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Hi my name is Nicole. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years and yesterday I found out that he was on a dating app. I am completely heartbroken because our relationship has always been great but apparently things weren’t as they seemed. My friend approached me and told me that she saw him on there. When I confronted him about it he didn’t deny it. He claims that he is struggling with self-confidence and image issues and didn’t feel like I was attracted to him anymore so he went to see if other girls would like his page and find him attractive. Basically he needed validation and mine wasn’t enough. He didn’t physically cheat on me and was small talking with one girl. I need advice on what I should do about this situation. My trust is gone and I don’t want to give up on him. Any advice would be greatly helpful.

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Sorry to hear this. Do you live together? How old is he. Do not by his bs about doing it to relieve stress. Do not allow him to dump it on you.

 

You need to reconsider the relationship, not because you uncovered this but because he blames you for his rotten, deceitful behavior. Do you want to be worn down because you're not feeding his ego enough, according to his nonsense? Do you want to be looking over your shoulder all the time?

 

BTW, usually what someone happens upon by accident is the tip of the iceberg, also what a cheater admits to is the tip of the iceberg.

I confronted him about it he didn’t deny it. He claims that he is struggling with self-confidence and image issues and didn’t feel like I was attracted to him anymore so he went to see if other girls would like his page and find him attractive. Basically he needed validation and mine wasn’t enough.
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Wow. this is huge and you should not let his excuse of low self esteem manipulate you.

 

its an effort to create a profile, post a picture, talk to other women.

 

How would he feel if you did this to him?

 

He's looking to move on but doesn't have the guys to flat out break up, be alone and eventually meet someone else.

 

Ask yourself why you've been together for 7 years and if the remains has been progressing and growing in a healthy manner.

 

I would not let this be cool. I would be very angry and feel very betrayed. how dare he. and you heard this from a friend? Don't play the fool. Dump this guy. After 7 years, you deserved way better.

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Buuuuuulllllll $$$$$****&^%. He's so so full of it! When they are looking, and taking steps to chat on a dating app, he's scratching a 7 year itch. He's emotionally cheating, his excuse is well rehearsed, he's stepping out on you, and I agree with the above post he doesn't have the gonads to end the relationship. He's not dipping his toes in, he's already waste deep. And to boot, there's no ring on your finger after 7 years of dating...and I'm sure he's come up with many excuses for that too...I need to finish college, I need to find a career, I need to find a better paying job, I want to make sure I have enough money saved, I want to make sure blah blah blah.

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You know that he emotionally cheated on you, he may have physically cheated. Emotional cheating is just as bad!

 

His response was a bunch of crap. He was looking for other women. What happens the next time he seeks attention or sex for his ego? What would he have thought if you had done the same?

 

He gave up on you and your relationship. There is no trust. Time to move on.

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He gave up on you so why not give up on him.

 

Tell you what you should do if you aren't willing to give up on your cheating bf.

 

Make a profile on the same dating app he is on so you can do exactly what he proclaimed he was doing. Tell him it would be good for the relationship to see what else is out there since you have been together 7 years and there are no plans for the relationship to be more than it is.

 

Lesson one: Cheaters lie and then lie some more. He did not tell you the truth and that is a fact.

 

He is an idiot going on a dating app thinking you wouldn't hear about it. You are correct that the trust is ruined and will probably never recover.

 

This is like when someone tells their significant other they need a break to figure things out but what they really want to do is test drive that cute guy/girl from work and see if they should dump you for them.

 

Lost

 

PS Tell him you want to read all his messages on the app. All the ones he sent and all the replies he got.

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Yeash.....sadly, OP, you are being fed a whole truckload of bs. I love how he is shifting blame onto you - he had to cheat because..... Yeah, no, not how cheating works, OP. He cheats because he wants to. It's a character thing or rather a complete lack of character. Cheating is about deceit. Exactly what you touched on - you thought your relationship was good because that's what he presented to you. He isn't cheating because your relationship is bad, he is cheating because he enjoys duping you. It's a "I know something you don't" power trip.

 

I am calling it cheating because let's face it, people don't go on dating apps to do nothing. As for trying to dig more, you won't find anything. Liars know how to delete and hide things. What you have to understand is that you are looking at the tip of the iceberg here and no, you cannot ever trust him again and shouldn't.

 

You also should dump him with extreme prejudice. Don't waste your life trying to police a cheater - you'll wreck your health and he'll be off screwing around with some side chick while you are pregnant or nursing a colicky baby....because you know....he needs attention and you are way too busy with these pesky real life responsibilities. Is this kind of a life acceptable to you? Always looking over your shoulder wondering what he is up to now? I hope not. Please don't waste another day of your precious life on this loser.

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Excuses.. excuses?

 

IF he had a real issue, it should have been voiced with YOU.

 

Many ppl are on these dating sites.. yup- even those involved already "/

 

Is not your problem if HE feels he is not enough.. insecure , seeking validation elsewhere.

 

Was his choice.. his loss.

 

If you want to remain is your choice. BUT if he has damaged your trust, is it done now?

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He claims that he is struggling with self-confidence and image issues and didn’t feel like I was attracted to him anymore so he went to see if other girls would like his page and find him attractive. Basically he needed validation and mine wasn’t enough.

 

Absolute equine manure.

 

He is checked out of your relationship and shopping for your replacement, and apparently arrogant enough to believe he wouldn't get caught (on a dating app, really?), or that you'd buy his b***sh*t excuse and make you feel like this is your fault.

 

There is probably so much more you still don't know, and he's likely been at this longer than you thought. It was pretty bold to put himself out there on a public dating app knowing anyone could see him (and thus alert you) so my guess is that he's done this before, gotten away with it, and so he'd dialed up his antics and made a dating profile. It's a bit too ballsy to go from never having cheated to signing up for a dating app so I would bet any money there have been a few steps in between.

 

Sorry OP, but when someone is acting this way, the relationship is already over. He is not a good guy. Thank the friend for cluing you in so you can get rid of him.

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You've been with him for seven years. What kind of person has he been in those seven years? Has he displayed signs of low self-confidence before? Is this something that he has struggled with? Are his comments believable? Or has he flirted or shown interest in other girls before? Take into account everything you know about the person. It's possible he was experiencing a seven year ache and indulging in a flirtation that he didn't plan to take further (still not right or good but not the kiss of death). It's possible he was doubting himself and wanted to enjoy a little flattery. And it's possible he's being trash and taking advantage of you. What kind of person has he always been to you? Do you believe him? Is this something you think you can look past if he stops? It's your relationship, so you need to decide what you can live with. If you can, he needs to be the one to work on repairing that trust, day by day.

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