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How Do You Balance Life with Kids?


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2 hours ago, bluecastle said:

But those who choose a different path may not be avoiding one that looks like yours, if that makes sense. Rather, they may just think about—or not—in a very different way. 

Can you honestly re-read Rose's quote where she's thinking about building a cabin with someone else, and then decides that maybe she doesn't want to, she says she knows she'll build a cabin anyway, why not build it in a location where she alone wants to, and in the way she alone wants to build it (as opposed to collaborating with another person), and not, "see," that as someone who maybe (just maybe!) has the desire to avoid a legally binding partnership, because doing it alone would be a little more fun for her (in her passing musing)?

I'm curious if you can, "see," her quote was essentially about thinking she'd rather do it alone (possibly avoiding having a legal partner)?

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You and I are fortunate regarding help from husbands.  My husband helps me with everything so I've been very lucky.  Even though he helps me immensely, I was extremely busy especially when my son

I agree and disagree. I think that as people get older, our personalities, characters, habits, etc., become "calcified," and less influenced by outside forces. But I credit my years and year

Avoided? I don't think of it like that! I mean, I've "avoided" a lot in life. I've avoided living in Africa, I've avoided becoming an accountant, I've avoided bungee jumping from a hot air balloon. Bu

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Just a clarification...

Musings are just random thoughts.  I totally get that Rose's quote was a cute passing musing.  It really wasn't meant to be that deep.

Many things I write here are just passing musings and sometimes half-baked thoughts.

Please don't get offended (maybe I should add an official warning sign LOL 😂). 

They are the random musings of a seriously sleep-deprived mother of 4 (ugh!) and don't take them so seriously.  A lot of the time I'm figuring it out myself and I do like hearing other people's thoughts.

But I don't like hearing other people seem offended, or feeling, "judged," goodness!  

If you do feel offended or judged, you may want to look inside as to WHY.  When this journal is not about you, or written to judge you... so there's no reason to feel offended by my reasonings.

If you think my reasonings are faulty... they really may be!  I admit I don't know everything.  You can totally try to point out where you think I'm messing up the logic (I actually appreciate that, it's fun to debate things).  But don't get angry about my reasoning being faulty, just go on and think to yourself "Wow, that lady is an idiot!" LOL  And your day will be better I promise!

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Oh wow something I thought about randomly and don't want to let pass into forgotten thoughts...

So this journal probably should be titled, "My Life of Oxymoron's," ...

I tend to see the oxymoron's in life, which naturally, I think can be confusing to someone trying to read.

"Young marriage is brutally hard... yet I think the rewards are worth more than a million dollars..."

That collection of posts (debating back and forth) were founded on that truth basically being an oxymoron I think.

I actually am an oxymoron.  Maybe everyone is to some extent.  

I'm a very independent person, that took a very unconventional path (in my parents' minds at least... I mean I got kicked out for it!) and chose traditionalism when surrounded by people who were most definitely not choosing that.

I'm an independent woman who (at the moment and at some moments in the past, but not all) depends on my husband.  It's an oxymoron in a very fundamental way.  And I can understand if some people can't really, "get," that.  You'd probably have to know me intimately in person to fully understand how weird I am.

I hope my daughter does seriously consider young marriage, because I'm biased and our love story is my favorite love story.  But I also highly value her independence and can understand and brace myself for her to be like me, and pick something out of the blue and surprise us all.

Oxymoron's.  They are my life.

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3 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

If one chooses to avoid the institution of marriage, and live with a partner and not marry right now, they are actively avoiding the institution of marriage.  Does that make sense? 

To a degree. 

I'd just flip it around. A year and change ago I made a choice, like many before me, to live with my partner. This is not, as I see it, "avoiding" the institution of marriage, unless there was a mutual agreement that we would never marry in the future. In the one example of myself, that's just not the case, which is why I personally feel the need to clarify a bit.  

Choosing to staying single, whether meaning choosing to not participate in romance in any way or choosing to not have your romance ratified by the government, isn't a "legal" choice. That's just being a person in the world, no forms or ceremony required. Best I understand things, your legal choices are marriage or some kind of civil union that allows for state, but not government, recognition.  

But maybe the gap I'm trying to bridge here can come from this example: 

I am a property owner, which is to say I have made a life choice that involves the government, money, legal stuff, some pomp and circumstance, and so on. It has been very good for me—and, like marriage, is one of those "things" that mark adulthood, culturally speaking, that lives build toward and build from. Still, many people do not buy property, even if they can afford to. I would not say that means, by default, that they are "avoiding" the institution of homeownership, as it carries too much potential of me assigning motivation where maybe there is simply none.  

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8 hours ago, bluecastle said:

I would not say that means, by default, that they are "avoiding" the institution of homeownership, as it carries too much potential of me assigning motivation where maybe there is simply none. 

