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Another thing that may help for the above note about TiredofVampires....

Social Justice warriors get their energy from negativity, and so they have this angst that they have to, "fix,'" or, "correct," things they wish were better.  You'd think there would be a way to spin this as a positive thing, but unfortunately, even if these people lived in a virtual utopia, they'd still feel this damaging need to repair, to fix, and would tear up streets of gold to have them repaved in silver. 

There are positive ways to help people (growing a good family, adoption, foster care, helping the poor for real), but taking on this role play of a social justice warrior means you're always at war with society to fix it.  It is exhausting and thankless and can do more harm than good for a person's psyche overtime.  

In other words, it contributes to psychological unhappiness, because there is never an end in sight, and they're running on negativity and angst as their fuel, and the drive to correct all the time, leading to burn out or feeling helpless.  Or feeling more negative and angsty.

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Starting Thursday, hubby will be off 5 weeks and we'll have made it through this difficult studying phase!  Thank God!!!  Phew!!!!

Avoided? I don't think of it like that! I mean, I've "avoided" a lot in life. I've avoided living in Africa, I've avoided becoming an accountant, I've avoided bungee jumping from a hot air balloon. Bu

You and I are fortunate regarding help from husbands.  My husband helps me with everything so I've been very lucky.  Even though he helps me immensely, I was extremely busy especially when my son

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Going off that analogy from last night... I couldn't stop thinking about it and I think it turned into a hilarious dream.

The social justice warrior got to Heaven (you know, where there are supposed to be streets of gold I used in my example).  And instead of being happy, they argue with God and shame him for using too much gold to make his streets.  It's a waste, they cry!  All this gold for streets is a terrible waste!  I would never do this!

They go the practical route and try to argue with God telling him that silver is the harder metal, the more practical and useful metal (LOL I can just see all this!).  If they were running Heaven, they'd tear up all this gold and repave it with silver because they know better than God Himself and hate to see it wasted this way.

The social justice warrior even takes this one further with God, ever patient He is you know, and they tell Him how using gold to pave His streets is showing His privilege.  Not everyone can afford gold streets you know!  It's wrong, it's too much display of wealth... silver would be better!  

It is arrogance met with self-righteous attitude that one knows better, and needs to, "fix," everyone and everything.  We probably all have this to some extent, but not everyone takes it to this Heaven-changing level.

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Every single cheater states exactly this - unmet needs, was mysteriously unhappy for years but somehow never shared that with you. This is literally the definition of gaslighting and blame shifting. Funny thing is that these types of people are actually very conscious of the judgment they will get for cheating and so are very eager to manage their image, aka blame their SO for their misdeeds. Everything from some vague unhappiness to that one time you didn't take the trash out fast enough. Any excuse will do, no matter how absurd. So please please do not accept that or ever blame yourself. You literally do not have the human or the superhuman power to make someone cheat. She did that all by herself.

Yes, she is likely some kind of cluster B as those are the types to cheat almost invariably so. Again, not your fault, not something you could ever control. Quite frankly, it's not really a mentality you can ever understand or relate to. You are normal and will keep revolving around normal behavior - if only she had spoken up. That's what normal people do - speak up, attempt to address issues and if failing, then walk away. Normal people do not lead doubles lives. Period. 

The only thing to understand about cheaters is that they lie about everything to everyone, including themselves - about their life, about their relationships, about every single aspect of their lives. Sure there may be some truth mixed in there somewhere, buuut remember that the best and most convincing lies always contain nuggets of truth.

From DF above on the psychology of cheating ^^

I have to disagree... there are literally books that explain why people cheat and for different reasons, it can be very complex and it is just not as black and white as what she's claiming here.  For this circumstance, yes, this woman may fit her explanation, but she extends it to all cheaters and all marriages and that is just false.

