New Roommate's Mood Swings

[RuedeRivoli]

Guys,

 

I swear, I'm not lying when I say she is controlling.

 

She and I work in the same company, but she's quite junior and I have a more senior role than her, which therefore requires longer hours/responsibilities (she does customer service, I work with the regulator so you can imagine the difference in workload).

 

Since I work from the kitchen due to my room being too small, I sit pretty much anywhere at the kitchen table. I don't have a specific seat. It just so happened today that I needed to do an extra or two extra hours instead of going out to dinner/movies like I normally would every Friday since she moved in. Normally, I would be out of the door by 6pm and she would have the evening all to herself in the living room. I noticed she normally seats on one specific seat at the kitchen table every single evening (go figure). She rolled in at 5.30pm today with her laptop and intended on making dinner and sit on that specific seat like she does every single night. I think she definitely expected me to be out the door as normal.

 

I was sitting on the seat next to her "preferred" seat and I kid you not when I say she put her laptop on the kitchen table and kept walking all over the kitchen and living room until I left my seat. As soon as I left my seat and took my laptop, she hurried to place her laptop on front of her "preferred" seat. A seat is a seat, there are plenty of seats (6) at kitchen table in addition to the couches in the living area. She has plenty of space! If I need to stay longer for work, I'm going to stay longer for work. My contractual business day finished 2 hours after hers, without any extra-hours. It's shocking. I had to stop working to move seats and go elsewhere as I could tell she wanted me to move when I was still working and she had finished work 3 hours prior. It's really rude. Appreciate she has a preferred seat, but basically kicking me out and jumping to that seat as soon as I moved is ridiculous.

 

Very strange.

 

No wonder she changed apartments 6 times. I bet her previous roommates were so happy when her controlling self decided to leave. God.

[Batya33]

Guys,

 

I swear, I'm not lying when I say she is controlling.

 

She and I work in the same company, but she's quite junior and I have a more senior role than her, which therefore requires longer hours/responsibilities (she does customer service, I work with the regulator so you can imagine the difference in workload).

 

Since I work from the kitchen due to my room being too small, I sit pretty much anywhere at the kitchen table. I don't have a specific seat. It just so happened today that I needed to do an extra or two extra hours instead of going out to dinner/movies like I normally would every Friday since she moved in. Normally, I would be out of the door by 6pm and she would have the evening all to herself in the living room. I noticed she normally seats on one specific seat at the kitchen table every single evening (go figure). She rolled in at 5.30pm today with her laptop and intended on making dinner and sit on that specific seat like she does every single night. I think she definitely expected me to be out the door as normal.

 

I was sitting on the seat next to her "preferred" seat and I kid you not when I say she put her laptop on the kitchen table and kept walking all over the kitchen and living room until I left my seat. As soon as I left my seat and took my laptop, she hurried to place her laptop on front of her "preferred" seat. A seat is a seat, there are plenty of seats (6) at kitchen table in addition to the couches in the living area. She has plenty of space! If I need to stay longer for work, I'm going to stay longer for work. My contractual business day finished 2 hours after hers, without any extra-hours. It's shocking. I had to stop working to move seats and go elsewhere as I could tell she wanted me to move when I was still working and she had finished work 3 hours prior. It's really rude. Appreciate she has a preferred seat, but basically kicking me out and jumping to that seat as soon as I moved is ridiculous.

 

No wonder she changed apartments 6 times. I bet her previous roommates were so happy when her controlling self decided to leave. God.

 

You come across as extremely judgmental in this post. It's fine if you don't like her but how about checking yourself a bit too. I'm commenting on the impression this post makes -obviously typed words can be misinterpreted.

 

(and no I don't think senior people presumably work harder - you have no idea and you have no idea what other responsibilities she has outside of her working hours -I've been very senior and very junior (right now I am very junior) and I worked my little behind off the last two days - while doing all my house work and virtual learning work and childcare, shopping and checking in with my mom because, Covid. So please don't presume to know what responsibilities us lowly junior people have.

