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How Do You Balance Life with Kids?


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Starting Thursday, hubby will be off 5 weeks and we'll have made it through this difficult studying phase!  Thank God!!!  Phew!!!!

Avoided? I don't think of it like that! I mean, I've "avoided" a lot in life. I've avoided living in Africa, I've avoided becoming an accountant, I've avoided bungee jumping from a hot air balloon. Bu

You and I are fortunate regarding help from husbands.  My husband helps me with everything so I've been very lucky.  Even though he helps me immensely, I was extremely busy especially when my son

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We watched the Egyptian mummy parade over the weekend ❤️, it was so much more than I imagined it was going to be, just moving the mummies to a different resting place at the new museum.  

It was treated like an actual royal event, honoring Egypt's ancient kings and queens with an elaborate procession.  

The kids were mesmerized, even the three year old kept saying she loved it even though I know she didn't really understand what it was.  I teared up at one point, it was that moving to see their pride in their culture and history (LOL and I'm a sentimental sap!). 

We learned about ancient Egypt with the oldest last year during his ancient history studies, so a lot of the pharaohs and queens he actually remembered learning about!  Sometimes I think I'm learning far more from teaching him than I ever did in school 😂

The Egyptian music was beautiful, too... ugh!  It was a gorgeous historical event!  

 

 

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Hello MB,
Depending on the person, possibly. It's not that telling the story is taboo, but rather, I don't believe that it's in our best interests to gridlock ourselves into retelling story of a person or people from whom we are striving to move forward and beyond.

It gives that person, place or circumstances too much power, and it shapes how we view ourselves and our future paths.

Where a good vent can help to alleviate rumination and that 'locked into the problem' feeling, repeatedly telling the story can have the opposite impact. 

This is just my opinion, and the goal is NOT to squelch or repress such experiences, but rather to use discretion in deciding who is appropriate to speak with about them, and who is not.

That takes your power back and gives you pride in self control. This can be especially valuable after experiences during which you've felt power-less or degraded.

Journaling or posting anonymously is also a reasonable outlet, especially when done with a goal of moving forward. Discussing small steps and celebrating little milestones with self-reward is a positive way of interpreting the experience as a barrier that has been overcome or a tool for growth.

Reposting Catfeeder's response here to reflect.   Ugh, she is so wise!  I've read here off and on since about 2008 or 2009, and if I'm right, I remember Catfeeder from a long, long time ago.  I'm continuously amazed at all the different perspectives at ENA (over the course of time I think).  I feel like I come here more to learn from people like this, and am constantly being taught or helped to see something in a different light.

I think I try to balance what she's saying here, with journaling, yet probably erring on dwelling too much on things negative... I really have a problem with rumination, unfortunately.  Not about that old job, I feel like that job ending was an incredible blessing in disguise.  More about newer things, probably exacerbated with the sometimes extreme sleep deprivation like this week when he's waking multiple times a night, refusing to eat anything during the day, and overall ridiculously hard, like running a marathon you're not physically or mentally prepared for.  I think a lot of my overthinking is due to the sleep deprivation and trying to balance life taking care of 6 people (myself is included 😂 I often forget to do things like eat).

I can totally see what she means by repeating or rehashing something leading to a perceived loss of control and power over the situation.  Repeating it doesn't really help and can be harmful long-term.  While processing it, and then forgetting about it, gives you back that power and control.

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Something I love about homeschooling is getting to create the tests my child takes!!!  I have no idea why this excites me so much... I've had other moms ask me to homeschool their kids with ours this last year, or ask me to make tests they can use also, but I think I'd have to have some kind of permit for things like that.  We did do a co-op for literature class and essay writing, but COVID kind of ruined that... before it was stopped, the kids and us moms were having so much fun though!

