Speechless and not knowing how to feel

[Annoyneop]

I was being nice to someone who i thought was my friend we have been friends and got close in half a year I always try my best to help them when they have troubles, they push me away multiple times but expect me soon to help them afterward. today, they get mad over something and push me away yet again. I give them space. They expect me to help them. I said no because i am busy and tired of being pushed away next thing I know, they told me our friendship was fake the entire time, used me for money and sympathy "used me like a toy" was the way they described me although i said to him i want others happy over me because i care for my friends deeply they tell me I'm a pathetic loser that likes to get stepped on by people smarter than me

 

How should I feel? literally, I'm lost for words and just numb i want to cry but cant i want to get mad but i cant

[Clio]

You should feel lucky that this person showed you their true face. You can now move on knowing that they were no good. In the same time, this is a learning opportunity. Wanting others to be happy "over you" is not a healthy approach to life, and especially if these people keep treating you inconsiderately "multiple times". People tend to treat us as good as we treat ourselves. You need to prioritize your happiness so that you treat yourself with the same consideration as you treat other people and you need to enforce boundaries when they step out of line. Giving a second chance to someone is ok if their indiscretion was not too big but giving out multiple chances to people who mistreat you is a mistake. You sound like a very nice person who treats others with consideration. You need to treat yourself with that same consideration and avoid people like him in the future. Overall, even though this experience turned our to be disappointing, it is a valuable learning opportunity. Try not to feel too sad about it. You will meet other people. Better people. Good luck.

[MissCanuck]

How should I feel? literally, I'm lost for words and just numb i want to cry but cant i want to get mad but i cant

 

You should be relieved that this person is finally doing what you haven't had the courage to, which is ending this toxic friendship.

 

I understand why you're hurt, to be clear. However, it sounds like there's a grain of truth in what this loon said, meaning that you have permitted him to treat you poorly. When someone expects your help but repeatedly pushes you away, don't keep offering your help and don't maintain the friendship. I realize you have finally reached that point but it sounds as though you should have cut this person off a while ago.

 

Ask yourself: what were you getting out of this friendship, exactly? Do you have feelings stronger than friendship for him and were hoping he'd want more with you, too?

[Annoyneop]

Thank you for the advice it dose seem to have an impact on me thankfully thinking it over i was able to accept it without going through any uh grief? Not sure if thats correct but it's a way for me to grow

[Billie28]

There is not a single friendship that is selfless.

We become friends with people for a reason. And that reason is actually selfish. We are all guilty of that. But that’s normal.

 

So this person has revealed their reason they befriended you.

And was for sympathy and money.

 

So, now tell us what the reason you befriended them was?

What did YOU gain from it?

I mean you essentially ended the friendship presumably because you were getting nothing out of it?

 

And if that’s the case , why be upset?

 

Can you please clarify?

Thanks.

[Annoyneop]

There is not a single friendship that is selfless.

We become friends with people for a reason. And that reason is actually selfish. We are all guilty of that. But that’s normal.

 

So this person has revealed their reason they befriended you.

And was for sympathy and money.

 

So, now tell us what the reason you befriended them was?

What did YOU gain from it?

I mean you essentially ended the friendship presumably because you were getting nothing out of it?

 

And if that’s the case , why be upset?

 

Can you please clarify?

Thanks.

 

I don't want to seem like a the better person or whatever the way to say it but i honestly didn't ask anything back just his friendship I guess i asked for acceptance? But even that I knew wasn't really the big reason mostly we were friends because we shared the same interests although I showed my appreciation to the thing we both liked while he was more reserved in any case i always knew he wasn't be truthful it took me long to realize that that is on my part for being careless about my own feelings or thoughts

[MissCanuck]

And were you giving this guy money, OP?

[Annoyneop]

And were you giving this guy money, OP?

 

A little yeah but kept it at the minimum in total maybe 50$ i knew if I over did it I will be "Money bags to him" and even then I never gave him more than 10 yes I know even still I shouldn't have given him in thr first place

[MissCanuck]

Good that it was only a small amount.

 

Would you say that you liked him as more than a friend?

[Annoyneop]

Good that it was only a small amount.

