How Do You Balance Life with Kids?

[maritalbliss86]

"People who allow themselves to be pressured by other people often feel they benefit from that -they can play the victim, not have to act, excuse to be passive, stay in a comfort zone, etc."

^Hmm that makes sense.

[Batya33]

"People who allow themselves to be pressured by other people often feel they benefit from that -they can play the victim, not have to act, excuse to be passive, stay in a comfort zone, etc."

^Hmm that makes sense.

 

This reminded me of how, because of covid, I make my son go on walks/bike rides with my husband a few times a week since of course his opportunities for physical activity are so limited now. My husband doesn't lay down the law on this like I do . Today my husband was getting ready to take his "power" walk and I told my son he should go with. My son said in a resigned way "oh are you going to make me??" It was obvious he wanted me to. He really didn't want to go but knew he should, for the fresh air and exercise. And if I push him to go he can tell himself I made him go. So I did lol. My husband would have been like "well it's up to you" -then my son would have done this whole woe is me 'I don't KNOW if I should go!!!" This way I took the decision out of his hands. He always ends up having a good time on their walks/bike rides.

[maritalbliss86]

Aw very sweet. I understand :) I make our kids to get out into the fresh air fairly often, sometimes they resist exactly like your son did, but they love being outside and it's so healthy for them.

[maritalbliss86]

Today is the first day in awhile I've been able to wake up at 5am and get things done

 

Even with kids, I tend to be a morning person... I love waking up as early as possible, and getting whatever I need to get done, done then. Plus it gives me a couple hours of blissful quiet time before all the little chickadees wake up and need me to help them, get them chocolate milks, etc.

 

My husband wakes up everyday at 4am, so another plus is getting to see him off... we banter back and forth in a romantic way, he grabs me and kisses me and teases me, and that also makes it perfect.

 

After he leaves I either spend time reading the Bible or go out to tend to my garden... just very very peaceful and quiet. Soooo quiet and sooo dark.

[Batya33]

Today is the first day in awhile I've been able to wake up at 5am and get things done

 

Even with kids, I tend to be a morning person... I love waking up as early as possible, and getting whatever I need to get done, done then. Plus it gives me a couple hours of blissful quiet time before all the little chickadees wake up and need me to help them, get them chocolate milks, etc.

 

My husband wakes up everyday at 4am, so another plus is getting to see him off... we banter back and forth in a romantic way, he grabs me and kisses me and teases me, and that also makes it perfect.

 

After he leaves I either spend time reading the Bible or go out to tend to my garden... just very very peaceful and quiet. Soooo quiet and sooo dark.

 

Yes I love that too - but for me it's because it's almost always my time. I don't do 5 often -I used to when our fitness room was still open at that time -now because of covid it's not. If there was actual school I'd be up at 6, and then getting my son to the bus stop, then have that me time. Now with covid I get up at 6:30 or earlier, go workout outdoors and then return to start getting breakfast ready for my son before virtual school. I wish I couldgo out earlier when I get up earlier but I'm a little concerned about safety -closer to 7am is much safer even if it's dark My husband never does mornings. He sleeps till at least 9ish and often closer to 10. It's easier now because I can leave before he's awake as far as safety for my son -he's 11 now. My husband is a night owl and gets his best work done at night. I get my best work and stuff done early morning! Enjoy!

[maritalbliss86]

Yes, I understand being concerned for safety when exercising so early in the dark, that's wise. We have a elliptical machine in our office room (it's magnetic so it was fairly cheap for an exercise machine... under $200!!) so that I don't need to go out to run. But sometimes (very rare now) my oldest son and I would go out running in the afternoons/evenings when my husband is home to be with the other kids... and I love running outside, much more fun than the elliptical, but the elliptical makes it to where I can get it done at 5:30 or whenever and not wake anyone up or have to leave.

 

Did you grow up running or did you start as an adult? I started as a teenager and just fell in love with it. I used to run track and cross country - loved doing hurdle races!

[maritalbliss86]

My life of Oxymorons...

 

It would seem we could use the excuse of having so many kids to not have time for sex anymore. I mean we have 4 kids so there's always something to do... but we just find the time anyway LOL.

 

We can never go more than a day (max maybe two days lol) without it. Having kids does not have to stop the sex life, imo... It's been like this the entire 13.5 yrs, through lots of different trials... I actually think sex helps a couple get through anything hard.

 

I guess it's true we can't get enough of each other. LOL

[Batya33]

Yes, I understand being concerned for safety when exercising so early in the dark, that's wise. We have a elliptical machine in our office room (it's magnetic so it was fairly cheap for an exercise machine... under $200!!) so that I don't need to go out to run. But sometimes (very rare now) my oldest son and I would go out running in the afternoons/evenings when my husband is home to be with the other kids... and I love running outside, much more fun than the elliptical, but the elliptical makes it to where I can get it done at 5:30 or whenever and not wake anyone up or have to leave.

