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My [20m] ex girlfriend [20f] told me I made her hate herself. Did I really?


Html5lffy

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Hello,

 

I fully believe we are both still in love with each other. Even though she told me during our breakup (2 months ago) she no longer loved me, I knew then and I know now she is saying that to protect herself.

 

So, this girl, let’s call her Sarah... Sarah was the most caring, amazing, beautiful girl in the world. She treated me like gold, but I did feel as though we were toxic. I was stepping on eggshells, we would gaslight eachother, and she was very very clingy, never giving me much space. In turn, I wasn’t very affectionate (as much as I should be) because I felt like she was way too into me. I hate that that’s my excuse...but I also did and still do have mental issues when it comes to commitment. I’ve had 10 family members die in the last two years. I didn’t purposefully withdraw affection, it’s just how I was.

 

When we broke up, we both sobbed. We called a few times, crying our hearts out to eachother. Until, it became to much. I overcompensated, with love texts, affirmations of love, and constantly trying to call her/see her. “I need space!” Well, I never gave it to her. Eventually she blocked me on everything. Then I sent her an email saying I’m sorry, etc. she called me that night and said it’s ok, I get it, and we ended on a strong note. She ignored every text after that and I had not sent her anything for 3 weeks when... she replied to my political Instagram story denouncing trump.

 

She replied to my post on Instagram (story) about how I was denouncing trump. She hates trump, and we always argued about this. I finally see how much I hate the guy, and she kept trying to convince me to vote Biden. I don’t like either of them and am torn on who to vote for. Anyways, she sent 3 paragraphs about how I’m wrong, etc.

 

I asked her, why me? You think this is the convo I wanna have with you? I stopped reaching out for a reason and that is my mental health.

 

She said “you’re just another person I can convince yadayada”

 

I responded:

““So a political election is more important you than my mental health? Are you kidding me...? I’m just “another person”? You realize that I’ve been trying to move on, and you replying to my story sets me back? At work, all day, I had anxiety about what the hell to send to you back. There’s a reason I stopped trying to reach out to you... it’s because my mental health takes precedence to anything else. I really don’t appreciate you taking this time to criticize my views... you don’t realize it, maybe you’re not still hurting, but I sure as am. Every day is a challenge for me. And you replying really set me back. I guess you haven’t been in this position, but two months is not enough for me to move forward fully. I’ve had a really hard time with everything, and while I appreciate you caring about this country, I am not the person you should be talking to about this. I mean after ignoring me, telling me you feel so “ty” about being with me so long, you think this is the conversation I want to have with you? It’s not. I don’t blame you for anything, and I forgive you for everything....but if you want to talk to me about this, more needs to happen before that. I wish you the best, and I hope you can see where I am at... I still care about you, and I miss you, but this is not the conversation you should be having with me.”

 

She said:

 

“i said another person bc this is what i would say to anyone who posted what you did. i meant that this conversation has nothing to do with the relationship. and you’re not the only one who hasn’t moved on. i still think about you everyday bc these last ten months were the worst months of my life with family, mental health, and the impact of this relationship on me. i’m not over it because i’m writing essays in my class about you bc im trying to figure out everything i went through and why i felt so ty for so long. me not reaching out to u is for MY mental health. and you constantly reaching out to me with manipulative texts and roses and a letter in the mail when i told you to give me space was YOU not respecting me so i don’t want to see you turn this around on me like always. maybe stop assuming what i’m going through and realize i’m reaching out to you bc i figured you’d be more likely to have this conversation with me than a random person”

 

 

Was I being manipulative? Or is she gaslighting me/abusing me?

 

I’m so ing confused. She told me to leave her alone, ignored me several times, just to re-enter my life 1 month later (no contact) and I think gaslight the out of me.

 

Let me know what y’all think

 

Tl;dr we had a bad relationship because I was scared of commitment, in the end she said I made her hate herself, which if true absolutely breaks my heart. I never intended on doing so, I’m just immature and emotionally inexperienced. Is there anything I can do to make it up to her? Or should I just leave her alone and let her heal by herself.

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Stop antagonizing and stalking her with your political rants. Delete and block her from all social media.

 

Have you read the forum rules, specifically item # 14?

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php

She replied to my post on Instagram (story) about how I was denouncing trump. She hates trump, and we always argued about this. I finally see how much I hate the guy, and she kept trying to convince me to vote Biden. I don’t like either of them and am torn on who to vote for. Anyways, she sent 3 paragraphs about how I’m wrong, etc.

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Hello,

I fully believe we are both still in love with each other. Even though she told me during our breakup (2 months ago) she no longer loved me, I knew then and I know now she is saying that to protect herself.

 

So, this girl, let’s call her Sarah... Sarah was the most caring, amazing, beautiful girl in the world. She treated me like gold, but I did feel as though we were toxic. I was stepping on eggshells, we would gaslight eachother, and she was very very clingy, never giving me much space. In turn, I wasn’t very affectionate (as much as I should be) because I felt like she was way too into me. I hate that that’s my excuse...but I also did and still do have mental issues when it comes to commitment. I’ve had 10 family members die in the last two years. I didn’t purposefully withdraw affection, it’s just how I was.

 

When we broke up, we both sobbed. We called a few times, crying our hearts out to eachother. Until, it became to much. I overcompensated, with love texts, affirmations of love, and constantly trying to call her/see her. “I need space!” Well, I never gave it to her. Eventually she blocked me on everything..

 

It's very possible she still loves you and vice versa.

It's never a good enough reason to reconcile when you can wroie this long on list of how toxic you are together. You bring out the worst in each other.

You love each other but are not meant to be together.

Let that sink in a bit.

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