elainebb56 2 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Me and my partner were together on/off for 11 years ,we knew each other previous to that but he was married and i was in a long term relationship which when both ended we got together he moved in and it was good for a few years until i found out he was cheating with someone from work (he worked nights in a hotel) at that time, so he ended it and didnt talk to me for 6 months until one day i bumped into him near where i lived and he said the feelings were still there so we got back together eventually he moved back in but the trust on my part was shattered even though he tried to gain my trust certain things triggered it and we would argue plus we hardly went out and i never met his family or friends even though he met all of mine, outside of that we had a good connection and would talk constantly about anything but last year out of no where he ended it again saying its not going anywhere but this time we remained friends and eventually he started staying over even though we both agreed it would never work as a couple again but after a while i didnt feel good with this situation as i still had feelings plus we were arguing over silly things and 4 weeks ago he said its come to an end and theres no going back this time and throw his stuff away which was at my place and 5 days later he blocked me, he sent me an email a week later saying'' the reason i cut communication was for the best and lets see where we are in a few months and maybe be friends take care'' i do miss the conversations even though hes acted terrible for no apparent reason and the worst part is the blocking as it feels so final... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rose Mosse 475 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 On/off patterns are the worst in that they never seem to be final until it really is because you've conditioned your mind already into expecting to meet again in the future. It doesn't sound like he's learned anything by his last words "let's see where we are in a few months and maybe be friends...". I hope you realize that it's that sort of vague language that keeps you twisted around his finger. You deserve a partner who will treat you as a priority, not an option. Don't settle for this little - it's so painful and damaging to your self-esteem. Try and see whether there are options for therapy or counseling to change the way you've conditioned yourself. You have to change your mindset completely. Don't make the same mistake with this man or other partners. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
melancholy123 429 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Well that was one long run on sentence. Say goodbye to this messed up relationship and take time for yourself and find another guy who will treat you better. 2 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,198 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Sorry to hear this. He's a cheater if you 2 "were friends" while he was married. Be glad this moving in/out, on/off, cheating and this roller coaster nightmare is behind you. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps, so you can move forward with someone trustworthy and able to offer something. Does he drink heavily or do drugs? Me and my partner were together on/off for 11 years ,we knew each other previous to that but he was married and i was in a long term relationship we got together he moved in and it was good for a few years until i found out he was cheating.he ended it and didnt talk to me for 6 months he moved back in but the trust on my part was shattered 4 weeks ago he said its come to an end and theres no going back this time and throw his stuff away which was at my place and 5 days later he blocked me, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
elainebb56 2 Posted September 28, 2020 Author Share Posted September 28, 2020 Sorry to hear this. He's a cheater if you 2 "were friends" while he was married. Be glad this moving in/out, on/off, cheating and this roller coaster nightmare is behind you. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps, so you can move forward with someone trustworthy and able to offer something. Does he drink heavily or do drugs? I knew him before he was married but didn't see or hear from him whist married ..And yes he used to take drugs and still drinks daily Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,198 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Ok block and delete him and all his people from all your social media. Change your locks. Look into Al-Anon to understand your role in this: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/adult-quiz/ And yes he used to take drugs and still drinks daily Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hollyj 1,368 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 This should have been done after he cheated on you. Also, the fact that you NEVER met any of his family or friends in 11 years shows that he never saw a future with you. You were on the periphery of his life. Why was this okay for you? Don't waste another 11 years of your life. Block and delete! You also need to address why you expect so little for yourself. He "drinks daily," he sounds like a real prize. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hollyj 1,368 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 Don't ever be someone's secret! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
