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I feel like sex is all I have to offer because guys mainly seek me for this


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I'm in my early 20s and am absolutely fed up with the way my male peers treat and look at me. I've only been with one guy in my entire life but before and after our relationship, I was always ogled, groped, and treated like a sex object.

 

I never understood why guys would perceive me this way because I am incredibly shy and introverted. People mainly describe me as shy and sweet as well because of my youthful appearance. Ironically, guys my age and older will sometimes lead me on after socializing with them by asking to pick me up to their apartments, go out on dates, and eventually spend time with them to have sex after. Sitting next to them, they'll blatantly put their hands on my hips, insert their hands in my hoodie pockets, or try to feel me up whenever they ask for a hug.

 

I never lead them on in any way. I just engage with them with politeness, friendliness, and kindness. I use a lot of empathy and give my full attention when talking to them. Almost like a "therapist" but only because I genuinely want to get to know them and be a good listener. However, they'll later turn these interactions into something sexual or flirtatious. I want to be a b*tch to them but that's not who I am.

 

I've been internalizing these persistent experiences for a couple of years. Also come to the realization if sex is something I should start having since its all they want from me in the end. I only want to lose it in a committed relationship but I'm afraid the guy will bounce after I give it to him or worst, stick around solely for that.

 

Escorting and porn is extreme; although I've kind of thought about it. Still goes against my beliefs though.

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It says something about the men you are meeting, not you. It's a shame men can't behave better than this.

 

If someone isn't respecting your space or is getting too 'touchy feely' too early on, call him on it...it's your body! You have every right to say "look, I think you're going too fast".

And putting a stop to it then and there.

If he doesn't respect that and get's upset, then it's more proof that he's not the guy for you.

 

Escorting and porn is extreme; although I've kind of thought about it.

If you truly are introverted and shy and only want one man...why on earth would you ever consider degrading yourself like this?

The world is full of corruption, don't let it convince you to be a part of it.

 

You won't be loved more or accepted more by doing as others want you to do and losing all your morals and dignity completely.

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The common denominator is you -sounds like you're giving off a "too nice" vibe - you don't sound shy and introverted at all -it sounds like you act too familiar too fast with men you don't know well in the name of "empathy". You're not supposed to get to know someone by acting like their therapist. Because you are not their therapist -and that's really one sided - do you want the guy to try to get you to share your innermost thoughts and issues and problems when you first meet?

There's a simple solution here -it's called "no" -said directly and firmly and politely the very first time someone crosses inappropriate boundaries. Don't be "sweet" - be politely assertive in your tone and manner and body language. You're a person not a kitten.

Don't be a "witch' with a b - that's just being mean. Find your voice and find your assertive, confident voice and remain polite but firm.

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If all of us simply resorted to being what others think of us instead of being what we really are or want to be, there'd be a lot of spinelessness and overall wishy washy people who have lost themselves. I'd encourage you to keep searching for better versions of who/what you want to be and what you want to do with your life. Every single choice you make from what you choose to watch in your free time to the people you choose to be around or what you choose to say, think, plan, do all affect what you become in the future.

 

I'd challenge you to be more honest and forthcoming with yourself and own your own choices - the people you choose to be around and the way you behave around those people. Taking ownership of yourself doesn't mean being a b-tch. Don't mistake assertiveness for being b-itchy.

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Perhaps you're meeting these guys at all the wrong places. Where do you find them? Narrow and whittle down your search. You are dating guys and boys, not real men and gentlemen.

 

How are you dressed? Do you dress provocatively?

 

If you want to attract a certain type of honorable man, dress modestly yet you can still remain fashionable.

 

Don't be too empathetic otherwise your message is misconstrued as too forward. Remain more mysterious because mystery gives you allure. Don't make yourself too available.

 

If you don't feel safe, try group dates instead. Put yourself in group type settings. Don't be left alone with a guy. Guys tend to behave when witnesses abound.