Anyway... working on a science exam for chemistry, and even just writing out the review my son will use to study, it gets me so excited again about science and learning all of this stuff.  Last year we had tests sporadically throughout his classes... basically once every 4-6 weeks on a comprehensive basis.  But this year I just haven't been motivated to follow along like that, plus his textbook this year is a lot more intense than the subject/text he learned last year.  But now that the year is ending, and he's already completed the text on Chemistry, we have a month and a half left for pure testing and experiment fun.  I actually kind of like this way better... so maybe next year I'll do it this way again, and test everything at the end of the subject (making sure he has great reviews he can study nightly).

Anyway... while preparing his review and exam, I came across the story of Archimedes we had learned about, how he discovered you can calculate density and the volume of something using water.  He had been stressing about how to figure out if the king's crown was made of solid gold, or if it had been partly silver (Nerd Problems I tell Ya!).  He went days without bathing and finally gave in to take a bath, but when he submerged himself and saw the water level rise up, he cried out, "Eureka!!!!" and excitedly went to tell the king... completely naked! 😂😂

These are the problems us Nerds have ❤️ we get so excited, clothing is just an afterthought - kidding!  Oh but my son loves that story... plus it helps him remember density and volume... and Archimedes 😂

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I hope this is the right place for this but this is the only space I've found that is free. I want to be married. Everybody in my family is married even if they are complete trash. I met my cousin's wife and I hate her. She is ugly and fat yet she has his complete time and attention. He gives her respect and now he's buying her a house. I guess I'm not jealous of my other cousin's wife because I know what it took for her to "get" him and he barely respects her. You can't be jealous of such a situation. You can be heated when an ugly girl can get married in just months and has a man's complete attention. She walks around like her *** doesn't stink and I wanted to kill her for how she made me feel lesser even though I look better and have more education.  I'm getting angry all over again thinking about all the *** people tell me I need to do to get a husband but girls like her can just exist and get a man to fall head over heals for them and get away with whatever they want. She took all the attention of (we'll just called him John) away from me and I'm even being punished for behaving a certain way even though me and her do the same ***. I would love advice on dealing with this and getting closer to what I want (a guy who will marry me in months and put up with my awful behavior regardless of what I look like).

Ok... so when I read this, I immediately thought of my husband's cousin.  Sent a shiver down my spine.  I met her when she was 5, she pulled a knife on me one time when we were out eating (but I thought she was just very unsupervised and didn't realize what she was doing), she called me fat when I was pregnant to my face (LOL I was 118 lbs and 5' 8" when not pregnant so I just laughed, she was a child so I brushed it off), but his family literally hate us this much, that reading it made me think of her immediately.  Her mom hates us.  Her mom (my husband's Aunt, the one who tries to control the whole family and is the main Matriarch everyone gathers around) is the one who harassed my husband for hours through text, shaming him, threatening him, etc. because we had politely asked his parents to stay in a hotel after allowing them to stay in our very small 2 bedroom apartment for literally 3 months every weekend after our eldest's birth.  She demanded we give up our own bed, even though I had just recovered from a c-section, etc. none of that mattered.  Anyway... they regularly use this Aunt to harass different cousins (our age and under) to get them to fall in line with what their own parents want.  It really feels kind of like a strange mafia, at the last wedding, they kept making toasts to the couple, praising them for always putting The Family over their own relationship, because The Family is the most important thing... etc.

Last year... they finally had another grandchild on the way, other than ours and one other cousin who has done very well, married his college sweetheart, became a lawyer etc.  he keeps his immediate family (and kids) away from them though, and rarely sees them.  This grandchild thing is a big deal to that family, because they were so extremely angry we pulled back, denied them the ability to harass us, shame us, belittle us when we're there, etc.  I mean there's just no way I could let our kids go around people we knew really hated us 🤷‍♀️ .  We were in a no-win situation where if we went, we'd be belittled, shamed, attacked, be made to listen to racist jokes, told we're just too sensitive, etc. but not going made them even angrier/more in a rage.

