Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hello guys again, who have been helping me with my previous thread and questions, I followed your advice and decided to let go of my ex bf and was working on myself , however yesterday he messaged me telling me he wants me back although he know he was selfish and don't deserve me , I told him maybe we can talk and meet in person, "we haven't seen each other since the breakup" , then I was shocked he told me at the same moment that maybe we should stay like we are and not get back together " meanwhile moment before he told me he wants me back" , I was heart broken again and didn't say anything things , he told me he was sorry , I stopped talking later at night he told me he was having problems and still wants to meet me ana talk ????

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree. What was the type of work you were doing on yourself? What were the results of the work? How did the work you were doing on yourself square with you taking the call and suggesting to meet in person, and telling yourself that you could consider getting back together?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Making new activities , studying new stuff , work out.. stuff like that

 

What activities did you do? What new stuff did you study? What did that have to do with working on "yourself" -what results have you seen? Were you not working out before? Why not? I think working out is an awesome way to work on yourself -it's how I do (since 1982!). Or did you just use the work on yourself throwaway or tell yourself that's what you're doing? My sense is if you took his call, offered to meet and got your hopes up that this "work" was more of the trendy "Ok now I'm single and going to work on myself". I don't see that you're committed to doing the work where your goal is to have a sense of self worth so that your reaction would have been more like "um thank but no thanks you take care now, k?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I've said this several times now - this guy is not a good person. Now he is telling you to your face himself the exact same thing.

 

You told him to leave you alone, he threw out the ultimate carrot - let's get back together. Except....ALL he was looking for from you is an ego stroke. To see that you are still sad and pathetic, sitting around pining for his greatness and he can still yank your chain.

 

He dangled that bait and you took it immediately. The second you did, game over. He doesn't really want to after all. It was all just a game for him. So where does that leave you? Heartbroken and confused and it will go on like this until you find the guts to kick him out of your life for real, block and delete and embrace the principle that the first break up is the final one.

 

The work you need to do on yourself is to solve your codependent tendencies. Google that and work on that. Being unable to let go is very toxic to you and will ruin your life as you'll attract terrible people to you and won't walk away from them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's long distance, he is not giving you clear signals that he wants to reconcile. Don't settle for fwb, "friends" or hookups.

yesterday he messaged me telling me he wants me back although he know he was selfish and don't deserve me , I told him maybe we can talk and meet in person
Link to comment
Share on other sites

He just wants a little attention. It's what people like that feed on because they need validation from others to feel good. In isolation, they don't do so well. He can't do without hearing someone say they still want him.

 

What do you do? Cut it off. Cut off contact and grow forwards.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guys he is driving me crazy, he is not sure , he said he don't want to let me feel sad again if it didn't work out, like really??

I told him to leave me alone , he is driving me ing crazy he say he still love me tho

 

Watch the feet -what he does - not the lips -what he says - easy to feel love from a distance - he's telling you he misses you and is not sure he wants to be with you - so that way he won't be leading you on if you hang out and hook up with him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mayo, it's been a week since your last post on this guy. Healing takes longer then a week. It might be a very long time before you are ready to face him again. By offering to meet so soon, you are keeping yourself in the same place, with all the same feelings attached. Both of you are in a weird place of holding on but also wanting to let go of the relationship. So you are both clinging to a hope that it can continue while knowing it won't. If you've chosen the route of not talking to him, you need to stick to that. As I said before:

 

Since you want the distance, you need to make completely clear that you need the space and that it may be some time. Tell him you will contact him when you're ready. Tell him that his contacting you is actually hurting you more and damaging a chance at friendship down the line. Then ignore him. Don't respond if he tries to contact you. If it's not you to block someone, fine. But don't respond. Hopefully he will stop right away. But if he doesn't, don't worry about. Ignore it, delete any message, and continue focusing on yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...