Before and early in our marriage, I wanted to know everything there was about marriage and how you can work to make the best of it together (both spouses working on it), so I read tons of books to learn all kinds of different perspectives.  After marriage, one of our favorite past times was reading aloud to each other in bed, or by the apartment pool when we lived in our first apartments, and we'd read different fiction book, but also many marriage books.  Then we'd talk about them.  It was uber romantic somehow and fun.  We basically learned how to master the art of being happily married together.  Like you'd master something else, you have to study what makes it work, what makes it fail.  I think probably no one does that, you study far more about driving a car to get your driver's license, than you do about  marriage before getting your marriage license. 

We still fail at things, we're still human and have to communicate and figure things out with new situations we didn't understand when we were just reading academically about them... you cant make up for that lived experience really, but overall, studying how to have a good marriage is a good idea for people, it helped us avoid a lot of pitfalls.

Anyway, through reading all those books, I found out that there are definitely situations where one spouse puts the other one into a dangerous emotional place where yes, they will be more likely to cheat or have an emotional affair.  One spouse can definitely neglect the emotional, affectionate, or sexual needs of another to the point where they feel like they're dying inside.  It happens.  And then a person usually comes along who fixes that.  It definitely has to do with needs going unmet for a long time period, even though DF tries to say that's B*llsh*t.  She's wrong, or at least is very ignorant, and has never taken the time to actually study the subject she's advising about, and search out for herself what she's telling other people on here. 

She says the spouses never tell the other spouse their needs are being unmet, but that is not true, they often do try to get the spouse to hear them... and lots of ugly fights ensue with the spouse going with unmet needs trying constantly, with tears and pleading etc. to get the other spouse to change or understand or meet them halfway.  That's why when or if the spouse suffering from unmet needs does have an emotional affair (or goes so far as physical) it's a lot more complicated than claiming they're just cluster B, or bipolar, or anti-social.  Sometimes they just made a horrible one-time decision to alleviate the massive emotional pain their spouse has put them in.  Of course it's still wrong, but it also is very complicated psychologically.  Most times an affair is just the symptom of something else that was bigger going on the marriage, but of course the offended cheated-on spouse doesn't usually want to see their part.

There's a really great book, a famous book, that goes into why a spouse's needs are important in helping you to, "affair proof your marriage."  It doesn't defend cheating at all, but it explains as a warning, how you can destroy your spouse's connection with you and make it possible for someone else to establish a stronger emotional connection that makes them fall in love with another person.  

There are cheaters who serially cheat no matter who their wife is (think Harvey Weinstein), and then there are cheaters/adulterers who are like his first wife (who did cheat even though she was a sweet, sweet lady).  She should have just divorced obviously before resorting to cheating, but things are complicated in the human mind.  It still doesn't' make it right, but you can see it isn't as black and white as DF tries to say.  Sometimes the adulterer is Harvey Weinstein's first wife, and you feel more pity than condemnation, even though she's still at fault and of course should have ended things.

Edited to add -- I'm posting this here and not there, just to make mental note of the advice people give on ENA pretending to be psychologists and diagnosing people constantly.  It gives me a creepy vibe I can't put my finger on it exactly.  Sometimes I really wish these askers/posters would just go to a trained psychologist for their problems, get advice from educated people.

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1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

I am not sure if you realize but TOV was/is a very nice person with many severe disabilities brought on by severe trauma in her childhood. 

I'm sorry 😞  there were several times when reading her replies that I could tell she was NOT trying to come across as attacking, yet it really was that in several different kinds of ways.  

You can have behaviors that fall into emotional vampiric ways, and not technically be an emotional vampire full-time if that makes sense.  Maybe she has that tendency... we all have odd tendencies that when exaggerated, do tend to go into the anti-social realm. 

But tendencies are just tendencies, they don't always mean someone is diagnosed with something fullblown.

And I suspected she must have learned it from abusive emotional vampires in her life, it is a behavior or set of different behaviors that are more caught than deliberately taught.  And VERY hard to break out of... just like my dad ensured it's very hard for me not to psychoanalyze people. I have to remind my self I didn't get that degree, I really may not know.  I tell myself a lot, you just don't know, what you don't know.

