Or you've make some unknown enemies along the way.

 

This is how I found out, now that I have time to go back and copy/paste it.

 

"My ex is active in the local Pagan/Occult community also. My area hosts one of the largest Pagan Pride festivals in the country, and there is a Pagan group around here that is really influential with that Festival. That group also has a private Facebook group. A lot of the vendors and performers at the Pride festival are in the Facebook group. And I am friends with the lady in charge of it all. Well, because of some shady behavior my ex was engaging in in the Facebook group, he was banned. I knew nothing about any of this because I don't keep tabs on him and I have him blocked everywhere. Well, this past Saturday I was actually at this lady's shop that she owns (This is the lady in charge of the Facebook group, etc) And she told me that my ex is pissed off that he's banned from the group so he messaged her and said that if she banned him because of anything I've been saying about him it's all lies. And then he went on to talk about this lawsuit that's in the works, etc. I guess she told him he has no case because everyone hated him before I even was in the picture, etc. And she also told him "She didn't get you banned from anything. You got yourself banned."

 

So, that's how I found out. I consider her a reliable source. I'm a vendor at the Pride Festival and so we are friends but she's also a business associate."

 

^ Taken from an earlier reply.

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So he said nothing about suing you about defamation. He's annoyed at her/the group that he got banned. This has nothing to do with you. This is between him and the group owner who banned him. Stop listening to gossip and hearsay from this lady. Yep, she's stirring up her own Judge Judy drama. Ignore her.

I was actually at this lady's shop that she owns (This is the lady in charge of the Facebook group, etc) And she told me that my ex is pissed off that he's banned from the group so he messaged her and said that if she banned him because of anything I've been saying about him it's all lies. And then he went on to talk about this lawsuit that's in the works, etc.
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I wouldn't worry about it. If what you said is accurate, it's hearsay. Gossiping like that doesn't equal defamation of character. You need a lot to win such suits and he doesn't have it. He's just angry. Pay no mind but definitely don't talk to anyone about him going forward.

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So he said nothing about suing you about defamation. He's annoyed at her/the group that he got banned. This has nothing to do with you. This is between him and the group owner who banned him. Stop listening to gossip and hearsay from this lady. Yep, she's stirring up her own Judge Judy drama. Ignore her.

 

Actually he did tell her he's planning to sue me for defamation. He assumed he was kicked out of the group because of something I said. And he went on to tell her that I've been lying about him and that he's planning on suing me. That is how she found out and she told me about it. I've known this woman for years. Shes not the type to stir up drama. She has nothing to gain by stirring up drama either. Whether he is actually planning a lawsuit or not though, I'm glad I have a heads up just in case.

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A lot of millennials live with their parents into adulthood. And his Mom also has a lot of health problems that he was helping her out with. Like I said in my original post, he's a business owner with multiple college degrees. He clearly had other ambitions/successes in life. I don't really see why that question is even reverent.

 

I haven't talked about him in a long time. The conversations I had with other people happened shortly after we broke up and that was a year ago. It says that in my original post as well.

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

How long has he lived with her? How old is he?

Edited by Hollyj
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