 

Would you say that you liked him as more than a friend?

 

Yeah I can say that kinda like a best friend but even so I guess it really hit me hard since he really did play me like a fiddle so now that I'm thinking about it. Its really a wake up call to me

[MissCanuck]

Yeah I can say that kinda like a best friend

 

I meant, do you think you had romantic feelings for him?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. Did he have drug drinking or gambling problems? People who only pretend to be your friend when they need money usually do.

 

Stay away from this guy. You are not helping anyone by giving them money for stuff. His behavior is that of a damaging user.

 

He's not your friend. You can't buy love .

[Rose Mosse]

The bright side is that you had the strength to say No the last time and that's when that person's true colours showed. You should give yourself a pat on the back for having that strength and courage. Don't look at everything half empty. Look at the glass half full. You did it and you said NO.

 

You are not a pathetic loser. You're someone who has boundaries.

You are not someone who gets stepped on by someone who's smarter than you. Actually, you stepped on that person and all over that idea that you are a loser.

 

I think you should feel fantastic and on top of the world. Celebrate and have cake that this person is no longer in your life. Laugh. Hope you feel better soon.

[smackie9]

People who are users are narcissists. They suck you dry emotionally and give very little if anything back. As soon as you call them out or reject them in some way they lash out like a barracuda to make sure you are very hurt, confused, and even try to destroy you.

 

This person was toxic to your self worth...and TBH, it's a good thing you stood up for yourself, and kicked them to the curb. I agree you should be celebrating, and feel real good about yourself, knowing you deserve better than this.

[melancholy123]

Be glad that this is over. Stop being a push over and people pleaser. People will take advantage of you if you let them.

[Lambert]

while I agree with others about how you should feel glad to be away from this person and lucky it wasn't worse. I also want to advise you to question why don't you know how to YOU feel?

 

It's not always a matter of how "should" you feel. They're your feelings. what are they?

 

its obvious to me, in your shoes, how I would feel. I would be mad at this person. I would be hurt at what they said about me. I would also be offended that they said and did those things to me. I would not want to talk to them or be around them ever again.

 

I would also want to have compassion and understanding for myself. Being friends with this person was a mistake I made. A couple of times after seeing how they treated me. So I'd probably be mad at myself for not defending myself or getting away sooner. I'd also try to work towards forgiving myself and then decide to forgive myself with the understanding that next I'm going to do better for myself and protect myself better.

 

Get to know yourself better. And be better to yourself so you don't fall victim to users. Its hard when you are an open, giving person... but know users don't care about that.

 

As my dad would say... givers can be takers but takers only take. if you aren't getting back what you put in, dump them!

 

chin up! you're a good person and the world needs good people. don't let this get you down. pick yourself up, dust yourself off and do better next time you face a similar situation.

[smackie9]

There is some real good advice here OP, I hope it inspires you to live happily and feel loved.

[Annoyneop]

thank you all for the amazing advice many of the advice ill be taking to heart and really be using to improve myself really the main takeaway I should take from this thread is to put my foot down more faster when a friendship gets toxic THANK YOU ALL FOR HELPING ME!!!!

[ShySoul]

There will always be people out there who try to take advantage of you. Doesn't mean you shouldn't still be nice and friendly to them. But you should listen to your gut and trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, there is a reason. A person isn't who they are in the last conversation, they are who they've been in the entire relationship. If the friendship feels one-sided, it's a reflection of who that other person is. Don't let yourself get stuck in that position.

 

And remember, it's better to be you then him. You can walk away knowing you gave it a shot but stood up for himself and didn't let yourself get used anymore. He is stuck with himself and attitude of using others. If anyone sounds like a "pathetic loser," it's him.

[SooSad33]

Sorry for you being treated this way :(. Totally nasty the way they made you feel.

 

I am guessing with you saying you 'got close', was someone you favoured?

 

There's all kinds out there. We try to be good to others, but sadly, I feel you gave too much- to someone who didnt deserve anything from you.

 

They push you away? yeah, go away.. far away and never go back.

 

Learn your own worth. Give credit, where credit is due. And it goes both ways. Not just give.