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How Do You Balance Life with Kids?


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Avoided? I don't think of it like that! I mean, I've "avoided" a lot in life. I've avoided living in Africa, I've avoided becoming an accountant, I've avoided bungee jumping from a hot air balloon. Bu

You and I are fortunate regarding help from husbands.  My husband helps me with everything so I've been very lucky.  Even though he helps me immensely, I was extremely busy especially when my son

I agree and disagree. I think that as people get older, our personalities, characters, habits, etc., become "calcified," and less influenced by outside forces. But I credit my years and year

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7 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

And carbs range to fill in.  Some days it looks more like a keto style diet, but I can't sustain myself throughout the week like that with these kinds of workouts, so some days have more healthy carbs like sweet potatoes etc.

Back in 2014, I  was doing an elimination diet in an attempt to find out what was causing me so much pain in my ankles and hands. At the same time, I was going to CrossFit 4x per week.

The company I worked for ordered bagels for the whole office once a week, on Friday mornings. There was a huge assortment of bagels, more bagels than employees.

One week, I reached a point in the elimination diet where I was only eating meat and vegetables. When bagel day arrived on Friday, I had a bagel. My body was dying for it. Then I went back and had three more bagels!! I could not control myself.

That's when I learned that carbs are so important when you are lifting weights.

7 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

It will be interesting to see if my body responds the same again, or if it's different/harder this time.

The first time I really noticed a difference in my metabolism was when I was 36. 

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17 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

That's when I learned that carbs are so important when you are lifting weights.

YES!!!  Everyone seems to love the keto diet, but for women, it can really mess with our hormones not to have enough carbs long-term.  

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7 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Our workouts went great!  We both do our own thing because honestly our bodies require totally different training styles, but we do it together in the same room.  I love working out, but a part of me hates feeling how out of shape my body is (for weight-lifting and high intensity things).  But this is why we're starting....

That's awesome, maritalbliss...truly! It's hard to get back into shape after a baby (heck, even after Christmas holidays!). So for you to commit to it and follow through, it's a great achievement!

 

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4 hours ago, SherrySher said:

That's awesome, maritalbliss...truly! It's hard to get back into shape after a baby (heck, even after Christmas holidays!). So for you to commit to it and follow through, it's a great achievement!

 

It's painful, but I know it will make me happy in the long-run 🙂 Thank you for supporting me, Sherry ❤️  

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4 hours ago, Jibralta said:

That's when I learned that carbs are so important when you are lifting weights.

Should probably add... Keto DOES work for weightloss.  It just does, period!  

BUT there's a caveat to Keto diets... they don't work with anaerobic workouts like weightlifting.  

Just wanted to put that out there for anyone reading.  I'm not really a fan of Keto, BUT I can't deny it really works for massive weightloss when needed.

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7 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Should probably add... Keto DOES work for weightloss.  It just does, period!  

BUT there's a caveat to Keto diets... they don't work with anaerobic workouts like weightlifting.  

Just wanted to put that out there for anyone reading.  I'm not really a fan of Keto, BUT I can't deny it really works for massive weightloss when needed.

Good information...thanks!

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9 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Should probably add... Keto DOES work for weightloss.  It just does, period!  

It didn't work for me. However, I know it is very effective for some people. My godmother and my mom had great success with it.

For that reason (and because unlimited bacon!), I gave it a shot in my mid-20s. I was very diligent about it. Read the whole Atkins book, rigidly adhered to the plan--just as my mom and godmother did. But.... nothing. NOTHING. The scale did not budge.

I did learn that meat is boring and that all the flavors come from carbs and vegetables. 

So, I think that success with Keto comes down to body chemistry. 

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Keto is actually different from Atkins, but I understand why that's confusing since they both get your body into Ketosis.

With Atkins, you can have meat and lots of it.  But Keto diets are based in this idea of having fats be your main source of fuel - completely almost.  

A keto diet has you eating a crazy amount of fat specifically, NOT too much protein or it will push you out of ketosis.  

To me it's a little crazy, but apparently Atkins was able to get people into ketosis even with eating more meat (?) makes the whole thing sound really odd imo.

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3 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I eat mostly Keto because I am diabetic. 

That's great, Seraphim, I've read it can mostly cure diabetes depending on the conditions present in your body.  I'm sure it's very helpful for that.

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6 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

That's great, Seraphim, I've read it can mostly cure diabetes depending on the conditions present in your body.  I'm sure it's very helpful for that.

