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Been a while and now back in dating game


cingularity83

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So I have put dating off so far this year due to the whole Corona virus thing and just recently started deciding to date again. I met this girl online and we exchanged a few messages over the course of a week and then I decided to ask her out...... we met at had a great time.

 

That was two weeks ago. She had an event to go to the weekend after that so I didn't bother making any arrangements for another date.

 

Now I have to admit that since that first date I have broken the number one cardinal sin of dating on here - too much texting. We've been pretty much texting each other every day.

 

So yesterday Wednesday I decide to ask her out for this weekend. She said she'd love to go out again, but she might have some plans for doing something with her cousin and she'll check and see and get back to me on a day that should work. So I said okay, that's fine.

 

Well today (Thursday) we exchanged a few more texts and she didn't say anything about a day or whether she's checked on anything with her cousin.

 

So at this point what are my options?

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Well I think give her one or two more chances and see if she will actually catch up again. To be honest yeah she doesn't sound extremely keen because when people are interested, they want to have dates consistently. And the fact that she's being vague about making plans is not great. Personally I don't like someone who texts too much because I like my space. If someone texted me really constantly, it would probably scare me away. Maybe just text only every couple of days and don't seem too available. Also go on dates with other women so that you have more options. Don't take it too personally either if it doesn't work out. Most online dating doesn't lead to anything and it's not anyone's fault.

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Give it another day. If your calendar is full or you're not keen on seeing her, make other plans. You can't make anyone answer you. The only thing you can do is see what you'd like to do on the weekend, with or without her. Ie. her response or no response isn't going to ruin your weekend. You get to decide how you want to enjoy it.

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I agree with what you said and I'll give it at least tomorrow while going ahead and just preparing to enjoy the weekend no matter the outcome.

 

As far as the texting thing..... I have to admit that she is a professional texter haha. Always ends a text with an interesting question that leads on to more conversation (which in itself isn't necessarily a bad thing) when coupled with at least time spent also getting to know each other in person. At this point I just don't wanna feel like I'm dating my phone or forming a texting buddy!

 

Well we'll see what happens tomorrow and how things go

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Which day on the weekend did you ask her to meet?

Friday, Saturday or Sunday?

Were you specific on a day?

If you weren’t but loosely said the weekend I would assume she’s not interested or better put not that interested.

 

Since tomorrow is the weekend , if she gets back to you I hope you will have already made alternate plans?

Because you cant keep your entire weekend free just in case she wants to meet?

 

So my advice would be not to ask her again for this weekend, make your own plans assuming she isn’t going to say yes to meeting and if she does do that , suggest the next weekend.

 

Too bad for her!

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Which day on the weekend did you ask her to meet?

Friday, Saturday or Sunday?

Were you specific on a day?

If you weren’t but loosely said the weekend I would assume she’s not interested or better put not that interested.

 

Since tomorrow is the weekend , if she gets back to you I hope you will have already made alternate plans?

Because you cant keep your entire weekend free just in case she wants to meet?

 

So my advice would be not to ask her again for this weekend, make your own plans assuming she isn’t going to say yes to meeting and if she does do that , suggest the next weekend.

 

Too bad for her!

 

You are correct my friend,

I said this weekend without committing to any one particular day to give more options in case one particular day wasn't going to work for her.

 

The other thing is she knows that I work on Sundays. I don't start work until closer to 6pm so technically while I could possibly do a date meet-up on Sunday (would require doing something entirely different than what I had in mind) my preference would be for Saturday (a day we both have off).

 

At this point I'm guessing *IF* I hear from her today, it would most likely be her saying she could meet up either tomorrow (Saturday) or Sunday.

 

But I think the writing is on the wall for this one and all I have to do is read it. Like someone said up above, some times these things just don't workout for one reason or another and it's okay. We only just went out once at this point. The part I don't understand is the whole keeping constant communication for a whole 2 weeks after the first date. That's just too much energy & effort to be exerting on someone you wouldn't wanna see again.

 

Just to add - when I sent her the text asking her out I made sure it was the only question I asked so that if her reply was a maybe then I was going to just reply with a "ok, let me know when you have a better understanding of what your schedule looks like" and that was going to be it from my end until she gets back to me

 

BUT what she did was very smart, when she replied back with "I would Love to do that (insert smiley face) Let me check on plans I may have with my cousin & I'll let you know what day works best."

She immediately followed that up with a text asking multiple questions to extend conversation further.......

 

At that point I couldn't really do much of anything but to reply and carry on the conversation as usual without coming off looking a certain way.

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Unfortunately, one-and-done dates are common in online dating. If she is 'too busy", then just keep talking to and meeting others. The ball is in her court.