Anyway, back to the grandchild finally on the way last year... it was a horrible miscarriage, and unfortunately it was right before our 4th baby was born.  So she miscarried at 4 or 5 months (!!!) and they had a funeral right before I then gave birth 😬.  This did not make them feel happier about us overall.  I felt like I could feel the seething hatred from miles away from their cold response.  And I thought back then that was probably why my husband's brother/wife chose to completely ignore our baby's birth, because it was just too close to the other cousin losing her baby, and they couldn't be happy for us, without betraying The Family's loss.  I know that sounds insane, but that's the way they think I believe... based on knowing this family almost 2 decades, it made sense to me then, not sure if it still makes sense now.  We were very upset for this other cousin... so upset, and it was a huge loss to their entire family on that side, because they really have no other children at their holidays, etc., and haven't for over a decade.  Their pain only makes them even angrier at us being happy.

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2 hours ago, Seraphim said:

They sound utterly crazy. 

I feel guilty because not all of them are, so I do feel bad making it sound like this.  It's easy to demonize people wrongly, but in some cases, over decades of time, you have to admit some things just look bad.  

But reading that post, her wanting her cousin's wife dead.  Or to murder her.  That's the feeling I felt from them when we broke away 8-9 years ago, even though it seemed so irrational.  I had the thought last year that they really wished our baby had died, but it sounded so horribly irrational, that I forced myself to throw all those thoughts out.

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I am lucky that my husband’s aunt and the cousins  have for the most part been a blessing to us. His aunt treats me more  like a daughter-in-law than his mother. His youngest cousin many years ago was horrible to our son once but she became a mom at 40 and now she is far more sympathetic and empathetic about our child. ( well he is not a child anymore) but they are very passionate and protective of their little cousin and he calls them aunts because they are our age being my husband’s cousins . 

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2 hours ago, Seraphim said:

am lucky that my husband’s aunt and the cousins  have for the most part been a blessing to us. His aunt treats me more  like a daughter-in-law than his mother.

That is great 🙂 we've been blessed some of them have become a lot nicer over the years, too, which was surprising, but people really can chance when they want to. ❤️ 

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Husband tried to help by picking up my order for 180 eggs this morning... but almost all the eggs were broken 😵   

We called them and they tried to say he should have checked before leaving, but I've never had to check before, plus checking that many eggs almost isn't practical with how deeply they pack them down in a box.... In an entire year of ordering from them, they usually never have even one egg broken, they're that trustworthy.  But they're allowing us to bring them back tomorrow to exchange.

So tomorrow will be crazy trying to get all the kids there, oh well... will have to figure it out.

 

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I wonder if it'd be inappropriate to joke with the seller about putting all their eggs into one box/basket 😂 

They know I'm their crazy lady who buys lots of eggs ❤️ I know they adore me... but ugh I need that refund!  

Fingers crossed tomorrow I have 180 unbroken eggs 🥚

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Have to add... just to log it here for future reference maybe next year, when I look back and reread this.

My husband is going through hell right now, trying to work and study and work extra special assignments that randomly pop up (that bring in lots of money), I really feel for him.  Of course he could cut back on the special assignments, but they ironically provide him quiet time away to study.  He gets paid lots of money to study... win/win, except he has to sleep on the next off day (when I'd usually have his help).

Yet on the other side, it is HARD over here... the baby has been having seriously hard days where I have to carry him almost the entire time I'm with him/he's awake, and then my body aches so much by bedtime that last night, I had to take pain medicine just to be able to fall asleep and get past the pain keeping me awake!  Our second oldest had a melt down this week that prevented us from being able to go to our regular homeschool coop and see friends at their farm, and other blessed MOMS for me to vent with!  Oh I love those crazy ladies *tear* I need them!  I'm becoming a hermit with this COVID stuff, not having my mom to help - and she helped SO much! 

