New Roommate's Mood Swings

[Tinydance]

By contrast I was introduced on my first day of work to my most adorable co-worker ever -a seeing eye dog! Yes, I was glad to know that my co-worker was vision impaired and that there were physical accommodations made for him and his dog in our office environment. That to me is the proper standard -if I need to know in order to keep my coworker safe - when I was pregnant I told my HR director once I passed the first trimester. She told no one else-she let me share the news even though it is actually a disability and I did need some minor accommodations once in awhile. I would not like to be told that someone was on the spectrum unless the person wanted me to know and it was essential to performing my job. It would make me uncomfortable as to the discretion of my bosses.

 

I think if the actual person wants to tell colleagues about their condition then that is up to them. But it's unethical and unprofessional to reveal this without the employee's consent. Some people don't actually need any particular arrangements to be made at their desk or in the workplace. They just manage the condition themselves. For example, if someone had ADHD and they can't sit at their desk for long periods of time, they could get up periodically to get a drink or go for a walk down the corridor, things like that. Also keeping in mind that some people who are not particularly talkative or are shy or socially awkward don't even have any condition. Just because someone doesn't act in the way we expect doesn't mean there's something actually wrong with them. Everyone has a different personality. In regards to the roommate, OP mentioned she asked how her holiday was and the roommate only replied "Yeah good". I'm very talkative so if someone asked me, I would chat away and go into great detail. Whereas I have a shy and quiet friend and if you ask him something, he only gives brief answers too. He's overall a pretty quiet guy and more of a listener than talker.

[Batya33]

I think if the actual person wants to tell colleagues about their condition then that is up to them. But it's unethical and unprofessional to reveal this without the employee's consent. Some people don't actually need any particular arrangements to be made at their desk or in the workplace. They just manage the condition themselves. For example, if someone had ADHD and they can't sit at their desk for long periods of time, they could get up periodically to get a drink or go for a walk down the corridor, things like that. Also keeping in mind that some people who are not particularly talkative or are shy or socially awkward don't even have any condition. Just because someone doesn't act in the way we expect doesn't mean there's something actually wrong with them. Everyone has a different personality. In regards to the roommate, OP mentioned she asked how her holiday was and the roommate only replied "Yeah good". I'm very talkative so if someone asked me, I would chat away and go into great detail. Whereas I have a shy and quiet friend and if you ask him something, he only gives brief answers too. He's overall a pretty quiet guy and more of a listener than talker.

 

Yes that was my point. I totally agree with that approach. It's why I gave the seeing eye dog approach - because the coworker's safety in my office depends on us keeping certain doors closed and others open, for example. But no I do not want to know about disabilities other than from the person him or herself or because that person asked that we be told.

[RuedeRivoli]

Ultimately, I'm only looking at the following points:

 

1. She moved 6 times in the last two years (which says a lot about her ability to live with others regardless of mine).

2. Two weeks after she moved in, she said she disliked visiting her family as a few days with them is too much. Whilst I can appreciate I don't know her family background and certain can understand that she may not feel comfortable being around her family all the time, this is not something you disclose to a perfect stranger you've just move in with.

3. The inability to greet others or show basic courtesy clearly display a lack of social awareness (again, she pays her rent, she has no obligation to greet us, but it is basic social skills). As I said, she spoke badly to the plumber on her first day at the apartment and he put her in her place, so it says a lot about her character. The plumber was there to fix the issue and she was pestering him about "messing up" her bathroom arrangements when he hadn't even touched anything yet. If you're that controlling with a service provider who is only there to do their job (and doesn't care about your bathroom décor, it's for your to clear them before they come in), I can't imagine what it's like live with this. He even told her "I'm not happy with you at all". Says a lot.

 

Ultimately, she and I are simply not a fit. No need to bring the coworker's thread into this. These two threads are irrelevant to each other.

 

Am I going to write on here about the various friends I have, how I'm constantly mixing with various people and devoting my time to charities? No because these are obviously not issues. This website is the opposite of Instagram, Facebook... the concept is you only post when you try to help someone out or have an issue. You're not going to post about how great your life is. That's not the concept.

 

On this note, I'm exiting this thread which has been derailed into a phycological analysis in addition to a vendetta-like atmosphere.

 

Thanks Batya33 for the gaslighting and subjective assessment of my mental health. Truly appreciate assumptions made on the basis of two threads when you don't even know me.

 

Best to you all.

