Falling for him and complicated

[parisiangurl]

Hi I meant this guy last month and we went out to eat. We were just hanging out and having conversation. I am 49 yrs old woman and he is 33yrs old. We had a good time. Anyway I had sex with him after we went out that day to eat. We have had sex a few times now. I have started to get feelings for him. He has made comments lately about that he is happy that I am into him. He doesn't want me having sex with anyone else. After the first time we were together he told me that I satisfied him and not to worry about him having sex with anyone else. Last time we were together he was more passionate about the sex. Played love songs on his guitar but made the comment under his breath about it being love songs and I didn't realize it. My problem is the last time we were together it was really good the kissing and sex. I heard him say under his breath that we could have something but I smoke cigarettesand also our age difference he was thinking out loud. He has smoked a cigarette with me a couple of times even though he doesn't like it. And this last time he kept asking me for cigarettes too. But then he was saying he didn't want anything serious to me and did not want to date because he thinks you can't ever please a woman. He said we were bonding. Not sure what to think but I have feeling for him. We have a lot in common too in our beliefs and views about life. Is he interested in more than sex and fun with me? Maybe I could change his mind?

[limichelle]

I wouldn’t go into this thinking you can change his mind. I honestly by his comments stating he doesn’t want anything serious would take his word for it. If a guy is interested he’ll be interested. He won’t say things such as he can’t pleas a woman. I would stop having sex with him if you want something more serious and find someone else with the same mindset as you.

 

This guy is just in it for a good time.

[parisiangurl]

I forgot to say that he seemed upset because he thinks I am in to him only for sex. I get what you are saying. Makes it hard to stop the sex now because I have feelings for him ugh.

[MissCanuck]

HI heard him say under his breath that we could have something but I smoke cigarettesand also our age difference he was thinking out loud. He has smoked a cigarette with me a couple of times even though he doesn't like it. And this last time he kept asking me for cigarettes too. But then he was saying he didn't want anything serious to me and did not want to date because he thinks you can't ever please a woman. He said we were bonding. Not sure what to think but I have feeling for him. We have a lot in common too in our beliefs and views about life. Is he interested in more than sex and fun with me? Maybe I could change his mind?

 

Believe him when he says all of this.

 

He's warning you that this isn't going to become a relationship.

[parisiangurl]

Then he shouldn't worry that I might be having sex with someone else. Sorry I am just feeling hurt and it's my fault. I have feelings for him way more than I should ugh

[MissCanuck]

Then he shouldn't worry that I might be having sex with someone else. Sorry I am just feeling hurt and it's my fault. I have feelings for him way more than I should ugh

 

No, he shouldn't. But that's his ego talking. Unfortunately, it's not unusual.

 

I would put a lot of distance between you and this guy.

[parisiangurl]

Yeah apparently it's a big ego too. When he called me the last time I was waiting in line at the grocery store buying a soda. We got together right after and he seemed upset that I didn't buy him one and made a comment how it was just sex for me and that's why I didn't buy him one. I guess I need to decide to stop or not with him. He knows I have feelings I think but I will not go there after everything that was said obviously. It's just his ego again

[MissCanuck]

Yeah apparently it's a big ego too. When he called me the last time I was waiting in line at the grocery store buying a soda. We got together right after and he seemed upset that I didn't buy him one and made a comment how it was just sex for me and that's why I didn't buy him one. I guess I need to decide to stop or not with him. He knows I have feelings I think but I will not go there after everything that was said obviously. It's just his ego again

 

Was he serious?

 

He sounds manipulative, OP.

[parisiangurl]

Yes he was serious. Was not joking.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, it's just hooking up, not a relationship. If you are both interested in that it's fine.

 

You seem to enjoy the sex with him. Try not to think ahead or worry about the future.

 

He is talking about exclusive sex. Perhaps that's a good idea for now.

 

You can ignore whatever else he wants or talks about because this is just sex and hookups.

[MissCanuck]

Yes he was serious. Was not joking.

 

You need to stay away from him altogether.

 

He sounds like a weirdo.

[SherrySher]

You're way too old for him. You and he are in different life times. It might work momentarily, but it will eventually fall apart.

[SherrySher]

He throws a tantrum over you not buying him a soda? Are you sure he doesn't have mommy issues? That's not something a mature man would do.

[Hollyj]

I think that you are too old for him. The whole situation sounds weird.

[melancholy123]

I think he wants to get laid and you are convenient and willing. I also think you are too old for him. He sounds weird to me too and I think you'd do yourself a favour to move on from him.

[Clio]

He has told you that he doesn't want anything serious with you. He doesn't like that you are a smoker and he is not ok with your age difference. While you could quit smoking, your age difference cannot change. Imo, based on what HE told you, what you two have has an expiration date. Right now, he is still in the honeymoon period and that is why he behaves as if he really likes you. Unfortunately, when the honeymoon period is over (and that happens to all relationships), chances are that he will leave you.

[Andrina]

The hormones that are released in women make them want to bond with a man even if the man is not right for them. In the future, if you're looking for longterm, you might want to hold off on having sex until you see a man wants to get to know you and not just to bed you, and to see if you match in major ways.

 

There are many cons in large age-gap relationships. Perhaps set a limit of how much older or younger you'll go in dating partners.

[catfeeder]

Speaking only for myself, I get to know someone well enough to learn where I stand with him and where I WANT to stand with him--before having sex with him.

 

I know myself well enough to appreciate that I bond when I'm sexual. So it's really important for me to learn exactly who I'll want to bond with--prior to doing so.

 

I'd back up and figure out what I want, and then I'd ask for it. Either the guy will want to give that to me, or he won't. If not, then my lesson is learned, and this would be the very last time I'd ever sleep first, then ask questions later.

 

Head high, and respect yourself.

[reinventmyself]

You are hearing some mixed messages but the one you need to pay attention to is the one where he says this won't go anywhere.

He's no dummy. He also needs to say just enough to keep you hooked for the time being.

He likes the attention, sex and the fact you are compliant.

This will run its course.

Protect and prepare yourself now.

[parisiangurl]

I don't understand why he is upset and thinking that it is just sex for me? Yeah In the beginning it was just sex and conversation for me. I need to decide if I can leave him alone and not answer when he calls ugh.

[parisiangurl]

He seems bitter when it comes to women. Yeah he says things to keep me around I get it. I have feelings for him alot and I think he knows it too.

[parisiangurl]

I'm not sure if I can stay away from him. Did I mention that he had a cigarette in his hand when I meant him and asked me for a light. He knows how to manipulate to get what he wants that's for sure.

[parisiangurl]

He made me believe that a older woman is what he wanted.

[parisiangurl]

He was upset and took a cheap shot saying I didn't buy him a soda because he is just sex to me.

[parisiangurl]

I actually was not looking for long term. Seems like he's upset thinking I am just using him for sex. But he knows I like him I can tell.