I have been doing pretty good with it. I am very controlled. My level is only “ at risk” right now. My A1C is 5.9 and normal is 5.5 and below. 

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27 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I have been doing pretty good with it. I am very controlled.

I was going to say--my godmother was diabetic, and I think it's one of the reasons that it worked so well for her.

A girl at my last job was pre-diabetic, and she was very successful with it, too. 

Then again, my mom wasn't diabetic, and neither was my boyfriend. Both of them experienced significant success.

4 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

But Keto diets are based in this idea of having fats be your main source of fuel - completely almost.  

Ah, but I did primarily eat fat. Fat is my absolute favorite part of meat (I'm gross, I know), and eating unlimited fat was actually my motivation for exploring a ketogenic diet. 

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2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Ah, but I did primarily eat fat. Fat is my absolute favorite part of meat (I'm gross, I know), and eating unlimited fat was actually my motivation for exploring a ketogenic diet. 

Oh ok LOL  Wow I must have the Atkins diet wrong then, I thought it was primarily about meat/protein.

Fats are very tasty... butter, bacon, avocados ... yummmm 🥑

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It's a lot easier to build a cabin when you've got someone else to hold the other end of a long board.

Apply that to a zillion other things in life. Having a partner who's got your back is priceless.  [Gamon]

 

I loved this quote from Gamon on another thread, so put it here as a reminder.  It's also a verse in Scripture, and wisdom across time in various proverbs and wise sayings, that two people are better than one.

I do think that the longer a person is single, the harder it is for them to be able to find true compatibility. 

I know that sounds so negative 😞 , but the truth is that people get very used to being independent, they start to really enjoy not having to consider a partner all the time and make constant decisions together... some they would seem to prefer to make alone.  

In general, the longer someone is used to being independent, the more resistant they will be to having to make compromises in a long-term relationship that will eventually require compromise.  I know some people can buck that natural tendency, but it IS rare for a reason.

The older one gets, the harder it is for them to create the kind of relationship that would require compatibility and mutual bending together to create room for each other to grow together.  If someone grows for years and years on their own, that's years missed they could have been growing together with another person, entwining their lives and decisions to mesh together, forging a path that's together their own created.  You cannot make up those years of your youth.  That kind of thing is VERY hard to do when you're used to doing things on your own for decades.  It just is.  It CAN be done, but it will probably be a lot harder than when you're younger and not used to decades of independence.  

I think that's the entire root of the problem for people dating when older... the problem that has no name.  

I've noticed the people who remain open to the compromises the more independent ones aren't, are the ones who actually find true compatibility.

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10 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

In general, the longer someone is used to being independent, the more resistant they will be to having to make compromises in a long-term relationship that will eventually require compromise.

I agree and disagree.

I think that as people get older, our personalities, characters, habits, etc., become "calcified," and less influenced by outside forces.

But I credit my years and years of independence with teaching me the value of a partnership. 

My boyfriend was more of a relationship man. He spent the majority of his adulthood in long term relationships... But these relationships weren't exactly partnerships. 

He and I have known each other for almost 40 years. We first met when we were five and six. We drifted in and out of each other's lives as we grew up and became adults. But we were never involved romantically.

There was a point in our early 20s where we came close to getting together. Looking back on that, we both agree that if we had gotten together then, it never would have lasted. We needed more time to find out who we are and what we wanted.

My aunt and my uncle have been together for about 55 years. They got married very young, and they got their lives together faster than most of their friends. They have a good marriage.

When they still lived in my state, I sometimes visited them on weekends. Around the time of their 40th anniversary, I was visiting and they started reminiscing about their relationship. They both said, "If we had the opportunity to relive our lives, we would still marry each other. But we would wait until we were in our thirties."

They just wanted more time to live out their own lives.

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16 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I agree and disagree.

I think that as people get older, our personalities, characters, habits, etc., become "calcified," and less influenced by outside forces.

But I credit my years and years of independence with teaching me the value of a partnership. 

My boyfriend was more of a relationship man. He spent the majority of his adulthood in long term relationships... But these relationships weren't exactly partnerships. 

He and I have known each other for almost 40 years. We first met when we were five and six. We drifted in and out of each other's lives as we grew up and became adults. But we were never involved romantically.

There was a point in our early 20s where we came close to getting together. Looking back on that, we both agree that if we had gotten together then, it never would have lasted. We needed more time to find out who we are and what we wanted.