 

Did you grow up running or did you start as an adult? I started as a teenager and just fell in love with it. I used to run track and cross country - loved doing hurdle races!

 

I don't run but I speed walk (now about 4.7mph) - started working out in 1982 when I was 16 and had an undiagonosed eating disorder! Stopped working out regularly for about 7 of the 9 months I was pregnant in 2008. As a last resort I do a walk at home video (Leslie Sansome) with more intensity/with an exercise band but we live in a small apartment so I only do that when my husband is traveling on a weekend and I can't go down to the fitness room in our building - this was all pre covid. I did more of her workouts for the times I was solo parenting and my son was under 3 years old (i.e. no preschool yet).

 

I incorporate working out into my speed walk -some core exercises, endurance, stretching.

 

I've never done any organized sports. It wasn't a thing when I was growing up actually. Glad you and your husband have an active sex life and that you enjoy it!

[maritalbliss86]

I don't run but I speed walk (now about 4.7mph) - started working out in 1982 when I was 16 and had an undiagonosed eating disorder! Stopped working out regularly for about 7 of the 9 months I was pregnant in 2008. As a last resort I do a walk at home video (Leslie Sansome) with more intensity/with an exercise band but we live in a small apartment so I only do that when my husband is traveling on a weekend and I can't go down to the fitness room in our building - this was all pre covid. I did more of her workouts for the times I was solo parenting and my son was under 3 years old (i.e. no preschool yet).

 

I incorporate working out into my speed walk -some core exercises, endurance, stretching.

 

I've never done any organized sports. It wasn't a thing when I was growing up actually. Glad you and your husband have an active sex life and that you enjoy it!

 

 

I've heard of people losing tons of weight through walking, it's a great way to exercise! I wish I could find a more regular time to work out, but the baby had another bad night of waking up around 5 times I think - phew!

 

And yes! I feel like the secret to a happy relationship or marriage is

1) Kindness (both people being kind)

2) Communication

3) A good sex life!

[Batya33]

I've heard of people losing tons of weight through walking, it's a great way to exercise! I wish I could find a more regular time to work out, but the baby had another bad night of waking up around 5 times I think - phew!

 

And yes! I feel like the secret to a happy relationship or marriage is

1) Kindness (both people being kind)

2) Communication

3) A good sex life!

 

Oh I'm so sorry!! I used to do my speed walk with him in the stroller starting from when he was an infant! I had to make working out a top priority and made it work - and also at one point had to make that very clear to my husband because I did need him at times to be available. But I decreased my workout time to 30-35 minutes (although daily) so that the block of time I needed (get dressed, go downstairs or outside, change back to regular clothes/shower) was minimized. It's one reason I didn't rejoin a gym - too much extra time to travel there. I haven't had to lose weight since after I gave birth. I do do it to maintain weight and I lost an additional 10 pounds (below my pre-pregnancy weight) after I lost the baby weight. For me speed walking helps my body and mind (and digestive system!). I do sacrifice much of the benefits of strength training and I never take the time to do yoga/meditation but I do 4-7-8 breathing fairly regularly.

 

I agree about the basics to a good relationship! Hope you get a better night's sleep tonight.

[maritalbliss86]

Wow Batya, I love your self-discipline! You have such a good attitude about life and take your health so seriously, it's very admirable

 

I think when it really comes down to it, I'm lazy... I'm sure if I made it a priority I would find the time to get my workouts done more regularly, I just honestly feel horrible on days where he gets so little sleep. And then there's soooooo much else to get done. I'm good at finding excuses to do the others things now. Well... but some of those other things HAVE to get done, so I'm not sure. I know if it *really* mattered to me right now, I know myself enough to know I would absolutely make it a priority. Maybe that's what I'm trying to say.

 

I wasn't like that with our other kids as much, though, I was able to make time for it, but my husband had a much easier schedule where I was able to catch up on sleep. It's like this 4th baby has really thrown me for a loop, though, on top of all the weird changes with the pandemic.

[maritalbliss86]

I do still have some weight to lose, I don't think it shows that badly because I'm fairly tall, but for myself, I know I'm much happier when I'm very fit and healthy.

 

I lost a baby before we got pregnant with this one... so I gained some weight (about 10 pounds I think) before the pregnancy weight due to depression with that.