 

(Oh and yes I have a specific seat I sit in every single evening when I'm done cleaning up after dinner/prepping for next day. I sit in our glider chair and have my snack. Every. Single. Night. My husband sits at our computer table or on the sofa depending on his workload. He knows when I'm done cleaning I sit in that chair, have a snack, put the snack and my book/magazine on the chair next to the glider and at 10pm without fail he hands over the remote to me so I can watch a bit of the local news before turning in around 10:15.

 

If he wanted to sit in the glider he would check with me first - and I most likely would say yes - unless I didn't feel well or some other odd reason. If he wants to watch something at 10pm he asks me first. Same response by me - 99.9% of the time I say yes -has to be a darn good reason for me to say no. But yes, he checks.

 

Is it rigid on my part that I sit in the same seat, same routine, same time, same station? Yes. There's a good reason for it -it's part of my nighttime ritual so I can prevent sleeping issues or insomnia. It works really well for me. And since I'm married he's known that for years- he probably forgot that's why after all these years but he -being Type B- is totally cool with my "rigidity" -never been an argument. And for my part I don't ask him to change the channel before 10, I don't sit at his seat at the computer table if he gets up to make a call or use the restroom - because that would be obnoxious on my part - he likes that seat right near the TV, we keep the TV low so we don't wake up our son, he likes that chair for his back while he works or surfs the web. Is it rigid - yes- I guess so -it's his nighttime routine and I respect it.

 

She doesn't have to tell you why she has that routine -but if you want to play nicely in the sandbox, why not just tell her casually if your plans change - not to get her permission just to be - you know- nice. "Accommodating" as you would put it. You were testing her - because you're all judgey about how she likes a certain routine -what's it to you?? Many people have preferred seats and it's really none of your business. If I had a roommate I'd prefer not to share/overshare my sleeping issues, why I like things a certain way and if no one else typically sat there, I would. And yes it would be nice if there was a change of plans and it was acknowledged.

 

Same thing with stuff in the fridge - I keep certain items in certain places because it makes it easier for meal prep - if my husband switched things around randomly it would be annoying. Not earth shattering - but annoying especially when I'm pressed for time prepping breakfast for our son before school. So even though for some it might not be a big deal, if I can't find something he'll help me because sometimes, unintentionally, he moved things around looking for something else. But he tries not to do that. He doesn't assume I'm controlling -he gives me the benefit of the doubt. Similarly I don't move his salsa, his particular brand of juice, etc - it's called basic common courtesy. It might even make you feel warm and fuzzy if you lose the 'tude and just deal with people's basic humanity that means nothing to you but might mean something to them. Whether they're junior or seniror or middle management, whether single or coupled or caring for an elderly parent or not.

[LaHermes]

"She and I work in the same company, but she's quite junior and I have a more senior role than her, which therefore requires longer hours/responsibilities.

 

Since I work from the kitchen, I sit pretty much anywhere at the kitchen table. I don't have a specific seat. It just so happened today that I needed to do an extra or two extra hours instead of going out to dinner/movies like I normally do every Friday since she moved in. Normally, I would be out of the door by 6pm and she would have the evening all to herself in the living room. I noticed she normally seats on one specific seat at the kitchen table every single evening (go figure). She rolled in at 5.30pm today with her laptop and intended on making dinner and sitting at her specific seat like she would normally. I think she definitely expected me to be out the door as normal.

 

I was sitting on the seat next to her "preferred" seat and I kid you know when I say she put her laptop on the kitchen table and kept walking all over the kitchen and living room until I left my seat. As soon as I left my seat, she hurried to place her laptop on front of her "preferred" seat. A seat is a seat, there are plenty of seats (6) at kitchen table in addition to the couches in the living area. She has plenty of space! If I need to stay longer for work, I'm going to stay longer for work. My contractual business day finished 2 hours after hers, without any extra-hours. It's shocking. I had to stop working to move seats and go elsewhere as I could tell she wanted me to move when I was still working and she had finished work 3 hours prior. It's really rude. Appreciate she has a preferred seat, but basically kicking me out and jumping to that seat as soon as I moved is ridiculous."

 

All this is quite beside the point, Rivoli (not wishing to be dismissive).

 

What she does and doesn't do should not be riling you up to this extent.

 

Try to stand your ground more, Rivoli. (I know,I keep saying this). No one can "kick" you anywhere if you don't let them.

