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My boyfriend seems to have more fun with his friends than with me.


JG2020

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Hi everyone this is my first post on here but I need help. I know I’m probably overthinking this whole thing but I can’t help but feel upset about it. Last night I called my boyfriend who was hanging out with his friend. When he answered he sounded like he was having a ton of fun with her and I could hear it in his voice. When I called him after he was done hanging out with his friend he sounded different. I tried to explain to him how I was feeling and he told me he’s gonna act differently with who he hangs out with. I told him I want to be the person that makes you happy and smile and laugh. Sometimes I feel like I bore him. He said we will do more fun things together but I felt like what we do already is fun. So am I actually boring to him? How should I be feeling?

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Me personally wouldn't have a bf that was out having one on one fun with another woman. Maybe this is a wakeup call that you two are not compatible enough to have that much fun together, enjoy each others company that much, laughing etc.

 

I tell you this, I had dated guys that were like him...it felt like I was just filler, and not really a part of their life. No real interest in going out and having that much fun. It was just hang out/have sex, that's it. I kicked them to the curb after 3 or 4 weeks of that.

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How long have you been dating? How old is he? Does he consider this female friend his best friend? It's understandable that you want to have a better relationship with more fun, etc, but telling him that does nothing to change that.

 

All he will do is not answer/text or take the call in another room or pretend to be somber. There seems to be more problems here than "sounding fun on the phone". Don't approach anyone with this level of insecurity (checking up calls) then thinking "you're boring", etc.

 

Step back way back and reflect what's really wrong t with the relationship and why you feel bad/insecure in it.

When he answered he sounded like he was having a ton of fun with her and I could hear it in his voice. When I called him after he was done hanging out with his friend he sounded different.

 

I tried to explain to him how I was feeling and he told me he’s gonna act differently with who he hangs out with. I told him I want to be the person that makes you happy and smile and laugh.

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One can assume he spends the majority of his time with you. And included in the fun times there is a lot of time inbetween doing more routine things, like watching movies, doing dinner dishes, etc.

 

Spending time with a friend is a novelty. You don't see them as often and you spend that condensed time likely doing something planned and make the most out of the couple of hours you spend together.

 

I think everyone experiences this to a certain degree.

 

The good news here is he heard you and promised to make a effort to see the two you are more conscious of making the most of your time together

You mentioned his friend was a girl. Would it make a difference if she wasn't? Is this about a different concern, because you didn't mention it

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You sound young and not sure about the relationship.

 

If that is true every little thing will be amplified and cause problems.

 

You are trying to compete with this female friend that I assume you told him you were cool with him having as a friend but deep down you are not cool with it and feel like she is a threat.

 

Time to rethink where you stand on the relationship, your part in it and his and then sit down and be honest with him about your feelings.

 

It isn't his job to entertain you or yours to entertain him, it should be easy and flow not forced or planned.

 

Step back a little and see if you can figure out what is really bothering you.

 

Lost

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I mean....do you expect him not to have fun with friends? When you call, do you expect him to sound all sad and miserable so you can feel good about yourself?

 

No, it's not your job to be your bf's clown and entertainer. Neither is his for you.

 

I think you need to be a bit more honest with yourself about what's going on with your relationship that you feel so insecure about things. Is it that you and him don't have fun or is it that some little gut inner voice is telling you that this female friend might be much more than a friend? What's really bothering you here?

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I always have a ball with my friends, and if I were to answer a phone call from a family member or lover during that time, my demeanor would likely reflect that--and my loved ones would be happy for me.

 

None of them would feel competitive about that, and if they did, they'd best not impose that on me--because that would be their own problem, and nothing I'd be inclined to indulge.

 

Either you trust your BF, or you don't.

 

That's not a blaming statement. Either BF has given you reason to not trust him, OR, you're already primed by your past to mistrust ANY BF.

 

If BF is not trustworthy, then that tells you all you need to know, and the question becomes, why would you invest in anyone you can't trust?

 

If you've been primed to mistrust ANYone, then that tells you you're just not relationship material until you've resolved your past--either with a therapist or through self help.

 

So decide whether BF's behavior has caused mistrust. If so, decide why you'd want to stay with someone who is not trust-worthy.

 

If his behavior IS trustworthy, decide what you must do to avoid dumping your own insecurities onto him--because if you don't work through that, you'll only drive him away regardless, and you'll cause the very outcome you fear most.

 

Decide wisely.

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He told you that he's going to act differently with you and do more fun things together. If he reassured you of this, give him a chance to share good times with you. Know that he's putting forth the effort to make you happy and be grateful. I've heard so many stories of apathetic people not caring to alter their behavior in order to make others happy which is hopelessly disappointing. Anytime a person is willing to compromise with you by making changes is something to thank your lucky stars for.

 

Be more secure. Be happy in your own right by doing your own thing either by yourself, with a friend or occupy yourself by doing things you enjoy whatever it may be. (Being industrious, productive, having hobbies, exercising, errands, cooking or whatever.)

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I'm not sure how long you've been dating or how old you are but generally speaking for me I wouldn't bring it up. You having to clamour for attention when something already turns you off is a huge turn off. I'd lose interest quickly like Smackie. Figure out whether both of you have anything to go on as a couple or whether the dynamic is one you want to keep continuing. At this rate, it doesn't sound appealing in the least and nothing about this person would cause me to take a second look as a partner. It'd be over.

 

Don't settle.

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I think it's more that you're jealous of this girl- it is okay to be jealous of her. Don't feel bad for being jealous.

If you're worried you're not fun, then do more fun things. Instead of watching tv all night, go do something together. Its good you are open with him. You're not telling him he can't have female friends, you're just being honest about your feelings which is good. He sounds like he responded well. You seem to be young, just really try to look into healthy relationships, or about self esteem, and trust in relationships. It'll be okay.

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