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How Do You Balance Life with Kids?


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I agree and disagree. I think that as people get older, our personalities, characters, habits, etc., become "calcified," and less influenced by outside forces. But I credit my years and year

Avoided? I don't think of it like that! I mean, I've "avoided" a lot in life. I've avoided living in Africa, I've avoided becoming an accountant, I've avoided bungee jumping from a hot air balloon. Bu

You and I are fortunate regarding help from husbands.  My husband helps me with everything so I've been very lucky.  Even though he helps me immensely, I was extremely busy especially when my son

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Oh maybe I should add...

So when I talked to a psychologist about our dynamic years ago... trying to understand it myself because it really was so confusing to be gaslighted by his dad, and told everything was my fault and my problem, etc.  The psychologist pointed out that it wasn't all my fault... not at all.

He pointed out several things my husband had already done showing he was trying to break away from his family and what they wanted for him in life.  He had already made many decisions going against what all of them (collectively since they act in a group) wanted for his future. 

He even showed me how my husband picking me, a drastically different kind of woman in almost every way than what his family wanted, was a huge rejection of his family... and yes, the undertones of that was offensive to many of them, in other words, it hurt them.  His choice even had racial undertone differences they weren't comfortable with... that we found out later on.  And I see a lot of that with Harry.  He seemed to choose the exact opposite, in every way, of what they wanted him to choose (she was a divorcee, older than him, from America, different race partially, a celebrity... etc.).  Whereas his brother didn't do that, so they didn't evoke the same almost subconscious negative responses.

It's interesting... and maybe I'm wrong.  But again, the interview was probably too much :/ I don't think it's going to help anything longterm.

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I just don’t see Meghan in a good light. She went from being a nobody to thinking she is all that and a bag of chips. 
 

Maybe I just see it differently being from a Commonwealth Country and being alive for all the Diana stuff and was an adult when she died. I was pregnant with my son at the time. I remember Charles going to get her body and he openly cried. And how her and Prince Philip had a special relationship where she called him Papa. 
 

It is our Royal Family as well as She is Queen of Canada and has been since my own mom was 6 years old. She is the only Queen 4 generations of people remember. We have a fondness for Her. I grew up in school singing God Save the Queen. So when an upstart no one starts calling her a horrible person we are like Wth. 

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42 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I just don’t see Meghan in a good light. She went from being a nobody to thinking she is all that and a bag of chips. 
 

Maybe I just see it differently being from a Commonwealth Country and being alive for all the Diana stuff and was an adult when she died. I was pregnant with my son at the time. I remember Charles going to get her body and he openly cried. And how her and Prince Philip had a special relationship where she called him Papa. 
 

It is our Royal Family as well as She is Queen of Canada and has been since my own mom was 6 years old. She is the only Queen 4 generations of people remember. We have a fondness for Her. I grew up in school singing God Save the Queen. So when an upstart no one starts calling her a horrible person we are like Wth. 

Yes, I understand.  I can see it from the other side of loving the Royal Family so much. 

And Diana definitely had a lot of problems.  I think them preying on her when she was only 20 though, and they knew how much he loved Camilla, wasn't good or kind.  Just an overall toxic situation that they were (at best?) hoping would work itself out on its own?  But they sacrificed her life and marriage over that hope, which looks a lot to me like taking advantage of a 20 year old and pairing her with someone 12 yrs her senior who they knew was in love with another woman.

...

I wish they had actually investigated the Prince Andrew connection with Jeffery Epstein though.  It is odd to me, incredibly odd, that they are so quickly investigating the claims Meghan bullied staff, and yet didn't at all investigate Prince Andrew after all that came out.  

He's literally in pictures with Epstein... and zero investigation about it.