 

"I had to stop working to move seats and go elsewhere as I could tell she wanted me to move when I was still working"

 

Concentrate on your efforts to find a place of your own, no matter how small.

 

You are giving this individual space in your head.

 

So, what are YOUR plans going forward?

[RuedeRivoli]

Rivoli.

 

You remark:

 

"I tried too hard because I was afraid of running into issues with the landlord if she were to move out"

 

I notice this "vibe" running through your posts. Why be afraid of the landlord? This puzzles me somewhat. In your early posts you remarked that the reason this current person was quickly found and all to hastily accepted was because you were being barraged for a full week by daily texts/calls from said landlord to find a third room mate....or else. What was the worst the landlord could do if a third room mate could not be found in short order?

 

She will likely leave, as she has left other accommodation six times in two years. Seems to be a pattern with her.

 

If and when she does, and the need arises to seek a third room mate again, you need to stand your ground with the landlord. You say people cannot be evicted given the current situation, so he can't evict you for wishing to take a few days longer to ensure the next candidate is properly interviewed and background checked.

 

I agree this has nothing to do with whether she has one BF or twenty BFs.

 

What it is about is always (not just in an accommodation rental setting) check everything in-depth first.

 

The landlord actually allowed her into the apartment before she has even signed her lease! He couldn't care less about background checks at the time.

 

We had a chat with the landlord and he was wondering why it was taking us so long (as in 3 weeks) to find a new tenant during a lockdown. I stated that the very few applications we got were not a fit (couples which didn't have a job or males). I wasn't too keen on having a second male for obvious reasons (safety) and I told the landlord I wasn't comfortable with a male landlord or couples (the third tenant and I were aligned with the no couples rule). The landlord specifically said: "You don't have the luxury to choose, you have 3 weeks to find someone" . He even deactivated the ad under my name simply because I told him we had queries from unemployed couples and since they were not a fit, I didn't follow up. Why on earth would I respond to people who clearly don't have the financial means to pay for a room?

 

That's the situation that we were in a the time, hence the fact we went with her and partially the fact that I want to move out. I didn't appreciate the landlord's attitude in the midst of a pandemic (although I can appreciate it is only business).

[RuedeRivoli]

"She and I work in the same company, but she's quite junior and I have a more senior role than her, which therefore requires longer hours/responsibilities.

 

Since I work from the kitchen, I sit pretty much anywhere at the kitchen table. I don't have a specific seat. It just so happened today that I needed to do an extra or two extra hours instead of going out to dinner/movies like I normally do every Friday since she moved in. Normally, I would be out of the door by 6pm and she would have the evening all to herself in the living room. I noticed she normally seats on one specific seat at the kitchen table every single evening (go figure). She rolled in at 5.30pm today with her laptop and intended on making dinner and sitting at her specific seat like she would normally. I think she definitely expected me to be out the door as normal.

 

I was sitting on the seat next to her "preferred" seat and I kid you know when I say she put her laptop on the kitchen table and kept walking all over the kitchen and living room until I left my seat. As soon as I left my seat, she hurried to place her laptop on front of her "preferred" seat. A seat is a seat, there are plenty of seats (6) at kitchen table in addition to the couches in the living area. She has plenty of space! If I need to stay longer for work, I'm going to stay longer for work. My contractual business day finished 2 hours after hers, without any extra-hours. It's shocking. I had to stop working to move seats and go elsewhere as I could tell she wanted me to move when I was still working and she had finished work 3 hours prior. It's really rude. Appreciate she has a preferred seat, but basically kicking me out and jumping to that seat as soon as I moved is ridiculous."

 

All this is quite beside the point, Rivoli (not wishing to be dismissive).

 

What she does and doesn't do should not be riling you up to this extent.

 

Try to stand your ground more, Rivoli. (I know,I keep saying this). No one can "kick" you anywhere if you don't let them.

 

"I had to stop working to move seats and go elsewhere as I could tell she wanted me to move when I was still working"

 

Concentrate on your efforts to find a place of your own, no matter how small.

 

You are giving this individual space in your head.

 

So, what are YOUR plans going forward?

 

I agree, it's besides the point. I just needed to vent as I literally don't have anyone to vent to.