Edited to add - I'm a lot like my dad.  I came very close to double majoring in either Bio/Chem or Bio/Psych  and for awhile I seriously considered triple majoring only because I was SO CLOSE to those degrees and only had a handful of classes left.  The perfectionist in me was very unhappy about that, but it didn't happen, or I didn't make it happen.

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I wouldn’t say that she did, she just felt very strongly about those who are disadvantaged by circumstances uncontrolled by them getting a fair shake. She is really a nice woman but can no longer post here due to her disability. She doesn’t have enough strength to. 
 

She is also very educated and science based with many of her relatives being scientists or doctors. 
 

I am very passionate about the disabled being treated properly as well as I have witnessed first hand how my son was treated as a child by adults never mind children. My son has been physically and emotionally and mentally assaulted since the age of THREE by society for being disabled, so I can’t say I have too much sympathy for people who disregard the disabled. 
 

I remember that squabble and I remember being sincerely offended and really stopped reading after that. 

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45 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I remember that squabble and I remember being sincerely offended and really stopped reading after that. 

I'm sure she was nice, this was probably a circumstance where she let herself get away with relentlessly criticizing Lo and trying to correct and fix her for weeks, months, I think even a couple of years carrying that attitude.

I knew a disabled woman that I loved very much, I tried very hard to have a good friendship with her (she sought me out first so she did seem to want it).  Unfortunately in the end, she became extremely envious of my life, which was tragic because there was a lot of truth in her envy in that she hadn't found a husband who loved her like mine, would never be able to care for kids because of her increasing disability 😞 it was ***horrible*** yet even my trying to be sensitive about all of that did not help her.  She still ended up seriously attacking  me many times in crazy insane ways until my husband had to gently point it out to her, just how nutty she was being and horribly cruel to me in her envious hatred.

She ended up apologizing and I wasn't sure what to do... continue a friendship where I think my very existence triggered her and hurt her?  Or cut it loose even though she begged me not to?  I think she had thought her disability gave her a right to emotionally and verbally abuse/attack me.  She said even her own mom (who she lived with) pointed out to her how and where she had crossed the line.

I think people with disabilities may have their own emotional/mental battles they're fighting privately, about envy and hatred and resentment.  It think sometimes it boils over and they may lash out at people in abusive ways, and think it's ok because they're disadvantaged.  They (may) hold themselves at a lower standard it seems unfortunately, and expect to be treated with kid gloves after they've attacked someone.  That was the experience I had at least, I'm sure it doesn't fit all situations.

I think ToV was hurting her own self when attacking Lo, as odd as that sounds.  She was drawing negativity, being drawn into arguments I don't think she really wanted, yet had definitely started. 

😞

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When my sister and I were growing up, my mom had a very unpredictable temper and the slightest thing could set her off. Life in that house was like living on a roller coaster. We learned to be ready for disaster at every moment.

 

It became my understanding of basic human interaction: You should know the right thing to do without being told what it is. In fact, 'the right thing to do' will be hidden from you at all times. Bottom line is, you are going to f*ck up and cause problems. Don't bother trying to understand. It is completely unpredictable.

 

I had no other baseline.

 

Fast forward to my early 30s, when I started graduate school. I stayed at my uncle's house for long periods of time, because he lived close to my college. He and my aunt lived a laid back sort of life. Very different from my mom's modus operandi. I figured it was only a matter of time before someone's underlying anger bubbled to the surface. I had my aunt pegged for the insane one.

 

But she wasn't insane at all. It took me two years to realize it. The way it happened was, she was setting up the fake, pre-lit Christmas tree. She discovered, in my presence, that the lights on one of the segments didn't work.

 

In my mom's house, this would have triggered an eruption.

 

So, I reacted to my aunt's discovery in the same way I would have reacted in my mom's house: total panic mode.

