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Should I try to get my ex boyfriend back?


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Hello everyone one, me and my ex boyfriend have been dating for 3 years almost , and were close friends for 1 year before we got into relationship, however few weeks ago my bf decided to breakup with me, after he said we want different things in life and future, for example I'm outgoing and like traveling, and he prefers a quiet family, however he said nothing is wrong with me, and just love is not enough, I'm really confused and don't know should I be working on getting him back or just let him go, I also want to mention that he wanted to still be close friends, and he talk to me daily, I don't mind that but I'm still confused and think we can work this out as couples not just friends.

Thanks for your patience, I'd appreciate any advice.

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It doesn't sound like you are compatible, and that he has moved on. If he loved you, he would be with you.

 

You need to stop giving him the benefit of a relationship by staying in contact. He can't have it both ways, plus it is too painful.

 

You need to go no contact.

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No, don't try to get your ex boyfriend back. Your boyfriend made it very clear to you that he wished to breakup so he got what he wanted. He explained to you already that he wants different things in life and future such as a calmer, quiet family life whereas you prefer to see the world and you're outgoing. Your personalities and visions for the future are incompatible. He said love is not enough because he wants more. Both of you want different futures. Well then, accept that both of you are different and don't mesh.

 

He's only willing to offer friendship. Either accept maintaining friendship with him or call it quits on the friendship if you want more such as being a couple again. He doesn't want to be a couple with you.

 

Never grovel because that's pathetic and pitiful. Respect and honor his wishes and move on with your life. Find a guy who is outgoing and enjoys traveling. Then both of you will get along better. Be realistic.

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Guys I'd like you to know that I tried no contact but he keeps reaching, he also mentioned that he is still sexually attracted to me, and wanted to be friends with benefits but I refused, however he still contacts and wants to be close friend with me even tho I didn't offer to be his friend, he made it clear that he still didn't move on, that's why I'm so confused

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however few weeks ago my bf decided to breakup with me, after he said we want different things in life and future, for example I'm outgoing and like traveling, and he prefers a quiet family, however he said nothing is wrong with me, and just love is not enough, I'm really confused and don't know should I be working on getting him back

 

In all sincerity, what could you really do to facilitate this?

 

If you're fundamentally different people, would you really want to change who you are just so you don't lose him? I don't think he would want that, and it would likely lead to a lot of unhappiness down the road for you.

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Guys I'd like you to know that I tried no contact but he keeps reaching, he also mentioned that he is still sexually attracted to me, and wanted to be friends with benefits but I refused, however he still contacts and wants to be close friend with me even tho I didn't offer to be his friend, he made it clear that he still didn't move on, that's why I'm so confused

 

Why haven't you blocked him?

 

How lucky you are that he wants to keep you around for sex, but wants no commitment. Not! I would find that insulting.

 

He clearly does not care about you, or your feelings.

 

Friends do not treat one another this way.

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Guys I'd like you to know that I tried no contact but he keeps reaching, he also mentioned that he is still sexually attracted to me, and wanted to be friends with benefits but I refused, however he still contacts and wants to be close friend with me even tho I didn't offer to be his friend, he made it clear that he still didn't move on, that's why I'm so confused

 

Block and delete him NOW. Dont ever start FWB with him, it won't work. There's plenty of other guys out there who could be much better for you. Dont grovel, dont settle.

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Guys I clearly didn't accept fwb, and he apologized and never mentioned it again, I'm telling you now that he is treating me really close, like if we are in relationship

 

Because he's hoping you will come around to the no commitment sex idea. If he was mean to you, you wouldn't give it up.

 

You aren't obligated to be "friends". You can say no.

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Are you in love with him? If you are, take some time to cool off and be on your own for awhile. You both need some distance and time to accept the break up.

 

Otherwise this becomes some limbo no-person's land where you're behaving like you're both in a relationship but there's no commitment. This is an especially bad idea for you if you still have unresolved or romantic feelings for him.