 

I've visited about 20 apartments since she moved in in July. None of them were a fit. I'm still looking and have viewings lined up.

 

The action plan is in motion. I'm not sitting still and festering inside :)

[Batya33]

I agree, it's besides the point. I just needed to vent as I literally don't have anyone to vent to.

 

I've visited about 20 apartments since she moved in in July. None of them were a fit. I'm still looking and have viewings lined up.

 

The action plan is in motion. I'm not sitting still and festering inside :)

 

I wrote what I wrote before I read this. Sure, vent away. That's not how it initially came across. I think you need your own place and I say this based on your reaction to her and your post about how you reacted to your coworker. You're not well suited to work with others who might be different from you, especially in close quarters. You have to do that at work, I get it but I think that's probably your limit.

[LaHermes]

Again, this is a learning curve for you.

 

I bet you'll take a long, hard look at the next prospective landlord! You will know he or she is businesslike if s/he does a background check on you (and interviews you in person). And you will also not sign the lease immediately it is put in front of you. You will provide your own input.

 

Very glad to hear you are viewing, Rivoli. You will find the right place, the right place for you.

[RuedeRivoli]

I wrote what I wrote before I read this. Sure, vent away. That's not how it initially came across. I think you need your own place and I say this based on your reaction to her and your post about how you reacted to your coworker. You're not well suited to work with others who might be different from you, especially in close quarters. You have to do that at work, I get it but I think that's probably your limit.

 

How would you know?

 

As a matter of fact, other people are complaining about that "coworker" you mentioned. I see some business responses he's getting and from what other people from the team are saying. He advised me no one wants to answer his questions and assist him whenever he has a query which clearly denotes an issue as he comes to me for questions. Surely, I know how to work with different people (since no one is a copycat of anyone) otherwise I wouldn't be where I am today and living with the same roommate for 4 years.

 

I'm polite towards him that coworker and answer his questions whenever I can. Yes, he was inappropriate, hence the fact I posted on here. It's not about him being odd, but about the inappropriateness of his request at the time (which by the way is irrelevant to this thread). My thread was purely about the inappropriateness of his request and everyone derailed it thinking I was looking down on him due to his atypical social behavior.

 

Why would it be for me to adapt to her? It goes both ways. As I said, I've been more than just accommodating with her and that is where I draw my limit.

 

Also, I appreciate how people are using a person's threads against them by making psychological analyses through various unrelated topics the poster may have addressed. Taking isolated threads and combining them to depict one's personality, mental state or overall life is very far fetched and quite frankly, unnecessary. We have have issues and are here to seek answers, attacking posters and making rude assumptions is not what we're here for.

[greendots]

Down to brass tacks: What steps are you going to take to tackle the housemate situation you're living in?

[Batya33]

How would you know?

 

As a matter of fact, other people are complaining about that "coworker" you mentioned. I see some business responses he's getting and from what other people from the team are saying. He advised me no one wants to answer his questions and assist him whenever he has a query which clearly denotes an issue as he comes to me for questions. Surely, I know how to work with different people (since no one is a copycat of anyone) otherwise I wouldn't be where I am today and living with the same roommate for 4 years.

 

I'm polite towards him that coworker and answer his questions whenever I can. Yes, he was inappropriate, hence the fact I posted on here. It's not about him being odd, but about the inappropriateness of his request at the time (which by the way is irrelevant to this thread). My thread was purely about the inappropriateness of his request and everyone derailed it thinking I was looking down on him due to his atypical social behavior.

 

Why would it be for me to adapt to her? It goes both ways. As I said, I've been more than just accommodating with her and that is where I draw my limit.

 

Also, I appreciate how people are using a person's threads against them by making psychological analyses through various unrelated topics the poster may have addressed. Taking isolated threads and combining them to depict one's personality, mental state or overall life is very far fetched and quite frankly, unnecessary. We have have issues and are here to seek answers, attacking posters and making rude assumptions is not what we're here for.

