LDR possible breakup looming

[Limiya 46]

Exactly @MissCannuck

I mean, its contradicting. Although so far I have heard absolutely nothing from him.

I havent wanted to contact him yet because I'm too emotional to speak rationally.

 

Now I'm starting to suspect there may be another woman in the picture. Perhaps someone at this new job.

At least that's a possibility. I have no proof at all and I had no suspicion previously. I did ask him when this trouble started and he of course said no.

But the other reasons don't make sense to me.

[Rose Mosse 482]

That you're doubting him shows that you don't trust him and that's a natural and healthy response to an event that has completely destabilized you. I'd think it's more worrying if you continue to beg for his attention or call him at any invitation. It's natural to doubt someone. Just don't let it consume you or bring you down.

[T99 15]

Hi Limiya

 

I remember your posts from many years ago.

 

Not sure what further to add but hope you are ok and this sounds very difficult set of circumstances.

[Limiya 46]

Thanks both.

I've been as strong as I possibly can. I have given him space and not contacted him 1st.

I finally decided to block him on WhatsApp this morning. Mainly to feel a little more in control and so I won't be obsessing over if he text me or not and to try n give myself some relief.

 

Of course 3 hours later he contacts me on messenger wanting to see if he can call me and asking me if I blocked him on WhatsApp.

I told him I did, and asked what he wanted.

He said he just wanted to talk to me.

I told him I'm working (normally I would always answer regardless of work).

He said he'll call me after I finished.

 

So of course I stress all day. I don't let him know when ive finished, and he calls me anyway when I'm eating.

I asked again what he wants. Straight to the point.

He says nothing he just wants to say hi to me. He makes small talk, and I told him I didn't want a conversation while he's working.

So he says he'll call me in the morning instead.

I hesitated but said ok.

 

So this guy wants space but calls me?

I don't wanna be walked over, so not sure if I'm handling the interaction alright or not.

But I don't wanna blow it all up either.

[Rose Mosse 482]

I'd be honest and tell him that your last conversation didn't make you feel good and it's caused you to doubt his intentions or the relationship. It doesn't have to be a blow up or argument. It's a fact or a statement on your part. He should be with it enough to read between the lines and figure out why you don't pick up his calls or call him back. I'm not quite understanding why your hesitancy in recognizing the issue with him because you were ready to uproot yourself for this person. That's serious enough to warrant any kind of conversation, frankly.

 

He can respond as he wants and rise to meet you halfway or not at all. If he continues to try to make small talk without showing you anything else beneath the surface or sincere feelings for you, you're the one who has to read between the lines and recognize that he's treating you on a casual basis only.

[Wiseman2 2,238]

Don't take his calls at work or while you're eating, busy, etc. Take more control of things.

So of course I stress all day. I don't let him know when ive finished, and he calls me anyway when I'm eating.

I asked again what he wants. Straight to the point.

He says nothing he just wants to say hi to me.

[Jibralta 866]

Don't take his calls at work or while you're eating, busy, etc. Take more control of things.

 

Yes, good move to block him, but you gave up some of that power when you took his call. You have to be all-in for it to work.

 

I seems very likely that he has met someone else.

 

I think you would be wise to treat this as a break up and move on.

 

It's not fair for him to d*ck you around like this.

[Limiya 46]

I deserve better than this treatment thats for sure.

I'm going to tell him to not contact me anymore. That I need to move on and heal even though he technically hasn't broken up with me.

He maybe just wants me to pull the plug instead or just likes keeping me in limbo while he decides what he wants.

 

It's all so painful and I deserve closure and I think only I will be able to give myself that.

If he calls again, I think I know what I have to say. However painful it will be.

[Wiseman2 2,238]

Why leave it up to him? It's your job to delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

I'm going to tell him to not contact me anymore.

[Jibralta 866]

Yes, I think you'll (eventually) feel a lot better if you took matters into your own hands and cut off contact yourself. I realize you're probably plagued by "what ifs." But you're just drawing it out and prolonging the pain.

[Limiya 46]

Thank you all for your advice.

He called me again this morning and was just chit chatting to me about his day etc.

 

Eventually I just asked him why he's calling me when he asked for space. He said just to check I'm ok.

I explained it wasn't fair on me to do that. That I realise he doesn't love me anymore and i would rather he just told me like a real man instead of asking for space. He said he cared about me. Was still trying to blame it on distance and work stress.

 

I told him it wasn't enough. That I can't cope with limbo and I am therefore making the decision easy for him.

I told him it's done. I'm out!

I told him to not contact me anymore unless he had something important I should know.

To leave me alone to grieve and he should move on and he will feel a lot less guilt and even relief now it's done.

He still tried to tell me he's seeing a therapist, but I said he should for himself and no other reason. That it won't bring back love for me if it isnt there.

 

I cried like a baby through this. But I had to do it.

He hardly answered to anything I said. He just looked at the floor the whole time and when I asked if he had anything to say, he said no.

He said he needed to call his mom and go to work, so I just said goodbye and hung up.

 

Now I'm just crying and trying to tell myself I did the right thing.

[Wiseman2 2,238]

Don't leave the door open for more limbo and heartache.

I told him to not contact me anymore unless......

[Limiya 46]

Yeah I agree. He will be blocked. My head was just a bit scrambled at the time.

[Rose Mosse 482]

You did the right thing. He's not interested at all in being with you. You don't have anything to be ashamed of for speaking your mind. It will feel like a loss at first but you have gained so much more. Give yourself time to feel sad. When the dust settles you'll see the whole world laid out before you and all your plans that you have for yourself? You're free now. Go get em.

 

Whether he's blocked or not I think he's got the message. I wouldn't worry or give this more thought except for your healing and moving forwards, accepting the experience and lessons. You may not see it yet but this is an exciting time for you and the start of a new chapter.

[MissCanuck 940]

You absolutely did the right thing, OP. Good for you, that took a lot of guts.

 

Had you not done it? I suspect he would have kept you warm and enjoyed your company until he meets someone else closer to him. He was on his way out. You just closed the door behind him.

[Jibralta 866]

Now I'm just crying and trying to tell myself I did the right thing.

 

You did the right thing. It's exactly as MissCanuck said: He was on his way out. You just closed the door behind him.

[Limiya 46]

Thanks guys. I'm just processing the grief as much as I can. But I feel I did the right thing.

[Jibralta 866]

Glad to hear it. I am sure that you will continue to feel better!