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I apparently ruined something for my ex


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My ex and I broke up back in July because (I think) he was just no longer happy. I completely understand that, and while we no longer talk much, I thought things were amicable between us. We've talked once and I thought it went well enough.

 

But I made the mistake of looking at my ex's Twitter for the first time in 3 months and apparently I ruined travel for him. We didn't travel much in our three years together because we're both on a budget and he didn't seem to enjoy it. But I always enjoyed exploring things with him and I thought he enjoyed it too. But his Twitter feed mentioned that I'd ruined travel for him. Now I just feel like a jerk :( I have no idea how I did it and I feel awful somehow ruining something that can be so fun and interesting. Also I never knew he felt that way (but of course he would never tell me).

 

Not really looking for advice, just a hug. I am well over him at this point, which was why I was able to look at his Twitter. None of what was in it bothered me at any level except for the fact that I ruined something for him. Boo :( I must be good at ruining things.

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Sorry to hear this. What did he specifically state? It's time to delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Don't scan or follow any of his social media.

My ex and I broke up back in July because (I think) he was just no longer happy.

 

his Twitter feed mentioned that I'd ruined travel for him.

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Thank you. I went on his Twitter because I'm at the point where romantically I could handle anything on there. But since we parted on amicable terms and (when we have had contact, which is once in the last three months) I didn't expect to see that I had ruined anything for him! It's more about me, because I have been accused of ruining things before, and it makes me feel sad that I could do that to someone again, especially someone whom I cared about. He didn't call me out specifically, just said that "my ex ruined travel for me." It was an ouchy moment! I wouldn't have cared about much but that one stung, mostly because I would not have expected that of him.

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I hadn't looked at his Twitter in three months and do not plan to again at this point! it was silly of me to even wander on. I am over him at this point but I was not expecting to see that I ruined something. We had a very respectful breakup and the very limited interaction we've had since was also respectful and kind.

 

We have no other contact on social media, etc, nor have we ever, and that's for the best.

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OP, you or I or anyone really, we mere mortals do not have the power to ruin something for someone else on such a grand scale. You can be a jerk and ruin a trip, but you can't ruin travel at large.

 

So no, this isn't about you, it's about him and the fact that the dude has issues you weren't aware of. Your break up is kind of a bullet dodged as you are finding out now that he was harboring resentments he wasn't sharing with you. Instead he was putting on a facade that left you thinking that all is well...... This comment he made was rather vindictive and manipulative. So please, don't guilt trip yourself or internalize this as your problem, because it really isn't. Also, don't ever go checking on his social media again ever. This guy is a case of good bye and good riddance.

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So no, this isn't about you, it's about him and the fact that the dude has issues you weren't aware of. Your break up is kind of a bullet dodged as you are finding out now that he was harboring resentments he wasn't sharing with you. Instead he was putting on a facade that left you thinking that all is well...... This comment he made was rather vindictive and manipulative. So please, don't guilt trip yourself or internalize this as your problem, because it really isn't. Also, don't ever go checking on his social media again ever. This guy is a case of good bye and good riddance.

 

Yes and yes! This is what struck me. I had NO IDEA he didn't enjoy doing these things. He was a very open communicator (or so I thought). Now I'm learning that he was maybe not as open a communicator as I had thought.

 

I will no longer be checking his social media. I hadn't before this and I figured ya know, I'm over him and yet as a person I'd like to know he's doing well. No need for that anymore, honestly. It was surprisingly unlike him to do, so need to see more of that.

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I just...it's amazing. How does one even "ruin the entire concept of travel"? Like WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE?!

 

Not that any of it matters at this point, it was just amazing to read. This was the dude that for three years told me how much he wanted to marry me, and now I apparently ruined the concept of travel. Way to make me feel like a jerk.

 

Life is funny. I'm going to look at houses for sale tomorrow, so the reaffirmation that I'm headed in the right direction was very nice and came at a good time.

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I agree with the others.. that was all him. Did you ever think he might have meant someone else?

 

You said you've been accused of ruining things for others before. It might be worth it to explore that.

 

I'm not trying to make you feel worse. But if this is something you know you do, why? how can you stop yourself in the future?

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I agree with the others.. that was all him. Did you ever think he might have meant someone else?

 

You said you've been accused of ruining things for others before. It might be worth it to explore that.

 

I'm not trying to make you feel worse. But if this is something you know you do, why? how can you stop yourself in the future?

 

I suspect it was likely me. I am the first long-term relationship he's had and we dated for the last three years. I don't think it was one of his previous girlfriends before me at all.

 

It probably is worth it to explore that. I admit that in college I could be somewhat overbearing with my friends and that is what they complained about. But I've worked through that and I hope I NEVER pushed my ex to do anything he didn't want to do. I feel very strongly about not doing that to anyone because I know how it feels.