 

I see a pattern - your coworker is part of the pattern. I was stating the impression of what you typed as I wrote in my post. That's not an attack. In fact it's giving you the benefit of the doubt. Words can be misinterpreted. You were not at all accommodating in this situation -you toyed with her - of course you can sit in her preferred chair - but you know, how about doing the right thing and simply acknowledging in a casual, lighthearted way "hey my schedule's a bit different today -I know you like to sit here but I hope it's ok if I do today" - I think you deliberately didn't because you wanted to retaliate for what you see as her annoying characteristics as a roommate. Sure -she might be controlling in certain ways but in this particular situation you were playing games with her "I'll show her -she can circle all she wants but I'm going to st in this chair today, ha!" That's the impression your post gave. That's not an attack - I could be wrong of course.

[Jibralta]

You were not at all accommodating in this situation -you toyed with her - of course you can sit in her preferred chair - but you know, how about doing the right thing and simply acknowledging in a casual, lighthearted way "hey my schedule's a bit different today -I know you like to sit here but I hope it's ok if I do today" - I think you deliberately didn't because you wanted to retaliate for what you see as her annoying characteristics as a roommate.

 

That's what I saw as well. That response would have diffused the situation. But instead, she chose to perpetuate the tension by deliberately not moving. This situation will never get better when passive aggressive tactics like this are used.

[Rose Mosse]

Agree with the previous comments... You just seem so mad and upset all the time, RR. If you're just venting, vent away. I don't think it's easy living with a coworker either. I have (or had) guests come over and they all have their favourite seats. A friend of mine really likes my favourite seat actually in the corner of the couch near the wall but I don't say anything about it when she sits there while she visits. It's all about the company and enjoying that. I thought that's why you wanted to live with roommates too - for the company.

 

Is it possible you resent her or don't like her because she's a coworker?

[RuedeRivoli]

That's what I saw as well. That response would have diffused the situation. But instead, she chose to perpetuate the tension by deliberately not moving. This situation will never get better when passive aggressive tactics like this are used.

 

Where did I say I was sitting on her preferred chair? Pardon me, I'm still looking for that specific sentence.

 

I was not sitting in her preferred chair at all, but the one nextto it simply. I didn't perpetuate the situation, I work from the kitchen and was sitting there all day. I've always sat there, since before she even moved in and I was working on my own from the kitchen.

 

It's my house too, I'm allowed to sit wherever I want when no one is around. Sometimes I sit at my desk in the corner and when my back hurts, I sit somewhere else and sometimes I sit in my room.

 

This is ridiculous now. Besides, as stated in my post, I ended up moving as I saw she was getting worked up over the fact that I was sitting next to her preferred seat. I have a preferred seat as well and whenever the third tenant sits there, I don't get worked up over it. He always sits on my preferred seat and most times, I just go somewhere else. Do I claim he's doing it deliberately?

 

So, you're basically saying that even when she's not around, I'm not allowed to sit on the chair next to her preferred chair out of fear she might come in and need that one specific chair she likes? Where else am I meant to sit? It is a small table with two chairs on each side of her preferred seat. I still had work to do and she had finished her business day long ago.

 

As a matter of fact, I never sit on her preferred chair, no one sits there, she's the only one.

 

I don't see how I particularly toyed with her when I cleared the area to let her sit there. If I wanted to toy with her, I would have just gone back and sat there for another hour or two working. No, I took my belongings and went somewhere else after a few minutes. That's not toying with her at all. Besides, I didn't know that I needed to pick a specific seat and stick to it in an apartment I've been renting for the last 4 years and paying to live there. I didn't realize I needed to curtail my freedom of movement as well.

 

I'm clearly done with this thread. It seems as though I'm being made the villain when people choose to deliberately twist the facts.

 

Also, if I truly had an issue with different people, I would be complaining about the third tenant as well, which is not the case.

[RuedeRivoli]

Agree with the previous comments... You just seem so mad and upset all the time, RR. If you're just venting, vent away. I don't think it's easy living with a coworker either. I have (or had) guests come over and they all have their favourite seats. A friend of mine really likes my favourite seat actually in the corner of the couch near the wall but I don't say anything about it when she sits there while she visits. It's all about the company and enjoying that. I thought that's why you wanted to live with roommates too - for the company.

 

Is it possible you resent her or don't like her because she's a coworker?

