Jump to content

Inappropriate photos on boyfriends phone


Recommended Posts

Hello everyone,

The other day my boyfriend and I were looking at photos on his phone to make a contact photo for myself. He went to the bathroom and I scrolled back to October. We have been together for over a year since July 2019. I found multiple nudes of other random women. I asked him and he said it was just his friends sending it in the group chat and he didn’t even know they were still there. He apologized and said it’s nothing my friends and I were just messing around with each other. I also found screen shots of other girls Instagram photos. He said his friends sent those as well and he didn’t know they were still on his phone. I didn’t see any recent photos. But there were random girls on there from July-April. I just felt hurt because I don’t do stuff like that and I was trying to understand why. It also felt like I had been disrespected by him and his friends. Please let me know your thoughts.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Some guys think it's funny to send those kinds of pictures to their friends in a joking manner. (mainly younger guys).

 

He was pretty transparent with you, he didn't try to hide it and he showed you without grabbing the phone and trying to run off.

I think that says something, because if he was trying to be deceptive, he wouldn't have even shown you anything, or if it accidentally came up, he would have hidden it as quickly as he could from you.

 

I don't know, from my point of view, it sounds fairly innocent. Has he seemed like a decent guy the entire time you've dated him?

 

As for his friends, he can't control what they do, so it's not fair to punish him over their actions. Some guys can act immature like that.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess you only have two choices. If he doesn't match you because he accepts or seeks out these photos, break up with him.

 

If you choose to stay, tell him you want those photos deleted, and if he wants to remain in a relationship with you, he can no longer engage in that behavior. And if he does, you'll make your exit because you don't give more than one chance. You'll have to stick to that ultimatum, because if you don't, it means the behavior isn't a dealbreaker for you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes thank you. He has been a decent guy. I do love him but I don’t want to be with someone who will continue to participate in that behavior. He said he hasn’t done it in 10 months which I believe. But it makes me sick to think he did that when I was with him.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well then there's your answer.

 

It's an eye roll moment. What can you do? Tell him is gross to you and then let it go. Know that he probably will continue to get these texts etc from his friends and participate. He probably should do a better job of shielding you from it and you stop checking his phone.

 

Or decide he isn't for you and dump him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you. He said he will not participate and has not in 10 months. Do you think this behavior can change just like he said. I told him I don’t want to be with that kind of person and he said it’s not who he is and he was just being stupid.

 

If he values you and your relationship, he won't engage in that relationship anymore. Time will tell. No need to snoop. The truth always comes out one way or the other. And now that you've had the discussion, don't bring it up anymore. You said what you needed to say. He talked the talk and now you will have to see if he can walk the walk.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you are going to police your boyfriends behavior then you might as well breakup right now because he will eventually resent you for it and dump you.

 

He is who he is and up until now you have had no reason to think less of him so go with what you know. If he gets texts or whatever that have some naked internet chick on them it is what it is. He didn't send it or forward it did he?

 

It is like standing in a group and someone tells a gross joke, just because you hear the joke does that mean you condone it?

 

He freely scrolled through his phone with you right there so does that sound like a guy with something to hide?

 

I hate to break this to you but guys do stuff around each other they would never dream of doing around their gf's or wives. They fart on each others heads, make jokes in poor taste, act like fools and all manner of juvenile stuff. Does that mean any of them are horrible people? NO!

 

As far as you being disrespected by any of this goes. Why are you making this about you? There were no pictures of you or a mention of you so why are you making this about your dignity? Just because you are dating a guy that received pictures does not mean or imply anyone has done anything personal towards you.

 

The guy was very open and honest with you and if you cannot accept him for who he is and want to change him into your vision of boyfriend material then this does not look good for the relationship.

 

Lost

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you. He said he will not participate and has not in 10 months. Do you think this behavior can change just like he said. I told him I don’t want to be with that kind of person and he said it’s not who he is and he was just being stupid.

You said, you believe him. I'd give him chance. But like someone said, if you see him doing this again, dump him.

 

But truthfully, how will you know? You can't live life checking on pics that are sent to him as a joke by other guys. He is not going to tell the guys to stop.

 

But! I also am not so offended by this... Guys I've known, (good guys) look at playboy, have pin ups in their garage etc... A guy (not a good guy) sent me a penis pic and I sent to all my friends. It was a shocking joke! So I think you have to look at the nature of things, see the humor in it and let it go.

 

Now if women are sending him pics and or he talks to them. Then that's wrong in my opinion and I would not tolerate.

 

A few years ago, my guy went to a strip club with some friends.. Is that gross to me? Yes. It is.

 

It was one night while we are out of town, with a bunch of friends and that's where the guys went, when they split from the women. Some of the women are really mad and it kind of ruined the trip.

 

I wasn't mad at him. I saw it for what it was. He never went to the strip club before and he never did after. It was a silly thing they did on the trip...

 

They all had a good laugh. And maybe that's what was happening with your guy. his friends were being pigs, laughing and carrying on over pics.

