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Your low self esteem is getting to you accept horrible behavior, confusing you to where you can't tell the difference between someone who is nice to you and someone who treats you badly. You keep tolerating bad behavior because you try to justify it, blame yourself, convince yourself that maybe it's you or it's not that bad and on and on.

 

STOP IT!

 

Bad behavior, is bad behavior. You're an intelligent human being, you know that nice is nice, rude is rude. There is nothing else to get confused over.

If it's not how you want to be treated or if it's not how you would treat someone or speak to someone, then it's bad....end of.

 

This woman is toxic, your mind and heart knows that too, but you are once again tolerating bad behavior and trying to look past it because you're lonely and because you're trying to convince yourself that she's actually okay.

 

You might even be gravitating towards it and wanting something like that. I know it sounds weird, why would someone want that? Familiarity.

You've been there before, you've been treated badly like this before, you're not sitting there waiting for the other shoe to fall, the bad treatment is there and you know what to expect.

It's why toxic cycles continue and keep going on and on.

 

You do need help with the low self esteem and with whatever situations you've not healed from that caused the low self esteem. You need to start having higher expectations from people and stop tolerating so much bad treatment. And you need to stop second guessing yourself.

 

But first and foremost, you need to get away from this woman. She is not only toxic, but is becoming abusive. You're becoming addicted, not unlike someone who is addicted to drugs.

It is harmful and it will not bring you good things, it will bring you to dark places and more damage.

You need to be strong enough to get out of this situation and allow yourself something better.

 

This is your choice on where your life heads. In your heart, you know this isn't a good thing and will bring you more bad, otherwise you wouldn't have written this post.

 

Thank you so much for this. Amazing advice and your signature says it all, too. Im following this :)

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I believe this happens maybe because im alone in a foreign country. Its low self esteem mixed with loneliness

 

I was once in your shoes, to a certain degree.

 

I live abroad, and when I first moved here (alone) I met a man who turned out to be the most toxic boyfriend I had ever had. While I wasn't lonely in my new country, I did feel somewhat reliant on him as I didn't speak the local language yet, didn't really know the ins and outs of the culture, lifestyle and so on. He was helpful in navigating this new chapter, but he was also very unbalanced, rude and generally not a good man.

 

I reminded myself that I had made the choice to embark on an amazing adventure that had been a lifelong dream (moving to this country) and I wasn't going to let this numbskull ruin it for me.

 

Best choice I ever made was walking away from him. It gave me the chance to enjoy my new surroundings again and see what I was really made of, and the confidence you'll get from empowering yourself like that far overrides the bits and pieces of kindness she shows you when she's otherwise an obnoxious jerk.

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Yes! These people dont deserve our time and energy. I do speak the local language and understand the culture more or less, but boy is it hard to make friends here. People are very reserved and try to protect themselves from anything different. So I have only found partners. Thank you for your advice and Im happy you dodged that bullet.

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It is, fortunately. But it’s rather limited now due to corona. It’s crazy

 

I onderstaand. Mine has gone virtual. Are they any within your city that offers outdoor volunteering/

 

How about hiking or walking clubs?

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