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She broke up with me... should I want to get back together?


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So my ex and I had a great relationship together for about 2yrs and we both graduated high school as sweethearts together in 2020. We had plans with each other for the future and everything looked great. Shortly after we graduated she had to move to college for the summer because of sports. She wasn’t able to come and visit because of corona. I had a difficult time visiting as well because of this and my parents and job . So we were practically long distance and of course with that we had our arguments and things weren’t overall pretty and we just kept feeling more distant. Soon the summer was coming to an end and I’d be moving down shortly (about 2 weeks), her season got canceled and she was pretty down bc of that. We got into an argument seemingly out of nowhere and not soon after that (about a week) she said, after I asked if that’s what she needed, that we need to break up. I am confused with what happened, but a major issue she had is that I think she doesn’t think my parents like her and they are strict and often limit how much I can see her. She said she was growing more distant bc of this. It is true and I can definitely see how she thinks they don’t like her while I know they do. I don’t know how to show her this especially while not talking to her or seeing her. She still wants to be friends and says it isn’t impossible that we can get back together. I think that If we do get back together it can definitely work and I believe that there will be no more problems with my parents now that I’m out of my house. I don’t know how to show this without talking to her but I want to respect her decision to be broken up. Any advice on whether or not I should create a talk(I’m thinking probably over thanksgiving break when we’ll both be home). I don’t know exactly what she broke up with me for and I don’t know if she just said that was the reason why to make it easier.

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How old are you- why are your parents controlling how much you see her?

IMO, I do think she is just fed up with it all and all of the restrictions - so gave up trying.

 

If you choose, it may be a good idea to at least try & explain this to her- fact that there won't be any more problems re: your parents.

And should she say okay to having a 'talk' when you two are both home, explain this to to her, that you don't even know why she broke it off.

Sounds like you two just need to talk- so you can at least get some things settled between you two.

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Your parents' control over you is a factor, no doubt.

 

But you two were also very young when you started dating, and as you entered a more adult world (ie. going away to college), things changed. This is why high-school sweethearts usually don't last, because who you are and what you want as teens doesn't always transition well as you grow and mature.

 

You can try to talk to her and explain how things could be different now that you're on your own, but understand she might still just want to move on. Only initiate that conversation if you're prepared for an unfavorable outcome.

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Does it make sense to you to get back together? There's the distance issue and difference in upbringing/background. You're hurt and feeling devastated. Let this subside and give yourself time to accept the break up because there is no other option. You're in shock too, thinking you can change the outcome.

 

Come back to this in a few months when your mind is a bit clearer on the friends topic - don't promise anything right now. Take care of yourself and focus on your studies.

 

Are you thinking of meeting her in person? If you want to meet with her to talk with her for your own closure no one can stop you but stay respectful of her decision. I can see how it might feel much better to speak in person or at least say goodbye. Keep the other areas of your life in good shape and don't let everything else fall in disarray. You may want to plan ahead and make sure you leave some time to recover after meeting with her and if you have other things going on, make room for dealing with your emotions. Your other family and friends would understand but the world doesn't stop for a break up. If you have deadlines for school or registration items for the following semester, take care of all that beforehand. I hope the meet goes all right.

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Respect her wishes by accepting the breakup she initiated. Since she wants to be friends, be friends. Since she said it wasn't impossible to get back together, wait until you can have a discussion IN PERSON during Thanksgiving break and reconvene then. Don't fight, remain calm and remain realistic that people change as they transition into adulthood. Also, LDRs (long distance relationships) have a tendency to flounder and fail for obvious reasons: too many miles between you two, inconvenience to see each other infrequently and expense to travel. Long distance driving is a hassle, too. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes two people to drift apart and you'll become strangers.

 

If friendship isn't good enough for you, go your separate ways.

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If she is wanting to remain friends, she's likely to at least hear you out. So talk to her. You are both grown adults know who are in charge of your own lives. If you have moved out, your parents are no longer a factor as they don't make the rules for you anymore. If that was indeed the issue, then hopefully she can see that it isn't a problem. If it's something else, then the only way to know is to talk about it with her. Things still may not work out. But if you really care about her, then it's worth fighting to keep the relationship. Follow your heart and go for what you want.

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