She said she'd love to go out again, but she might have some plans for doing something with her cousin and she'll check and see and get back to me on a day that should work. So I said okay, that's fine. So at this point what are my options?
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Hi OP!

 

I’m sorry to be blunt but I don’t think she’s as interested. Usually when people are interested they are more specific with their plans. They don’t just leave it up in the air they want to lock in dates so they don’t lose you.

 

I just wanted to be honest so you don’t wait for her. There’s other girls to date this weekend. Remember you met her once you’re not exclusive with her. So it doesn’t hurt to keep options open.

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At that point I couldn't really do much of anything but to reply and carry on the conversation as usual without coming off looking a certain way.

 

You seem pressured to answer her questions. I don't think either of you are on the same page. She may not be mature enough or she's talking to different people or she's not interested. If you aren't feeling heard, this isn't the person for you. I don't think she's a good texter at all. I hope you get to enjoy the weekend without this sort of frenzied, confusing communication. Surround yourself with people who are calmer and more confident about themselves.

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Hi OP!

 

I’m sorry to be blunt but I don’t think she’s as interested. Usually when people are interested they are more specific with their plans. They don’t just leave it up in the air they want to lock in dates so they don’t lose you.

 

I just wanted to be honest so you don’t wait for her. There’s other girls to date this weekend. Remember you met her once you’re not exclusive with her. So it doesn’t hurt to keep options open.

 

I agree. Also I always liked when the guy asked me for a specific day or gave me specific options.

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As to what I would've done, if I were into a guy, I would've immediately called my cousin to confirm our tentative plans and then right away get back to the guy to set the date, either that weekend or the next. If I wasn't into a guy, I'd tell him I didn't feel enough chemistry on the first date and wish him well.

 

But everyone's different. When I did OLD, I did cut off guys who went too long in texting and emailing without asking for a date. Come Monday, that's what I'd do to her if she ignored the elephant in the room. Either you could just block and delete or tell her you're on the dating app to date, not to be texting buddies with anyone. If she was so rude as to not come through with what she said she'd do, getting back to you, you don't owe her an explanation. I did OLD and had to go on dates with about 30 men before I found a winner. It was frustrating, but worth it in the end. Take care.

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She is texting several other guys and might have a first meet with one of them this weekend so since she already met you she wants to check out her other options but not loose you as one of them hence the texting to keep the string tight.

 

Follow her lead and keep messaging other women and see what happens. If she initiates a text convo with you simply tell her: "Hi ________, I really enjoyed getting to know you in person so I would like to cut back on the texting so when we meet again I can get to know you in the real world" This cuts the string a little and gives her the incentive to meet you for a real date again.

 

If she loses contact with you she will wonder what you are up to and be more apt to want to meet again whereas if you stay in contact everyday through text she knows you are still interested so she can take her time as she samples other things on the menu.

 

It is dating and unfortunately there are strategies or games that need to be played. I wish it wasn't that way but I have learned the women that are special get so much attention online it is way to easy to get lost in the crowd.

 

In the end you have little to lose by leaving the door open while you keep looking. Don't wait around, don't postpone plans hoping she will say yes and next time set a firm day and time when you ask a woman out. If she is interested and she is busy she will propose another day/time.

 

Thicken that skin and keep swinging for the fence

 

Lost

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well an update for you guys

 

I just received a text from her saying that she wanted to check back with me for this weekend and see if Sunday afternoon would work as far as us getting together because she's going to be seeing her cousins tomorrow.

 

I haven't replied back yet with anything as I'm trying to first gather my thoughts and consider what to say, and most importantly how to say.

 

I could possibly meet up with her Sunday afternoon since I don't have to be in at work until 5:30pm (she knows I work by the way)

and probably might not be able to do whatever it is I had planned for us to do depending on how early/ late her definition of afternoon might be

 

On the other hand I also don't want to set a precedence for this kind of thing early on either since we essentially "teach" people how to treat us......

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She is texting several other guys and might have a first meet with one of them this weekend so since she already met you she wants to check out her other options but not loose you as one of them hence the texting to keep the string tight.

 

Follow her lead and keep messaging other women and see what happens. If she initiates a text convo with you simply tell her: "Hi ________, I really enjoyed getting to know you in person so I would like to cut back on the texting so when we meet again I can get to know you in the real world" This cuts the string a little and gives her the incentive to meet you for a real date again.

 

If she loses contact with you she will wonder what you are up to and be more apt to want to meet again whereas if you stay in contact everyday through text she knows you are still interested so she can take her time as she samples other things on the menu.

 

It is dating and unfortunately there are strategies or games that need to be played. I wish it wasn't that way but I have learned the women that are special get so much attention online it is way to easy to get lost in the crowd.