 

I'm pretty much fine now. It was a momentary thing that surprised me and I don't really have anyone to turn to, so I went to the internet for a virtual hug.

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You didn't ruin travel for him. Both of you were on a budget and he didn't seem to enjoy it. He's just making excuses nowadays on Twitter because it's convenient to do so. Don't pay attention to him and don't become curious about him on Twitter or social media. Ignore, block and delete him permanently. Make him 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality for yourself. You didn't ruin anything and don't blame yourself for anything anymore. You're not a jerk!

 

((((summerland5))))

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I suspect it was likely me. I am the first long-term relationship he's had and we dated for the last three years. I don't think it was one of his previous girlfriends before me at all.

 

It probably is worth it to explore that. I admit that in college I could be somewhat overbearing with my friends and that is what they complained about. But I've worked through that and I hope I NEVER pushed my ex to do anything he didn't want to do. I feel very strongly about not doing that to anyone because I know how it feels.

 

I'm pretty much fine now. It was a momentary thing that surprised me and I don't really have anyone to turn to, so I went to the internet for a virtual hug.

I think that seeing what an ex posts is always a shocker. thats why its best to not look.

 

we all grow and change since college. sounds like he is just being him. maybe he thought if he posted something you'd see it & pick an argument.

 

It would be funny if you liked it. lol But that is just my mischievous side coming through... ignoring is best.

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I agree with Lambert. He's trying to provoke and incite you. Don't bite the bait and don't let him affect you. Become unemotional, block and delete him forever. Move on with your life. You deserve to be treated with honor and respect. He did neither. He's playing the blame game on you.

 

You're not a jerk and quit blaming yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. You are not at fault whatsoever. He's the jerk. Get that straight!

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He was a very open communicator (or so I thought). Now I'm learning that he was maybe not as open a communicator as I had thought.

 

Or maybe he's a bit of an attention-seeker on social media.

 

I tend to think it says a lot more about him than you that he posted this online. I side-eye adults who air their dirty laundry like that; it's usually more about the poster stirring the pot or eliciting sympathy than it is about the person referenced.

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We do not have the power to "ruin travel". What does that even mean? Plus, he didn't even have the courtesy/decency to tell you in person. Sad, and tacky that he felt the need to post that on Twitter. What is he? 12 years old?

 

As far as I can tell, you did nothing wrong, summerland. So, please, do not let it bother you (too much). It's not worth your time. It was a shi**y thing to do but that tells you that this guy has issues. I guess he's harbouring some sort of resentment but, at the very least, he should have given you some clue as to how he felt. We are not mind readers. I'm sorry you now know how he feels, but you are better off by blocking him and forgetting him. Hold your head up high. It's not your fault so stop blaming yourself. He should blame himself for not talking to you about it. Sending you lots of hugs.

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I had NO IDEA he didn't enjoy doing these things. He was a very open communicator (or so I thought). Now I'm learning that he was maybe not as open a communicator as I had thought.

 

Sounds to me like he was fishing for attention and sympathy. Surely you've seen those people out there.

 

I'm sure it had nothing to do with you. I'm sure he did enjoy the time he spent with you. He's just spinning it for a fix.

 

I will no longer be checking his social media. I hadn't before this and I figured ya know, I'm over him and yet as a person I'd like to know he's doing well. No need for that anymore, honestly. It was surprisingly unlike him to do, so need to see more of that.

 

Good plan.

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All I'll say on this is that sometimes we associate things with our exes. Usually it's a lot more simple, like a song you associate with them or maybe a show. And now you can't stomach those things. It could just be that he associates fun in traveling with you but he just vented it immaturely.

 

Either way, this is not something to put yourself down over and if he actually loves to travel, he'll get back to it.

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We didn't travel much in our three years together because we're both on a budget and he didn't seem to enjoy it.

 

Could mean anything from not traveling as often as he wished, being reminded of the budget, trying to coordinate trips with another person, having another person 'lead' during the trip or at very least needing to consider another person during travels rather than free-forming it.

 

This doesn't make you 'wrong' as a travel partner, as it doesn't mean anyone else would have felt the same way. However, you did note that you didn't travel frequently in part because he didn't seem to enjoy it.

 

So maybe it's not all that surprising that he'd rather blame you for that than own his responsibility for his own enjoyment?

 

While I'm a fan of trying to use this kind of stuff for self examination just as you have done regarding friends from your past, I also find it liberating to keep the key word 'ex' in the front of my mind.

 

He became an ex because the two of you were no longer a good match. So might that have colored his vision of your shared experiences? Sure. But not being 'right' for one person doesn't make you inherently 'wrong' for yourself or for the RIGHT match for you.

 

Head high, take whatever pearls of hindsight you can gain, but don't fault yourself for someone else's limits. You'll thank yourself for this later.

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