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I don't know whether I need to give my parter more time, or I should walk away.


loslolylo
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Hi everyone,

 

This is my first time consulting the internet for relationship advice. So bear with my brevity if there aren't as many details as there should be.

 

Anyways,

 

I have been in a relationship with a girl now for about 3 years. I proposed to her January of this year and everything has been going fantastic. Just a couple months ago, she met my mom's side of the family and we had a blast (we are currently long-distance).

 

However, I started to be complacent with little things in the relationship. I wouldn't respond to all of her messages, I wasn't the best listener, etc. Then we had a big turning point: we normally had tentative plans to be somewhat closer to each other in the future, but when she discussed that she may end up wanting to open her options for different grad schools, I got a bit of anxiety and I got frustrated. I said, shouldn't we try to at least find places where we could be closer? She said yes, but she wanted to keep her options open. She asked me if I thought I would still want to work things out if we were long-distance in that future regardless. Out of anxiety/doubt, I said that I didn't know, and that I wasn't sure if it was even worth it.

She became very angry and over time she has gotten distant. I have tried to reconcile with her but she has told me she was still angry.

 

Eventually, she told me she wanted a break. I agreed, as I thought it would be best if we worked on ourselves. She reassured me that I am the love of her life and that she wasn't doing it to hurt me but to strengthen ourselves for our future, and that she needs time. Over time, she got a bit more distant and started to shut me out. She then apologized for doing so, and since then, she has become more open with me. We have plane tickets for me to see her this winter (we bought them before this stuff happened) and for her to come back with me and see my family again. When I asked her if she still wants me to come, she just said she "doesn't know". I said it is okay I am just glad you are being honest with me, because I don't want to be strung along in case she is just too afraid to end things altogether.

 

I told her we needed terms: we agreed that we don't want us seeing other people and that we do indeed want to see each other eventually (and we will still be in contact). I have given her a lot of space and she is the one starting most of the conversation topics (sending me songs on spotify, how her work is going, etc). I have mostly kept things closed-ended (but respectfully) until she gives reconciliation on the terms of our break.

 

Either I really need to be more patient with this girl, and she evidently is hurt but is emotionally connected to me and wants to work things out. OR she is being dishonest (although she never has been thus far) and is too chicken to end things.

 

I'm really hoping she comes to realize that the time for our next meet-up is getting closer and she realizes what she wants, but I don't want to give her a stiff ultimatum.

 

What should I do here?

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