 

Don't sell yourself cheap. Don't resort to escorting and porn. Beware of date rape and there are weirdos out there who are actually creepy and dangerous.

 

Be smart and if you want to be treated like a lady, act like one.

 

If you're a nice girl, go where the nice guys are. You're attracting the wrong type of guys.

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It says something about the men you are meeting, not you. It's a shame men can't behave better than this.

 

If someone isn't respecting your space or is getting too 'touchy feely' too early on, call him on it...it's your body! You have every right to say "look, I think you're going too fast".

And putting a stop to it then and there.

If he doesn't respect that and get's upset, then it's more proof that he's not the guy for you.

 

 

If you truly are introverted and shy and only want one man...why on earth would you ever consider degrading yourself like this?

The world is full of corruption, don't let it convince you to be a part of it.

 

You won't be loved more or accepted more by doing as others want you to do and losing all your morals and dignity completely.

 

I am naturally very shy and introverted. I would never actually go into porn or work the sex industry. I only came up with this thought due to the way guys talk about my body.

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@Lambert Never going to be an escort. But due to the way guys ogle and continuously comment on my body shape, they make me feel like my body is all I have to offer.

 

If you think I'm being a "troll", that's on you. I've only been with one guy my entire life and I'm still very young.

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Perhaps you're meeting these guys at all the wrong places. Where do you find them? Narrow and whittle down your search. You are dating guys and boys, not real men and gentlemen.

 

How are you dressed? Do you dress provocatively?

 

If you want to attract a certain type of honorable man, dress modestly yet you can still remain fashionable.

 

Don't be too empathetic otherwise your message is misconstrued as too forward. Remain more mysterious because mystery gives you allure. Don't make yourself too available.

 

If you don't feel safe, try group dates instead. Put yourself in group type settings. Don't be left alone with a guy. Guys tend to behave when witnesses abound.

 

Don't sell yourself cheap. Don't resort to escorting and porn. Beware of date rape and there are weirdos out there who are actually creepy and dangerous.

 

Be smart and if you want to be treated like a lady, act like one.

 

If you're a nice girl, go where the nice guys are. You're attracting the wrong type of guys.

 

I'm in college and that's where I meet them. But also everywhere else when they randomly approach me. I don't know why some people find it hard to believe that college guys in their late teens/early-mid twenties aren't always trying to hook up or have casual sex. Even the "nice ones" will eventually try to steer conversations or interactions to that.

 

These guys will initially tell me that I'm a great listener, easy to talk to, and very sweet and kind. They'll shake my hand in greetings and we talk like normal people. Then after they start to get comfortable, they'll ask for my number or hang out. Before you know it, they're already asking "do you have a boyfriend" or "you have a nice body and you're hella cute, let's go out sometime". And they always mention sex or wanting to do it eventually.

 

I dress very casual. Like a cute/comfy tomboy. Sneakers, jeans, blouses, leggings, and fitted outfits but not anything revealing. Pretty much how the average 20 something year old dresses.

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At this point...its you.

Don't go back to a guy's apartment and plop yourself on the couch on a first date if you don't want to sleep with them. Some women with more confidence and stronger personalities - they could keep it at the kitchen table over dessert or coffee and nothing would happen - but just to be on the safe side -- keep first dates coffee, ice ceam, or some situation where you will leave separately and not go home together. The you can have a better read on whether you want to continue dating and if its just about sex.

 

If someone guy says "you have a great body, let's go out", you turn him down. If you get to know a guy in class or through a civic group and he invites you to coffee so you can continue the conversation - that sounds a lot better! You reap what you sow. DOn't go out with randos

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The common denominator is you -sounds like you're giving off a "too nice" vibe - you don't sound shy and introverted at all -it sounds like you act too familiar too fast with men you don't know well in the name of "empathy". You're not supposed to get to know someone by acting like their therapist. Because you are not their therapist -and that's really one sided - do you want the guy to try to get you to share your innermost thoughts and issues and problems when you first meet?

