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Is it acceptable for my boyfriend to have an only fans account?


AnneMartina
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Hi everyone. Yesterday I was about to check my emails when I realised that my boyfriend was still logged into gmail on my laptop from when he was using it at the weekend. I was about to log out so I could sign in and as my eyes glanced across the screen I noticed an email notification from only fans. For those of u who are unfamiliar with it, it is an an online website where people can sell nude images and videos of themselves. I wasn’t planning on looking through his emails but this surprised me and I was curious to see if there were many more emails from the site. I find out that he has been on the site since the start of this month. He has subscribed to two girls on it and has spent 23 dollars so far. The emails he gets are informing him that he has just received a message from these girls. Most of them seem like spam messages. I don’t think he really communicates with him much.

I am okay with him watching porn and I know this is going to sound like I am contradicting myself but I feel like this isn’t right. He is individually choosing these girls and spending money on them. The fact that he has done this is quite upsetting and makes me feel really insecure when I can already give him what these girls have for free?!

I plan on bringing it up with him when I see him at the weekend. I don’t know if I should be annoyed about this or not. I kind of wanted other opinions on the situation. I love him and I know he loves me but I find this a bit disrespectful. How would you react? Thanks for any opinions/ advice :)

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He doesn't have much sense of loyalty, does he? and no, if he's behaving this way with other girls, he does not respect you and that's not what I would call love.

 

Raise your standards. This guy is headed down the path of physically cheating, but no doubt he's already started to cheat by messaging other girls or will eventually sex chat or sex cam with them.

 

I am looking at the title of this post and thinking, "really? you don't know the answer to that?"...but then I think you do, you just want someone to tell you "it's okay" and what he's doing "is not that bad". It's bad, and no, it's not okay.

 

Get checked for STD's while you're at it, because if he's acting this way, you can never know for sure.

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Sorry to hear that. It's not your job to monitor his email. More importantly it's not your job to "give him that for free"

 

You could confront him but what will that accomplish? This is not about "insecure" or "respect". That needs to come from yourself.

 

This is about what kind of man he is and deciding if you want to date someone like this.

when I can already give him what these girls have for free?! He has subscribed to two girls on it and has spent 23 dollars so far
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@~seraphim~ onlyfans.com is a site where primarily women will sell sexual photos/videos of themselves. The biggest difference to porn is that you are paying a specific girl to be able to watch her content rather than watching porn on a website or paying for a premium membership on a pornsite. while i do agree it is kinda weird, its not like men do not have preferences even in porn and may watch a certain girl/couple more often than others on a run of the mill website. ultimately it is about how you feel about it and if you feel badly about it talk to your bf.

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@~seraphim~ onlyfans.com is a site where primarily women will sell sexual photos/videos of themselves. The biggest difference to porn is that you are paying a specific girl to be able to watch her content rather than watching porn on a website or paying for a premium membership on a pornsite. while i do agree it is kinda weird, its not like men do not have preferences even in porn and may watch a certain girl/couple more often than others on a run of the mill website. ultimately it is about how you feel about it and if you feel badly about it talk to your bf.

I know men have a preference for sure.

 

Ah that is what a fan account is.

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Looking at your previous thread, I'm really wondering if he left his account open for you to see that on purpose. Basically, so you will see and dump him.

 

It looks like you've been pushing and pulling this relationship along for a long time while he is actively checking out of it in a passive aggressive kind of way. Rather than just tell you he is done, he is trying to push you into dumping him. Kind of like with the interview he let you arrange it, but he didn't bother showing up for, or when he isn't really there for you, etc. I think you are being a little oblivious to what's actually going on and failing to read the writing on the wall. He is looking to exit this relationship and is too much of a coward to tell you that up front. Unfortunately, these are also the sorts of people who cheat if you don't take the hint and end things. Sounds like he is stepping gradually into that direction.

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IMO, this is way too personal :/

 

He is actually selecting his own choices.. then going further, possibly? :O

 

With porn, you can choose to watch a simple 'movie' together.. and it is what it is.

 

Not sure how old you guys are or how long involved- but I don't like this sort of thing.

 

* I suggest, when you do go there - to discuss it, do not go in his face or raise your voice- but try to make it a decent conversation- can expect some defense I'm sure.*

And if it can be respected, confronted and his crap be removed- will all be good.

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Hi everyone. Yesterday I was about to check my emails when I realised that my boyfriend was still logged into gmail on my laptop from when he was using it at the weekend. I was about to log out so I could sign in and as my eyes glanced across the screen I noticed an email notification from only fans. For those of u who are unfamiliar with it, it is an an online website where people can sell nude images and videos of themselves. I wasn’t planning on looking through his emails but this surprised me and I was curious to see if there were many more emails from the site. I find out that he has been on the site since the start of this month. He has subscribed to two girls on it and has spent 23 dollars so far. The emails he gets are informing him that he has just received a message from these girls. Most of them seem like spam messages. I don’t think he really communicates with him much.

I am okay with him watching porn and I know this is going to sound like I am contradicting myself but I feel like this isn’t right. He is individually choosing these girls and spending money on them. The fact that he has done this is quite upsetting and makes me feel really insecure when I can already give him what these girls have for free?!