 

I don't actually remember what my exact reaction was. What I do remember is my aunt looking at me in a faintly disapproving way, like "what is she going on about?", then taking up the scissors and peacefully cutting the defective lights away from the fake branches.

 

Meanwhile, I stood there, heart racing, but thinking. In my childhood home, this would have been the apocalypse. Therefore, in the current setting, how could it be anything but?

 

I slowly understood that this wasn't a disaster scenario. It was just light on a fake tree. I realized that I KNEW it. I'd always known that the drama was just B.S. But it felt so good to see it illustrated for me, by someone else--however inadvertently.

 

Anyway, moral of the story is: based on my past experience I thought the situation was more of a disaster than it actually was. I discovered that my perception was actually very biased. But once I recognized the existence of my bias, it was extremely liberating.

Yes, in psychology this is sometimes talked about as triggering old dragons.  It happens in marriages all the time, and contributes to terrible fights if the couples aren't aware of what's going on and communicate their actual feelings to each other.

The thing is, everyone has their own particular, "dragon," of how they react to different words, situations, etc. based on their past.  Divorce often complicates this because the adult tends to gain new dragons from their failed marriage!  This is part of why 2nd marriages fail more than 1st marriages statistically, because the divorcee entering it has new unresolved dragons they may not even be aware of, on top of their normal ones.  Just difficult! 

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Took our daughter out to exchange some shoes my husband bought me, he held down the fort ❤️  

The problem is I never buy myself hardly anything.  I haven't bought shoes for probably 4 years (good running shoes).  I complain and whine about my feet, but then never DO anything about it.  My husband kept telling me to get myself some, and yet I hate spending the money for shoes for myself... just hate it.

He bought the most beautiful pink Puma's, and I was so grateful!!!  They weren't exactly for running though, and being that I probably won't get myself new ones for awhile (😂) they need to be durable as heck!  So the exchange... sigh!

When we got there I quickly found the Puma's and saw the same color pink, but with much better sole and arch support, which my prior dancer feet desperately need.  But that particular kind, with the better made sole and arch support only made sizes in 6-7 for some reason (announced on the tab). 

I can wear a 9 1/2, but when I was running cross country I had to go up to size 10's because my feet are so long and slender, they hit the toe of the shoe when running too much and cause nerve pain and damage to my foot (!!).  It's the trouble of having long, skinny feet, size 10 works better. 

We stopped for lunch ❤️ I love being out alone with my daughter!  She is full of so much joy and happiness ❤️  We stopped at a couple of other places looking for a perfume, and I found two at TJ Max which has great prices.  Ulta sells perfumes for over $100 if you buy the bigger size, but at the other store, we were able to buy 2 for under $40! 

Both smell amazing, and yes, she will wear it, too.  She's been wearing a tiny spray of perfume since 2 yrs old.  My mom raised me to be like that... really picky and picking out perfume was a huge deal with her taking me.  It's a French tradition I think.  I remember reading an article in Allure one time, written by a French woman talking about how important their perfumes are to them, and to get that one signature scent that they never reveal.  My mom was very much like that, and she did have a tiny bit of French, although it's a distant relation.  But I remember reading the article and thinking, "Wow!  My mom raised me so French in these ways." 

And I just saw on the backs of our perfumes we picked out, they're both made in France ❤️.

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A man that runs our soundboard at church came down with the virus a few weeks ago.  He had significant asthma and some lunch damage already, was a smoker, and together with the virus, he ended up with severe pneumonia 😞  We saw him for the first time last night, and his lung damage from the virus is so bad, he has to be on oxygen 24/7, can't work his old job because he now needs a desk job UGH!  

And he's only 26.

He was so carefree and optimistic, obviously this has hit him mentally and emotionally very very hard.  

I always loved seeing him after church, talking to him with our family (the kids love him), he had so many funny stories and was just so young and with his whole life ahead of him. 