Psychology is complicated BC.

A lot of people are in denial about what they really are avoiding in life.

You really don't know how much the choices they made affected their ability to afford property.  Self-sabotage, for instance, which I think is the case for a lot of people whether they recognize that or not, would end up in them avoiding being able to afford a home, because they self-sabotage and don't even know themselves.  Even if they want to be homeowners, until they address their ability to save and not self-sabotage, they're going to be avoiding it by making very bad choices in their lives.

Some truly prefer to rent, we were in that category for over 10 years because we had very cheap rent and it was beneficial for savings.  But yes, even then we avoided homeownership by making the choice to stay renters.  We had no desire to own a home yet, we'd actually seen other couples we knew fail drastically at that and end up in horrible foreclosures.  So we avoided all of that mess and just focused on saving and living our lives.

 

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8 hours ago, bluecastle said:

This is not, as I see it, "avoiding" the institution of marriage, unless there was a mutual agreement that we would never marry in the future.

I thought you both knew neither of you want to marry right now.  So in a way, even if you haven't had some serious conversation about it, I'd say there IS a mutual agreement that you both are putting it off, avoiding it for the moment, and focusing on just living together and doing life.

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5 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Psychology is complicated BC.

A lot of people are in denial about what they really are avoiding in life.

You really don't know how much the choices they made affected their ability to afford property.  Self-sabotage, for instance, which I think is the case for a lot of people whether they recognize that or not, would end up in them avoiding being able to afford a home, because they self-sabotage and don't even know themselves.  Even if they want to be homeowners, until they address their ability to save and not self-sabotage, they're going to be avoiding it by making very bad choices in their lives.

Some truly prefer to rent, we were in that category for over 10 years because we had very cheap rent and it was beneficial for savings.  But yes, even then we avoided homeownership by making the choice to stay renters.  We had no desire to own a home yet, we'd actually seen other couples we knew fail drastically at that and end up in horrible foreclosures.  So we avoided all of that mess and just focused on saving and living our lives.

 

This above is founded on the basic truth that people do what they want to do.

You have to watch their actions, not their endless explanations and talking.  

A person's actions tell you what they value (more) at the moment, and also tell you (possibly) what they don't value highly enough in order to make happen.

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Agree with what you're saying, especially about what actions reveal. All in all, who we are is a reflection of the choices we make, and don't make. Perhaps we're just in the weeds here, a bit, because you and I have very different outlooks on marriage and/or how we view our personal lives, and personal choices, in a larger context. 

For whatever it's worth, I haven't felt judged or offended by anything here, just engaged, if that riff was at all aimed in my direction. You and I have a lot in common, in ways, in that we've both made some choices (consciously and otherwise) that put us outside the "average." I recall a period, in my mid 30s, where that became especially visible to me. Couldn't help but flash back to that reading your riffs on the oxymoronic nature of humans and the human that is you. 

5 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I thought you both knew neither of you want to marry right now.  So in a way, even if you haven't had some serious conversation about it, I'd say there IS a mutual agreement that you both are putting it off, avoiding it for the moment, and focusing on just living together and doing life.

And yeah, this about sums it up. Though we've had plenty of conversations about all this. I love talking about marriage with her, as she has really insightful views on it all—some very warm, others sharp, and brings to the table a much different history than my own. 

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Wow!!!!  

It took me a LONG time to find my own journal on here!!!! 

I even tried to search through the posts from my profile, no luck!  But then finally saw there's a tab of all the journals.  Inside the Journal, "Club."

I hope I remember it LOL 😂

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Kids are doing great getting back into the school routine!  

I started subtraction with our Kindergartner and he loves it so much he actually gets excited flipping through his Subtraction book and seeing it get harder! 

Wow, little Viking!  You definitely get that from your dad!  Your dad was so naturally good at math, he didn't even have to read my physics books and could understand what was going on without having to read any of the chapter!  Very shocking to me back then, as I had to read the chapter sometimes twice to really take it in and made all A's.

I hated math as a kid lol, but my mom told me I needed to at least try to like it so that it would get easier, and it did.  Once in college, where the math started getting dramatically harder, I made an A in each math class up to Calculus and it's like everything just, "clicked," finally.  

Suddenly the math in all my physics college courses made sense, and the math in my biochemistry courses made sense, it was insane how it all just clicked after years of having to work at it (and feeling miserable at times in high school).

So to see a 5 or 6 year old enjoy it so much is crazy to me!  Very happy for him.  Our oldest is good at math, but he doesn't enjoy it as much and does what I did, just tries because he knows his future goal will probably need a strong math base.

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Ok... so I had an epiphany about my husband's parents and what to do (I think).

We're Christian, but even across time and cultures, it's pretty serious that you need to show honor to your elder relatives, whether you like them or not.