I laid down strict consequences and explained to him how his meltdowns impact the entire family, and he actually, 'got it,' when he saw how it affected his brother especially, and will hopefully let us go next time.  His meltdowns are not different from autistic meltdowns, which was why I asked our doctor this last time what she thought about it all.  I know going to a farm with tons of kids is a lot for him, in the past when he was younger my mom would stay with him so we could go.  Now we can't do that, but she got her 2nd shot and will be coming soon.  But I want him to develop the confidence and assurance to go anyway, this is the perfect opportunity to push him out of his comfort zone, gently.  He does love being around his friends, he loves the baby animals (they have BUNNIES!), and he HAS liked it before, I think it's his shyness or maybe the sensory overload that gets him.  But if he can learn to get past that, he's going to be unstoppable.  Anyway...  

I talked to my mentor today, feeling like I was going crazy and she assured me this is just a really hard time.  It's normal to feel this tired with all of this going on at one time.  We're doing amazing keeping strong together according to her.  Having kids my kids' ages, coinciding with my husband's career blossoming etc. she calls it, "Time in the Trenches."  It's going to be OK.

But he's so amazing, my husband... he finds time to give me alone time, to take them out and bring back pizza :D❤️ and allow me to have a long break taking a bath etc.  

He wanted so badly to help me with the eggs (LOL look what he got for that!  Reminds me of how No Good Deed Goes Unpunished), and he took our daughter so they could have a daddy-daughter date ❤️ .  Took her to a breakfast restaurant and sent back selfies  of them together!!!!  Awwww :D :D :D ❤️❤️❤️ 

He is such a good husband and father!  Even with everything he's also going through, and it really is draining and hard for him, he still finds time to help me unwind, have time to myself, and alleviate the overwhelmed feeling, or the feeling of being trapped since going out with this many kids, in the weird COVID environment and restrictions, feels impossible.  I mean I have to wait for specific openings in time, and then JUMP through like an adept time traveler, hoping I don't get a foot caught because the loophole is that small!

I know it was alluded to by someone in this journal, that moms who want their parents' to help out in this stage are, "entitled," but I just don't agree with that.  I actually think it's almost necessary to have help at this stage.  I mean you can do it on your own, but you also pay a heavy price for that, or you literally pay a babysitter for it (or Daycare, etc.).  Working moms have LOTS of help, they just pay and outsource it when their kids are small.  I watched a Dave Ramsey youtube show where he helped a Stay At Home Mom not feel guilty for, "not contributing financially."  He blew that out of the water, telling her she was definitely contributing and not just in a financial way (saving them lots of money), but in a relational way with her kids.  He said what she was doing was priceless with them.  It is so valuable, even if you aren't literally bringing in money.  

The eggs I got from buying local and supporting our farmers, I couldn't get a better price even if we had chickens ourselves!  Literally, the upkeep of the chickens would be more than what I get those eggs for!  And I do that with a lot of our purchases... everything is in bulk, the food is made by me or packaged by me, and we're doing a million times better than when I was working (which was so odd when I figured that out... very odd to know that not working was actually better financially than working!  Mind-blowing).

Ok back to relaxing. 🍹

Only 3 more weeks of intense studying for my husband, and then he's off for a little over a month. 

We. Can. Do. This.

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13 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

They know I'm their crazy lady who buys lots of eggs ❤️ I know they adore me... but ugh I need that refund!  

You're probably one of their best customers. They'd be crazy not to give you a refund.

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11 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I watched a Dave Ramsey youtube show where he helped a Stay At Home Mom not feel guilty for, "not contributing financially."  He blew that out of the water, telling her she was definitely contributing and not just in a financial way (saving them lots of money), but in a relational way with her kids.  He said what she was doing was priceless with them.  It is so valuable, even if you aren't literally bringing in money.  

Yes, I truly believe that. So much so, that I had no desire to become a mother once I realized I would never be able to be a stay at home mom.

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40 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Yes, I truly believe that. So much so, that I had no desire to become a mother once I realized I would never be able to be a stay at home mom.