It's fun to connect with people in the church of all ages, they have a lot of elderly men and women and I love talking to them.  Even with the risk of the virus, they still come to everything and really enjoy themselves.  I don't believe we've had anyone elderly get it as of yet.

It is ironic he was even here at our church... he had moved states away from his home, and was going to leave the church and Christianity.  But one of his close friends (a nurse) made him promise to at least help out at a church so that he could still go back if he wanted.

Well, he picked our church!  The adorable 26 yr old soundboard man was in the right place at the right time, and through all he's been through, this is making him think God placed him here so that we'd care for him.  He's coming back to his spirituality.

I got his address so we can drop things off for him and help him find things he needs.  Generally just take care of him since he has no family here.  He's going through everything alone.  I'm so glad my husband and all he men in our church will be there for him, too.  

This is random, but somewhere in his timeline of bad events, he had also gotten into a major wreck, rolling his truck 3 times, so his truck is totaled and he needs to find a vehicle that is easier to get in and out of anyway (oxygen tank).  I'm not sure if that was pre-virus infection or post.  But he's just been through it!

This is why it's nice to be a part of a church community, I'm pretty confident we can find a person who was going to sell back one of their cars anyway, but it'd be so much nicer to be able to gift him a car! 

People in church groups do things like this regularly for each other.  I get it a lot of people aren't religious, they want to do things completely on their own, but when everything falls apart, it is GOOD to know you have a committed church family there to help you.  

We'll find him a car, or we'll be able to help him go look for one when he needs to.  And he'll have food and groceries taken care of and we'll figure out how to help him form a long-term plan whetehr that's moving back to Iowa, or getting a better desk job here.

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That’s the thing it’s not just the deaths it’s the long term life affects and how that is going to affect the person their life and the medical system. This is what a lot of people are not getting. Even if you survive you could have lifelong catastrophic damage that you and the medical system need to deal with . 

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2 hours ago, Seraphim said:

That’s the thing it’s not just the deaths it’s the long term life affects and how that is going to affect the person their life and the medical system. This is what a lot of people are not getting. Even if you survive you could have lifelong catastrophic damage that you and the medical system need to deal with . 

I'm not sure what you mean, "This is what a lot of people are not getting," which people?  Most aren't denying this affects people differently, or especially based on their pre-existing conditions, age-group, etc.

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11 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I'm not sure what you mean, "This is what a lot of people are not getting," which people?  Most aren't denying this affects people differently, or especially based on their pre-existing conditions, age-group, etc.

Oh there are many people I talk to that aren’t even considering that and could care less. They just figure they will survive fine so will their kids just open everything up and forget this crap. 

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43 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

They just figure they will survive fine so will their kids just open everything up and forget this crap. 

I think there is a lot of value in allowing people to decide for themselves if they want to quarantine, or not. 

People who are at risk, they should stay apart from society if they choose that.  But people who aren't at risk shouldn't be forced to shutter away.

That man (26 yr old) who got it, most likely got it from his job as an EMT.  His close friend the nurse ended up passing away last year due to the virus according to him.  He still showed up to our event event and was there last night... he doesn't seem to regret living his life.  He's grateful he's connected to a church community that is there for him though, and he still wants to be a part of it.   Elderly people still come and enjoy themselves even though there is that risk due to their ages.

When I saw how happy those elderly people of our church were, at the event on Sat. it made me really think about how they'd rather live with that risk of dying of it, than not live these last years of their lives shut away behind doors.   One of them gets to watch our baby sometimes, and she loves getting to know him, hold him, etc.  If we were still forced to be locked down, she'd lose that freedom to decide for herself if she wants to risk it.

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I just don’t know how that would go bringing it up to him.

As far as he’s concerned, everything is hunky-dory right now.

I want to be truthful and maybe it would open up an avenue to address the reasons I’m so conflicted about another person.

But like someone else said, he may end up making the decision for me.

