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I was with my fiance for 8 months, we were going to be married on December 22, 2020. So I thought. Then my fiance all of a sudden said he needed space, we did have a few issues but they were not that bad it turns out while we were on this break he slept with his kids mom. Which they were together for 9 years off and on. He vowed to me that he would never be with her. That she cheated on him a lot of times she was abusive to him and his other kids. Why would he do this to me? He said it was a big mistake that he would never do it to me again. So I took him back. A week later he tells me over the phone that he's done with me again. That was not the same with us anymore. Then I kept texting him why I didn't understand why he wanted to end things again. He texted me that he didn't love me anymore, that I was bugging him to stop texting him, leave him alone. Now he's just gone haven't heard from him for a week now. How can someone that says they love you and want to marry you lie straight to your face? I thought he really loved me, I am so hurt and heartbroken .I heard today that he went back to his kids mom, that's why he left me. And because I was showing him too much attention and that I annoyed him ...But that is so hurtful after everything she has done for him. Why would he leave me someone that would never cheat on him, someone that truly loved him, he used to tell me how happy and in love he was with me. I don't understand all this.

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Sorry to hear this. Does he have drug/drinking issues? He seems rather nasty calling you names, etc. He clearly has issues. Let him be on/off with his crazy 'ex'/gf that just got released from rehab.

 

Run from someone like this. He is nothing but trouble and heartaches. It sounds like he's the cheater, abuser and needs a spin in rehab himself. He has poor integrity so he is lousy to everyone, not just you. Don't take it personally, he's simply a lowlife jerk. You dodged a bullet.

 

My advice about this guy remains the same: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=565862&p=7237475&viewfull=1#post7237475

while we were on this break he slept with his kids mom. her. That she cheated on him a lot of times she was abusive to him and his other kids.

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I'm sorry.

 

it is so easy for me, as an outsider, to see how you deserve so much better than this guy and his doing this is a blessing. you do not want to be married to this mess.

 

I'm sure that doesn't help you but give it time and you'll see. Cheaters are selfish liars. They do these things because they (for whatever reason) do not love themselves and have to get validation from as many people as they can. But they never believe it and one person is never enough. It's the only way I can explain it. there is something broken in them.

 

this guy will probably come back around and you just have to be strong and know that he is only capable of using you and other women to feed his ego.

 

he is pathetic and a loser. the sooner you accept that, the better of you'll be.

 

hang in there

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Because he doesn't care about you. It might hurt to realize this, but you're better off without him. There are plenty of people out there who will treat you better. Starting with yourself by leaving this person in your past. Love yourself and accept that he wasn't meant for you. You deserve better.

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He will use any excuse he can to place the blame on you and tell you that it's your fault he left. A really cheap tactic and pretty low down to be honest.

 

The truth is, he wanted to go back to the ex. Despite how badly she may have treated him or even if she cheated on him. he still wanted her back.

 

I know it's hard to see right now, but he is a bad guy, he is no prize at all and he's done you a favor in leaving, because now you can heal from all of

 

this, move on and meet a man who is ten times better than this one! You don't want a guy who doesn't have enough sense to stay away from a cheater.

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He is still too locked onto her. They were together long term... sounds like you were a rebound :/. So awful

 

With his behaviour it shows.. to be his 'fiance' so fast.. when you only been together 8 months?

That he is 'done with you..again'?

Did not love you anymore.. he never did 'love you', sorry to say :( ( was just lust).

 

WHY did he do this? Because sadly, he was still too much into her.. was not done with her.. and with all she did to him, he is still not done with his relationship- he needs a lot of time to be over it.

No matter what she did- he may be 'trauma bonded'.

 

Either way he had NO right to lead you on like this.. he's a selfish A**.'

 

I know- rebounds hurt! They end as fast as they started.

 

Please stay away from the loser... he is a mess.

 

Move on.. and heal from the crap he caused you.. not all men are like this.. and learn from it .