I'm so sorry, you would have been a wonderful mother, very fun and adventurous it sounds like.  You are so much smarter than me though... I really believed I'd be able to handle full-time work and still have 4 kids.  And maybe some women can, but I think that's kind of rare.  

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Ok, I have to stop cluttering up MyLolita's diary pages!!!!  What the hell is wrong with me?  LOL  I should have been more conscientious!

Anyway, because I'm still reading through her stuff and have ALL of quiet time to veg out and read with delicious delight, I'll post her stuff here and then talk to myself... LOL... like a nutcase.  But I think I've been mostly talking to myself here anyway, so....

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As for Prince Charming, I don't believe he exists, and when he does, he's always gay.

😂  OMG!!!!!  Yes... I've always thought this was true!!!  I've always thought this about those strange Prince Charming types.  Prince Charming is just not f*ckable.  He's just not someone a woman would actually want to f*ck.  Probably because he's GAY.  Yea... that makes total sense LOL!!!!

I much prefer my husband and his kind of type I think.  Mysterious, kind of dark, dark hair and eyes... not a pretty boy and would never be able to pass as that at all.

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I do however think what me and D have is special, regardless of how mundane I am. A lot of couples I know have married but split up, a lot of relationships have ended and strange or not I take pride in the fact that we communicate and work things through. Having something that truly works and you're in love is special and is definitely rare where I come from. I massively celebrate romance and probably have an inflated view of the whole concept, but I really don't think it boils down to figures and statistics. I read posts after posts on here from people who are unhappy in love or madly searching for love and it makes me feel lucky and glad that we have a great relationship. I think anything like that is super special but anyway, I'm mushy so it's probably all a matter of opinion.

Yes.  I feel exactly the same way about our marriage.  We've seen so many divorce, so many remain with each other out of convenience, so many that lack raging passion.  I want none of that, and I feel extremely blessed to have found what we found together.  I thought it was rare back then, and I still think it's very rare.

I don't think one needs lots of time to date and find some perfect kind of man.  In fact, I actually believe the longer one has had to date, it may mean they were just terrible at dating LOL.  Sure they garnered experience, but there may have been a negative reason why it took them so long.  Granted each person has their own unique story, hangups, and desirable spouse so....   

But just because we found each other when I was technically 18, got together at 19 and then married at 20, doesn't mean I should have spent more years out there searching for someone better.  Sometimes when you know how to date right, or when you know your perfect match, less dating is smarter dating.  Less dating means less time wasted of your life.

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I started to get regulars who would come in to just see me. They'd pay hundreds of pounds to talk to me for an hour. They'd buy a bottle of champagne and sit with me in a private booth and spill their lives to me. I would sit there in designer lingerie that was still on my body and listen to each individual saga. They all went the same. All they wanted was a woman, attention, love. They either weren't getting it from their wives or girlfriends, or felt they'd given up on women as most were unavailable or unattainable. Maybe you will say it was wrong of me to sip champagne and be paid to listen to a depressed man, but in a way I used them and they used me. We're all consenting adults.

From MyLolita again above...

I think this is why I've had two close friends who were prostitutes.  We both seemed to understand the deep needs of men, that all (most?) of them really want, is a woman who gives them love, respect, and attention and actually enjoys sex with them.  

I don't know how I learned that by staying a virgin and never being around a promiscuous environment, very sheltered actually in a strict religious environment (not prudish though!  Strict on rules but eccentric and vibrant on life outlook). 

My mom did teach me a lot of stuff about men and how to understand the male psyche... and I was always close to my dad, still am, and I could, "see," the specific hardships men face, in a world where I could also see most women only think about themselves, or try idiotically to say gender differences don't and shouldn't matter.  They actually do matter, and men have their own unique things they deal with, just like women.

How ironic that the only women I've really met who agree with that are prostitutes or MyLolita, who was a past stripper!  You'd think this would be more common knowledge.