[Tinydance]

Ultimately, I'm only looking at the following points:

 

1. She moved 6 times in the last two years (which says a lot about her ability to live with others).

2. Two weeks after she moved in, she said she disliked visiting her family as a few days with them is too much. Whilst I can appreciate I don't know her family background and certain can understand that she may not feel comfortable being around her family all the time, this is not something you disclose to a perfect stranger you've just move in with.

 

 

Ultimately, she and I are simply not a fit. No need to bring the coworker's thread into this. These two threads are irrelevant to each other.

 

Am I going to write on here about the various friends I have, how I'm constantly mixing with various people and devoting my time to charities? No because these are obviously not issues.

 

On this note, I'm exiting this thread which has been derailed into a phycological analysis in addition to a vendetta-like atmosphere.

 

Thanks Batya33 for the gaslighting and assessment of my mental health, truly appreciate assumptions made on the basis of two threads when you don't even know me.

 

Best to you all.

 

I'm really not understanding how the family comment is related to anything or why it affected you. Understandable if you're not a fit, you can't be best friends with everyone. I wish you good luck with resolving this. I won't comment anymore but just communicate with her and tell her what you're thinking, but just be very gentle. E.g. "Can we work out what days we prefer to do laundry?" "I sense a bit of coldness from you, is everything cool between us?" Just keep the communication going but in a polite way. Best to you as well.

[RuedeRivoli]

I'm really not understanding how the family comment is related to anything or why it affected you. Understandable if you're not a fit, you can't be best friends with everyone. I wish you good luck with resolving this. I won't comment anymore but just communicate with her and tell her what you're thinking, but just be very gentle. E.g. "Can we work out what days we prefer to do laundry?" "I sense a bit of coldness from you, is everything cool between us?" Just keep the communication going but in a polite way. Best to you as well.

 

Well, she's cold towards both of us, not just me. She just doesn't engage with either of us.

 

In any case, the family comment is as irrelevant as the coworker thread being thrown into this thread.

 

The family comment - again, it's not about it affecting me. Of course, it won't affect me, none of my business. I'm not sure it was appropriate for her to disclose that she doesn't like staying with her family, when I don't even know her. I appreciate family situations can be complicated, trust me, I know I've been there myself. That said, no matter what happens, I would never disclose my inability to cope with my family to a stranger I've only known for a week. It is personal and no one needs to know this information. To me, it says something.

 

I'm planning on moving out, so ultimately, it is a temporary inconvenience - hopefully. It's just not working out regardless of the very many reasons.

[Jibralta]

Where did I say I was sitting on her preferred chair? Pardon me, I'm still looking for that specific sentence.

 

I was not sitting in her preferred chair at all, but the one nextto it simply. I didn't perpetuate the situation, I work from the kitchen and was sitting there all day. I've always sat there, since before she even moved in and I was working on my own from the kitchen.

 

It's my house too, I'm allowed to sit wherever I want when no one is around. Sometimes I sit at my desk in the corner and when my back hurts, I sit somewhere else and sometimes I sit in my room.

 

This is ridiculous now. Besides, as stated in my post, I ended up moving as I saw she was getting worked up over the fact that I was sitting next to her preferred seat. I have a preferred seat as well and whenever the third tenant sits there, I don't get worked up over it. He always sits on my preferred seat and most times, I just go somewhere else. Do I claim he's doing it deliberately?

 

So, you're basically saying that even when she's not around, I'm not allowed to sit on the chair next to her preferred chair out of fear she might come in and need that one specific chair she likes? Where else am I meant to sit? It is a small table with two chairs on each side of her preferred seat. I still had work to do and she had finished her business day long ago.

 

As a matter of fact, I never sit on her preferred chair, no one sits there, she's the only one.

 

I don't see how I particularly toyed with her when I cleared the area to let her sit there. If I wanted to toy with her, I would have just gone back and sat there for another hour or two working. No, I took my belongings and went somewhere else after a few minutes. That's not toying with her at all. Besides, I didn't know that I needed to pick a specific seat and stick to it in an apartment I've been renting for the last 4 years and paying to live there. I didn't realize I needed to curtail my freedom of movement as well.

 

I'm clearly done with this thread. It seems as though I'm being made the villain when people choose to deliberately twist the facts.

 

Also, if I truly had an issue with different people, I would be complaining about the third tenant as well, which is not the case.