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I don’t think Diana was “ preyed upon” they decided she was a good candidate for a next Queen Consort. She was of nobility and had no scandalous past , the next Monarch couldn’t just marry anyone. She had to have certain criteria. This is all laid out by law and constitution. The Spencers had a very long noble lineage, and Lord Spencer Diana’s brother is the Queen’s Godson. The Queen’s own sister couldn’t marry the love of her life either because he was divorced. Those 6th inline and above to the throne and up can’t just marry whoever  they please. The Royal Family HAS to abide by Constitutional Laws and to change ANYTHING needs agreement from the House of Lords  and the House of Commons. They have changed things for William to be able to marry Kate and they changed from male dominant primogeniture to absolute primogeniture to include girls so that there can be more Queens Regnant. William   is the only future King not to marry a girl of nobility . He needed special permission from the Queen. Since Harry will never be King it is much less important who he married however he still needed permission to marry Meghan. It was given because of the Queen’s fondness for Harry even if her attitude , Meghan’s was not fondly regarded. It seems the Queen made a mistake in being kind this time. They lost a King the last time a divorced American wanted to be a family member. The Queen lost her father to an early death because he was pushed to be King. 
They made up roles for Meghan to be happy like Vice president of the Queen’s  Commonwealth Trust. Meghan admitted she didn’t  even know what a Commonwealth was. 
 

Plain and simple it was all a titles and cash grab and run. Because she wasn’t going to get Netflix and Spotify deals being Meghan Markel. She needed Harry and his family for that. 

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I am thinking Harry is going to find himself like the Duke of Windsor, a family pariah.( The UK already doesn’t want him back and he was a beloved Prince. They are threatening to become a republic if she doesn’t take his titles away  )But he will be minus Duke and His Royal Highness. He said he wanted to be “ just Harry” and after Sunday he might just get it. And Meghan will ditch him when she is no longer a “ Duchess”. 

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1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

I don’t think Diana was “ preyed upon” they decided she was a good candidate for a next Queen Consort. She was of nobility and had no scandalous past , the next Monarch couldn’t just marry anyone. She had to have certain criteria. This is all laid out by law and constitution. The Spencers had a very long noble lineage, and Lord Spencer Diana’s brother is the Queen’s Godson. The Queen’s own sister couldn’t marry the love of her life either because he was divorced. Those 6th inline and above to the throne and up can’t just marry whoever  they please. The Royal Family HAS to abide by Constitutional Laws and to change ANYTHING needs agreement from the House of Lords  and the House of Commons. They have changed things for William to be able to marry Kate and they changed from male dominant primogeniture to absolute primogeniture to include girls so that there can be more Queens Regnant. William   is the only future King not to marry a girl of nobility . He needed special permission from the Queen. Since Harry will never be King it is much less important who he married however he still needed permission to marry Meghan. It was given because of the Queen’s fondness for Harry even if her attitude , Meghan’s was not fondly regarded. It seems the Queen made a mistake in being kind this time. They lost a King the last time a divorced American wanted to be a family member. The Queen lost her father to an early death because he was pushed to be King. 
They made up roles for Meghan to be happy like Vice president of the Queen’s  Commonwealth Trust. Meghan admitted she didn’t  even know what a Commonwealth was. 
 

Plain and simple it was all a titles and cash grab and run. Because she wasn’t going to get Netflix and Spotify deals being Meghan Markel. She needed Harry and his family for that. 

Right, I can see it that way, that it was a privilege to even be considered for the next Queen Consort.  That is true for sure.  I still don't think it was kind to her, when they knew how attached he already was to Camilla... but I'm hoping they (at least) hoped he'd quit with Camilla and commit fully to Diana.  Maybe they truly thought it would work itself out.  But I think Diana was suicidal... for a lot of years.

And yes, I'm familiar with that other history, and it *does* remind me a lot of that.  And you're right, it definitely did NOT work out well for that prior royal and his divorcee wife (saw a documentary where it revealed she was very regretful in the end, coming between him and his monarchy, saying at his funeral that he,

"He gave up so much, for so little (meaning herself!)."  

She regretted derailing him and separating him from his role and family, at least in old age.  She looked back and decided their life together wasn't worth it... which is all very tragic in a way. 

😕 

No, I don't think this will work out well for this couple Meghan and Harry, either... it's like watching a train heading over a cliff 😞  but I'm hoping it won't ruin their marriage entirely.  Meghan may come to feel extremely guilty, and Harry may come to regret everything.  

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And I really don't understand why, in general, the British royal family has to be so scandalous about these things and brutal in their press!  Other monarchies that still exist, are quiet about these things.  There are other young royal couples who decide to exit the royal life altogether, to live other places (like America... the Swedish princess), much in the same way these two did, and there's not a big to-do about it.  They just quietly let them go.

