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How to get out of a rut?


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I made a similar post describing my issue, but this one is a bit different. In case my other post hasn’t been seen a priori:

 

My girlfriend and I have been in a rut for the last 6 months and have been having much less sex. From my communication with her in the last 6 months has told me, she figures it involved the pandemic preventing her from doing a lot of the things she loves doing and causing us to spend all of our waking hours cooped up in our pajamas working, as well as my poor communication - complaining that I’m not having enough sex which has been putting more pressure on her.

 

From what I know about her, she’s prone to anxiety, and this completely closes her off to sex. She is struggling, and I really want us to work out and recover from this. She seems willing to work on it for us to stay together.

 

 

What should I do? She doesn’t really know what will fix her. I’m trying to not pressure or complain anymore, but what else can I and/or we do?

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She doesn't need fixing. You do. Get off the reddit toilet. Get a job. Stop mooching off her and her family.

 

Stop begging for sex. Get out of the house and start helping out more. Take care of yourself sexually.

 

Your sense of entitlement is from hanging around her parents house in your PJs being brainwashed by the reddit red pill hate groups that foster your " right" to get sex.

 

She goes to school, studies, etc. You need to get a job get off your heiny and help out around her parents house.

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Gendji, you are using your girlfriend's family for housing and board, and you also used to benefit of free sex with your girlfrind. You got a total package "bed & breakfast & sex", the dream of every mooch. And now that the sex is not there anymore you want your total package of benefits back. This family is not obligated to take care of you, you are not adopted. I very much doubt that you love your girldfriend, because if you did, you would have been ashamed to mooch off her and her family.

 

Let me ask you a simple question: don't you feel ashamed to eat at the table with this family when they serve food, you knowing full well that you haven't contributed anything to the meal. Or I guess you sneakingly take trips to the fridge, or you send your girlfriend to fetch you some food in your room, so that it is not so obvious just how bad you mooch off this family.

 

Every woman would lose attraction to a man who behaves like a helpless child adopted by her family. You do not display masculine behavior. This is why she is not physically attracted to you.

It is not your d*ck that makes you a man. It only makes you a male. Masculinity is a trait of character and it relates to two main masculine capabilities-to lead, and to provide. Neither you lead, nor you provide. What you do is to be a parasite feeding off her family, and you dare complain that she does not put out anymore. You have been shamelessly self-serving, ungrateful and entitled.

Oh tempores, or mores.

 

Like wiseman said, get off your butt, leave their house and learn to take care of yourself without using other people.

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Can you explain a bit more how this post is different from your last one? Did anything change? Did you find employment or have you both moved somewhere else?

 

You'll feel more useful and purposeful if you're employed and have some idea of what you're doing or where you're going with your life. Avoid boredom at all costs. It plays tricks on the mind. I think you're creating problems where there are none - thinking something is an issue when it isn't. I'm not sure if anyone has suggested it yet but maybe it's a good idea for you to take yourself to the doctor and address issues with your mood and lack of motivation or interest in bettering yourself.

 

You're focusing way too much on your girlfriend and placing too much importance on how she fixes herself. This is bordering on emotional abuse and manipulation on your part. Stop all that and start learning how to focus on you and what you need to do take care of your physical and mental health. Work on your career and keep yourself busy and sharp.

 

This isn't the way to live. You're wasting away like this worrying about problems you're concocting in your head. Get out there and keep moving.

 

After you've done all these things for yourself and uplifted your own moods and feel better about yourself and your purpose, if sexual intimacy is still not improving, this relationship may not be for you at all. At least you would have taken care of yourself in the process and you'd be better able to make a decision to move out/break up and you're able to support yourself. Do you see how it's all linked or how the dots are connected? Keep that focus on you and bettering yourself. It will all fall into place.

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Gendji, you are using your girlfriend's family for housing and board, and you also used to benefit of free sex with your girlfrind. You got a total package "bed & breakfast & sex", the dream of every mooch. And now that the sex is not there anymore you want your total package of benefits back. This family is not obligated to take care of you, you are not adopted. I very much doubt that you love your girldfriend, because if you did, you would have been ashamed to mooch off her and her family.

 

Let me ask you a simple question: don't you feel ashamed to eat at the table with this family when they serve food, you knowing full well that you haven't contributed anything to the meal. Or I guess you sneakingly take trips to the fridge, or you send your girlfriend to fetch you some food in your room, so that it is not so obvious just how bad you mooch off this family.

