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12 weeks pregnant and i don't know what to do


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I met my boyfriend 5 years ago i had been through a lot in my previous relationship emotionally with the father of 2 children and he helped me see my worth strength and to find myself again, we were friends for 3 years of that as he was still in a relationship with the mother of his 3 children when we met but he was a great friend and support to me, 2 years ago he decided to leave her and we became a couple, at first things went really well but then he started controlling how I dealt with my kids dad their time with him my input in assisting him for example dropping my kids to their dad he said I was wiping his ass, he should collect his own children! It broke the relationship I had built for the sake of children and made things extremely awkward him asking to call my ex a record it so he could hear what we were discussing etc it caused many arguments on all sides and made my kids feel uneasy at times as I felt I had to be short with my ex infront of my boyfriend or he would get upset and distant with me. In October last year my boyfriends 6 year old daughter performed a sexual act on my 5 year old son which was reported to child services and quite frankly destroyed me in ways as my son is so unaware and innocent only being 5 at the time, I tried to get passed this putting precautions in place and keeping her away from him where possible but it has completely changed the way I look at her... I hate her for what she did and sometimes can't even stand to be around her! She acts older than she is had social media accounts lies amd is extremely devious but he always sticks up for her, he blames her mother and takes no responsibility saying she's a child I am over reacting but I can't get passed it or forget it, my daughter who is 12 is also repulsed by what she did and really has no like or time for her since the incident either which I completely understand. Everytime I say anything about her behavior he looses his temper and says im digging her out to cause problems but I see her ways he doesn't and isn't interested in listening, he wants us to all be a happy family which isn't going to happen as I can't trust her or even stand to be around her when he has her and her brothers, they have all been raised so differently to my 2 children and I can't habe my say when they do wrong. I have recently found out I am pregnant with his child 12 weeks and I'm not sure I can continue with the pregnancy amd be attached to him and his children for the next 18yrs or more i booked a termination but got scared and canceled it, I cant talk to him about how i feel as he just convinces me im being ridiculous he wants the child but I'm not sure I can go through with this for mine or my child's sake im so stuck with what to do as he gets angry sulks shouts and manipulates me, I know what he is doing but I'm scared for some reason to walk away, I think I love him in ways but he has taken my identity away I feel lost alone and slightly broken from the constant I get thrown at me, he is controlling and if things don't go his way I know about it yet he says it's me I'm controlling and I manipulate when I know its not me... my family and friends are always there for me bit making this decision to terminate the pregnancy behind his back is too much for me to handle but speaking to him about how I feel doesnt feel like a option as im scared how he will react. I was on my own raising my kids for 3 years a had strength a voice and I was happy now I just feel numb anxious confused and sad which has major impact on my kids too 😔 I need to find my power again before its too late and I commit to something I don't want but I don't know how

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Sorry to hear this. Run from this man. A 6 y/o learned this from somewhere. The relationship is bad in itself with his condescending ways and interference with your and your kids father, raising your kids.

 

As difficult as it is for you, an unplanned preganacy and being tied to this creep is terrifying. Get him away from your kids..

my boyfriends 6 year old daughter performed a sexual act on my 5 year old son which was reported to child services and quite frankly destroyed me in ways as my son is so unaware and innocent only being 5 at the time,
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You do know what you have to do Lolly. You must get away from this individual, and as quickly as you can. Why have you stayed so long in this utterly toxic environment? Read back your post. It is a litany of harm, abuse and sleaze.

 

You said:

 

"he helped me see my worth strength and to find myself again,"

 

He did nothing of the kind! What he did was reel you in, and then promptly proceeded to devalue you in every way.

 

You say:

 

"im scared how he will react."

 

You must seek help and leave, at once. Think of your children. You stayed another twelve months despite the incident involving your son in October 2019.

 

This is beyond appalling OP.

 

"It broke the relationship I had built for the sake of children and made things extremely awkward him asking to call my ex a record it so he could hear what we were discussing"

 

You know you should have immediately informed your ex about the incident involving your five year old. Your ex is the father of that child!

 

You are actually scared of this individual you are with!

