First good date in awhile

[lostandhurt]

Ouch!  That absolutely sucks.   I have been there myself where everything was going wonderfully and then "we should just be friends"

I am pretty good at trusting my instincts and I knew there was more to it and I was right.  Some guy she had dated six months earlier had heard she was dating someone new and came back wanting to try again. They had history so I got the boot. 

If things were actually going really well then she may have met someone else she wanted to date.  She did say she is a one at a time girl right?

In the end (and I know this doesn't make it any easier) it doesn't really matter why it happened, just that it did.  Accepting that she has made a choice and that choice is no longer you is hard but it is the most healthy for you.  As the song says "There aint no changing a made up mind"   

I am really sorry it didn't work out long term as I know just how hard it is to meet someone and have it click like you want it to.  I wish I had some magical words that would make this easier but there just aren't any.  All I can say is lick your wounds, spruce up your profile and get back out there.  Just don't hold what happened here against anyone new you might meet.

There are times when you think it is best to not even try so you can avoid this kind of hurt but you need to realize you met her and others so you have had success, you just haven't met who you are supposed to be with YET.

Keep posting

  Lost

[Coldarmy13]

Hard to imagine anyone else. I’m going to miss her so, so much. I’ve been a sad mess around the house since Monday. I’m coming to grips with that I’ll never really know why, she seemed very honest and straight forward, but what she mentioned was very manageable or misunderstandings that wouldn’t warrant a break up to me. Then again, I was obviously more into her than her into me based off of this. So out of left field, I never really felt like I was doing all the work (except texting, but that’s so minor). We always had so much fun golfing with each other and doing what COVID allowed us to do. It’s cliche and normal when it’s so fresh, but I can’t imagine finding anyone quite like her. There’s so many reminders in everything I see and do. I hate how this feels and wish, at age 36, I could find someone that would finally work out.

She was beautiful. She was hilarious. She has all her stuff together. No ex drama, no kids. Nice house, truck. She was always so generous too with things. Damn still my throat closes up and eyes well up if I think about her more than a minute or two.

[Coldarmy13]

This is truly the first time I’ve been broken up with in a long long time to where it’s so hard to believe it’s over. I just wish and wish she had a change of heart and comes back. Foolish as it is. Please come back. I wish there was anything I could say or do. Anything.

Maybe because regardless of who left who before, I knew exactly why or the reasoning. I have no real idea where things went wrong.

[lostandhurt]

Your feelings are totally normal.  Being in shock in a way and finding it hard to believe or accept is part of the grieving process.  Let the emotions flow over you but don't allow them to pound you down so low you cannot find your way back up.  Try and occupy your time as best you can to keep those thoughts at bay.

  I agree having a firm reason why it ended does help speed the acceptance part but it really doesn't help the healing.  You were invested and put yourself out there totally and now it is gone.  That hurts no matter who you are.  I know right now you think you will never meet anyone as good as her again but I would bet you thought that in the past too.  Only she knows why she made the choice she did and in doing so may have saved you from even more hurt down the line.

2021 has to better than 2020 for all of us.  What are some of the things you would like to improve about yourself?

Lost

[Coldarmy13]

Today will be extra hard because we had plans to be together for nye. It’s taken everything I have to not message her but I know that won’t go anyway that I’d like it so I haven’t since that day. Ugh I miss her so badly.

[reinventmyself]

I am sorry C. . .Don't know what to say.  Just so sorry to see you hurting and disappointed.

[boltnrun]

Do you have a buddy or a family member you can hang out with?  Because you know contacting her will result in more hurt and a buddy or family member can talk you out of sending that text.

And I would avoid alcohol.  After a few drinks you'll think it's an excellent idea to text her "Happy New Year" at midnight or to send her an emotional "Wish I was with you right now" text.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry to hear this.  Sometimes holidays trigger stuff in new relationships especially.  Also keep in mind that she may have heard from someone from the past over the holidays and since you started dating only in November she may have been tempted to go back to someone from the past.  I'm so sorry.

[Coldarmy13]

I could maybe go to my parents but idk. Most everyone I know isn’t doing anything or with their SO. Could be simply home alone with the reflecting and reminders. Thanks guys/gals though. It’s very very hard and I didn’t think it would be so soon in a relationship, but we had just met each other’s families I thought that may indicate some long term interest. Idiot.

[Coldarmy13]

The last thing she sent me was that Monday night. She wished me a happy New Years (not now that I have no plans that we were supposed to have) and that she wants me to be happy and wishes me all the best, because “that’s what I deserve”.

Funny, everyone says you deserve the all the best, but doesn’t care to be a part of “all the best” anymore. I know it’s just what people say to try and soften the blow, I’ve heard it almost too many times, but still.

I responded by thanking her, then saying that all the best to me had her as a part of it and that I was happy. That I was very sad that it wasn’t working for her anymore. I then told her I’d miss her very much and wished her a good evening. 