 

Oh, stop. You could have made room for her if you saw that she was upset. You know she's a problem. You know she's unreasonable. Why in the world are you so dead set on making things worse by harping on stupid technicalities? Stop being a right-fighter.

[Batya33]

Ultimately, I'm only looking at the following points:

 

1. She moved 6 times in the last two years (which says a lot about her ability to live with others regardless of mine).

2. Two weeks after she moved in, she said she disliked visiting her family as a few days with them is too much. Whilst I can appreciate I don't know her family background and certain can understand that she may not feel comfortable being around her family all the time, this is not something you disclose to a perfect stranger you've just move in with.

3. The inability to greet others or show basic courtesy clearly display a lack of social awareness (again, she pays her rent, she has no obligation to greet us, but it is basic social skills). As I said, she spoke badly to the plumber on her first day at the apartment and he put her in her place, so it says a lot about her character. The plumber was there to fix the issue and she was pestering him about "messing up" her bathroom arrangements when he hadn't even touched anything yet. If you're that controlling with a service provider who is only there to do their job (and doesn't care about your bathroom décor, it's for your to clear them before they come in), I can't imagine what it's like live with this. He even told her "I'm not happy with you at all". Says a lot.

 

Ultimately, she and I are simply not a fit. No need to bring the coworker's thread into this. These two threads are irrelevant to each other.

 

Am I going to write on here about the various friends I have, how I'm constantly mixing with various people and devoting my time to charities? No because these are obviously not issues. This website is the opposite of Instagram, Facebook... the concept is you only post when you try to help someone out or have an issue. You're not going to post about how great your life is. That's not the concept.

 

On this note, I'm exiting this thread which has been derailed into a phycological analysis in addition to a vendetta-like atmosphere.

 

Thanks Batya33 for the gaslighting and subjective assessment of my mental health. Truly appreciate assumptions made on the basis of two threads when you don't even know me.

 

Best to you all.

 

LOL! I love how you select what you read in my posts -I was careful to point out my impression from what you wrote. I love the trotting out of psychospeak because it shows that what I wrote is anything but. My assumption is I see a pattern. That's my opinion. You're very focused on what is "appropriate" -like - wow -her oversharing about her family situation - and you set out your points as if it were a legal argument.

 

Do you want to be right or close -and by close I mean in a roommate situation not "close" as in best buds - just playing nicely in the sandbox. "Right" - that does require your bullet point list of all the reasons why you a judge might find you are "right". But where does that get you? Do you really need to be right so badly? I agree with Jibralta.

 

Please also read (or reread) where of course she has done some very annoying, not nice things (so my comment is actually the opposite of that trendy gaslighting term - I acknowledged you certainly have made some good points as to why she's irritating and not being nice) - I simply commented that you two are not a good fit. It happens. Problem is from my saying "not a good fit" you're kind of throwing a fit. Why?

[Tinydance]

I just don’t really understand why you're finding all these things so strongly annoying because to me most of them wouldn't affect or concern me. I know sometimes people don't do things like I would, but that's because they're not me. Personally I wouldn't have really paid much attention to the family comment. I don't consider telling about your family relationship that personal. For example, I have no relationship and don't get along with my Dad. I will mention it feely if the topic of family comes up. Also the fact that someone can't spend long with their family is not a red flag necessarily. Some people just don't gel with their family. I'm actually close with my Mum but she's very big on nagging, so I can't spend that long with her either.

 

Whether my roommate seemed to want some particular routine wouldn't worry me either. If they wanted to sit in a particular seat, sure whatever. I have no seating preferences myself and don't have certain routines really. I just noticed that you're really annoyed by things that are different from how you would do them. Other people don't think or do everything like you so this difference is only natural. A lot of things, like why do people do XYZ shouldn't even worry us unless they affect is very directly. Like, if my roommate dunked their teabag in their tea ten times, yeah I might think it's strange but ultimately I wouldn't care. As long as they didn't throw that tea bag at me lol

 

Reading the original post, the only thing I personally would feel uneasy about is cold, unfriendly interactions. However I wouldn't care that much if someone wasn't that chatty, as long as they were pleasant enough. I would be understanding of having the boyfriend over because if I got one, I would want to bring him over too. Small things just don't annoy me. And I don't care what quirks my roommates have as long as it doesn't very directly affect me.

[RuedeRivoli]

Requesting for this thread to be closed.

 

Thank you.

[HeartGoesOn]

Thread closed per member request.