That would be his perogative, but since I don’t know if I want to break up or not I don’t know if I want to take that risk

 

Above is from the girl thinking about cheating on her boyfriend of 10 yrs...  Or leaving him to, "monkey branch," to another guy.

Aside from how I don't understand how they have no plans for marriage yet, I think she'll continue to see men in this way until she feels comfortable enough to know how to communicate her needs in a relationship.  It's clear something's not right here, I think since she's so infatuated with this other (seemingly bad) guy, that tells that there's something very off.

The sad thing is how she's effectively keeping him in the dark about her true feelings, and about her thinking about cheating on him.  !!!  Who would want to stay with someone who treats them like an option (male OR female?)!  It's awful... and she knows if she tells him, he'll probably be so hurt he'll want to leave.

BUT if she doesn't learn how to tell him, he'll never understand how to meet her needs in their relationship, and she'll eventually  end up cheating on him or breaking up.

I said:

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I think you realize he'd be offended, hurt, etc. and you don't want to give him that opportunity to find someone who is more in love with him and committed to him.

But if you don't talk about this, he'll never know how to meet your needs better, so that you're not thinking about cheating on him and infatuated with other men.

I get it that you want to keep him in the dark, but I don't think that bodes well for your future (with him or any other man).  

I guarantee you, this will happen again until you're honest with your partner (him or another one down the line) and let them know if they're not meeting some emotional need.

 

How incredible that I just dissected DF's psychological theory where she claimed cheaters always cheat because they're horrible, awful people who only think about themselves, that it's never about their needs going unmet etc.  That they only say that in order to make people feel sorry for them...  LOL  And how ironic that she's taking the other side now, and defending an emotional cheater as just not having had enough sex with other people yet 😂

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"All of the fanfare associated with hooking up is evidence that some young people have become comfortable with the idea of sex outside of serious relationships.

Be that as it may, this prediction is only partially borne out by the data shown in Figure 1. The following chart depicts the percentage of first marriages ending in divorce within five years of wedlock according to the decade the wedding took place and how many sex partners a woman had prior to marriage.

Consistent with prior research, those with fewer sex partners were less likely to divorce. However, there are considerable differences by marriage cohort. For all three cohorts, women who married as virgins had the lowest divorce rates by far.

Eleven percent of virgin marriages (on the part of the woman, at least) in the 1980s dissolved within five years. This number fell to 8 percent in the 1990s, then fell again to 6 percent in the 2000s.

For all three decades, the women with the second lowest five-year divorce rates are those who had only one partner prior to marriage. It’s reasonable to assume that these partners reflected women’s eventual husbands. Even so, premarital sex with one partner substantially increases the odds of divorce."

 

WOW!!!  

So our marriage has 94% chance of never ending in divorce, just due to my having been a virgin.  I forget these statistics sometimes, so it's nice to look them up.

 

https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability

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Even in the aughts, women who had two partners had, at 30 percent, the second highest divorce rates in the table.

I don't understand why having 2 partners makes the divorce rate higher than if a woman had 10 though.  

It could be the stark difference when she's comparing two men.

Or the one with 10+ partners could finally realize she needs to settle down and keep this man (has learned enough about men that they all have flaws, etc.?), maybe the 10+ has found her match, or more likely she's reached a practical decision to stay, have kids, and build the life she wants.  Human psychology and the way it affects decisions is fascinating at times....

From the article on this:

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Women who marry having had just one sex partner are unlikely to have had children with another man. Getting married with a child already in tow has a profound negative effect on marital happiness. And marriages preceded by nonmarital fertility have disproportionately high divorce rates. This is another reason why divorce rates are lower for women who marry having had only one sex partner, or none at all. Ultimately we’re left to speculate about why having exactly two partners produces some of the highest divorce rates.

 

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Oh wow I was right!  Having only 2 sexual partners does seem to make women hyper-comparative, with their husband possibly getting hit with that, "fear of missing out," phenomenon.