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I like the idea of spilling to strangers in this weird universal internet space I will never understand - but still, those little sneaky peepers… I know who you are. It's a free country, so I'm carrying on my feeling splurge for today, regardless of any silent hate reading that undoubtly goes on. Read on if you can even be bothered by now. It's going to jump about a lot today, my minds doing mental hopscotch and my train of thought keeps throwing the stone.

😂 OMG I laugh at the fact anyone would be peeping at another's journal, and hating what they're reading, yet still persisting in it!  WHYYYY??  How could they possibly not have anything more worthwhile in their life to give their attention to?

I'm like... enjoying myself way too  much reading her journal ❤️ I would never spend time reading something like that if I disliked it.  

Are their lives really that boring, that meaningless and empty, that they'd read something they hate?  😂

I don't know why, but that made me laugh so hard.  Who on earth has time to give to something they hate??  I can't understand why anyone would do that, unless it was purely for education or something instructional, that they felt they must know (major LOL at how that applies to the education system in many ways).

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So, one misconception everyone seems to have is that my poor husband supports me completely when really he's dying for me to get a job and is sick of me sapping pounds and pence from his account and generally taking advantage of his financial and emotional support.

 

In reality, I can more than easily support myself and my husband (if his business went under, I could make more money than we ever needed and I would do it happily and have done, in the past). Another thing - my husband is hugely, hugely traditional, and would absolutely hate for me to financially support him. Ideally, he would like me to start a family right now and he is always proud and happy to support me. Sometimes I do feel bad about this - guilty because I feel like hardly anyone I know is in a similar situation so young, which causes me to think twice sometimes. We have very traditional roles - for instance, he hasn't done the washing up for 7 years! He's never cleaned up after himself, I do all our washing, cleaning, DIY (yes, I grout the bathroom!). He is completely taken care of. I make him breakfast every morning, cook him every meal etc. I iron and have his clothes out ready every morning. So in return for him making more money at the moment than me, in exchange I am his very willing house wife as well as now working full time. So don't feel too sorry for him, honestly, he gets quite a good bargain.

Wow... it is almost creepy how similar we are... I'm legitimately amazed at the similarities.  I mean there are differences, too... I've always had this strange sense of calm, peace, and deep deep contentment in my life, whereas MyLolita has a lot of angst, dissatisfaction when she wasn't being true to herself.  

I know this is going to sound arrogant, but I've always known myself, which I believe has led me to always feel a lot of confidence in my choices and quiet assurance that leads to contentment.  I knew what profession I wanted to pursue at age 9... had already made serious life plans at age 8... so in this way of being almost deadly serious about life and it's consequences, we are very different.

But the similarities are so many!  The relationship similarities, the optimism, the (probably) nymphomania and love of glamor and beauty, constantly seeking out artful creation of making one's life and the life for those you love, beautiful in a deep, meaningful way.  I get it.  I totally do.

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So we just got back from a few hours at a huge spring party for the church.  Ugh it was soooo good to get out and see people we know again in a fun environment like that.  

I can't believe it, but 3 of the moms I love seeing at those coops were there and came up to me to talk !!!!!!!  I could have died of happiness ❤️  

We got there late - after the long naptime/quiet time where I splurged on reading here.  I mean there was absolutely no point in going during naptime, no one would have been happy 😂 so we waited and caught the last few hours of the event.

It was so. much. fun.  Those ladies are crazy!  I loved seeing them and everyone else so much. 

All the guys were mostly off to the side, talking about their guy things and having a blast.  Everything was free, all the food was freely provided for us, drinks and ice cups with syrup, next year maybe I'll figure out how to do a dessert table... that was the only think I think was missing - desserts!

I think over the course of the day they said 100's had stopped by to party.  The kids loved it, but I did notice our Viking Child bothered by the sensory overload (the live music was just way too much, even for me... he did a lot better when I noticed it affecting him and got him involved far on the other side).