I plan on bringing it up with him when I see him at the weekend. I don’t know if I should be annoyed about this or not. I kind of wanted other opinions on the situation. I love him and I know he loves me but I find this a bit disrespectful. How would you react? Thanks for any opinions/ advice :)

 

Based on your other thread, I don't know what you're looking for that's any different. It doesn't sound like anything got through to you (any of the other advice) in the other thread.

 

Weren't you going to tell him your feelings or have a heart-to-heart conversation and your bday was around the corner? What happened to that plan?

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I plan on bringing it up with him when I see him at the weekend. I don’t know if I should be annoyed about this or not. I kind of wanted other opinions on the situation. I love him and I know he loves me but I find this a bit disrespectful. How would you react? Thanks for any opinions/ advice :)

 

With trust being the glue that holds a relationship together, the chances of going forward after a betrayal of this sort are slim to none, (imo).

 

I'd take the high road by telling him that you're smart enough to forgive him, but not stupid enough to ever trust him again.

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It's not contradicting yourself. Porn is one thing, something that can be viewed as a fantasy that won't happen. There's a distance. But when he actively is interacting with them and paying them directly, it can feel like a line is being crossed. If it's not something you are okay with, then yes it is crossing a line. So you need to decide if it's something you can move past. He may just see it as an extension of the porn you've been okay with, not realizing you see it as something different. He needs to know how you feel. He should be willing to end that behavior if he wants to keep seeing you. And while you are on the topic, it would be a good chance to lay out all the boundaries, be clear what is acceptable and what is crossing the line. If you've had this problem once, it can come up again. So better to get everything on the table and decide if it's something you both can accept.

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Acceptable to whom? If one of us were to say, "Oh, sure, perfectly acceptable: carry on..." how would that be of any help to you?

 

Looking at your previous thread, I'm really wondering if he left his account open for you to see that on purpose.

 

That's the first thing I thought, too. You can't get any closer to 'getting caught' than leaving it on another's screen.

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If you are okay with him watching porn (I think you should be), why is having favourite porn stars a problem?

Guys, pick the porn they watch mostly because of the actress/pornstar they prefer. Only fans is just a way for those women/men to work for the money they deserve without depending on clicks and huge proportions of their money take by third party sites (like pornhub etc.) It is really the same thing, but he pays directly. He is buyng sex in a capitalist world where anything is sold. Is this ok in general? hell no.

What is excactly that hurts you the most? do you feel like it is getting too personal? Is this affecting your sex life? Is it something he hid from you?

What is the excact point in you that feels betrayed?

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  • 4 months later...

I have just found out my fiance of 8 years has had a 4 year long subscription to onlyfans😡. Personally I do not agree with any type of porn in a relationship but everyone is different. Also he tells me he doesn't use snapchat but every few months I catch him with a new snapchat account, I changed the passwords etc to his onlyfans account to find out our daughter was 27 DAYS old and he was messaging girls telling them to get their 🐱 out. My reasoning for staying is he has told me he will abandon our daughter if I ever leave him, he has autism so I know some autistic people can develop pornographic addictions which I understand but I am trying to work on the relationship but so far I am getting nowhere. I feel absolutely heartbroken that he has done this, the only thing I have that's making me a little more secure is the fact that I have an app on his phone which blocks any pornographic material on it and notifies me if he tries to watch anything of that nature. So far nothing has shown up apart from maybe a few 18+ videos on Facebook which he has shown me. Trust me girls it makes you absolutely miserable finding this stuff out about your significant other especially when there is a baby involved. I'm trying to get back to having s*x with him but all I keep thinking about is, is he thinking of other girls. 

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1 hour ago, Meg1234 said:

 My reasoning for staying is he has told me he will abandon our daughter if I ever leave him, 

Does this sound normal to you? A guy who truly cares about his child won't use her as collateral. And he doesn't care about you either.

Your daughter will learn from you what you will and won't put up with. All you're teaching her is that she deserves to be treated like a doormat. None of this is at all about your daughter. Neither of you are thinking of her best interests. You have very low self-esteem and he's a manipulator. It's about him using you and manipulating the both of you and forcing you to stay in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling or healthy. 

 

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5 hours ago, Meg1234 said:

 I have an app on his phone which blocks any pornographic material on it and notifies me if he tries to watch anything of that nature. 

How did you install this app?

This is policing and sets up a mother-child dynamic of you monitoring him like he's a 13 y/o little bad boy.

If you can't trust or respect each other this is headed for a lot of unnecessary headaches and heartaches.

Why not reflect and realize you're incompatible and it's not working out.

Keep in mind that your mothering and policing app you installed on his phone can easily be bypassed. 

For example he could just start cheating. 

Is installing spyware legal where you live? If he finds your spyware can he take it to the police?

Check the laws in your area about installing malware on someone's phone.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

How did you install this app?

This is policing and sets up a mother-child dynamic of you monitoring him like he's a 13 y/o little bad boy.

If you can't trust or respect each other this is headed for a lot of unnecessary headaches and heartaches.

Why not reflect and realize you're incompatible and it's not working out.

Keep in mind that your mothering and policing app you installed on his phone can easily be bypassed. 

For example he could just start cheating. 

Is installing spyware legal where you live? If he finds your spyware can he take it to the police?

Check the laws in your area about installing malware on someone's phone.

 

 

He knows about it. It was was app from the app store.

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