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I haven’t posted here for a long time.

 

It’s been 18 months since my breakup. My ex partner has been with someone for around 15 months. Are relationship is good. I’d say we are quite close as we share a daughter. Our interactions are good and we see each other Often during exchange of our child or her things.

 

It’s been a rough ride, I’ve just finished therapy and I’m feeling optimistic.

 

The reason I’m here is because I had a day and night out drinking with some friends which was brilliant. Chatted to a lot of attractive women and even scored a kiss and a grope. This is big for me because my confidence has been for a long time. It felt good to feel wanted and I’m realising I am actually a catch. I just haven’t been putting myself out there. I swipe on tinder but going in dry so to speak is not my thing and I probably lose to more attractive guys because tinder is much more visual and you select based on a photo rather than actually face to face interactions.

 

Anyway, my ex partner turned up. No big deal I actually new she would be coming and In all honesty I wasn’t supposed to be staying all day and night but time got away with me because I had such a good time.

 

The last part of the night I remember before things got heated was kissing this girl outside. After that I remember my ex partner saying ‘excuse me, I’m his ex girlfriend we were together for 8 years’

Obviously something was said before that, and from what she told me a few days after, one of her friends thought this girl was looking at her funny, even though the don’t know each other. Whatever...

My mate started raising his voice at my ex and I flipped out saying don’t ever speak to her like that. I’m quite protective over her, even though I wasn’t during out time together, which she said a few days later how frustrating it was to see me be like that with her now.

 

I got pulled out the bar by security. Ended up fighting outside with some random dude. Can’t remember exactly why.

 

The interesting part is, I remember shouting at my ex calling her out for interfering in my relation with the girl, and said how I’ve had to deal with another man being there almost instantly after I moved out and it’s not fair for her to do that. Wether she actually was trying to or not I’m not sure, and she’s told me a few days after that it wasn’t like that and she had no problem with what was going on.

Well I remember her shoving me and getting emotional, as we both were, and saying what about everything I did to her, stuff which she has brought up before also. I told her I was different now and I’ve changed, along with a lot of other things. I remember trying to restrain her and hold her because she was upset...we both were. Anyway my taxi came and everything was so heated. My friend screamed at me to get in the taxi. I was walking away and she shouted me, and still looked visibly upset. She said, quote ..

“My name! I love you”

I looked at her with the taxi door open and she said it again.

 

Few days later we spoke about the night, and she had no recollection of us arguing outside, or me fighting, or saying she loved me’

She said, I’ll always love you you’re my child father.

I felt she was trying to dress this down.

I told her not to take this out of context and that she had no right saying that to me after we’ve been apart for so long. (She ended it, and I wanted her back)

I said if I was you’re boyfriend and you said that to an ex I would be fuming.

She just said ok and we talking about something else because she hurried the convo off onto another topic.

 

Her denying the context in which she said it in has be questioning a lot about that night. Have I made all this up? I mean, she remembers the girl, so that must be true. She also pointed out a guy on Facebook that I described who I was fighting with, and said he was wearing the clothes I described that night and was there and that he’s always fighting when he’s out. So that’s so plausible.

 

Honestly, it’s probably all true, but is there a chance I could be making the things she said up? And all the heated conversations we house leading up to it?

 

It’s kore for my sanity that anything else. Chances of us bong a family again are slim to none and I’m kinda starting to enjoy my life. Of course I miss her sometimes. I regret the loss a future with her due to my actions. I’ve felt crazy enough through my healing journey and I don’t want making scenarios up to be another crazy on my list LOL

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Sounds like quite a night. Not sure if you have a question or just needed an opportunity to vent.

All I can say is don't get stuck on words that were said under the influence. Her actions are what matter here and if you two weren't meant to be together, she wouldn't be in a relationship with someone else.

I love an ex or two. It doesn't transelate into me wanting to be with them.

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It doesn't sound like she's willing to level with you or be more clear or honest about what she said the other night. I see what you mean also that you're not sure if you're remembering the details correctly. I think it's safer to leave the whole thing as it is and not overthink it. I'm sure you have a lot of emotions and it doesn't sound like either of you have healed from the break up or given yourselves enough time to consider your relationship completely over.

 

If you know she's going to be at a venue, just avoid that venue or don't run into her. Both of you aren't at a stable enough place to be neutral about dating other people. It's inappropriate that she made those comments while you were with someone else but she could have been tipsy.

 

Is this a small town by any chance?

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She probably did say it. And instead of you saying it back, you got into the cab. That makes any girl rethink about admitting it again.

 

I honestly had this happen. I told my college buddy I loved him one night, and he said it back. The next day, he said he didn't remember anything because he was drunk. I wasn't drunk. I also never brought it up again, ever. He was my 1st love (crush), but we never got together, but that's okay. It wasn't meant to be. Still a cool cat though!

 

The real question, do you still love you? Do you want her back now that you have new tools with coping, relating, life?

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First of all, how about you NOT attend places, when you know she will be there- to lessen these events.

Second, you are right, she had NO right acting like this- especially when she had already moved on herself!

Third, don't play her games. You owe her NOTHING anymore.. you are free.

 

As she said, she will love you as you are her childs father.. sooo.. what?

 

Is best you two lessen any further involvement.. so you can BOTH get over this.. and move on in a healthier manner.

 

Only time you interact is in regard to your child. No more.

 

YOu got this far & are feeling better about yourself, with help- Good! Keep going.. ignore her.

Live for YOU.

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It may be the first time she saw you with someone else and freaked out a little.

 

Honestly, why are you going to bars and getting a "kiss and a grope." Does covid ring a bell? You may be putting your kids at risk with random behavior.

 

Why not turn over a new leaf and if you want to meet someone, meet someone in a way where you could meet someone of quality?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Your ex is with someone. End of discussion. You don't want to risk getting involved or pushing things further, regardless of what she said. Maybe seeing you with someone triggered old feelings in her. Maybe it was the alcohol that seemed to be really pouring that night. Maybe she really did mean she loves you as a friend and the father of your child and was worried about you being drunk and getting into fights. Either way, it's past and she is doesn't want to dwell on it. So forget it and focus on being a good father.

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