It doesn't become some life-ruining drama played out for all of us to comment on.  In fact, most people don't even notice LOL.

The Swedish princess that gave up her royal life is now living somewhere in America :D and no one cares LOL!!!  

She's blessed to be so ignored I think.  Granted she's not doing a tell-all interview with Oprah.

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Wanted to add... it's not just Princess Madeleine and her husband and three kids that gave up royal life, her brother and his wife (Prince Carl Phillip and Princess Sophia... very nice looking couple I might add) also have had their children stripped of their royal titles by the King, the kids' Grandfather, and have remarked it's a positive thing, because it gives their children more freedom to choose their own lives and futures.

It was all done fairly quietly... nothing scandalous, just stating the facts.

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48 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

And I really don't understand why, in general, the British royal family has to be so scandalous about these things and brutal in their press!  Other monarchies that still exist, are quiet about these things.  There are other young royal couples who decide to exit the royal life altogether, to live other places (like America... the Swedish princess), much in the same way these two did, and there's not a big to-do about it.  They just quietly let them go.

It doesn't become some life-ruining drama played out for all of us to comment on.  In fact, most people don't even notice LOL.

The Swedish princess that gave up her royal life is now living somewhere in America :D and no one cares LOL!!!  

She's blessed to be so ignored I think.  Granted she's not doing a tell-all interview with Oprah.

To be fair they made the big stink about it. Buckingham palace rarely makes statements about anything. They went all dog day afternoon on their social media platforms making big deals about everything and not informing the queen about anything and totally gob smacking her at every turn. 

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The Queen hasn’t had tell all books and interviews to “ set the record straight” that is Meghan. They haven’t included the Queen in even having the decency to tell her what they historically and legally need to tell her. They just stomp their feet like children and make grand announcements about everything. Every time the Queen has said Harry AND Meghan are beloved members of my family. And Meghan repeatedly figuratively slaps her in the face over and over. Now people she has mistreated don’t want to hear “ her side “ for the 5th time . 

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24 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

The Queen hasn’t had tell all books and interviews to “ set the record straight” that is Meghan. They haven’t included the Queen in even having the decency to tell her what they historically and legally need to tell her. They just stomp their feet like children and make grand announcements about everything. Every time the Queen has said Harry AND Meghan are beloved members of my family. And Meghan repeatedly figuratively slaps her in the face over and over. Now people she has mistreated don’t want to hear “ her side “ for the 5th time . 

Yes... that's what bothers me about this interview thing... it just seems disrespectful to them, and at their age, it looks really bad on Meghan and Harry's part.

I'm very glad I got on well with my husband's grandparents (both sets), his grandfather on his mom's side, the side that was so nasty after he went downhill with dementia, really loved me and was SO kind to me.  I remind myself of that whenever I feel down.  And his other grandparents always loved us, too.  His grandmother on the other side was just so gracious and loving, and even last year, specifically told my husband she was proud of him.

I don't know how we'd feel if we'd majorly disrespected these elderly people.  So I'm not thinking Meghan and Harry are going to feel good about this later on.

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13 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Yes... that's what bothers me about this interview thing... it just seems disrespectful to them, and at their age, it looks really bad on Meghan and Harry's part.

I'm very glad I got on well with my husband's grandparents (both sets), his grandfather on his mom's side, the side that was so nasty after he went downhill with dementia, really loved me and was SO kind to me.  I remind myself of that whenever I feel down.  And his other grandparents always loved us, too.  His grandmother on the other side was just so gracious and loving, and even last year, specifically told my husband she was proud of him.

I don't know how we'd feel if we'd majorly disrespected these elderly people.  So I'm not thinking Meghan and Harry are going to feel good about this later on.

Harry is going to be ditched by Meghan and have nothing left to go back to . He is majorly putting the monarchy at risk. His brother is NOT impressed and his brother will be King.  No one really knows what his father thinks but his dad loves him. There is speculation that Prince Philip has told his son to “ sort this out and stop what is happening to his mother .” 
 

