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I'm thinking about writing a letter to my ex who ended our 4 year relationship 6 weeks ago by text and has been ignoring my texts. He says he isnt ignoring me but doesn't want the conversation to turn sour but he ended our relationship by text with no chance of me having a discussion with him about why etc has left me so hurt and I have told him how hurt i am after all our time together and all I have done for him it has made me feel so upset that he couldn't sit me down and talk to me face to face and give me what I deserved. He was cruel as he said the reason was I smelt and challenged him by saying I wasnt going to shower in the morning when I was at his but would have one at home, bearing in mind I had a shower the night before so I know I dont smell and people have said that's his way of making me feel like it was my fault. This guy has a lot of issues and tells me he cant love but I really wanted to be with him and loved him that much that I took a chance on being with him knowing this and he knew I understood him which is another reason why I feel I deserved to be spoken to at the end and not texted and then ignored like I have done something bad to him. I was thinking of putting in the letter how much I loved him and how hurt I am that he did this to me the way he did. However I have already told him this in the texts that he ignored so wonder what is the point? Should I send him the letter, I just want him to know how much he has hurt me and how unfair it was what he did but I also wonder if he even cares. I feel he cant care otherwise he would have said he knows I'm hurt and that he is sorry for hurting me. We did have a lot of fun together despite his issues but yes if I'm being honest he was never affectionate unless he wanted to be and I could sense he didnt love me like I loved him but I didn't think he would end it with me like this after 4 years, I thought he at least cared about me. Should I just leave it? I know I probably should as he should already know how hurt I must be but I guess I want him to show me that he is at least sorry for that but am I looking for something he just cant give me? But that is what is hurting me the most.

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Write it but don't send it. Keep in mind, something in writing is something he can bring to his local police as evidence of your harassing and badgering him. Stop contacting him.

 

Write the letter in the "Post here instead of contacting your ex!" thread: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=304069

I'm thinking about writing a letter to my ex who ended our 4 year relationship 6 weeks ago by text and has been ignoring my texts.

 

I was thinking of putting in the letter how much I loved him and how hurt I am that he did this to me the way he did. However I have already told him this in the texts that he ignored so wonder what is the point?

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Should I just leave it? I know I probably should as he should already know how hurt I must be but I guess I want him to show me that he is at least sorry for that but am I looking for something he just cant give me?

 

Yes, you should just leave it.

 

All your threads indicate that this was not the relationship you desperately wanted it to be. It's not going to happen now either, Mug. You need to let go of him and learn to live with the idea that he isn't going to be the man you are looking for.

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He wasn't an ex, he was a FWB who treated you like trash. He was also awful to your kids. Why was that OK for you? . Don't you think you should focus on them!

 

Why do you continue to pursue this? He does not care/sorry or he would not have done what he did.

 

I don't understand why you continued with all of this for FOUR years? Do you usually choose these types of toxic situations?

 

We have already advised you numerous times to leave him alone and accept it's done.

Edited by Hollyj
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Don't send him anything. You have to move on with your life and let it sink in that it's over. Break ups are hard for that reason because it's about shifting realities and creating new ones for your yourself. You're focusing your energies on the wrong things. All of it is wasted on this person, trying to recall what cannot be your reality any longer going forward. It also sounds like he was a real piece of work from your description of the way he treated you. Continuing to lavish energy and time on this person is like pouring water on a rock. Start spending more time on your own health and wellbeing. The whole focus has to change.

 

You can do it, turn things around. Don't slide backwards.

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Wasting your time...he doesn't want to resolve anything. He is being cruel, and ignoring your text messages because he wants to be left alone, wants his space....he knew you were going to be going after him, that's why he's shut you out.

 

Write a letter but don't send it that's what I would advise....putting pen to paper will help you start with the healing process. You are grieving to loss, and this comes in stages. Look up 5 stages of recovery after a breakup.

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OP, it's not that he doesn't know, it's that he doesn't care and isn't even remotely sorry about it. He did what he wanted to and how he wanted to.

 

Look, if you got robbed while walking down the street, would you be running after the robber yelling at him to stop and give you a hug and make you feel better and demand that he tell you he is sorry for robbing you? No, right? You understand that he robbed you because he meant to, wanted to and is not sorry at all about it. SAME THING. This guy you wasted 4 years on meant to treat you like dirt, mean to hurt you, meant to dump you - so stop looking for him to make you feel better.

 

What will make you feel better is dealing with your codependent issues. It's madness on your end that you get treated worse than dirt and continue to cling and cling to a toxic psycho.

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OP, it's not that he doesn't know, it's that he doesn't care and isn't even remotely sorry about it. He did what he wanted to and how he wanted to.