That was our final exchange. I hope I kept my dignity in that response while conveying how much it does hurt. 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Coldarmy13 said:

I could maybe go to my parents but idk. Most everyone I know isn’t doing anything or with their SO. Could be simply home alone with the reflecting and reminders. Thanks guys/gals though. It’s very very hard and I didn’t think it would be so soon in a relationship, but we had just met each other’s families I thought that may indicate some long term interest. Idiot.

No you're not an idiot.  Over 15 years ago I started dating someone and it got serious fast in the first 6 weeks.  In week 7 his grandmother passed away and we went on an overnight trip with his friends.  All was well.  He was ok.  For NYE he invited me to go out with him and his parents to dinner and a comedy show and to brunch New Year's Day at his parents' house.  His parents were lovely.  The problem was he chose to drink too much -yes in front of me and his parents.  No one else was drinking like that including me.  I wasn't even close to being tipsy.  He grew more and more sullen as the night went on.  After the comedy show we were supposed to go back to my place -the two of us -to ring in the new year -he was literally not talking to me but I let him come home with me and when he got to my place I ended up asking him to leave- he was drunk and acting sullen.  He left, blew me off for brunch the next day.  Called me on New Year's Day to apologize. 

I thanked him for his apology and ended the call.  I had no intention of ever seeing him again.  He tried one more time - because his father, a doctor, had offered to give me a second opinion on a medical issue I was having.  I didn't respond.  I knew from the way he treated me on NYE that I wanted no part of him -and in front of his parents, too.  But understand that the first 7 weeks were great- he spoke of the future a lot, treated me with respect etc.  Perhaps someone else would have continued to see him.  Things can change very fast within the first 2 months!

[Coldarmy13]

This crap is getting worse as it gets later. I’ve managed so stay away from any alcohol in the fridge despite not wanting to feel this anymore tonight. Unfortunately nothing going friends wise it seems so no distractions are really available.

[Jibralta]

22 hours ago, Coldarmy13 said:

Idiot.

You're not an idiot.

[maritalbliss86]

There's a new thread I think that would be helpful to you.

Probably should delete/block etc. everything and any means she has of reconnecting to you.  To protect yourself.

She sounds manipulative... I'm sorry you're going through this, but going no-contact is a good idea at this point.

[Coldarmy13]

3 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

There's a new thread I think that would be helpful to you.

Probably should delete/block etc. everything and any means she has of reconnecting to you.  To protect yourself.

She sounds manipulative... I'm sorry you're going through this, but going no-contact is a good idea at this point.

She doesnt have a facebook, and only an instagram that she rarely updates at all. 

Thats probably what hurts too. I cant think of anything negative to say about her, and still think the world of her. I just wasnt enough for her or couldnt keep her happy enough or share enough of her hobbies, idk. 

[Spawn]

dont be friends with her...move on its not you so don't think like that.

Some times people just are not that into you.

[boltnrun]

She was wrong for you.

It wasn't that you're "not enough" or didn't share hobbies.  She just is not the right woman for you.

I know it hurts right now, but down the road you will realize this.

[lostandhurt]

Hey how are you doing today?

You made it to 2021 right?    It is going to take time to heal up from this but you need to keep your mind occupied while you do.  Dwelling on the what if's can really drag you down.

Did you make a resolution?

Lost

[reinventmyself]

It's easy to go to that head space "that I wasn't enough"   I've met some amazing men and for whatever reason there just wasn't that spark that could take it to another level.  They were great guys and I still think of them fondly. I hung in there wanting it to come, but for reasons I can't explain it didn't.  I took nothing away from them.

Those times I have been the one left behind, I remind myself of this.  It doesn't mean I wasn't enough and it doesn't take anything away from me.

Try not to make this harder than it necessary.  This is the time to be kind to yourself.

[Coldarmy13]

7 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Hey how are you doing today?

You made it to 2021 right?    It is going to take time to heal up from this but you need to keep your mind occupied while you do.  Dwelling on the what if's can really drag you down.

Did you make a resolution?

Lost

No, I typically don’t do resolutions. I did make it to the new year. It was just particularly rough because we had NY plans that were supposed to stretch into a nice weekend together so I had all that time just to myself. Since nothing is open and no one is going anywhere.

[boltnrun]

I don't "do" resolutions either.  People seem to say things like "eat healthier!" or "exercise!" or "spend time on hobbies!".  Well, don't you do that anyway?  I guess not, if that's their resolution, but if they keep making the same ones it seems like making a resolution isn't the way to go about it.

Is there anything you've always wanted to do or learn or explore?  Now might be a good time.  You can do solo exploring (like Tom, with his amazing hikes) via car.  Safe yet a great way to see new places and things.  Pack a lunch and get on the road!  As soon as my Covid illness gets better that's what I plan to do.

And remember, you're still the same decent guy you've always been.  Don't let her steal that from you (figuratively, of course).  My brother is going through a rough divorce and I remind him frequently that he's a great guy and a wonderful father.  Just so he doesn't forget.