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My husband refuses to adopt my son from a pervious relationship


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Hi, from a girl misunderstood,

 

I have been married to my husband for 2 years and have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship. His birth father have been an absent father before my son was born and abandoned me pregnant. When my son was 8 months old, i met my current husband and he always treats my son as his child and help me with parenting. In the past he says he would adopt my son legally. However currently its been twice that he says he wont legally adopt my son however he would always be a male role model and be a father to him but he would always be seen as a step dad even if he adopt him. He only see it as a piece of paper. However i don't feel the adoption is a piece of paper, to me its more than that. However, we have any biological kids of our own not until 2023 because he says he wants to finish his masters program. I'm 33 and my husband is 26. Maybe someone could give me advice that may help.

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You need to track down the birth father for child support. You also need to talk to an attorney. Your husband does not want any legal obligation to your son. You need to go to court and file for child support from the child's biological father.

 

Even though you have children together your husband is under no obligation to legally adopt your son. Why can't your husband simply continue being in the dad like role? Have you looked at the expense and legalities of adoption? Particularly with regard to the biological father?

have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship.
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You are right - it's not just a piece of paper, it's a legal financial obligation to take care of another guy's son until he is 18 years old, including child support payments should you get divorced. I think you are very much in the wrong to demand that from your husband. This isn't about relationships and bonds between the child and him, etc. This is about money.

 

On top of that, deadbeat or not, the child has a father somewhere out there who is in fact liable for child support and something YOU should be pursuing. If you aren't doing that and just dumping all care on your husband, you are doubly wrong. You simply cannot erase the fact that your child has a biological father who should be at least held responsible financially if nothing else. That is NOT your husband's responsibility and not something you should be demanding that he take on.

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Fully endorse you DF :

 

"You simply cannot erase the fact that your child has a biological father who should be at least held responsible financially if nothing else. That is NOT your husband's responsibility and not something you should be demanding that he take on."

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Ditto what DF said.

 

There is no place the father can hide so if you put in the effort and go to the county to start getting child support from him at least you can put that money aside for medical care and a college fund.

 

Why on earth would you want to force your husband that married you with an 8 month old child, loves your child like it was his own and helps you parent adopt if he is not feeling it? This is totally his choice so drop it and let him decide what HE wants to do.

 

Sounds like you are about to ruin a good thing.

 

Turn the energy you are using about this adoption thing into filing for child support from the jerk that got you pregnant and bailed on you and the baby.

 

Lost

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Stop pressuring your husband to do this and file for child support from your dead beat ex. This is what would better your family - extra financial support. Your child is legally entitled to that and I don't think you should be brow beating your husband into adoption.

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You don't need to find the dead beat yourself in order to hold him accountable. You need to file paperwork so the state can go after him with his SSN and such. Unless he's working under the table, if he's receiving legal paychecks, they can be garnished for child support and they should be!

 

Having your husband adopt your kid means you can't hold the dead beat responsible for financial means. So I wouldn't consider an adoption. It's the best of both worlds, he gets to have your husband as his father while dead beat pays for CS.

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i have been using the court to do parent locator to get the other parent help responsible for child support however he keeps eluding or escaping the court. So if the second time if i attempt with the court and he eludes them again, unfortunately i would have to get a lawyer involved

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How old is your son now? Do you know the father's age, date of birth and first and last name or last known address? Have you tried to google him? Start there. Is the father on the birth certificate?

 

It seems more like there are deeper problems in your marriage regarding the age difference and you being quite disappointed that you may have to wait until 2013 (age 36) to try to start a family because your husband wants to go back to school. Does you husband want a family?

 

There is no need to further discuss adoption, if your husband is no longer interested in that.

One, i have never demand him to adopt my child. We only talk about it in conversation. Two, i have tried to locate the father via the court system without a lawyer and was unsuccessful
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Well then, Anna, maybe it is a good idea to get a lawyer involved. Layers are known to use the services of private investigators. The child's father cannot have vanished into thin air.

 

And Fudgie is right. Paychecks can be garnished for child support.