HeartGoesOn 873 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 The message you're sending him, is he can come and go at his own leisure without facing any consequences. He's clearly demonstrated what he's all about, yet it's fallen on deaf ears. With that said, what are you seeing in the long term, or what are you refusing to see in general? Either way, a little self-respect can go a long way. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lostandhurt 888 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 (edited) Wait a minute. You caught him cheating and he ended it with you? So you were going to continue in the relationship with him after he was fooling around with a coworker? This is all very unhealthy and you should be happy he is gone and blocked you. He has done you a favor for your own good. You miss the imagined relationship, not the reality of the train wreck it was. Occupy your time with positive things and people, work on yourself physically and emotionally and one day when you have figured out why you allowed this man in your life for so long perhaps you can start dating and meet a real man. See this for what it truly is A VERY GOOD THING Lost Edited September 28, 2020 by lostandhurt 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SooSad33 203 Posted September 28, 2020 Share Posted September 28, 2020 He blocked you.. good- The trash took itself out ;) All of this crap has caused you damages, I hope you see? You NEED to have peace internally and be okay again-which will take some time. Having ANYTHING to do with this guy- would be the worst thing for you to do. Like others have said.. When he was caught cheating on you that first time- shoulda been when you walked away- forever. Everything after that just caused you to fall more. :( So- have nothing more to do with him. Be done. Respect yourself. And try to see that no one deserves such treatment/behaviour. And, NO. We cannot be 'friends; with an Ex. Not unless or until we know we are over them. Just be done with it all. Accept.. Heal. Move on. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Billie28 172 Posted September 29, 2020 Share Posted September 29, 2020 This doesn’t make any sense ... “one day i bumped into him near where i lived and he said the feelings were still there so we got back together eventually he moved back in but the trust on my part was shattered even though he tried to gain my trust certain things triggered it and we would argue plus we hardly went out and i never met his family or friends” He moved back in??? Under whose terms and conditions? How can someone just move into your property without you agreeing to it? And why would you agree to it if you didn’t trust him? You are only accountable for your own actions . And your actions were to allow someone you did not trust move into your home. And accept not ever meeting his family or friends. He is gone. Not that you ever knew him. So no great loss. But continuing forward , have you any plans to not make this great mistake again? Why allow a stranger into your home? And be upset that they left? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
elainebb56 2 Posted September 29, 2020 Author Share Posted September 29, 2020 This doesn’t make any sense ... “one day i bumped into him near where i lived and he said the feelings were still there so we got back together eventually he moved back in but the trust on my part was shattered even though he tried to gain my trust certain things triggered it and we would argue plus we hardly went out and i never met his family or friends” He moved back in??? Under whose terms and conditions? How can someone just move into your property without you agreeing to it? And why would you agree to it if you didn’t trust him? You are only accountable for your own actions . And your actions were to allow someone you did not trust move into your home. And accept not ever meeting his family or friends. He is gone. Not that you ever knew him. So no great loss. But continuing forward , have you any plans to not make this great mistake again? Why allow a stranger into your home? And be upset that they left? He didnt just move in without me agreeing to it! We thought we would try again and i let him move in as he was trying to show me he changed , CLEARLY he hadnt.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hollyj 1,368 Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Why were you okay with being a secret? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ellie56 1 Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 Update after 5 weeks of no contact he called last night to say hes going to drop off something he had of mine this morning..That never happened and he hasn't contacted to say why or he can't make it ect...What the hell is he playing at? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,198 Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 He was probably drunk again . Block and delete him and all his people from all your social media. Change your locks. Look into Al-Anon to understand your role in this: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/adult-quiz/ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lambert 422 Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 He was probably drunk again . Block and delete him and all his people from all your social media. Change your locks. Look into Al-Anon to understand your role in this: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/adult-quiz/I agree with dubya [emoji854] drunk, bread crumbs, loser behavior. do you really need the stuff? if it were me, I wouldn't want anything I kept at my ex's. Except maybe if it was my grandma's jewelry.... anything else is completely replaceable. Just like this guy. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
xxtashamae 1 Posted October 16, 2020 Share Posted October 16, 2020 exactly, if he will cheat with you he will cheat on you. Sad, I feel your pain 100% Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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