Biblically, for Jews and Christians, it's part of the ten commandments to, "Honor your father and mother," and it's also tied to a blessing and promise that this will give you a long, prosperous life in the land."

In India the elder parents are usually taken care of by the adult children, and given honor in that way, whether they are, "easy," or not.  In Japan, they actually have a holiday to celebrate all elderly people!!!  They actually give them gifts publicly and call them, "National Treasures."

America is strange in my mind how we don't usually, "see," the elderly parents as that wise or like a. "national treasure."  It's all about youth and anti-aging.  

Of course I don't think it magically helps you actually live longer... most scholars believe it's talking about the fact that honoring these people gives you a fuller, much deeper and richer life!

Honor in Hebrew doesn't mean to hold in high regard.  So you can have had terrible parents (by all accounts) and still do things that, "honor," them.  

Sometimes if they were really bad (abusive, addicts, horrible in general) honoring them may mean living your life as they should have done.  The way my husband is in how great and amazing a father he is when he didn't have that growing up!  That's honoring them in a way. 

We're producing 4 kids who will grow up with strong morals and ethics because my husband was a good father and taught them tons of life lessons and spent the time each night doing that.  

Our kids offer his parents (their grandparents) the chance to, "see," into the future what their progeny will be like, and I'm fairly confident our kids are going to, "honor," their memory by the good choices they make.

Grandkids give grandparents a glimpse into immortality, as they see their progeny and life pass on through their line.  It's really mysterious, but I can tell how proud they are of my husband (despite their flaws) and also how proud they are of our kids.  It's a real emotion that they take pride in how they're turning out so well, due to their son's involvement (and of course mine but I'm a side character in this for them).

Anyway... thought I'd share that breakthrough I had.  

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6 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Ok... so I had an epiphany about my husband's parents and what to do (I think).

We're Christian, but even across time and cultures, it's pretty serious that you need to show honor to your elder relatives, whether you like them or not.

Biblically, for Jews and Christians, it's part of the ten commandments to, "Honor your father and mother," and it's also tied to a blessing and promise that this will give you a long, prosperous life in the land."

In India the elder parents are usually taken care of by the adult children, and given honor in that way, whether they are, "easy," or not.  In Japan, they actually have a holiday to celebrate all elderly people!!!  They actually give them gifts publicly and call them, "National Treasures."

America is strange in my mind how we don't usually, "see," the elderly parents as that wise or like a. "national treasure."  It's all about youth and anti-aging.  

Of course I don't think it magically helps you actually live longer... most scholars believe it's talking about the fact that honoring these people gives you a fuller, much deeper and richer life!

Honor in Hebrew doesn't mean to hold in high regard.  So you can have had terrible parents (by all accounts) and still do things that, "honor," them.  

Sometimes if they were really bad (abusive, addicts, horrible in general) honoring them may mean living your life as they should have done.  The way my husband is in how great and amazing a father he is when he didn't have that growing up!  That's honoring them in a way. 

We're producing 4 kids who will grow up with strong morals and ethics because my husband was a good father and taught them tons of life lessons and spent the time each night doing that.  

Our kids offer his parents (their grandparents) the chance to, "see," into the future what their progeny will be like, and I'm fairly confident our kids are going to, "honor," their memory by the good choices they make.

Grandkids give grandparents a glimpse into immortality, as they see their progeny and life pass on through their line.  It's really mysterious, but I can tell how proud they are of my husband (despite their flaws) and also how proud they are of our kids.  It's a real emotion that they take pride in how they're turning out so well, due to their son's involvement (and of course mine but I'm a side character in this for them).

Anyway... thought I'd share that breakthrough I had.  

That’s the thing our culture makes everything and everyone disposable. Annoy me , YOU’RE OUTTA HERE! Other cultures don’t believe that . People’s families are people’s families and that is it. You can’t divorce someone from their past. It is part of your future. 

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2 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

It took me a LONG time to find my own journal on here!!!! 

I even tried to search through the posts from my profile, no luck!  But then finally saw there's a tab of all the journals.  Inside the Journal, "Club."

I have my profile set up so that I am automatically subscribed to everything I post in. I usually access everything through the Activity/My Activity Streams tab. There's a "Content I Started" option that takes me right to my journals, etc. For everything else, I click "Unread Content," which is available from several different areas. I rarely go through the forum home screen, even when we were using the old format.

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1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said:

It's all about youth and anti-aging.  

That's how you sell products!! 

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

That’s the thing our culture makes everything and everyone disposable. Annoy me , YOU’RE OUTTA HERE!

Agree! 

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14 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I have my profile set up so that I am automatically subscribed to everything I post in. I usually access everything through the Activity/My Activity Streams tab. There's a "Content I Started" option that takes me right to my journals, etc. For everything else, I click "Unread Content," which is available from several different areas. I rarely go through the forum home screen, even when we were using the old format.

