Faith0904 1 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Hi, I'. A 34 yo female. I'm in love with a colleague for a long time and I have initially thought of telling him about my feelings before leaving the company as he has been a friend and is nice to me as well.. but recently I found out that he suddenly got in a relationship. There's still something in me that would want to tell him but I'm thinking if that's just being selfish. Should I just keep it to myself? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Capricorn3 1,126 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 recently I found out that he suddenly got in a relationship. There's still something in me that would want to tell him but I'm thinking if that's just being selfish. Should I just keep it to myself? Yes, of course you should keep it to yourself. He's now in a relationship so you have no business there. At all. He's now taken. Find someone single and available. He's clearly NOT available. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MissCanuck 1,283 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Yes, I would keep it to yourself. Telling him is going to do nothing but make things very awkward for you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SherrySher 973 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Respect the woman in his life, you do not tread on their relationship now because YOU feel the need to see what he thinks about your feelings. She is dating him now and it would be very wrong of you to try to get in between them. You had a chance to say something while he was single, but that ship has sailed. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrina 891 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Morally, taken people are off limits. And how he would view you, coming to him about that when you know he has a gf, would likely make you look like a low-life man stealer in his eyes. I haven't experienced this since my teen years, but there were plenty of girls trying to flirt with my bf, knowing I was with him, and it hurt me and sickened me. Whenever you are causing pain to another, you know its wrong, even if she never found out while you were doing it behind her back. I'm assuming your colleague friend knew you would be leaving the company. If he was really as into you romantically as you are with him, seems as though he would've jumped on that chance to ask you out at this opportune time instead of finding someone else to date. Take this as a sign he's not your fate. If one day you find out he's single, he will then be a free agent and then you can ask him out without doing anything morally wrong. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
catfeeder 2,073 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Ghaaad, what's the rush to dump? Are you moving to Siberia? Why not just keep in touch like a normal person, and then you can learn whether he'd even like to date you? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 3,166 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 It's tricky to reveal a crush on a co-worker, very awkward. I advise against it. . It would be better to act professional and perhaps stay in touch on LinkedIn, if you want. You need to date outside of work and find a bf of your own. I'm in love with a colleague for a long time. he suddenly got in a relationship. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rose Mosse 1,111 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 You may meet in professional circles outside of this company. I don't agree with dating colleagues. The last thing you need also is someone who has the hots for you later on and you've moved on in your life. There are plenty of others to date. Keep things at work professional-level only. Also you are crossing lines as he's in a relationship. This should be a turn off for you. Move on. Might be worth exploring whether you tend to find reasons to hold on to your past. I'm getting the idea that you're reluctant or afraid of the future and you're trying to find something familiar and tenable to fall back on. Have courage. Full blast forwards. Don't look back. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Batya33 2,285 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 It's tricky to reveal a crush on a co-worker, very awkward. I advise against it. . It would be better to act professional and perhaps stay in touch on LinkedIn, if you want. You need to date outside of work and find a bf of your own. Yes, great idea -stay in touch on Linkedin and if he stops seeing this person and is interested in you he knows how to contact you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
melancholy123 551 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 I say keep this to yourself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hollyj 1,908 Posted October 25, 2020 Share Posted October 25, 2020 Don't do it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShySoul 28 Posted October 27, 2020 Share Posted October 27, 2020 As painful as it may be, if you care about him you will will respect his current relationship and not pursue anything at this time. Otherwise, you would place both of you, and his girlfriend, in a very uncomfortable position. The timing, unfortunately, was not right. Continue to be his friend and keep in touch. You never know what could happen in the future. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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