I never knew my husband’s grandparents. His maternal grandmother died when he was 16 months old. His maternal grandfather died when he was about 10. His paternal grandfather died before he was born and his paternal grandmother died the year I met him when she was 92. She lived in the UK. His grandparents were born in the 1890’s. My husband’s parents are late 80’s now. My parents are much younger . My mom will be 75 this month. My dad died a week before his 75th birthday last year. So even though I am almost 3 years older than my husband his parents were MUCH MUCH older than mine having kids. My parents were 20 when I was born. 
My husband‘s grandfathers were in the First World War  never mind the second. 

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Ok... real quick before I have to go...

I didn't get to watch the interview, but I was able to read some quotes etc.  And I saw some things that did confirm what I was guessing about that couple in then news....

1) Harry did admit he felt trapped in his royal life even before Meghan.  (So him choosing her could have been a rejection of the institution, of their hopes for him and who he'd pick etc.  He could have been subconsciously looking for a way out of something he really hated. 

I get it that it's hard for people who love the royal family to understand that... he looks ungrateful.  But it doesn't diminish that he says himself, that he hated it and felt trapped.

I feel like it's annoying to compare it to my husband, but a lot of it fits!  The psychologist helped me see he was already making lots of decision that went against what his family wanted for him.  They wanted him to become a Priest of all things 😂 and they would constantly try to get him to reign in his older sister, older cousins, and younger cousins who were going off track and living wild lives.  But he was a teenager when they were putting all of that on him... very odd and ridiculous.  And he absolutely did not want to become a Priest, he knew even back then he wanted kids and a wife (and sex LOL). 

And the family always stayed in one area together, literally when they moved, they all made sure to move to the same place.  They live very much in a group with extended family all close by, they act together as a group, very involved in each other's lives, etc. and he moved fairly far away to get away from that.  And then he had no plans to come back once established, which they would get angry at us about... I remember his aunts were angry we didn't visit every weekend and when we tried, they were angry we also didn't stay the night every weekend LOL as if we didn't have a life in our own city hours away.  Looking back and remembering these details seems surreal.  They really wanted us to live where they did, do life altogether with them, and they were angry when we didn't (not his parents... this was his mom's extended family).  Lots of things where he was rejecting them already... then he chose someone who is exactly opposite in every single way, religion, ethnicity, mannerisms, beliefs, customs, even hair color (I'm only one of two blondes on that side... and the other one was an in-law, too, that they treated badly and ended up never showing up to events) LOL 

I think it was fine when his Grandfather was alive and well, but once he started getting dementia, that's when the female aunts (and some of their sons/children) started being rude and offensive and lashing out at us.  I think there was also a bit of jealousy...  I was so drastically different from the other women, I think it actually offended them.  They hated that I lost the pregnancy weight with our first child (none of them had done that) and they hated my being at a normal weight and would always make comments about that...  it was just nutty!)

2) They claim some things that happened were twisted by the Firm and/or media to make it Meghan's fault (Kate actually made Meghan cry, but then apologized... things like that), and then the Firm didn't bother to protect her by correcting the lies.  Lies that made the UK and Commonwealth people encouraged to hate Meghan even more. 

(Of course that would make it hard... it's basically gaslighting on a national or worldwide level.  I don't know what the right thing really would have been to have done... but if she was really feeling suicidal, at 5 months pregnant, and they denied her being able to go somewhere because it would, "look bad," that's not helpful or taking care of them. 

And I do remember thinking and worrying about them because the awful news and criticisms weren't stopping, even while she was pregnant... and then even after birth, it was very cruel and relentless commentary that only seemed to be getting worse with time....  I did worry how she was handling it, with pregnancy and postpartum being such a vulnerable time.  But the UK people didn't seem to care at all about her as a person.  It was surreal watching it.)

3) Thank goodness she said she and the Queen never had issues.  That the Queen has always been kind to her and she has a good relationship with her as far as she can tell.  She recently called the Queen after Phillip's hospitalization.  I think the interview was still in bad taste (unfortunately), but how else can we peons find out what really went on or is going on behind the scenes?  The people who hate them, want to imagine the Queen hates them, toothey want justification in hating this couple.  The interview blew that out of the water, letting us know they still talk to her and are on good terms in their real lives.