There's a simple solution here -it's called "no" -said directly and firmly and politely the very first time someone crosses inappropriate boundaries. Don't be "sweet" - be politely assertive in your tone and manner and body language. You're a person not a kitten.

Don't be a "witch' with a b - that's just being mean. Find your voice and find your assertive, confident voice and remain polite but firm.

 

It's weird because I'm very assertive in other situations and interactions EXCEPT guys. Besides my shyness, I can speak up and be direct when I want something ie, school, work, family, medical, or anything within a professional environment. But my sole interactions with men, I'm too awkward and naive. They make me nervous sometimes yet I still try to be polite and friendly.

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It's weird because I'm very assertive in other situations and interactions EXCEPT guys. Besides my shyness, I can speak up and be direct when I want something ie, school, work, family, medical, or anything within a professional environment. But my sole interactions with men, I'm too awkward and naive. They make me nervous sometimes yet I still try to be polite and friendly.

 

If you know you won't speak up - protect yourself with your actions - don't put yourself in a situation where you will be alone with a guy in the wee hours of the night. keep in public places, double date with friends, go out with a guy during the daytime --- that will help you create boundaries for yourself if you verbally cannot -- and ever agree to go out with a guy whose first words to you are about your body. (except if you just fell and they say "is your leg/back/body part ok. THAT IS DIFFERENT)

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It's weird because I'm very assertive in other situations and interactions EXCEPT guys. Besides my shyness, I can speak up and be direct when I want something ie, school, work, family, medical, or anything within a professional environment. But my sole interactions with men, I'm too awkward and naive. They make me nervous sometimes yet I still try to be polite and friendly.

 

I'm curious where this is coming from. Is it because you went to a same sex (all girls) school at one point for example or did you have very limited interactions with boys/men growing up? If you can figure out where this nervousness is coming from you'll be able to identify what that root cause of your issues is. You're over-compensating appearing accommodating because you're actually nervous.

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First off realize that this is not your fault. If a guy is doing or saying something inappropriate and making you uncomfortable, that is on him. There is no excuse for that behavior and any guy who is worth your time would not act in such a manner. I, and the plenty of guys I have known, would never treat a woman like that. We may give a compliment like saying you look nice, but we're not just out to get you in bed. There are nice guys out there who simply want to be friends.

 

You deserve to be valued and respected for every part of you, especially your mind and heart. If someone makes you uncomfortable, clearly tell them no. Set a boundary. If they can't respect that, have nothing more to do with them. They are the one losing out. It's not being a b*tch, it's showing respect for yourself and standing up for yourself. Try not to put yourself in positions where you would be around these kinds of guys. Honestly, plenty of people see college as a time to "hook up." You will find your share of those people. But you'll also meet people who aren't interested in that. It may not seem like it, but you will. Put yourself first and focus on your studies, on things you enjoy doing. Don't let anyone take advantage of you.

 

And always hold onto your beliefs. You are not a sex object. Don't have sex unless it's something you really want and are comfortable being with the other person. Sex should be with someone you truly love and are committed to. If the guy really cares, he will not pressure you. He will take his time and wait until you are ready and the moment is right. You sound like a very caring, special person. Some guy is going to be lucky to be with you, and it should be a guy that can appreciate just how wonderful you are. He should love you for you and be happy to just be with you. Sex would be the cherry on top, not the goal.

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I'm in college and that's where I meet them. But also everywhere else when they randomly approach me. I don't know why some people find it hard to believe that college guys in their late teens/early-mid twenties aren't always trying to hook up or have casual sex. Even the "nice ones" will eventually try to steer conversations or interactions to that.

 

These guys will initially tell me that I'm a great listener, easy to talk to, and very sweet and kind. They'll shake my hand in greetings and we talk like normal people. Then after they start to get comfortable, they'll ask for my number or hang out. Before you know it, they're already asking "do you have a boyfriend" or "you have a nice body and you're hella cute, let's go out sometime". And they always mention sex or wanting to do it eventually.

