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So I Met this Girl at an Event. Im also a Girl. We went to drink afterwards and I got tipsy and asked her to kiss me. It worked and she took me to her apartment, but as we were going there, I got completely drunk. We had sex but I forgot everything about it the next day. She told me I said horrible things about myself and I need therapy. Yet she agrees to see me again and she invites me to her apartment agai next week. I find her manners way too bad. She doesnt let me talk at times, she calls me names, shes really strict to me for no reason. Ive been bullied before, so I overreact. She explains shes rude and theres nothing she can do about it, and she knows its bad. She apologized, but Im there wondering if its my fault for overreacting. Shortly after I decide I cant tolerate this behavior and shes not worthy of a relationship, so I go away. We keep texting each other online and she invites me again next week, this time together with another girl. Im interested in having a relationship with her, thinking I just overreacted and what she did wasnt really bad. At the same time, Im jealous of the other girl. This time everything was ok, as we were three people and she wasnt that rude. When the other girl went to sleep, she talked to me, saying Im not what shes looking for. I got sad, but I thought, okay, at least I wont have to tolerate her rude behavior anymore. I will suck it up and move on. I leave the next day and she apologizes and tries to call me to make me come back. Im thinking, no! Whats wrong with her? but as the days go by, she not only convinces me to see her again, but I also become obsessed with her. Needless to say we met again and she was rude to me and I overreacted again and at the end I blamed myself. She brings out the worst in me, but at the same time gives me useful advice on how to correct it. yet she says she cant change. She is 10 years older than me. Should I just get away and forget about her? Or am I overreacting? At the same time, I know she is a good person, even though she is rude. She takes good care of me...

 

Sorry if it makes no sense. Im also trying to understand her behavior, but cant. And Im in love. Should I let her go? Does this sound weird? She ghosted me today for no reason and it hurts, so Im trying to let go. Any tips?

 

I have very low self esteem and she told me to work on that. I know it and Im already working on it.

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I don't understand why you continue to return to someone who bullies and abuses you. She has shown you over and over who she is. She is NOT a good person!

 

You must block and delete. Are you seeking therapy?

Edited by Hollyj
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I don't understand why you continue to return to someone who bullies and abuses you. She has shown you over and over who she is. She is NOT a good person!

 

You must block and delete. Are you seeking therapy?

 

I dont understand that, either. Is it because im in love? It makes no sense.

 

Im seeking therapy because I want to stop having such a low self esteem and stand up for what I want and what I cannot tolerate. No need to block her, she ghosted me. I just want to get over her

Edited by Brokkoli
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I think that you should focus on your behavior, and not hers. You will stop having low self esteem when you stay from people like her, and work on yourself.

 

You need to understand what attracts you to people like this.

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Shes rude at times but she took care of me when I was drunk, she cooked good food and made sure I was always comfortable and not bored. Im not sure she understands how rude she is, though.

 

She understands how rude she is.

 

She just doesn’t care, because she knows how to manipulate you. This isn’t a good person, OP. You need to get away from her.

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I am not attracted to people like that. I couldnt tell she was like that when I became interested in her. If anything, this behavior is repulsive. But for some reason I cant let go of her.

In general, I am a person who leaves a relationship very fast if I see a red flag. But this time I always give her another chance. I have no idea why.

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I have seen her four times. I couldn't handle her behavior from day two, but I thought I was overreacting because I had been bullied repeatedly in the past and this time it wasnt that bad

 

 

You believe you love someone who is abusive and who you have seen only four times?

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You believe you love someone who is abusive and who you have seen only four times?

 

No, of course not. I dont love her. Im obsessed with her and cant let go. Sadly. I want to.

 

I believe this happens maybe because im alone in a foreign country. Its low self esteem mixed with loneliness

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I am not attracted to people like that. I couldnt tell she was like that when I became interested in her. If anything, this behavior is repulsive. But for some reason I cant let go of her.

In general, I am a person who leaves a relationship very fast if I see a red flag. But this time I always give her another chance. I have no idea why.

 

"I thought I was overreacting because I had been bullied repeatedly in the past" It seems that there is a history, and you gravitate towards people who are abusive. I think that the sooner that you recognize this, the better.

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No, of course not. I dont love her. Im obsessed with her and cant let go. Sadly. I want to.

 

It's not that you can't, it is that you are choosing not to. All you have to do, is block and delete her. You saw this person 4 times.

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"I thought I was overreacting because I had been bullied repeatedly in the past" It seems that there is a history, and you gravitate towards people who are abusive. I think that the sooner that you recognize this, the better.

 

No, I was bullied by family. I look for good people to have relationships with. My ex was a genuinely good person who Never insulted me and always respected me. We just had other goals.

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It's not that you can't, it is that you are choosing not to. All you have to do, is block and delete her. You saw this person 4 times.

 

You are right. 4 times is nothing. I will just move on and forget this evil creature. Easier said than done, but your advice definitely helps.

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No, I was bullied by family. I look for good people to have relationships with. My ex was a genuinely good person who Never insulted me and always respected me. We just had other goals.

 

I'm sorry about your family. That's terrible.

 

Listen, you know that this is going nowhere and she is not a healthy choice. Make the right decision and move on.

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Your low self esteem is getting to you accept horrible behavior, confusing you to where you can't tell the difference between someone who is nice to you and someone who treats you badly. You keep tolerating bad behavior because you try to justify it, blame yourself, convince yourself that maybe it's you or it's not that bad and on and on.

 

STOP IT!

 

Bad behavior, is bad behavior. You're an intelligent human being, you know that nice is nice, rude is rude. There is nothing else to get confused over.

If it's not how you want to be treated or if it's not how you would treat someone or speak to someone, then it's bad....end of.

 

This woman is toxic, your mind and heart knows that too, but you are once again tolerating bad behavior and trying to look past it because you're lonely and because you're trying to convince yourself that she's actually okay.

 

You might even be gravitating towards it and wanting something like that. I know it sounds weird, why would someone want that? Familiarity.

You've been there before, you've been treated badly like this before, you're not sitting there waiting for the other shoe to fall, the bad treatment is there and you know what to expect.

It's why toxic cycles continue and keep going on and on.

 

You do need help with the low self esteem and with whatever situations you've not healed from that caused the low self esteem. You need to start having higher expectations from people and stop tolerating so much bad treatment. And you need to stop second guessing yourself.

 

But first and foremost, you need to get away from this woman. She is not only toxic, but is becoming abusive. You're becoming addicted, not unlike someone who is addicted to drugs.

It is harmful and it will not bring you good things, it will bring you to dark places and more damage.

You need to be strong enough to get out of this situation and allow yourself something better.

 

This is your choice on where your life heads. In your heart, you know this isn't a good thing and will bring you more bad, otherwise you wouldn't have written this post.

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I decide I cant tolerate this behavior and shes not worthy of a relationship, so I go away.

 

Why not just go back to this?

 

(...Another one of these threads that goes on for pages over continued argument of a brain-fart attraction is just too predictable... Can we just not?)

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(...Another one of these threads that goes on for pages over continued argument of a brain-fart attraction is just too predictable... Can we just not?)

 

Hey, relax. There is no argument. Im asking for advice and people ask for more information to give me better advice. Thats all I see and Im happy about it.

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