Jump to content

Ex-boyfriend moved into a house with his Ex-wife


Recommended Posts

So I just left a really awesome guy, he has caring, loving and attentive to me. That was never the problem, the problem was that he lied from the very beginning about how involved his ex wife is in his life. I helped him pick a house to move into in my city - thinking we’d be moving in together. Instead he informs me that his ex-wife will be moving in. He didn’t consult with me, or made sure I was okay with it and made the decision behind my back.

 

So not only did he lie to me, he deferred to his ex and actually took her side against me all the time. Needless to say, I broke it off pretty quickly.

 

The worst part about this break up Is He kept showing up at my work, my apartment, my parents house to “get me back” and I almost fell For it except he blames me for the downfall of it. “I couldn’t accept his relationship with his wife. I destroyed our love etc etc”

 

Anyway it was all very messed up... but how do I now feel like the bad guy? Did I overreact? Like honestly maybe this all wasn’t so bad. I’m very confused and sad. I miss him but I also know it was kind of a messed up situation.

Link to post
Share on other sites
So I just left a really awesome guy, he has caring, loving and attentive to me. That was never the problem, the problem was that he lied from the very beginning about how involved his ex wife is in his life. I helped him pick a house to move into in my city - thinking we’d be moving in together. Instead he informs me that his ex-wife will be moving in. He didn’t consult with me, or made sure I was okay with it and made the decision behind my back.

 

You now know that this was an act.

 

This dude sounds rather unglued and incredibly devious. You were wise to break up with him - he is not awesome. Far from it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Never get involved with married people. Get a restraining order if he is harassing you and your family.

The worst part about this break up Is He kept showing up at my work, my apartment, my parents house to “get me back” and I almost fell For it except he blames me for the downfall of it. “I couldn’t accept his relationship with his wife. I destroyed our love etc et .

Link to post
Share on other sites

" I just left a really awesome guy, he has caring, loving and attentive to me." Huh!? He cheated on you the entire time. He used you? What are you not getting! You really need to wake up!

 

Did you also give him money? Did you meet the wife?

 

I think you need to stay from dating for a long while. Why haven't you blocked and deleted this creep?

Link to post
Share on other sites

When you first met this guy, was one of your first questions to him, "How long has it been since your last breakup?"

 

How much did you actively learn about his breakup, his divorce and his current position with his ex?

 

This isn't about blame, it's about responsible protection of ourselves from dating anyone who's rebounding from their last relationship.

 

My private rule is that I won't involve myself with anyone who is still involved with an ex, in any way shape or form, beyond shared children. You're learning WHY.

 

Head high, take the pearls out of a lesson learned and apply it to your dating life as you move forward.

 

Looking back on anyone who's still involved with an ex is a waste of your time and energy. Avoid that mistake, and you'll thank yourself later.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

To my knowledge he never cheated with her. They were divorced. But he clearly was very connected with her. When I met him I asked a lot about her and it was always that she wasn’t apart of his life. I did meet her - she was very unstable. Never gave him money and have blocked and deleted him hence why he showed up places.

Link to post
Share on other sites
So I just left a really awesome guy, he has caring, loving and attentive to me. That was never the problem, the problem was that he lied from the very beginning about how involved his ex wife is in his life. I helped him pick a house to move into in my city - thinking we’d be moving in together. Instead he informs me that his ex-wife will be moving in. He didn’t consult with me, or made sure I was okay with it and made the decision behind my back.

 

So not only did he lie to me, he deferred to his ex and actually took her side against me all the time. Needless to say, I broke it off pretty quickly.

 

The worst part about this break up Is He kept showing up at my work, my apartment, my parents house to “get me back” and I almost fell For it . . .

 

Anyway it was all very messed up... but how do I now feel like the bad guy? Did I overreact? Like honestly maybe this all wasn’t so bad. I’m very confused and sad. I miss him but I also know it was kind of a messed up situation.

 

This is how it typically happens when you have the self-respect to not put up with this nonsense, they resort to full-chase mode.

 

You absolutely, totally, 100% did the right thing. Do not second-guess yourself.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
TThey were divorced. But he clearly was very connected with her. [...] I did meet her ...

 

When someone is still involved with an ex, what should that tell you?

 

Being positioned at all to meet her was another huge red flag.

 

This isn't about blame, so quit that. It's about learning: do not to date men who are still involved with an ex. PERIOD.

 

His opinions about you are manipulative and irrelevant. He never should have been in your life, so he doesn't get a vote.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh dear...you will NEVER come first over his x. I lived this life for 10 years with a man who still loved his x. Please please do yourself a favor and detach yourself from it all. Please...you owe it to yourself to pull away. It will only get worse. There are too many people in your relationship. I'm free to chat !

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah i see that now, there’s so much more to it too... like obviously I didn’t put the whole story on here. But yeah I told him all the time that I felt like a third wheel and his reply was always “you’re letting yourself feel that way” - it was rough. Obviously didn’t stay in the relationship long... yet I’m still upset over it!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Here is my two cents. You were a physical replacement for his X. He still has a love for her and he took that love and projected it onto you. He didn't want to be alone and you fit what he needed.

 

Was or is this your fault? Nope. Could you of done anything different to change the outcome? Not at all. Were you duped? Absolutely.

 

The point is that its not your fault. Don't think that you should have any guilt for rejecting him. Or think you were the bad guy or think anything like that. You were fooled and that's okay to admit. I think at some point most of us has been fooled by someone and you will notice that life does move on. What you should do is look back and think that you were a great GF to this guy, you were supportive, loving, you were there when he needed you and it was his loss that he screwed it up. Any guy (who is not still hooked on their X) would be lucky to have you with them.

 

This guy deserves to be with his X and just think, there is a reason why they are Xs, so their re-relationship will be short lived. Hey, she could be playing him for all you know..

 

This guy has to be told to lose your number. You wont be calling him or darkening his doors ever again. You will find someone worthy of you

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...