 

I dress very casual. Like a cute/comfy tomboy. Sneakers, jeans, blouses, leggings, and fitted outfits but not anything revealing. Pretty much how the average 20 something year old dresses.

 

College men are a huge pool to choose from. Not every man is a lech. However, you still need to be very careful for your safety's sake.

 

Since you're uncomfortable and disrespected by untoward men, be strict and go on double or group dates only. Men tend to behave better whenever you're NOT alone with them. Take a very long time to observe a man's character before trust is earned with them. Sometimes it will take many months or years before you sense they're honorable or NOT. Better safe than sorry.

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its just not you its the way these few men who look at women in general as a tool or an object.

 

Try to google on what boundaries mean, when you start building one all these psychos will automatically move away.

 

I had the same issue as yours kept attracting or being attracted to real toxic personalities, ultimately what happens you will not lead a fulfilling respectful life. it gets to a point where you find faults within you and you start losing your self esteem and confidence.

 

the more you work on your boundaries, your friends, the people you be with, having few goals in your life, working on them, the more you keep doing this , your confidence grows and you start attracting only the best people in the crowd.

 

The bad ones will still always find you attractive but it's upto you to show them the door:)

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I would certainly agree with comments here that you need to set your boundaries, and don't leave yourself open to being taken advantage of.

Not all men are like this. Plenty of us respect women and aren't just looking for 'sex'.

 

Always put your 'self worth first', you deserve that.

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Yes boundaries are important. Sure there are some horn dogs you'll meet in college. However why are you playing therapist and close enough to be groped?

 

Social distancing is not just for covid, it's common sense. You don't have to have sex with anyone.

 

If you are afraid of men or sex, take your time. It's ok to be friends with guys it's ok to date.

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It's weird because I'm very assertive in other situations and interactions EXCEPT guys. Besides my shyness, I can speak up and be direct when I want something ie, school, work, family, medical, or anything within a professional environment. But my sole interactions with men, I'm too awkward and naive. They make me nervous sometimes yet I still try to be polite and friendly.

 

Then pretend - fake it till you make it. Tell yourself to act as if you were not with a man - you can control your reactions and your behavior. If someone is inappropriate and you feel nervous please stop being friendly - that sends a confusing message.

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If you're attractive, you're likely to get unwanted attention from men. Most of it can be safely ignored, but there are times when it might risk getting beyond that - and that's where assertiveness comes in. Look upon it as a life skill.

 

Some men are real sleazeballs, but that about them, NOT about you! Don't ever treat that kind of rubbish as a reflection of your worth.

 

If someone's getting too close, there's nothing wrong with telling them that you're enjoying their company but right now they're invading your personal space. If someone invites you back for coffee, politely decline - unless you do want to go back for coffee, in which case it's OK to say that you'd like to, before you get a cab home. If being with someone's making you nervous, then back away.

 

Sometimes being "polite and friendly" will come across as having no boundaries, and there are people who will take advantage of that. Your approach of being a "good listener" and wanting to be a therapist to the guys you meet will feel weird to anyone who's looking for a healthy relationship/equal partnership. You have no difficulty in areas of life where you're treating other people as humans first and foremost, and men ARE just people!

 

Good luck!

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Absolutely, Nutbrown!!

 

"Sometimes being "polite and friendly" will come across as having no boundaries, and there are people who will take advantage of that. Your approach of being a "good listener" and wanting to be a therapist to the guys you meet will feel weird to anyone who's looking for a healthy relationship/equal partnership. You have no difficulty in areas of life where you're treating other people as humans first and foremost, and men ARE just people!

"

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I just engage with them with politeness, friendliness, and kindness. I use a lot of empathy and give my full attention when talking to them. Almost like a "therapist" but only because I genuinely want to get to know them and be a good listener. However, they'll later turn these interactions into something sexual or flirtatious. I want to be a b*tch to them but that's not who I am.

