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Hi all,

 

Hope all is well.

 

I've been facing something rather interesting with the new roommate. She moved in 2 months ago. During the interview process, she advised that she was living on her own, her lease was up and she wanted to have roommates during the pandemic as living on her own drove her a bit crazy. She was fine the first week and I noticed some odd things:

 

1. A week after she had moved in, she already asked if she could bring people over during the pandemic. Although not ideal, she invited a person over and then kept inviting her boyfriend unannounced every Thursday evening for a sleepover. The first time she invited her boyfriend over, I wasn't aware and I walked into the kitchen to grab some water after my run only to see him there lying on the couch in pajamas. I was polite and said: "Hi, how are you" then a minute later, she told him: "I have a feeling she wants us to exit, let's go". I didn't say anything at all. I was minding my own business in the kitchen and just wanted to do what I had to do quickly and exit.

 

2. Unfortunately, we work from home (well, only the two of us, the third tenant works from his office). Originally, we were working from the kitchen table together during the day. One evening, I decided to watch TV (which I never do as I tend to stay away from the common area past business hours) and I went to the bathroom for 5 minutes. She turned the TV off on the basis of the fact she had to study. Fine, I didn't say anything. The TV is in a common area and she spent all day there, but OK.

 

3. She went on holidays and came back. I greeted her and said "Hi, welcome back, how was your break". She just responded: "Yeah OK". I noticed she only gives short answers, even with our third roommate, hence I assumed she was tired or maybe didn't want to talk. She was fine the following day.

 

4. Then comes the issue of where she walks in and never says "Hi" to anyone. If you greet her, she either 1. won't respond or 2. be very dry. No smile, nothing (she doesn't have to smile, but if she's not going to respond, at least she can nod or smile). No, she just doesn't acknowledge greetings whether from me or the third tenant. Today, she walked into the kitchen, I said "Hi" no response and she walked in again when the other guy was there, she didn't greet him either. At some point, I'm going to stop greeting her altogether - if it's a one way street & no response.

 

5. Yesterday and today, she has been acting quite offensive. For instance, I went out to grab lunch and came back, sat on the couch to eat lunch as she was at the kitchen table working. As soon as I sat there, she left. Right. Then today, again, no greeting and she kept slamming doors left right and center. She also invited her boyfriend over, when we are undergoing another lockdown and cases are rising.

 

I'm bending over and backwards to be accommodating (e.g.: leaving the living room at 7pm even when I want to relax to give her space to study, wake up before her to give her time alone in the morning, exit the common area around lunch break to give her some breathing space and even accept guests during a pandemic). Yet, she can't be bothered to show us an ounce of respect by at least greeting us.

 

She also advised that she moved 6 times in the last 2 years (no wonder) and never lasted more than a few months in a place. She & I work in the same company, so I certainly don't want her in my business nor do I care about hers. Whilst I can appreciate her being private (we had other roommates who were just as private), to me this is odd behavior for someone who has just moved in. Mood swings happen, this is not an easy situation to be in at all, but you make an effort when you've just moved in claiming you wanted roommates yet can't bring yourself to say "Hi".

 

This made me so uncomfortable today that I had to just leave the house and go work from somewhere else.

 

I'm currently looking for a new place as I have enough to focus on without having to worry about a roommate's mood swings. I've been living in this apartment & the third tenant for the last 4 years. I keep it tidy by cleaning every Sunday and regularly during the week, throwing the bins, not inviting people over, paying the bills, bringing the mail, never watch TV etc...the only inconvenience is the WFH as I only have the kitchen as work station. I'm doing more than my fair share at this stage and I feel as though I'm slowly being treated like a doormat.

 

Has anyone encountered this?

 

Thanks.

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Why not speak up??? and set some boundaries with all of you together at the kitchen table? You accommodate and say nothing...it's no wonder you are being treated as a doormat...Time to stop acting like one and put your foot down. Why not give her notice? You have been there for 4 years, you shouldn't be the one to leave.