There was so much happy and positive energy in the air.  I don't think I've felt that since pre-COVID days.  Everyone was so happy, so interested in being social, there were hugs and tons of laughter... oh these are so my people, OUR people.

❤️  

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One other thing.... I have a former coworker, Eddie, who is about 75 years old. He knows a lot of architects, so I mentioned Job#5 and Job #4 to him. Eddie poo-pooed both companies, lol. He said Job#5 was just like my previous employer, but bigger. And his main complaint against Job#4 was that it was "woman-owned." LOL. He really said that. Multiple times 😂. Like the statement is its own explanation. These guys all like to say that they're not sexist, but they really are. They literally don't hear the words that come out of their mouths.

Anyway, Eddie's a dear, sweet man, but he talks a lot of sht. I take everything he says with a grain of sand. 

 

LOL... I wonder if he's picking up on how unpleasant it is to work for a woman.  

Sadly, there are many many places online you can find horror stories of either bad female bosses (they tend to be much worse and seem many more than male), but also horrible, mean, unhelpful, competitive female coworkers.

I'm not sure if males are the same way to this extent.  My husband has never had much trouble with men in the way women have with each other at his workplace.  And it was the same at my workplace.  Barring maybe one or two men, out of 100, they did their job, weren't petty, rude and unprofessionally competitive (obviously competitive, but not in a negative way).

Women workers degrade each other in a way I have never known men to.  I mean men joke around a lot with each other, my husband and his coworkers love doing that, but it's all in good cheer and if they weren't like that with someone, it means they don't like that person.

Women hate and despise helping each other (not all though!!  I knew two (different jobs) that actually loved helping and were humble, kind and didn't mind assisting.  But women have this horrible attitude that yes, comes across as ***y.  If a man dared to act like that toward a woman trying to get help, he'd be reported to HR or called sexist behind his back.  Men have to be nice in the workplace for the most part, and woman are allowed to be ***es to each other, and no one cares.

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Titled, "Why Women Don't Want a Female Boss"

I think women have to fix this side, if they ever expect men in the workplace to see them as rational.

https://hermoney.com/earn/careers/why-women-don-t-want-a-female-boss/

And from Forbes... "Women Bullied At Work:..."

https://www.forbes.com/sites/heidilynnekurter/2020/02/19/women-bullied-at-work-heres-why-your-female-boss-dislikes-you/

From Linked In: Why Women HATE Working with Other Women

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-women-hate-working-other-roos-brekelmans

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All those articles, from legit places.  It can't be for no reason.

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Ok.. still reading through MyLolita's diary off and on when I have free-time, somehow it feels like reading a novel of some kind.  

I get annoyed at seeing people try to fix her, or psychoanalyze her.  I get it, we all do this to some degree (I'm really bad about it!), but she's just writing for fun!  It's just the cute venting and rantings of an adorable woman in her 20's-30's....  Not all of our random thoughts are supposed to be deep and meaningful, pure and good, sometimes they're just irrational, sad, scared, or lonely.  She's so honest and her honesty is breath-taking.

Anyway, I adore her.  

I thought this was funny though, from another long-winded critique from someone named TiredofVampires...

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 (lonnng rant criticizing her has been cut out)  .... "The Memoirs of a Redhead" published, maybe she'll get on Oprah, but it won't be because "anyone could have done it."

 

And certainly, landing a husband who will take care of you with no qualms, who relishes you being his "kept wife" in this day and age, is only a choice inasmuch as it was given to be chosen. Peruse the dating sites to see how many men are okay with women who don't work, and don't want to, and you'll see what I mean.

 

I'm not here to attack you, Lolita. (And I'm posting to respond to PTH's post.) I'm here to speak truth to the situation, and separate the fiction from the non-fiction. 

LOL on the, "I'm not here to attack you, Lolita."  Backstory on this post above is that this lady had been criticizing and arguing back and forth with MyLolita in her journal for a few months, and then continues to do it for a few more!  Sometimes I had to skip over bits of her posts because when reading them, they just come across as sounding extremely self-righteous and condescending toward MyLolita. 