 

Now that he has said, he is not this kind of guy, if he does it again, you have every right and he should expect you to dump him and mean it. Just don't let this ruin a good thing.... You know?

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's like the olden days when there would be porn mags under the bathroom sink. Guys are going to look and talk about other women...just the digital age is giving men more access, and storage. You already saw he's cut it out. make him delete them and carry on with your relationship. Maybe point out, ask him how would he feel if you had nude photos of random men kept on your phone....that should do it/ make him see how inappropriate it is. Time to grow up right?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear this. How old is he? Ok, you've told him how you feel about this, he explained, now all you can do is reflect. Generally, don't hope people change. Dating is a what you see is what you get situation. If he wasn't a monk before you dated, he won't be now. It's not about "what kind of person" you are.

Do you think this behavior can change just like he said. I told him I don’t want to be with that kind of person and he said it’s not who he is and he was just being stupid.
Link to post
Share on other sites

That's just who he is and it's who his friends are. Five years or fifteen years down the line and you might be wondering why he's receiving emails about random women or contacts or waking up to two or three kids who need breakfast while finding new information on your husband's phone. You can care about your SO but take care of yourself first and you're no good to anyone, most of all yourself, if your peace of mind is compromised or you can't think straight.

 

I'm sorry this is happening. Choose better company.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Men - or boys..will be boys.

 

Having these kinds of pics means nothing. Often it can actually get them 'going'.

Doesn't mean they are cheating etc. ( another form of those well known 'Nudie magazines- from back in the day).

My ex had plenty and was common I didnt care.. he was with me.

 

Is his thing and Im sure if he has or had a computer they'd be on there too.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Men - or boys..will be boys.

 

That quote doesn't fly anymore. It's what people say when they are trying to justify men behaving badly and more times than not, it's often degrading women in some way.

 

I realize the porn industry and nudie magazine are thriving business's, but that still does not make it right. It is degrading women, using them for cheap kicks, dehumanizing them.

And you know what? It was never okay.

 

Society has gotten so used to using women like this that it's become the norm, pretty sickening that this kind of sickness becomes the norm.

 

Women should be valued, respected and treated so much better. Men should find a way to have more self control, cause that's the problem right there.

 

I'm glad you want your boyfriend to behave better, OP. In fact, I hope most women want their partner, husband, son, etc..to behave better so we can have a better and higher standard of men in this world.

 

You are not alone, OP, in wanting a man who doesn't behave like a neanderthal, thousands if not millions of women are tired of men behaving badly and then trying to excuse it.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Whenever I receive meaningless pics from friends they usually stay embedded in the text convo until I clean up someday. They don't make it into an album or storage.

 

So what was the context--were they in text messages or saved on purpose?

Link to post
Share on other sites
That quote doesn't fly anymore. It's what people say when they are trying to justify men behaving badly and more times than not, it's often degrading women in some way.

 

i agree. The phrase seems like a way to dismiss behavior that can be dangerous and damaging, particularly to women. In my mind boys need to eventually grow up to be men and men treat women with more class and respect. Posting and sharing nude photos can cause a lot of harm and shouldn't be done.

 

To dance100, unfortunately, you can't do anything about a person's friends. What counts is the person he is. He knows how you feel and should respect that. He's had his warning, so hopefully he won't mess up again. Though I would think if I was in a relationship with someone and got those photos, they would have been permanently deleted the moment I saw them. i think he can put such behavior aside and I'm hoping you have a great relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
That quote doesn't fly anymore. It's what people say when they are trying to justify men behaving badly and more times than not, it's often degrading women in some way.

 

I realize the porn industry and nudie magazine are thriving business's, but that still does not make it right. It is degrading women, using them for cheap kicks, dehumanizing them.

And you know what? It was never okay.

 

Society has gotten so used to using women like this that it's become the norm, pretty sickening that this kind of sickness becomes the norm.

 

Women should be valued, respected and treated so much better. Men should find a way to have more self control, cause that's the problem right there.

 

I'm glad you want your boyfriend to behave better, OP. In fact, I hope most women want their partner, husband, son, etc..to behave better so we can have a better and higher standard of men in this world.

 

You are not alone, OP, in wanting a man who doesn't behave like a neanderthal, thousands if not millions of women are tired of men behaving badly and then trying to excuse it.

 

I completely agree with this.

 

OP, I would have him delete those photos as well and not participate in this. If it happens again, I’d walk away. Otherwise he will think he can get away with this behavior going forward.

 

My ex’s friends used to send him nudes of random women as well, but he never saved them and they would just be in the group chats.

 

My concern is that they were saved to his album. Why? The only app I know that automatically downloads pics to your phone is WhatsApp. You say he has not done this in 10 months, and yes, he was transparent with you. So was my ex about all the women he was talking to, the porn he was watching, and the nude women his friends sent him. Didn’t mean he had any kind of respect for me or for the relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...