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Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash


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First of all, excuse me for any mistake in English, it is not my official language. Anyway, I would like to "receive" some advice.


Well, I (20M) met a woman (24F) in the last year at college. And we understood each other very well, we were having something like a serious relationship, although not "officially". I liked her a lot. And she felt exactly the same. In other words, here it was a happy story (haha). But, because of some old relationships that I had, I acquired some "fears", like serious relationship phobia. Because of that, we only made things official at the beginning of this year.


We always saw each other, but with COVID, I ended up coming to my hometown, and she to hers. We kept in touch, obviously, and everything was fine. On my birthday, she gave the idea of coming to my city, to see me, but as I am very stupid, I told her not to do that (I would never forgive myself if she got COVID because of me). Then, a month later, she just broke up (practically a year and a half of relationship). And with that, she exposed some things that I had never touched myself: that I had been selfish at times in the relationship, acted coldly, and so on. And, looking back, I agree.


She always said that she doesn't keep in touch with any exes, just age as if they didn't exist. But for some reason, we kept in touch and kept talking. However, I was totally unsure about us and totally wrong (trying to get her back). So I ended up pushing her away and she ended up moving away from me. I started an NC to calm myself down (however, she deleted me from FB and stopped following me on Instagram. Here, whatsapp is quite "important", but in this app she didn't block me or anything). Continuing, after about three weeks, I contacted her (last week) to try to talk about things that we had never talked about since the end, but she was not very receptive, saying that "there is no turning back" and that the " cycle is over ", that we will not live together next year, nor will we talk any more. That the things I learned, I must use for the next people I will meet.


Anyway, I love her. And I really wanted to try to get back with her again. And (a very strong trait of mine) I feel very guilty. And now, there's not much I can do (I believe). But, I don't know, I'm exposing it because I wanted to know what other people think about it, and also if there is any kind of hope. Next year, we'll see each other again, I read a lot about "it's about time", but, hahaha, it's horrible to want to talk to someone, see someone and not be able.


But, for those who have read this far, excuse me for the long text (and the errors), there are more details, but I believe that is enough.

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