 

I never wanted roommates to begin with. The housing market is a bit complicated over here and most people share prior to buying alone or with a partner as one-bedrooms are not overly available. Most people past a certain age don't want roommates.

[Rose Mosse]

I don't think you needed to move from the dining chair. She seemed to have pressured you to do so which is annoying and I can understand that. No one likes another person hovering like that. I think what might have been easier would be to just work around it and not sit there in the times you know she's going to be there. There's no black and white answer for this, as you know. Sometimes we have to give and take whatever relationship it is - roommate, romance, friendship etc.

 

If this really wasn't something you could do that's fine... This person and you really don't get along and it doesn't sound like there's any extending of the olive branch or working/living peacefully together. It could just be that you both are better apart.

 

On the bright side having her around to fill the room and pay the rent takes the headache away from having to look for another roommate. At least you have this going until you can find a place of your own.

[RuedeRivoli]

I don't think you needed to move from the dining chair. She seemed to have pressured you to do so which is annoying and I can understand that. No one likes another person hovering like that. I think what might have been easier would be to just work around it and not sit there in the times you know she's going to be there. There's no black and white answer for this, as you know. Sometimes we have to give and take whatever relationship it is - roommate, romance, friendship etc.

 

If this really wasn't something you could do that's fine... This person and you really don't get along and it doesn't sound like there's any extending of the olive branch or working/living peacefully together. It could just be that you both are better apart.

 

On the bright side having her around to fill the room and pay the rent takes the headache away from having to look for another roommate. At least you have this going until you can find a place of your own.

 

She did. She put her laptop in front of her seat and kept going back and forth and sighing until I cleared the area. She's normally never around at 5.30pm, but she was there today and didn't respect the fact that I was still working. She wanted that seat next to mine and that's all that mattered to her because she was already done with her business day.

 

As a matter of fact, I know she's also there between 12pm and 3.30pm every single day, so I go out for lunch and sit at my desk in the afternoon. I always make sure to give her space, when I have no obligation to go and work from a different spot. We could just both be working from the kitchen table, but I choose to give her some space when she needs it. It's a pandemic, we all work from home, you can't be stringent to this extent. Tons of people are in this boat and she needs to understand that. That said, I don't understand why I wouldn't be allowed to work from the kitchen table when she's there. Sure, she likes one seat, but she doesn't own the kitchen table when it's the only decent table in the house. My desk is fine but if the sun is too bright, it becomes useless as I can barely see anything on my laptop (which is what happened today).

 

I never sit there when I know she's there. It just so happens that today, my business day extended and she choose to hang out in the living room at a different time.

 

I think what people don't understand is that it's not about a chair, her boyfriend or the laundry. It is about this sense of control she tries to impose upon other people. If anything departs from her "expectations" or "schedule" or "routine", she seems to get annoyed and starts slamming doors, going back and forth sighing, in addition to the usual unfriendliness. It seems as though she wants us to live in a box with a set of "routines" and "schedules" and I feel suffocated. That's my perception, maybe I'm wrong.

[Batya33]

You two are not compatible as roommates -why not put aside all your labels of this person you really don't know well and just accept that you two don't play nicely in the sandbox together -and move on and move out/change your living situation. No need to be "right" - maybe neither of you is right. So?

[RuedeRivoli]

Agree with the previous comments... You just seem so mad and upset all the time, RR. If you're just venting, vent away. I don't think it's easy living with a coworker either. I have (or had) guests come over and they all have their favourite seats. A friend of mine really likes my favourite seat actually in the corner of the couch near the wall but I don't say anything about it when she sits there while she visits. It's all about the company and enjoying that. I thought that's why you wanted to live with roommates too - for the company.

 

Is it possible you resent her or don't like her because she's a coworker?

 

No, I don't resent her at all. It's simply the "controlling" aspect of her I don't quite like. I feel quite suffocated.

 

Yes, I don't like living with a co-worker for various reasons (privacy, lack of defined work/private life boundary, feeling suffocated as I can't be myself since I don't want her to know my business due to the fact that she's a coworker). I'm not particularly found of this arrangement.

[LaHermes]

As you say R.

 

"I never wanted roommates to begin with. The housing market is a bit complicated over here and most people share prior to buying alone or with a partner as one-bedrooms are not overly available. Most people past a certain age don't want roommates."