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Why not speak up??? and set some boundaries with all of you together at the kitchen table? You accommodate and say nothing...it's no wonder you are being treated as a doormat...Time to stop acting like one and put your foot down. Why not give her notice? You have been there for 4 years, you shouldn't be the one to leave.

 

I can't put her notice - we're in a lockdown. Evictions are against the law at the moment.

Plus, we all have separate leases, thus only the landlord can action this.

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Rivoli

 

This is so simple.

 

What Smackie said:

 

"Why not give her notice? You have been there for 4 years, you shouldn't be the one to leave."

 

Did she say this during the interview process:

 

"She also advised that she moved 6 times in the last 2 years (no wonder) and never lasted more than a few months in a place."

 

And if she did would that not have started the alarm bells ringing?

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Rivoli

 

This is so simple.

 

What Smackie said:

 

"Why not give her notice? You have been there for 4 years, you shouldn't be the one to leave."

 

Did she say this during the interview process:

 

"She also advised that she moved 6 times in the last 2 years (no wonder) and never lasted more than a few months in a place."

 

And if she did would that not have started the alarm bells ringing?

 

You think she would have disclosed this information during the interview? No.

 

She mentioned this two weeks after she moved in, otherwise it would have been a no-go. She clearly has issues living with other people.

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Right. So it was the landlord (not you) who interviewed this person?

 

And she has a lease with said landlord. You did not have a say in the matter at all?

 

We were stuck, basically. The previous tenant had moved out and we struggled to find a replacement due to COVID. We had a meeting with the landlord who said that weren't in a position to choose the "right fit" and we needed to find someone asap. The landlord gave us a deadline to find someone (although technically, he wouldn't have been able to evict us) or we would have needed to come to an agreement (absorb the rent or leave).

 

As the landlord was putting pressure (as in texting 5 times a day on the progress), we went with this one as all the other people were not suitable or flaked. My roommate is the one who interviewed her first and said she was fine. I was away that day, so I trusted his judgment. I interviewed her over Skype, but quite frankly, I just focused on the fact that her lease was up and she wanted to move closer to the city. I assumed the landlord would do his due diligence and check references (which he didn't - he was so eager to find a tenant that due diligence went out the window).

 

It was a failure on both our parts to ask about her longest tenancy and on the landlord's to run his due diligence properly.

 

After she moved in, she disclosed that she was in the process of signing a lease when the prospective landlord stopped responding to her after she submitted her documents (presumably, references etc..) and she was stuck.

 

I should have known the day she had the plumber over to fix her shower - the way she spoke to this guy. He actually put her in her place in front of me as she was quite rude. I was quite interesting to watch as it was the first encounter I ever saw between herself and a third party.

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So, the bottom line is that you are stuck with this tenant now.

 

You may need to speak to the landlord and explain that this tenant is breaching the rules of the tenancy (bringing people in and so on).

 

That aside there have to be certain ground rules in shared accommodation.

 

It would seem that she may be given to uttering untruths.

 

"After she moved in, she disclosed that she was in the process of signing a lease when the prospective landlord stopped responding to her after she submitted her documents (presumably, references etc..) and she was stuck.2

 

That prospective landlord sounds like he knew exactly what he was dealing with.

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So, the bottom line is that you are stuck with this tenant now.

 

You may need to speak to the landlord and explain that this tenant is breaching the rules of the tenancy (bringing people in and so on).

 

That aside there have to be certain ground rules in shared accommodation.

 

That card is already lost.

 

The previous tenant did the same things (bringing people over during the pandemic, drugs & parties in the common area at night). I raised it to the landlord at the time and that tenant ended up leaving. I can't possibly raise this to the landlord again, especially as we just found her as more than likely, he'll tell me: "If you're not happy, you can leave". I don't have a million options here. At this point, he's more worried about rent being paid on time than the welfare of his tenants.

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So, what is your plan of action then Rivoli?

 

You mention this new tenant works in the same company as you?

 

Since you don't think the landlord will listen and your options are very limited I would suggest you sit this person down and set out calmly your concerns.

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Do you think she is just grouchy, or anti social or both or something else?

 

I think you may be stuck with her but really, a group meeting is in order to clarify things. You are too silent on all accounts.