 

Like the others suggested, don't settle. If anything, even if you are torn and hurt and sad, know your own worth enough to step aside and stay away from this person until you are in a better place to make decisions on whether to be friends with him or not.

 

If you do decide to remain friendly, make sure you have boundaries regarding that friendship and don't let it sabotage you from finding a more fulfilling relationship. You may also notice later on down the line that your future partner will not be so pleased to know that you have an ex or exes hovering in the background posing as 'friends'.

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No, do not take him back. This is how I see the situation. Yes, you've known him and have been with him for quite a while but he "wanted to be friends with benefits". Really? How insensitive, rude and thoughtless of him to even voice this after being with you in a relationship. Big red flag, IMO. So glad you had the good sense to refuse this arrangement.

 

He also said that "just love is not enough". Another red flag, Mayo. Muster up some courage and leave him. If you continue this relationship, you will only prolong the inevitable. You deserve someone who truly loves you and respects you. Clearly, he does not.

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I know it sounds weird, and maybe the weirdest thing you will ever hear,but I'm not sure about my feelings or what I want, some times I feel good that I'm alone and will focus on myself and my future, other time I find myself crying and saying we could work things out, have I mentioned that I have recently graduated ? So I'm not experienced enough

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Guys I clearly didn't accept fwb, and he apologized and never mentioned it again, I'm telling you now that he is treating me really close, like if we are in relationship

 

But he doesn’t actually want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

 

It sounds like he’s happy to keep you around until he meets your replacement.

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I know it sounds weird, and maybe the weirdest thing you will ever hear,but I'm not sure about my feelings or what I want, some times I feel good that I'm alone and will focus on myself and my future, other time I find myself crying and saying we could work things out, have I mentioned that I have recently graduated ? So I'm not experienced enough

 

His dad just passed away too. Both of you need time apart and some distance. Let the dust settle and give yourself time to feel more calm and collected. Don't make any decisions right now except to take care of yourself and focus on any plans you have after graduation. Congratulations also. What are your plans?

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Sorry to say, it doesn't sound negotiable. It sounds like you tried and pleaded, but he simply wants to move forward. Have you considered that he reconnected with someone/met someone at his father's funeral? Many people from his past and local area were probably in touch at that time.

 

Don't accept the friendzone, it will hurt you. Don't get strung along.

 

The distance was also an issue:https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=566337&p=7242554&viewfull=1#post7242554

I also want to mention that he wanted to still be close friends, and he talk to me daily, I don't mind that but I'm still confused and think we can work this out as couples not just friends.
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I know it sounds weird, and maybe the weirdest thing you will ever hear,but I'm not sure about my feelings or what I want, some times I feel good that I'm alone and will focus on myself and my future, other time I find myself crying and saying we could work things out, have I mentioned that I have recently graduated ? So I'm not experienced enough

 

You are forgetting that he does not want to work things out with you.

 

You cannot be friends if there are feelings. It is too painful and frustrating.

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He said that we want different things, and this is for my own good in the future, but I don't know if this is a really strong reason to end things up , it's just so confusing situation

 

It doesn't matter what you believe, he does not want a relationship with you. He was quite clear. no confusion.

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Personally I think that something is going on with your boyfriend, like maybe he also started seeing someone else or he's lost feelings for you and wants to see what other women are out there. The fact that he's still sexually attracted to you probably doesn't mean that much. The fact that he wants to be friends with benrfits just means he's horny and wants sex. Or he wants to still keep you as an option in case it doesn't work out with other women. I think it's disrespectful that he wants to just use you for sex. He really hurt you by breaking up and he has no care for your feelings. I know it's hard to do because obviously still love him. I would suggest don't be friends with benefits and block him on everything. He's just messing you around. Don't let him do that to you.

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If he is seeing someone else then why he intends to stay "close" friends? I didn't offer that tho I was trying to do the no contact but he keeps telling me that we can work out as friends as we used to be, also that fwb thing he only mentioned one time and never mentioned it again as that I made it clear that this is not respectful and he may lose me as friend if he mentioned it once more so he stopped

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