 

Listen to me. There is no need to defend yourself or continue describing this room mate. Where the third room mate is, what she does, says, where she sits is entirely beside the point. Unimportant.

 

The only important thing here is you finding a place of your own.

 

Meantime, ignore or be indifferent to this current unhinged person.

 

I have never heard such nonsense: "favourite places".

 

Truth to tell, R, she sounds somewhat mad:

 

"If anything departs from her "expectations" or "schedule" or "routine", she seems to get annoyed and starts slamming doors, going back and forth sighing, in addition to the usual unfriendliness. It seems as though she wants us to live in a box with a set of "routines" and "schedules" and I feel suffocated."

 

Until you can leave don't let it get to you. Life is a lot simpler than you can imagine .

[Batya33]

"Life is a lot simpler than you can imagine ."

 

My sense is she knows this full well but if she can make it more complicated she gets to be "right" about her analysis of her roommate and never has to consider whether she could have done something differently other than as she put it be "too accommodating" (which I didn't really see her doing at least not in a productive, straightforward sense, i.e. with the chair situation)..

[Tinydance]

Look do forgive my bluntness OP but seriously. You posted two threads here which are about you disliking, being annoyed by, picking apart two of your colleagues and making lots of assumptions about them. Can I be honest, I was offended by some comments you made about your male colleague. I agree him privately texting you was inappropriate but you also admitted yourself that you only got the impression he wanted to ne friends, nothing more. You pull your roommate to shreds saying she's not friendly, she doesn't smile, doesn't greet you as you want. Yet this male colleague tried to be friendly and you wrote numerous posts bagging him, judging him. You don't have to like everyone but it sounds to me like you actually dislike and get annoyed by a lot of people. And when someone hates everyone, what is the common denominator? YOU.

 

You wrote about your male colleague that he was weird and inappropriate because he didn't make eye contact. That he spoke monotonously. You wrote something like "why did my work hire him if he has bad social skills". You also wrote: "Normally we get notified at work if someone has "special" needs". Do you know how RUDE you sound? You expect your management to reveal every person's private and confidential "special" needs as you called it? Like immediately slapping a label on a new employee! "Meet Bob everyone, he's autistic". "Meet Jane, she has depression." Like what does it say about you as a person to say these kinds of things?

 

With your housemate I'm basically seeing the same style posts, except about a different person. You're tearing her apart saying all these mean things about her. Another strong theme here is she's not "socially appropriate" or odd. Her behaviours don't match your standards.

 

So a question begs, does everyone have "special needs", or is it maybe something actually about you? Introspection can be a good thing. I would recommend you use it.

[Tinydance]

I wrote what I wrote before I read this. Sure, vent away. That's not how it initially came across. I think you need your own place and I say this based on your reaction to her and your post about how you reacted to your coworker. You're not well suited to work with others who might be different from you, especially in close quarters. You have to do that at work, I get it but I think that's probably your limit.

 

Yep. YOU are not suitable to live/work with others. I basically got along with 99.9% of people I worked with at all my jobs. I had a roommate for 3.5 years and she had quirks. She had to have the TV on 24/7 or she felt uncomfortable. She also had some excessive sweating problem and she really constantly did the washing. All this was inconvenient and raked up high bills too. But other than that she was perfect and a lovely person who suited me to live with very well. So I never gave her a hard time because I knew she's just human and she has quirks. And I do too, and so does everyone. You are not perfect either. I guarantee there are things about you that annoy others as well because we all have that. The point is not to be judgemental and itching for a fight all the time. Then you can get along with people.

[Tinydance]

Where did I say I was sitting on her preferred chair? Pardon me, I'm still looking for that specific sentence.

 

I was not sitting in her preferred chair at all, but the one nextto it simply. I didn't perpetuate the situation, I work from the kitchen and was sitting there all day. I've always sat there, since before she even moved in and I was working on my own from the kitchen.

 

It's my house too, I'm allowed to sit wherever I want when no one is around. Sometimes I sit at my desk in the corner and when my back hurts, I sit somewhere else and sometimes I sit in my room.