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Hi, from a girl misunderstood,

 

I have been married to my husband for 2 years and have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship. His birth father have been an absent father before my son was born and abandoned me pregnant. When my son was 8 months old, i met my current husband and he always treats my son as his child and help me with parenting. In the past he says he would adopt my son legally. However currently its been twice that he says he wont legally adopt my son however he would always be a male role model and be a father to him but he would always be seen as a step dad even if he adopt him. He only see it as a piece of paper. However i don't feel the adoption is a piece of paper, to me its more than that. However, we have any biological kids of our own not until 2023 because he says he wants to finish his masters program. I'm 33 and my husband is 26. Maybe someone could give me advice that may help.

 

The above sounds more to me about having kids and starting a family together. The birth father abandoning you sounds traumatic. You're hurt and not sure when you'll get to experience this togetherness and family. Am I correct?

 

The others have good insight on the legalities. When you're both ready to have kids, things will fall into place. Don't try to force or rush anything. Your son will always be your son and your husband is your husband. This is the family that you've gathered and created for yourself. It might be hard but being content with what you've got and feeling grateful for all these blessings will probably go a long way. Dig a little deeper - all those desires and yearnings for something more pushes all of us to greater things in the end. The key is practicing some patience on the way. You'll get there. Support each other and don't tear each other apart.

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Adoption really isn't something that should be pressured onto someone. It should happen when someone wants it with their whole heart.

Why does he feel he'd only ever been seen a step dad even if he adopted? That's quite the statement, and I'd want to know where that is coming from.

You guys really rushed into marriage with a small child involved, why?? Are you working? Is it about benefits and you wanting more kids?

Who is financially providing for yourself and your son? If it's not 100% you, I think you have your answer.

I have a cousin who adopted after marriage, a child from a previous relationship. Situation was different though. He pretty much married her so that he could adopt him, as she was not a good person and was looking for a way out of being a mother. Their marriage was basically a means to an end, and didn't last long.

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Where we are, even if the child is not the birth father, your husband has been raising him, and, if you were to split, he'd still need to pay child support. But I think him not wanting to adopt is fine. I don't think it's not from loving your son. He may want to leave room for his biological father one day. Regardless of the reason, I advise you to respect his decision.

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i have been using the court to do parent locator to get the other parent help responsible for child support however he keeps eluding or escaping the court. So if the second time if i attempt with the court and he eludes them again, unfortunately i would have to get a lawyer involved

 

Save your money. The trend these days is joint custody (unless the dad is dead or in prison) so he gets 50% visitation and you get no child support. That's why I alternate between rolling my eyes, or laughing, when I read "get you some child support" because the chances of that happening in the 21st Century are slim to none. Heck I had multiple children in a decades-long marriage and I still didn't get it, the court just told me to take a second job if I needed the money but let deadbeat dad keep his money for booze and hookers. (I think most of the problem is I make a lot more than my xH. He doesn't like to be employed. High-earning mom + chronically unemployed dad = forget it. You'll be lucky if you don't end up paying HIM support).

 

Anyway, no, stop with the whole child support suggestion because if you are an employed woman that is a bigger nightmare than you can possibly imagine.

 

The real issue is the current H adopting the child. He said he would and then he walked it back. I suspect he really doesn't see the point. His relationship with the child won't change so . . . ? Not saying it's right or wrong, but it is his choice.

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Okay, so you two married.. why do you find it a problem that he wont adopt?

 

I was in a cpl relationships- with kids from a diff father.. Never did I expect the next partner to adopt the kids.

 

How about you just work on accepting what you've got now and leave it all alone.. He IS there now for you and your son.. sounds good to me.

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If your child is now, 3yo, you are married for 2 years and you met your husband when the child was 8 months old, the calculation points to a pretty short dating period-4 months before marriage, and your husband was then only 23 when he married you. He might have promised things in the spur of the moment, a pretty young guy married to a significantly older woman.

 

Be content in that he married you with a child, much younger than you and you are lucky to marry a man who is a good role model and takes care of your son. Do not push the envelope. Be content with what you already have. If you have to go after money-it is the child biological father that you have to go after, not your husband. I think it is unfair in regards to your much younger husband to put pressure on him to adopt your child.

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U r correct, very painful experience. I’m about to graduate nursing school and work as a lab technologist and my husband is a chemical engineer. My son is almost 4 yrs old. His birth father isn’t on the birth certificate but I do know some information of him

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Only ask twice and got the same reaction so I ended the conversation. I’m not sure if he wants kids with me. I don’t mention having kids with him because it seems he wants kids but he wants to b more stable prior. There’s a chance he might never want kids with me and have to be content with it

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