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Sorry to hear this. Run from this man. A 6 y/o learned this from somewhere. The relationship is bad in itself with his condescending ways and interference with your and your kids father, raising your kids.

 

My friends and family say the same thing so much tension has been caused for me and my kids dad I know your right thats the thing I just can't bring myself to actually do it for some reason. I feel weak i suppose which really isn't me

 

As difficult as it is for you, an unplanned preganacy and being tied to this creep is terrifying. Get him away from your kids..

Thankyou hearing this from someone else kinda helps and reassures me im not mad, he just constantly says im exaggerating, my kids especially my daughter has noticed how he has changed also shes 12 so I need to set a example for her of anything

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The 6 year could have done sexual exploring which kids do or she is being abused herself . She is SIXplease remember that.

 

Now whether you should stay together ? No.

 

I Understand the exploring but not to the levels she did and on a 5 year old who had no idea what was going on.. exploring at 6 is not normal in my eyes and social services agreed, they investigated but were not concerned she was or has been abused... I've tried to help and get passed it but I don't trust her.... she continues to act in seductive and provocative ways on social media creating sly accounts and nothing is done about this.... im out of my depth as my concerns just get dismissed. He says im out to get her and catch her out when I just wanted to teach her it was wrong

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I Understand the exploring but not to the levels she did and on a 5 year old who had no idea what was going on.. exploring at 6 is not normal in my eyes and social services agreed, they investigated but were not concerned she was or has been abused... I've tried to help and get passed it but I don't trust her.... she continues to act in seductive and provocative ways on social media creating sly accounts and nothing is done about this.... im out of my depth as my concerns just get dismissed. He says im out to get her and catch her out when I just wanted to teach her it was wrong

Acting provocative at six IS a sign of abuse . Really, the children services investigating sound incompetent .

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I Understand the exploring but not to the levels she did and on a 5 year old who had no idea what was going on.. exploring at 6 is not normal in my eyes and social services agreed, they investigated but were not concerned she was or has been abused... I've tried to help and get passed it but I don't trust her.... she continues to act in seductive and provocative ways on social media creating sly accounts and nothing is done about this.... im out of my depth as my concerns just get dismissed. He says im out to get her and catch her out when I just wanted to teach her it was wrong

At this point this man and you need to no longer be together . He sounds like a terrible person and his child does not need one more person in her life to dislike her . Sounds like she needs a whole new set of parents .

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Wow what a powerful response.... thank you!! I kept remembering the person I knew previously thinking he is stressed at work making excuses for his behavior until I was drowning in it all, he makes me feel like I'm wrong and if I defend myself he gets angry saying here's your true colors and calling me names, this is not the person I knew!

 

You are complete right my friends and family have said the same apparently im so different to how I was when I was on my own , happy Independent and full of strength now im lost weak and vulnerable I feel beaten down by his ways.

 

I did inform my ex straight away I would not hide anything so serious he deserved to know but my boyfriend listened amd stared giving him abuse down the phone, my was well within his rights to be angry and upset same as I was.... I understood completely where he was coming from but my boyfriend said my ex was manipulating me and just trying to break us up in any way he could, when he was purely looking out for his son and me.

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At this point this man and you need to no longer be together . He sounds like a terrible person and his child does not need one more person in her life to dislike her . Sounds like she needs a whole new set of parents .

 

Thank you for your opinion it really does mean a lot hearing other people opinions who are not emotionally involved helps

... I couldn't agree more, a few weeks ago she was caught smoking as stealing too its juat awful nothing is done amd so far from how I've raised my 2 kids... im worried the influence they could have on them too

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Thank you for your opinion it really does mean a lot hearing other people opinions who are not emotionally involved helps

... I couldn't agree more, a few weeks ago she was caught smoking as stealing too its juat awful nothing is done amd so far from how I've raised my 2 kids... im worried the influence they could have on them too

I understand you’re only looking out for your children. But this is a six-year-old who is most likely being abused and neglected and children services were utterly incompetent. You can’t blame a six-year-old for any of this behaviour. The people who are wrong are the ADULTS in her life, mom and dad. PERIOD.