Those who have been in a LTR are NOT able to just move on in a month- or even 6,since they have had no real time to work on accepting and healing from the break up- and have not let go.

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He did not love you. This guy sounds like a real sleaze bag!

 

How long did you date before becoming engaged? How long had they been broken up before you started dating? Why did you take him back after he cheated on you?

 

Get tested!

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Why did you agree to marry someone you didn’t really know?

And agree to marry someone that didn’t really know you?

 

And especially when you knew he had unresolved issues? Surrounding his ex etc?

 

You can’t really know another until you have spent four seasons with them.

Unfortunately you are only now getting to know him. And that is someone that lies to you.

 

We can’t tell you why he lied.

But we can tell you to not ignore the red flags that I’m sure he raised early days when you next start dating someone.

 

Good luck for your future relationships!

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RED FLAG: When you hear they had an "off and on" relationship, you don't touch them with a 10 foot pole. That says unfinished business, unstable, unpredictable.

 

He more than likely did love you, or he thought he did....but like an addiction that his ex is to him, he dropped everything and ran back. I suspect the ex is toxic, that's why he wanted to break away from her and start a new life with you......but she knew how to bait herself like she has done so many times in the past to lure him back, by saying all the right things, looking hot, etc. And then the cycle will continued with him right back to wanting to get away from her when it all turns ugly. He will regret what he did and feel like a total dumba$$. I hope he doesn't contact you again if he does hang up...you deserve so much better than this. Like everyone had said, you dodged a bullet.

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He said some very rude and callous things to you in your previous thread which only indicated he has no respect for you at all. Asking you if you sit around all day consumed with him? There was one common thread (no pun intended) in both of your threads - that he thinks you don't have anything better to do than text or message him or bother him.

 

The only way out of this is to look the other way and stop focusing on him so much. Somewhere along the way the dynamics shifted and he lost interest in the relationship because he lost interest in you, as a person. This is hard to accept but it happens and break ups happen because of this reason often. I'm not suggesting this is all your fault but he did lose interest in the relationship. He was a bit crass about it explaining it to you but it may have been because he got very frustrated with your texts or you contacting quite a lot.

 

Whether he lied or not should be greater reason for you to look the other way and start planning better things for yourself. Are you employed? Do you have family or friends to be with or speak with?

 

A liar lies because he/she needs to make up for inadequacies in their own lives OR a person lies for self-protection because he/she can't trust the person who is bothering them. Another type of lying is one where there's no rhyme or reason and it's a mental illness - pathological lying.

 

None of those things are good things so count this as if you won the lottery. Any lies or perceived deception by you, the way he treats you, what he says, what he's doing now with his life are all points that should direct you towards a new direction, not run towards him even further. That would be like running yourself off a cliff knowing there's a cliff on the other side. Move forwards and be kind with yourself.

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Whenever someone has been on-and-off with an ex, they are not dating material--much less marriage material.

 

Rebounders will dive in head first to move things along quickly in the hope that this will heal them.

 

They figure out at some point that either they are healed--and really should have taken more time to explore being single, OR, that they are still not over their ex and want to go back.

 

Either way, it's a harsh outcome for anyone who invests in them--so don't even date them.

 

My heart goes out to you. We all have to live and learn, so take the value of the lesson without beating yourself up. It's not that you weren't good enough for this guy, but rather, he was never good enough for you in the first place.

 

You dodged a bullet!

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  • 2 weeks later...
And because I was showing him too much attention and that I annoyed him ....

 

That wasn't the reason, that was his excuse to justify his actions. He was never over the ex, so anything you did wasn't going go to change things. He wanted to avoid facing the issues in his marriage, avoid the pain of being alone and away from her. You were, unfortunately, the one he found to try make himself feel better. It wasn't right and you deserve better. You are better off without him. A better guy is out there, one who will actually love you and treat you with respect.

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