My aunt and my uncle have been together for about 55 years. They got married very young, and they got their lives together faster than most of their friends. They have a good marriage.

When they still lived in my state, I sometimes visited them on weekends. Around the time of their 40th anniversary, I was visiting and they started reminiscing about their relationship. They both said, "If we had the opportunity to relive our lives, we would still marry each other. But we would wait until we were in our thirties."

They just wanted more time to live out their own lives.

That is the thing my husband and I have been together since I was 22 and he was 20. I think we could have used some life experience and growth before that time . Not that we wouldn’t be together but we had a lot of growing up to do. 

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11 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I do think that the longer a person is single, the harder it is for them to be able to find true compatibility. 

Not really, MB. In fact I believe it is the other way around.  I did not marry young, nor did I wish to.  Indeed, my parents started to become resigned to the fact that I might not marry at all, heh heh. My mother would sigh when asked and say "LaH is far too choosy".   They were in fact quite amazed when I announced I was getting engaged and could not wait to see this man who had got me that far. 

In fact and I am well able to acknowledge this, I would have been most unsuited to becoming a wife when I was young.  In fact I would have been hopeless, lol.   

The fact that I did enjoy being independent did not preclude my intention to marry some day. My mother was 34 when she married and Dad was 40 (first and only marriage for them both). They knew exactly what they were doing, and had many decades together until their decease.

I left home young and went abroad, and I do not regret one moment of the single life I had. 

My Dad was of the opinion, even back then, that no one should marry before 30.

No, it isn't rare at all the be able to make compromises, to be compatible, to have a stable and contented marriage just because one marries later.  In fact, I believe that the maturity and independence acquired during the single years are a huge aid towards a successful marriage. 

I don't think anyone prefers to be alone, or very few do.  Some may remain alone because they don't settle and marry the first thing that comes along for the sake of being married. 

I didn't find it hard becoming a married woman.  On the contrary.  Both being independent souls at heart we sure didn't live in each other's pockets nor do we.  You can grow with someone at any age. 

None of the younger members of our family married until into their early thirties and they are doing just fine. In fact the general trend now is to get married in early thirties. 

However, if a couple want to marry very young that is their choice and good for them.  But marriage in one's thirties isn't doomed to failure, I can assure you. L. 

 

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1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

They just wanted more time to live out their own lives.

See, but I think that realization kind of proves my point though.  Even them as a happily married couple regret not waiting until longer, to have more independence and more perceived control over their lives.  

Independence makes compatibility and compromise unappealing generally.  

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21 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

No, it isn't rare at all the be able to make compromises, to be compatible, to have a stable and contented marriage just because one marries later.  In fact, I believe that the maturity and independence acquired during the single years are a huge aid towards a successful marriage.

I think I'll have to agree to disagree, LH, but I know you found true compatibility (this is more in general an observation).

I think a truly good marriage, one that is a real partnership, is VERY rare. 

We don't know hardly any other couples as in love as we are and in their first marriage still.  We can count on one hand the amount of truly happy couples we personally know, and we know tons.  Most are dreadfully unhappy.  Many of the second marriages are successful because they learned from their mistakes the first time around.  It's all very interesting to me as a quiet observer.

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27 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

I don't think anyone prefers to be alone, or very few do.

I think when you talk to older people, both men and women, you'll find as they look back on their life, they can see how much they value that alone time and independence.  

I think we probably haven't lived enough to really, "see," life from that other side yet.

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You'd be surprised at the immense number of good marriages there are, MB.  I assure you. I also know "tons" lol. 

If people are dreadfully unhappy in their marriage, then they shouldn't have married in the first instance (people marry for the oddest reasons sometimes) and if they find the marriage dreadful then it is time to call it a day.

All marriages have ups and downs, no such thing as a perfect marriage.  But good stable marriages are definitely not rare.

And of course I value my single independent days.  They made me what I am today.  He and I are not some kind of rarity lol. 

Living and working abroad, the amazing experiences I have had, some strange and unusual, the people I have met. It was great. And so is what I have now.  We must remember the saying: "The past is another country, and they do things differently there".  So while we might reminisce about our single days, we sure don't dwell on them as some kind of utopia. 

Those days were what they were. The married couples who are friends of ours all seem to be doing quite nicely.  I notice though that like us, they've been there and done that before getting married, and it shows. 

 

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