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You say:

 

"I feel beaten down by his ways."

 

And I am asking:

 

"What are you going to do"!

 

Im going to end this once and for all. Be brave and focus on my myself and my kids like I used to.... I can't continue like this anymore 😪 I will also be contacting my doctor tomorrow morning to rebook my appointment...

 

I need to focus and get away from this relationship.... I read back my message like you said and was little shocked if im honest I should have written this down a long time ago instead of convincing myself things would get better when they have just got worse.

I've never asked for advice on these sites before just spoken to friends sometimes we need different help. I want my life back

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I understand you’re only looking out for your children. But this is a six-year-old who is most likely being abused and neglected and children services were utterly incompetent. You can’t blame a six-year-old for any of this behaviour. The people who are wrong are the ADULTS in her life, mom and dad. PERIOD.

 

They were all investigated and they visited her school spoke to her separate from her mum and brothers and did all they could apparently.... she should not be on social media at 7 years old or even have a phone but he insists because my 12 year old girl does its unfair... I monitor my daughters phone and she has restrictions set with no social media installed plus she's at secondary school. Its always excuses and no actual parenting with concern from either parent.

If I were to see changed behavior from her disgraceful action I may see things differently but she lies alot is very devious sly and plays innocent knowing she isn't...

Something isn't right I can feel it but as for her being abused im not sure she took full control on my son and acted explicit with confidence walks around with no knickers flashing and spreading her legs after telling her several times and she smiles when I say it... she sometimes makes her dad feel uncomfortable but he doesn't say anything! It's not right

Edited by Lolly0611
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They were all investigated and they visited her school spoke to her separate from her mum and brothers and did all they could apparently.... she should not be on social media at 7 years old or even have a phone but he insists because my 12 year old girl does its unfair... I monitor my daughters phone and she has restrictions set with no social media installed plus she's at secondary school. Its always excuses and no actual parenting with concern from either parent

 

And that is parental neglect which is abuse . PERIOD.

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I said this to social services but they disagreed.... i also spoke with nspcc who were concerned about her behaviour but could not take it further, i just need to protect mine

Then do not dislike/hate her. The people you should dislike are her parents.

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That's the right approach. Take care of your own kids and get them out. His messed up kids are his and their mother's problem. She has signs of exploitation, but they did an investigation. Not your circus to worry about.

I said this to social services but they disagreed.... i also spoke with nspcc who were concerned about her behaviour but could not take it further, i just need to protect mine
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It is vital you get away quickly. Not just thinking about it.

 

I am a little surprised at the NsPCC attitude.

 

Have you tried Childline:

 

0800 1111

 

The six year old's behaviour is far from normal. From where is she imitating these behaviours. Online?

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It is vital you get away quickly. Not just thinking about it.

 

I am a little surprised at the NsPCC attitude.

 

Have you tried Childline:

 

0800 1111

 

The six year old's behaviour is far from normal. From where is she imitating these behaviours. Online?

 

I didn't call childline no but I did social services, Nspcc and reported it to my sons school who also made their own report based on our conversation ( they were supportive and extremely compassionate towards me and my son) they worked closely with him to see if he had been affected in any way by what she did as he wouldn't talk to me about it much

 

Nspcc were actually very concerned it was social services that closed the case.

 

Apparently so yes, she said she saw her mum having sex and imitated that but her mum denied this... social media is lethal at the best of times and i searched her Google activity which was extremely concerning, she has no restrictions in place so can view whatever and the trouble is she lies about it all so much no 1 really knows but no precautions have been put in place to protect her from things she shouldn't see... still even after the incident.

 

My boyfriend and the kids mother didn't see the severity of her actions on my son like me and his dad did they just brushed it off like we were exaggerating, they still do now too

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That's the right approach. Take care of your own kids and get them out. His messed up kids are his and their mother's problem. She has signs of exploitation, but they did an investigation. Not your circus to worry about.

 

I couldn't agree more, its my job to protect my children not his especially when im constantly accused of being dramatic and over exaggerating, it's crazy how differently people see things isn't it! Not my circus not monkeys 100%

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