 

In the end you have little to lose by leaving the door open while you keep looking. Don't wait around, don't postpone plans hoping she will say yes and next time set a firm day and time when you ask a woman out. If she is interested and she is busy she will propose another day/time.

 

Thicken that skin and keep swinging for the fence

 

Lost

 

thank you for the words of advice, there is a possibility that's what's happening here (and it's cool).

I'll just have to do as you say and be more "matter of fact and firm" when making plans

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As to what I would've done, if I were into a guy, I would've immediately called my cousin to confirm our tentative plans and then right away get back to the guy to set the date, either that weekend or the next. If I wasn't into a guy, I'd tell him I didn't feel enough chemistry on the first date and wish him well.

 

But everyone's different. When I did OLD, I did cut off guys who went too long in texting and emailing without asking for a date. Come Monday, that's what I'd do to her if she ignored the elephant in the room. Either you could just block and delete or tell her you're on the dating app to date, not to be texting buddies with anyone. If she was so rude as to not come through with what she said she'd do, getting back to you, you don't owe her an explanation. I did OLD and had to go on dates with about 30 men before I found a winner. It was frustrating, but worth it in the end. Take care.

 

Thanks for the words of advice,

 

if I were into a guy, I would've immediately called my cousin to confirm our tentative plans and then right away get back to the guy to set the date, either that weekend or the next

 

Yea I understand what you mean. Even if for nothing else more than just to show someone that you have a respect for their time.

 

I've learned long ago that just because I have certain standards about certain things doesn't necessarily means that other people will always be that way with me. I guess it's been a while so I have to sharpen up again haha

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"Great!, Let's meet for lunch and then go ___________." Take some control back since you have to work and have some time constraints. Don't be wishy washy and know what you want to do and where you want to meet for lunch and then activity.

 

Lost

 

Hey thanks for the advice, Here’s what I was going to send back

 

A good afternoon to you!

 

I’m open to doing Sunday afternoon,

Just keep in mind that I do have to work.

 

So if we could meet up at like 1pm that would be perfect!

 

Here’s the location where we’ll be meeting at

(Insert blank) and afterwards can grab lunch.

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I don't like the "just keep in mind". You sound like a school principal. Just say 1 pm is great but you have to leave at 5 for work. Are you inserting a pin drop or a google map link? Surely she can figure that out herself?

 

Okay that’s fair criticism....

Certain words can be interpreted differently by different people

 

However I’m not going to send a text saying insert blank.... I did it that way to post on here

In the real text I’m giving her a link to the address....

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In future don’t ask someone out without giving at least a specific day and rough time.

As in don’t suggest the weekend , suggest Friday evening or Saturday afternoon etc.

 

Because from the get go you have basically told her you will keep the weekend free for her if she decides to come back and say yes. But that seems a little , not desperate but suggestive that you have little else going on in your life which is not attractive to others.

 

I doubt her “cousin” said let’s catch up on the weekend without giving a suggested day. But her response to you was that she might be catching up with her “cousin” on the weekend and would let you know.

Except she didn’t let you know until Friday which was rude.

 

If she told her actual cousin that she has a date and arrange a meet with her cousin around that , her cousin would or should be more than happy to accomodate that. Since they didn’t clearly have any concrete plans in place.

 

As for responding to her text suggesting Sunday afternoon , no do not suggest in text that she should remember you are working. She is likely texting multiple people including her “cousin” which I’m guessing you have assumed I doubt it’s her cousin. But was waiting to be asked out by another, someone whom at this point she favours over you even though it might be unfair favouring as she likely hasn’t met him yet.

 

I would suggest you respond with “Sounds good, I’m free from 12pm until 3pm. Did you have something to do in mind? If not , there’s a great cafe at X, we could meet there for coffee and go from there? “

 

Let us know how it goes ! Good luck!

 

Btw it’s ok if she is multi dating as you should be too , but you can’t expect others to be respectful of your time , if you aren’t respecting it yourself. Which you didn’t really when you left a whole weekend open for her.

 

If she responds with something like she is only free from 2pm , then say, sorry that doesn’t work for me. As I’m working that evening , how about drinks next Friday night?

 

If she can’t commit to that and doesn’t suggest an alternate date then forget it.

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I can’t even dispute or disagree with ANY thing you just said. That’s very sound advice!

 

I guess when you think you like someone you tend to sorta kinda bend the rules a lil bit for them and give them a longer leash than you other wise might.

 

I’m not the kinda person that likes to make the same mistakes twice!

 

Next time this kinda thing happens I’ll know what to do & how to handle things

 

Thank you very much to you and to all

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