 

This is ridiculous now. Besides, as stated in my post, I ended up moving as I saw she was getting worked up over the fact that I was sitting next to her preferred seat. I have a preferred seat as well and whenever the third tenant sits there, I don't get worked up over it. He always sits on my preferred seat and most times, I just go somewhere else. Do I claim he's doing it deliberately?

 

So, you're basically saying that even when she's not around, I'm not allowed to sit on the chair next to her preferred chair out of fear she might come in and need that one specific chair she likes? Where else am I meant to sit? It is a small table with two chairs on each side of her preferred seat. I still had work to do and she had finished her business day long ago.

 

As a matter of fact, I never sit on her preferred chair, no one sits there, she's the only one.

 

I don't see how I particularly toyed with her when I cleared the area to let her sit there. If I wanted to toy with her, I would have just gone back and sat there for another hour or two working. No, I took my belongings and went somewhere else after a few minutes. That's not toying with her at all. Besides, I didn't know that I needed to pick a specific seat and stick to it in an apartment I've been renting for the last 4 years and paying to live there. I didn't realize I needed to curtail my freedom of movement as well.

 

I'm clearly done with this thread. It seems as though I'm being made the villain when people choose to deliberately twist the facts.

 

Also, if I truly had an issue with different people, I would be complaining about the third tenant as well, which is not the case.

 

If you're getting many similar comments from total strangers on the Internet who don't even know each other, have you thought that maybe there's something actually in that? I get it, we don't see ourselves from others point of view and we think we're always right. But we're not always right. It takes maturity to admit you can be wrong and you are not perfect. To me it sounds like you actually don't have this maturity and you think you are ideal and angelical. Yet you are VERY quick to find lots of fault with others.

[Seraphim]

Look do forgive my bluntness OP but seriously. You posted two threads here which are about you disliking, being annoyed by, picking apart two of your colleagues and making lots of assumptions about them. Can I be honest, I was offended by some comments you made about your male colleague. I agree him privately texting you was inappropriate but you also admitted yourself that you only got the impression he wanted to ne friends, nothing more. You pull your roommate to shreds saying she's not friendly, she doesn't smile, doesn't greet you as you want. Yet this male colleague tried to be friendly and you wrote numerous posts bagging him, judging him. You don't have to like everyone but it sounds to me like you actually dislike and get annoyed by a lot of people. And when someone hates everyone, what is the common denominator? YOU.

 

You wrote about your male colleague that he was weird and inappropriate because he didn't make eye contact. That he spoke monotonously. You wrote something like "why did my work hire him if he has bad social skills". You also wrote: "Normally we get notified at work if someone has "special" needs". Do you know how RUDE you sound? You expect your management to reveal every person's private and confidential "special" needs as you called it? Like immediately slapping a label on a new employee! "Meet Bob everyone, he's autistic". "Meet Jane, she has depression." Like what does it say about you as a person to say these kinds of things?

 

With your housemate I'm basically seeing the same style posts, except about a different person. You're tearing her apart saying all these mean things about her. Another strong theme here is she's not "socially appropriate" or odd. Her behaviours don't match your standards.

 

So a question begs, does everyone have "special needs", or is it maybe something actually about you? Introspection can be a good thing. I would recommend you use it.

I agree notifying an entire office of somebody having special needs is actually against their rights and against medical ethics. If someone told my son’s entire workplace that he was autistic I would raise the friggin roof and sue people. My son IS Autistic btw.

[Batya33]

I agree notifying an entire office of somebody having special needs is actually against their rights and against medical ethics. If someone told my son’s entire workplace that he was autistic I would raise the friggin roof and sue people. My son IS Autistic btw.

 

By contrast I was introduced on my first day of work to my most adorable co-worker ever -a seeing eye dog! Yes, I was glad to know that my co-worker was vision impaired and that there were physical accommodations made for him and his dog in our office environment. That to me is the proper standard -if I need to know in order to keep my coworker safe - when I was pregnant I told my HR director once I passed the first trimester. She told no one else-she let me share the news even though it is actually a disability and I did need some minor accommodations once in awhile. I would not like to be told that someone was on the spectrum unless the person wanted me to know and it was essential to performing my job. It would make me uncomfortable as to the discretion of my bosses.