[Batya33]

I totally understand and so sorry about your loss! I was pregnant one time in my life, one birth - there were times I suspected but I never had a positive pregnancy test so I assume not. I don't think you're lazy, you just balance your priorities differently! I'm petite. So I don't work out to lose weight - to maintain - but even a few pounds shows (even if it's not overweight, I feel it, it shows). Also genetics are on my side -sister and mother are very thin, always have been -sister had four kids, mom had two plus one pregnancy loss - and my mother and I both found our appetite decreased as we got older. So while I love food and now with the pandemic think about food all the time lol I don't eat large portions. And I don't eat between meals unless it's an absolute necessity meaning I feel weak/faint. I learned over decades through trial and error what seems to work best for my body. Had to relearn hunger/fullness cues after an undiagnosed eating disorder in my teens/early 20s.

 

I've never had to deal with 4 young kids. I did have an extremely demanding boss/mentor for 15 years where the hours were wildly unpredictable and long so that prepared me for a lot of the sleep deprivation/unpredictability of motherhood! Also I was 42 when I had my son. And I had more energy than in my 30s for sure. And more life experience/self-knowledge. Some upsides to older parenting. Huge downsides of course was the one and done and wanting a baby for the 20 years preceding that and suffering at times from that seemingly unattainable goal while people around me were starting families. Very hard.

[Seraphim]

I do still have some weight to lose, I don't think it shows that badly because I'm fairly tall, but for myself, I know I'm much happier when I'm very fit and healthy.

 

I lost a baby before we got pregnant with this one... so I gained some weight (about 10 pounds I think) before the pregnancy weight due to depression with that.

 

I am so sorry about your loss. I know the feeling well.

[maritalbliss86]

I know I already thanked you both, but thank you again for understanding. I don't usually talkk about my miscarriages (have had 2 known ones), but it's nice to write it out in a journal.

[Seraphim]

I know I already thanked you both, but thank you again for understanding. I don't usually talkk about my miscarriages (have had 2 known ones), but it's nice to write it out in a journal.

 

I have journals for two of my lost babies. ( I lost 4) One particularly heartbreaking loss at 16 weeks. I had give birth to him and saw his poor little body. Even at that age he looked so much like his dad. I was deeply depressed for about five years. But he is buried in the same cemetery as my mother’s parents. So I think of them caring for him as they did for me when I was an infant. ( I lived with them for a year when I was one and for several months when I was 4) they have both been gone over 40 years. 😓

[maritalbliss86]

I have journals for two of my lost babies. ( I lost 4) One particularly heartbreaking loss at 16 weeks. I had give birth to him and saw his poor little body. Even at that age he looked so much like his dad. I was deeply depressed for about five years. But he is buried in the same cemetery as my mother’s parents. So I think of them caring for him as they did for me when I was an infant. ( I lived with them for a year when I was one and for several months when I was 4) they have both been gone over 40 years. 😓

 

Ugh I'm so very sorry, Seraphim. To lose 4, oh my word very tragic! Yes, babies do look like little people at surprisingly young stages in the womb, seeing them come out dead, or watching them die is the worst.

[maritalbliss86]

Homeschooling was very hard today, coming on here in between breaks was refreshing lol! Normally I love homeschooling, but today was one of the hard days for sure. Phew! Break time where they nap or read silently (or do both plus math work problems for the oldest), and I get a two hour break. If the baby sleeps which is a big if :)

 

This morning was gorgeous. There was an entire flock (!!!) of tiny finches that came into our garden to drink some water from the sand table. Very cute watching the birds, and I got great pictures. Birds are just adorable creatures!

[Batya33]

Homeschooling was very hard today, coming on here in between breaks was refreshing lol! Normally I love homeschooling, but today was one of the hard days for sure. Phew! Break time where they nap or read silently (or do both plus math work problems for the oldest), and I get a two hour break. If the baby sleeps which is a big if :)

 

This morning was gorgeous. There was an entire flock (!!!) of tiny finches that came into our garden to drink some water from the sand table. Very cute watching the birds, and I got great pictures. Birds are just adorable creatures!

 

Virtual learning was actually -is actually - a little easier today! I did my workout at 6:45 so I enjoyed seeing the sunrise. I hope the baby napped! one of my 8 books on hold at the library is finally ready (only curbside pick up these days) so I hope to get it today, after which it is in covid-quarantine for three days!

[maritalbliss86]

That's great it was easier yesterday. The baby did nap, thank goodness (yawn). I can't wait until he's sleeping through the night on a regular basis and I can force myself easier to workout... I really miss working out and I love hearing your dedication (it is SUPER motivating!).

 

And yay about your library book! Love reading

[Batya33]

That's great it was easier yesterday. The baby did nap, thank goodness (yawn). I can't wait until he's sleeping through the night on a regular basis and I can force myself easier to workout... I really miss working out and I love hearing your dedication (it is SUPER motivating!).