Thank you!!!  It's so confusing, I'll have to figure out how to do all of that.  Thanks!!!!

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23 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I have my profile set up so that I am automatically subscribed to everything I post in. I usually access everything through the Activity/My Activity Streams tab. There's a "Content I Started" option that takes me right to my journals, etc. For everything else, I click "Unread Content," which is available from several different areas. I rarely go through the forum home screen, even when we were using the old format.

Eh, I can’t be bothered figuring it all out. Most topics I don’t even look in anymore because I can’t see the new topics without stitching formats or devices or whatever. Not all that motivated. I used to answer things that I saw that sparked an interest in me. But I don’t want to actually have to do work to find it. Know what I mean? I come here more to relax not do more work. 

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On 1/16/2021 at 2:32 PM, Jibralta said:

It sounds a lot more complicated than it actually is 😂

Yep I had a hard time finding it again LOL... 

Made a giant 10.5 quart full pot of Gumbo yesterday!!!!!  Ugh, the deliciousness is insane!!!!  Shrimp, Chicken, and Sausage, all the classic veggies together, and then that classic gumbo flavor that comes from cooking the base Creole roux (very different from a classic French roux) lovingly for such a long time!  It's a labor of love, but so worth it!

Made a doubled recipe for sweet cornbread from scratch to go with it as well ❤️  Oh my Lord, it was all SO delicious!!!!

***

I've been writing down the recipes I've perfected over the years in a journal for myself to have it all collected together in one place.  It's easier to look back on and recreate, PLUS I want our kids to be able to have it when they're older when I'm gone. 

So this gumbo recipe, I took the time to write it out and put it in my cookbook journal last night.  

I'm a cookbook nerd!  For years (over 10 years?) I've loved just reading cookbooks for leisure, learning all I can about the different ways to create something from scratch (or by using things to, "cheat,").  I really love cooking from scratch though, there's a weird feeling of accomplishment that I don't feel when I use things to cheat.  But then that's not always true, some things are easier to use frozen from packages, etc.  And not everything is always worth making from scratch.

But Gumbo definitely is :D .  And now we'll have enough to hopefully give to the elderly man down the street who I think would really enjoy it! ❤️ 

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1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

I was just thinking that I need to get my mom to write down her recipes for me. 

I find my mom's recipes and grandmother's and aunt's all very valuable in different ways.  Even if I don't copy them exactly, it's just so cool to see how they did it.

Like my mom is extremely scatterbrained BUT she studied gourmet cooking before having us kids, so she really understood things in the kitchen.

Reading her recipe notes is crazy though LOL the ingredient list is even, "disorganized," to my brain lol, but it's fun to see how she views things/did things, and I am actually going to try one of her cakes just to relive what she did!

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My grandmother was terrible at cooking normal food, but she was great at desserts. My mom became a very good cook through sheer natural skill. I never appreciated it until I tasted other parents' cooking after I became an adult. She doesn't always follow recipes, so I am sure she'll be doing a lot of cooking and writing when I ask her.

My great aunts were the same way as my mother--no recipes. From Greece, they brought with them ingrained knowledge of how to bake pastitsio, keftedes, spanakopita, kalitsounia, tiropitas, baklava, kourabiedes, koulourakia. They lead the cooking process for every holiday. We had to sit them all down in the 1990s, before they all passed away, to help us figure out some written recipes. A lot of baking was involved in the effort. And the recipes are very funny looking with strange quantities. But we know what they meant!

As for myself, I like following recipes and tend to create my own by merging and altering ones that I find online. I have a folder of printouts with notes scrawled all over them!

 

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 I don't want to keep hijacking this girls post, so I'll just respond here:

34 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

What on earth does that mean other than trying to see if there's a way to wedge into your current marriage/relationship?  

That's why I never had my messenger on when I had facebook. And when I'd get friend requests from husbands that I met at a party or whatever, I'd friend their wife so that the husband didn't think he was going to get away with any funny business from me. 

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Wow that's amazing about your family's recipes, Jibralta 😮 And yes, I understand the strange quantity thing lol, like, "two fingers of water," LOL when that literally means getting about two fingers wet and splashing the dough or something (?) - just funny!

That is wonderful they were able to get them written down eventually before they passed on.

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My grandma was a super good cook and was a house keeper for a doctor in Montreal in the 1930’s. She was also the cook at a logging camp when my grandfather was a lumberjack. 
 

However, she didn’t teach my mom because my grandma was an UBER control freak who wanted no one in her kitchen . 
 

She passed over 40 years ago now and I only know two of her recipes. But my mom‘s cousin who recently passed was a chef and did a lot of Acadian dishes. My mom’s family is Acadian . 

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