 

Look, if you got robbed while walking down the street, would you be running after the robber yelling at him to stop and give you a hug and make you feel better and demand that he tell you he is sorry for robbing you? No, right? You understand that he robbed you because he meant to, wanted to and is not sorry at all about it. SAME THING. This guy you wasted 4 years on meant to treat you like dirt, mean to hurt you, meant to dump you - so stop looking for him to make you feel better.

 

What will make you feel better is dealing with your codependent issues. It's madness on your end that you get treated worse than dirt and continue to cling and cling to a toxic psycho.

Love the robber analogy.

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don't write him. don't ever allow him to talk to you again. you know everything you need to know about this guy and what he has to offer.

 

don't use pity and martyrdom to make people somehow validate you or make you feel better about yourself. your feelings are your responsibility.

 

When someone treats you poorly, you get away from them. you don't allow them to do it again.

 

instead of wasting your time on him... write yourself a letter and ask yourself why you need this guy to care? and why you don't think you deserve better and why you tolerated being treated this way?

 

look at those reasons and work on your own self esteem and confidence. so you are better equipped to recognize a jerk in the first place and get away from them sooner.

 

love yourself...

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You need to ask yourself what you would get out of writing him a letter. Because you know he’s not going to respond or even take it seriously. I think you want closure but you may not get it from him, so you need to get it from yourself by blocking and moving on.

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I had to come back and be honest and admit that I write these type of letters every time. But I don't do it for them, to get through to them or to get the last word in.

I write these letters for myself. I purge all my thoughts that I am probably obsessing about in the moment. I write a brutally honest account of everything that transpired. All his wrong doings and my regrets

It's very cathartic. I keep it close by and refer to it whenever I am doubting myself and feeling vulnerable.

I think we slip into romanticizing about what happened and deny the truth when we are hurting.

I feel much more centered when I reread what I wrote. I also never send it.

The best response to someone like him is your silence.

The best outcome is you that move on and are happier and a better person without him.

I say go ahead and write it. But not if you are tempted to send it.

Do it for yourself.

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If he didn't even care enough about you to do the right think and break up in person after a whole 4 years together, what makes you think he would care about anything you write in a letter?

 

Someone like that deserves no more space in your head, so move on, which can only be done with no more contact.

 

Never cross an ocean for someone who won't even jump over a puddle for you.

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I feel he gave you the run around and any excuse to weasel his way out of it all.

 

But, you knew from what he said.. he can't 'love'., so was a chance YOU took.

 

No, dont do a letter to tell him you love him- he knows. And that he hurt you- he knows.

 

Best to just leave him be.. dont beg.. dont chase. ( If you do, you can drive them further away).

 

He may have cared, yes.. But in the end, he came out & let you go- instead of faking it anymore

Neither one of you need to carry on any further.

 

Yes, it hurts.. when we take that chance in getting involved :/.

 

Walk away.. expect nothing more.. and focus on YOU now... self care.. work on healing from this experience.

 

One day at a time,

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You posted this not long ago, the part about you smelling bad is what reminded me I'd already read this. Did you not like what people said the first time around?

 

I'm sure there will be a third with the same question.

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Mug, you post every few days about how sad you are about this breakup, you don't respond to what people write, then you come back and post again.

 

What is it about this man that has you loving him so much? He treated you horribly and yet you want to go back to him. I can't understand why.

 

Can you please direct this love you have for him toward yourself? Can you focus on your kids and stop thinking you must have this man in your life? He made you miserable; not having that misery in your life is a good thing not a bad thing.

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I had to come back and be honest and admit that I write these type of letters every time. But I don't do it for them, to get through to them or to get the last word in. I write these letters for myself. I purge all my thoughts that I am probably obsessing about in the moment. I write a brutally honest account of everything that transpired. All his wrong doings and my regrets Do it for yourself.

 

Exactly what you should do. Write the letter, but not for him or to get him back. Write it for you. Write it to purge yourself of all the emotions you are going through. Pour yourself into it and exhaust yourself. Be honest about what both sides did/didn't do. Then keep it for yourself and use it to remind yourself of what has happened and as an honest accounting of what the relationship was really like. When you start to feel that it was all sunshine and love, the letter can bring you back to reality. I actually did write a letter, spelling everything out. I sent it. Then I stepped away. I needed to do it for me. Her reaction didn't matter since it was about giving me the peace of mind I needed. So do what you need to for your healing. But don't do anything if it's about getting a reaction from him.

 

I know what it's like to be hung up on someone who was only hurting you. You don't want to give up the romantic image you had and believe everything will be different if only you can find the right way to change things. But you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. If he doesn't want what you want and is bringing you pain, there has to come a point where you let it go. Not letting go will only continue to hurt you. Don't let him have that kind of control over you. You deserve better.

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