4) I'm still worried that society will win... the UK/Commonwealth people who hate this couple will win in the end, and this couple's marriage will be destroyed, and then they'll all cheer as if they've really accomplished something grand... or because they'll have called it from the beginning.  A commentator pointed out that the only way, "the people," who hate them will win, is if they separate her from her husband, and see them divorced and shamed in that way.  I hope they don't.  I hope they make it, but I'm a hopeless romantic LOL and who knows.  

5) I still feel sympathy for them.  I wish they had postponed the interview, I wish they'd been able to stay within the RF and just lie low for a few years until it died down, but the sympathy is still there, even if I don't agree with their choices.

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No,sympathy here. I didn’t watch the interview and would’ve rather pushed thumbtacks into my eyeballs. I have seen stuff on social media but won’t comment as I am enraged and exhausted right now as I had very little sleep. 

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I will say though however they took absolutely no responsibility for the breakdown of anything. And it seldom just one person isn’t it? Any relationship that breaks down it’s never just one person usually. They took absolutely no responsibility for anything. 
 

She also has completely no understanding of how titles work. The great grandchildren of the Monarch are not Princes. He becomes a Prince when his great grandmother dies. He also inherits the three peerages his father currently occupies ( and if the Queen has any brains whatsoever hopefully not for long )and he is entitled to call himself Lord ...And the only great grandchildren who hold prince or princess their father  will be King one day so of course they are prince or princess. The other great grandchildren don’t hold titles and neither do some of her actual grandchildren. 

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2 hours ago, Seraphim said:

No,sympathy here. I didn’t watch the interview and would’ve rather pushed thumbtacks into my eyeballs. I have seen stuff on social media but won’t comment as I am enraged and exhausted right now as I had very little sleep. 

You're not alone.   My mom refused to watch it... she hates them, too LOL 

Oh well... like I said, I didn't think the interview would really help things.  If anything, it probably makes them more hated 🤷‍♀️

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1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

I will say though however they took absolutely no responsibility for the breakdown of anything. And it seldom just one person isn’t it? Any relationship that breaks down it’s never just one person usually. They took absolutely no responsibility for anything. 

This is true... and it does stick out.  

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I just want to stop seeing them in the news .I .don’t .care. I just want to be able to open a news app and get a news alert that doesn’t have them in it. I am just so sick of them I can’t even explain it. I’m like you wanted to be private ,you wanted to be left alone so shut the hell up. Then to reveal you privately got married three days before this big ass fancy wedding. That’s just a smack in the face to the British taxpayer. No wonder they were giggling and smirking and laughing at the altar. 

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So I've come to understand I have a problem with ruminating (seems to happen when hearing or reading about a similar situation... like a trigger LOL ugh I don't like that word).

These suggestions from this video is awesome!  I already do these basically, BUT it's a good reminder that I have a problem, and that it does have a solution.  The first step is admitting it, right?  😂

 

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Loving the different generations question 😂  I think there's some truth in that people from different generations really do have different mannerisms.  I can tell the younger generation (Gen Z?) from mine is very different in the way they communicate.  To me it's obvious.

So both my husband and I are considered Gen Y'ers... the generation everyone loves to hate 😜 he actually acts more like Gen X, you know... the ones who think they're just, "So Cool..."   I've noticed people in this age range typically consider their upbringing the best (and not available anymore), they had the best music (80's rock, Hello!!), and have a general laid back attitude.  Boomers are well, Boomers LOL  and then most people can recognize the facets of the people from the Greatest Generation, the ones who fought in WWII.  

Obviously there are generational differences in communication style, temperament, and mannerisms.  A Greatest Generation man will be drastically different from the Generation Y or Z male, and the expectations were different, society was different, there are a lot of things that make this true, generally.

I find it fascinating though, how people change overtime, and yet remain the same in  many ways.

 

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I am Gen X and we are pretty resilient. Ours was the generation where women went to work en mass and we are the original latch key kids. We have scars from the Cold War ( my apocalyptic  dreams and constant survivalist plans are testament to that). But we are a small hearty generation. I am at the very top end of the generation so I grew up without digital influence.  I was in Highschool before last of the generation came along. Their influences are different than mine. 

My son is Gen Z first year of it. 

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