 

And yay about your library book! Love reading

 

Oh I'm glad!! I've been having lower back issues and it worried me as far as my work out. I told my husband as he is as well and he gave me some stretching exercises to do. It helps some and I realize I need to be careful while I'm feeling this way of my posture/alignment when I speed walk and do core strengthening while I walk. The shower and breakfast/coffee!! - after feels like such an awesome reward. I don't do intermittent fasting but my dinner is light and I have only a small snack before bed and don't eat till after I make my son his breakfast -so I am legitimately starving by then. I find though I sleep better when I eat lighter and it's better for weight maintanence. Also at my age - 54 - working out and taking care of my body of course is even more important than 20 years ago. I try!

[maritalbliss86]

My Life of Oxymorons ....

 

I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but a few years ago I started viewing men a certain age (around my age, younger and even sometimes a couple of years older!) in like a motherly way (Lord have mercy!) Women, too, but I have more compassion for men since I had 2 boys first (and I know how sneaky women are LOL).

 

I had a male employee back when I was working that I liked talking to, he was a few years older, but somehow I thought of him in a son-like way (so odd I know). He once remarked very randomly as if it bothered him maybe, that he couldn't believe he was older than me, but I was married and had a child and all these serious life responsibilities. LOL

 

I don't look old... right after our 3rd baby 3 years ago, I was at a store and a woman mistook me for someone in her daughter's high school graduating class - so she literally thought I was 18

 

That's happened multiple times throughout the years where both men and women were surprised by my age being so much older than they imagined....

 

It's a hilarious oxymoron that I go around thinking of people as kids, but I can't help it... It may come with the territory of being a mother and caring about people in a different, more compassionate and loving way.

 

Oxymoron... I look like a young college student or around that age and immature (to outsiders), but I mesh more with people in their 40's and enjoy their company much more (they're more mature and I can relate to them on various levels).

[Batya33]

I always have looked younger. I hate the stereotype of women as sneaky etc - I think some people are sneaky and completely unrelated to gender. I also never liked the sterotype that marriage or parenthood made a person more adult or responsible. I know just as many irresponsible married parents as I do irresponsible single adults who don't have kids. That stereotype personally affected me since I had extremely serious responsibilities of various kinds and wasn't a married parent until I was 42. I've always liked men and always treasured my platonic friendships with men -I've had close male friends since I was 15 or so. I think it's harmless to treat men in a motherly way because if the individual doesn't like it or finds it annoying he'll let you know. Interesting perspective!

[maritalbliss86]

I also do hate thinking women are sneaky, certainly not all girls and women are like that, but in general, I think women can tend to be more sneaky, especially in their youth and in ways that are plausibly deniable (where they look as though they're really just innocent).

 

Virtuous women stand out for a reason. Doubly so if they are actually young and virtuous, because people tend to make not as wise decisions in their youth. Being wise in one's youth is usually an exception.

 

Even the Bible declares virtuous women to be as rare as diamonds and rubies. And that was 1,000's of years ago when people had a much stricter cultural moral code to compare behavior to.

 

It's even less common now to find a virtuous woman. Girls and young women now live in an age where having no morals is celebrated and sticking to your morals gets one ridiculed.

[Batya33]

I also do hate thinking women are sneaky, certainly not all girls and women are like that, but in general, I think women can tend to be more sneaky, especially in their youth and in ways that are plausibly deniable (where they look as though they're really just innocent).

 

Virtuous women stand out for a reason. Doubly so if they are actually young and virtuous, because people tend to make not as wise decisions in their youth. Being wise in one's youth is usually an exception.

 

Even the Bible declares virtuous women to be as rare as diamonds and rubies. And that was 1,000's of years ago when people had a much stricter cultural moral code to compare behavior to.

 

It's even less common now to find a virtuous woman. Girls and young women now live in an age where having no morals is celebrated and sticking to your morals gets one ridiculed.

 

We can agree to disagree. I also am religious and spiritual and when I was young in the 70s and 80s there were plenty of drugs/alcohol/promiscuity/bad choices -not just women - nothing to do with any difference now except back then the news was spread more by landline phones than social media. I don't think women tend to be more sneaky but I think they are targeted as such and stereotyped as such - just like stay at home moms are stererotyped as lazy/truffle eating/tennis playing sloths, short men are stereotyped as weak/napoleon (I married one/my son will be one), complex and single women in their 40s (I was one, pick me pick me) were bitter cat-owning spinsters back in the day. At least to me life is so much more interesting and exciting when people are treated as individuals.

 

Both male and female teenagers can make immature choices -it's developmental. If by virtuous you mean a woman who doesn't have sex before marriage then I guess there are lots of men who aren't virtuous either (meaning this is the perspective among certain very religious people - I don't think a person who has sex before marriage lacks morals; I do believe a person who tries to ruin someone's reputation by gossiping about that person's sex life certainly lacks morals, just as an example).