Here's what he says, I'm glad my hypothesis was right!

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My best guess rests on the notion of over-emphasized comparisons. In most cases, a woman’s two premarital sex partners include her future husband and one other man. That second sex partner is first-hand proof of a sexual alternative to one’s husband. These sexual experiences convince women that sex outside of wedlock is indeed a possibility. The man involved was likely to have become a partner in the course of a serious relationship—women inclined to hook up will have had more than two premarital partners—thereby emphasizing the seriousness of the alternative. Of course, women learn about the viability of nonmarital sex if they have multiple premarital partners, but with multiple partners, each one represents a smaller part of a woman’s sexual and romantic biography. Having two partners may lead to uncertainty, but having a few more apparently leads to greater clarity about the right man to marry. The odds of divorce are lowest with zero or one premarital partners, but otherwise sowing one’s oats seems compatible with having a lasting marriage.

But not too many oats, if one married after the start of the new millennium. The highest divorce rates shown in Figure 1, 33 percent, belong to women who had ten or more premarital sex partners. This is the result most readers of this brief probably expected: a lot of partners means a lot of baggage, which makes a stable marriage less tenable. It’s also entirely likely that the correlation is spurious, the product of certain personal characteristics. For instance, people who suffered childhood sexual abuse are more likely to have extensive sexual histories. Childhood abuse also increases the odds of a problematic marriage.

This is an extreme example. Most of the time, spuriousness probably has less measurable causes. Some people may just have a high level of sexual curiosity, an attribute that doesn’t appear to bode well for a stable marriage, at least since the start of the new millennium.

 

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image.png.a7e6375da45ab7705b6fa576ac26102a.png

 

This painting was titled, "The Secret to England's Greatness."  Queen Victoria, with Albert her beloved husband looking on, thought the Bible was the Secret to their country's success.

I think about how the British (or Americans) reacted to Harry and Meghan rejecting the monarchy, how so many people were angry they were trying to change an institution that was so ancient, so old, and deserved respect.

Then I think about the irony of the British people, Canadian people, UK people in general, most of whom, believe Christianity is an outdated, ancient, old religion that doesn't apply any longer.  They wish to change it, modernize it, avoid it, etc.  and it gives off that same attitude that Harry and Meghan gave off at trying to change something that was so profound and beautiful, thinking they knew better how to do things.

It comes across like that, when those people refer to religion as some antiquated idea.

The Bible, not the monarchy, was considered Britain's greatest secret.

But their people, just like that couple, want to change that, modernize it, make it irrelevant.

 

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100 pages in on the book by a clinical psychologist on emotional vampires... wow I forgot how good this book is.  It teaches you how to confront them, with grace, wit and humor.  Who couldn't use something like that?

I forget how many different types and subtypes of emotional vampires there are out there... and these people don't have enough tendencies to usually be diagnosed with a clear personality disorder, so they truly believe they're always good, always helpful, never have bad motivations or negative flaws or personality traits.

The best indicator that one isn't an emotional vampire of some kind, is recognizing your flaws and negative (annoying) traits...  emotional vampires have little to no ability to reflect on their behavior and be introspective as to how they create their own problems.

Very grateful my parents loved learning so much, or I'd never have read this book in my teens....

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Oh!!!  One thing I love about this book is that, while it does glance at how emotional vampires usually become that way from trauma in their pasts or childhoods, it asserts that their past really doesn't matter that much, they want you to believe they're always a victim (of their past, or of the current drama going on in their lives). 

The author claims it is much more important not to focus on how they've been victimized, or why they're an emotional vampire, but to focus on how to deal effectively with them and avoid seeing them as just a poor victim that uses that to manipulate people.  They still have the choice not to behave that way... telling yourself, "well... they're like this becasue they were traumatized," is the easy out they want you to tell yourself, so that you don't notice their negative traits and call them to account for them.

Edited by maritalbliss86
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