 

As someone who was hooted and hollered at by random men since she was 12 years old (ughh :|), I do sympathize with some of your feelings. But I think your thought process is limited and unfair.

 

You need to be more selective with the kind of guy you are devoting your energy towards.

 

Have you no male friends?

 

Every guy doesn't deserve to have you as a 'therapist.' Slow down and evaluate the kind of person that you are talking to before you put all of this effort into them.

 

Your have many more options at hand than 'therapist' or 'b*tch.'

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Know that you're always in the driver's seat. Make a must-have list and a dealbreaker list on what you want in a man and stick to it. If a guy touches you without getting signals from you that that's okay, leave his presence. He's not worthy of you nor worth your time. Realize that being "kind" in every situation is not being kind to yourself, if you stick around when someone says something inappropriate to you. Learn to see the red flags early on and make your exit when someone exhibits them.

 

Of course, a guy who wants to date you and finds you attractive will always have sex on his mind. However, a decent guy who wants a longterm relationship versus one and done will also want to get to know YOU. He will ask you for get togethers that don't have making out as the goal at the beginning. He will not bring up sexual topics. He won't schmooze you with numerous comments about your body and looks, etc.

 

So don't go to your home or his until you are ready to sleep with someone. Meet in public places until you establish a comfort level and when you determine he's a decent person who you want to go further with.

 

You're the treasure, and if someone doesn't treat you as one, it's okay to let them know they're not allowed on the bus. And then you close the door and drive away.

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At this point...its you.

Don't go back to a guy's apartment and plop yourself on the couch on a first date if you don't want to sleep with them. Some women with more confidence and stronger personalities - they could keep it at the kitchen table over dessert or coffee and nothing would happen - but just to be on the safe side -- keep first dates coffee, ice ceam, or some situation where you will leave separately and not go home together. The you can have a better read on whether you want to continue dating and if its just about sex.

 

If someone guy says "you have a great body, let's go out", you turn him down. If you get to know a guy in class or through a civic group and he invites you to coffee so you can continue the conversation - that sounds a lot better! You reap what you sow. DOn't go out with randos

 

I've never been alone with a guy in his apartment. It only occurred when we'd hang out during the day with other friends but I'd leave with my them as well. My intuition always told me that staying with a guy at night would potentially lead to sex or hook ups. I've only spent late nights with my ex. After we broke up, there was a period where I thought about engaging in casual sex. But never did because I know I could never handle it emotionally.

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Yes boundaries are important. Sure there are some horn dogs you'll meet in college. However why are you playing therapist and close enough to be groped?

 

Social distancing is not just for covid, it's common sense. You don't have to have sex with anyone.

 

If you are afraid of men or sex, take your time. It's ok to be friends with guys it's ok to date.

I've set previous boundaries but I feel like some guys never care because they view me as a physically "weak" person they can do anything with. Most of them are generally always taller than me without even trying (I'm 5'4). They'll hover over me, mimic my body language, and playfully touch me when they say hi or walk by.

 

The groping happens when I'm alone which makes me feel like trash. One time when I was walking on campus, a guy near me said hi to me and smiled. I kindly responded back and continued walking. Then suddenly after, he slowly came close up behind me and smacked my butt. Smiled again and said "well I'll see you around".

 

With "playing therapist", it mainly has to do with the way I listen and engage with them during conversations. They say I always make them feel comfortable and relaxed. I'm pretty laid back so that could be why. Although they'll sometimes mistaken politeness with flirtation. Hand shaking and eye contact has given some the wrong idea.

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Report this type of thing to campus security. Avoid walking alone at night.

I

The groping happens when I'm alone which makes me feel like trash. One time when I was walking on campus, a guy near me said hi to me and smiled. I kindly responded back and continued walking. Then suddenly after, he slowly came close up behind me and smacked my butt. Smiled again and said "well I'll see you around".

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