 

Every woman would lose attraction to a man who behaves like a helpless child adopted by her family. You do not display masculine behavior. This is why she is not physically attracted to you.

It is not your d*ck that makes you a man. It only makes you a male. Masculinity is a trait of character and it relates to two main masculine capabilities-to lead, and to provide. Neither you lead, nor you provide. What you do is to be a parasite feeding off her family, and you dare complain that she does not put out anymore. You have been shamelessly self-serving, ungrateful and entitled.

Oh tempores, or mores.

 

Like wiseman said, get off your butt, leave their house and learn to take care of yourself without using other people.

 

If this is accurate, I wouldnt have sex with you either. Get off your butt and become producctive.

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This is a high-anxiety year for most of us. I'd avoid making that all about me, and I'd pitch in wherever I have not been doing so. I'd quit expecting sex and appreciate that most people don't perform well under anxiety--and don't WANT to.

 

If you want to help this situation, why not tell us all of the ways in which you're willing to do that?

 

And then do them.

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There is obviously more going on in other threads ..but to reply to this and this alone ......

 

You said it started when covid started , then it stands to reason that it will end when covid ends ..I don't mean with a snap of fingers and all is well ....anxiety cripples ones mind .... can't say more then that ....it's that simple in my mind .

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genji, you're leaving out the bits where you told her you'd leave her if she didn't give you more sex and what was it that you said to her about the bj?

 

Pretty important stuff to delete, people won't get an adequate picture of it all with you leaving that stuff out.

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genji, you're leaving out the bits where you told her you'd leave her if she didn't give you more sex and what was it that you said to her about the bj?

 

Pretty important stuff to delete, people won't get an adequate picture of it all with you leaving that stuff out.

 

yeah exactly , I thought everyone was being nasty for the hell of it . Not cool to not have the full story because of deleted bits .

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Haven't read the other thread, but clearly there is more going on here then a lack of sex. If everything that is being said is true, then why would you think she would want sex at all? Sex should be the last piece of the puzzle, not the first. When you have worked through everything else, then you get to the dessert. But until you do, the stress, pressure, and anxiety of everything else will prevent sex from happening.

 

And even if everything was fine with you, sex is not a requirement. If she is not feeling like it, then she should't be expected to do it. Be a gentleman and be there for her. Show her love and support. Be a friend. Those are what gets you through a relationship, not sex.

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Here's the link to the thread on reddit, that gives the detail that OP conveniently "forgets" to elaborate here.

 

http://https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/ivs9af/dead_bedroom_since_lockdown_started/

 

OP [22M], and his GF [20] recently graduated. She found a job, he is jobless, both live in GF parents' house, so OP is totally dependent on his GF's parents. What he does is stay in his pijamas all day long, whatch Netflix and compalin about lack of sex here.

 

What he expects from us is to advise him on some trick/manipulation that he could apply on his GF to get the sex going again. And he focuses the negativity on her, as if the problem is with her, while the real issue is his shamelessly sponging off his GF's family. I guess at some level his GF is feeling used (righfully so) or perhaps her parents might have already spoken to her about her mooching BF. Economy is bad for everybody. The parents are not obligated to feed and house a healthy young man, only because he sleeps with their daughter.

 

OP's ungratefulness and sense of entitlement is what rubs me the wrong way. He needs to wake up and realise that nobody is obligated to take care of his needs and pay his way. What is worse, is that he puts the blame on his GF, suggesting that she needs to see a doctor for her lacl of desire for him! Arrogance of the highest degree. SO not only he mooches, but he also insists that his GF should find his mooching attractive!

Edited by East4
typos
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SO not only he mooches, but he also insists that his GF should find his mooching attractive!

That's next level manipulation! OP, if that's true you should become a salesman, you can manipulate people and make money without being a moocher! How awesome is that? Think about it.

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We all know there are two sides to a story op and take that into consideration when answering ( well I do ) To try and lead people into a plan of action to get laid is pretty low. I was prepared to stick up for you and you where prepared to let me !!! Says a lot about a person .

 

Couldn't follow the link , it just said it has been removed or something but I have heard it from a few people .

 

Busted op

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  • 3 months later...

Reality is, $ is a strong presence in each home that fuels every action you take....vacation, studies, internet speed, order food or cook, turn heater on or just dress in layers...

Love, and of course sex, flies out of the window without $. 
 

And oh, an idle mind is the devil’s workplace, there is a good chance he is in that mind of yours? 

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