They are hard to read.  Who wants to read a a lot of self-righteous condescention?    

Sometimes I wonder if people really understand what they look like, and I feel genuinely sorry for them.  The kind of sadness I feel for my in-laws in how they only harm themselves with being so strange and anti-social.  I get it though that we all probably come across as cringeworthy in some respect online, but I feel like some people know they're annoying and some don't seem to see their own behavior.  

Did TiredofVampires understand or know that she was being what is called an, "Emotional Vampire," in psychology?  

Ironic her name, yet emotional vampires usually pick up their behavior from being around other psychological types of vampires (so she probably learned to be like this from other people in her life doing this to her).

My dad has a particular dislike for people who act like this.  He thinks they need to get a life and get off their high horse.  He almost got his Master's in psychology, but the university close to where they lived at that time wouldn't offer the last course he needed and he didn't want to transfer so he went on and got jobs in other things and was successful there.  He was one class away from his Master's ❤️ But he loved to explain to us all the different kinds of people and bring it down to our level for us at home.   

Since she's so keen on judging Lolita, I'll psychoanalyze her a little here --

Tired of Vampires fits a certain kind of person to a, "T," which explains why she so passionately reads something she isn't enjoying just to make herself feel self-righteous internally when she launches into these dialogues to, "correct," or, "fix," the author. 

It also explains why she feels this incredible drive to, "speak the truth," and talk down to MyLolita all the time. 

She makes multiple, very long-winded posts criticizing her and talking down to her, over the course of not just weeks, but months to years it looks like. 

Normal people who are more mentally healthy don't do that, they just don't allow themselves to (at least not to this degree of it carrying on for months to years).  A person constantly reading something they don't like, only to chastise and correct is doing so because they get something (positive for themselves) out of feeling superior to others.  And that very much comes across when you read her replies. 

She feels very superior to Lo, she thinks she's doing everything right, and Lo is doing most things wrong.

She's low on emotional intelligence and compassion, and high on needing to be right and put Lo in her place.

That's also why she's a self-proclaimed, "social justice warrior."  Unfortunately I think it's common for people who claim that title to also carry this load of psychological desire to feel more virtuous than other people.  It's their flaw they have to deal with in life... flaunting their social virtue by announcing it or showing it in some visible sign 😕.  They usually aren't aware of it, and hence don't usually get help or change.

She lectures Lo on needing to be more empathetic, while neglecting to realize she is showing her lack of empathy and understanding in her long-winded judgmental posts where she talks down to her.

It is fascinating in a way, to step back and read what's happening to them both.

Virtue signaling is like a drug.  It is her attention seeking drug by way of making herself feel better than people like Lo.  Not psychologically healthy, obviously, because it turns her into an emotional vampire, sucking the positivity out of life, but most importantly, her own life because she gets dragged into negative arguments because she finds out people don't like feeling that chastised and talked down to.  Then claims she wasn't attacking them... but that's what emotional vampires do, they deny deny deny.  Criticizing and shaming Lo for months to years on end, definitely is a form of psychological attack for her.  TiredofVampires won't validate what she's doing is wrong, because she enjoys it so much and pretends she's helping her. 

Vampires never tell the truth of what they're doing, when you hold up a mirror, they can't see themselves and have no reflection (reflecting abilities in their minds).

People like this actively spend time to nitpick and judge, condemn and then pretend she's doing you good service by trying to get you to live a better life (😂!!!).  

Going deeper psychologically, she does this to feel better about herself.  She has to find someone she views as beneath her to fix, to correct, to chastise, like a project, then she feels a little better, until the negativitiy creeps in and she looks for her next victim (remember it's the analogy of her being a literal vampire that looks for victims to suck joy/happiness/life out of).

I have a whole book on emotional vampires my parents gave me when a teenager, but I can't remember which one she's called.

Poor lady... hopefully she's changed by now.

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