 

The thing is I'm currently operating as per government's guidelines. Our "lockdown" allows 1 person from another household. Although it's not to my liking, she's not breaching government guidelines. However, when/if the restrictions increase to the point where no visitors are allowed, then a meeting will be held. I don't have any legal justification to bar her from inviting her boyfriend over.

 

The reason why I raised it to the landlord with the previous one is because she was in clear breach of local regulations which barred all visitors.

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You don't have to be friends or socialize, although that is nice. However you and the other roommate have to agree on house rules such as overnight guests, food, chores, communal areas, etc.

 

Preferably you, the other tenant and the roommate all have these in writing. Making it up as you go along and getting personalities involved is bound to cause friction.

 

Roommates is a economic agreement with a verbal/written contract that is valid as long as someone pays rent. Taking all the personalities and niceties too personally will also cause friction. If they follow the agreed upon terms and rent, then there's not much you can do.

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If your roommate is truly intolerable for you, you're out of patience, can't evict her and have the option of moving into a new place, move into a new place. Do what you have to do in order to have peace of mind.

 

Consider this a harsh lesson learned. In the future, scrutinize roommates more thoroughly.

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Of course he is (the landlord):

 

" he's more worried about rent being paid on time than the welfare of his tenants."

 

So, here you are at an impasse. Definitely a group meeting to very calmly set certain parameters. There are only three of you. Meantime stop bending backwards. Stand your ground.

Silence is golden. Difficult as it may be just try to ignore her.

 

And what Cherlyn said just now:

 

"Consider this a harsh lesson learned. In the future, scrutinize roommates more thoroughly."

 

Scrutinize everyone thoroughly, I might add. Learn to read people, Rivoli, not just in this particular instance, but at all levels. It's a most valuable skill.

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Well, I hope I won't ever have to deal with roommates again!

 

I'm looking for my own place, tired of being overly accommodating towards people who are only strangers at the end of the day.

 

I think it's the Universe's way to showing me I need to move on. I desperately tried to hold on to this apartment when there were issues with the last tenant, but given the repeated pattern, I'm taking this as a sign.

 

I will be starting a new course soon on top of my job, so I really don't have the mental space for this anymore. Sharing was fun when I was in my early/mid-twenties. I'll be thirty in November, time to turn a new leaf.

 

I don't want to cause drama as we work in the same company and I'm trying to keep my professional reputation intact.

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Well, I hope I won't ever have to deal with roommates again!

 

I'm looking for my own place, tired of being overly accommodating towards people who are only strangers at the end of the day.

 

I think it's the Universe's way to showing me I need to move on. I desperately tried to hold on to this apartment when there were issues with the last tenant, but given the repeated pattern, I'm taking this as a sign.

 

I will be starting a new course soon on top of my job, so I really don't have the mental space for this anymore. Sharing was fun when I was in my early/mid-twenties. I'll be thirty in November, time to turn a new leaf.

 

Good idea. Spend less energy and time on the unnecessary stuff. You've got lots of life ahead. Move on to a place of your own if you can.

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Hopefully you will get that place of your own Rivoli. And sooner rather than later.

 

Nonetheless:

 

"tired of being overly accommodating towards people"

 

Leaving aside the current situation it is important to learn not to ever be overly accommodating, in ANY situation.

 

There are no "signs" Rivoli. Life is a matter of practicalities, by and large, and acquiring a good level of shrewdness.

 

And, remember also, that there are many out there who are mentally unwell, but can present initially as seemingly well-adjusted.

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Well, I hope I won't ever have to deal with roommates again!

 

I'm looking for my own place, tired of being overly accommodating towards people who are only strangers at the end of the day.

 

I think it's the Universe's way to showing me I need to move on. I desperately tried to hold on to this apartment when there were issues with the last tenant, but given the repeated pattern, I'm taking this as a sign.

 

I will be starting a new course soon on top of my job, so I really don't have the mental space for this anymore. Sharing was fun when I was in my early/mid-twenties. I'll be thirty in November, time to turn a new leaf.

 

I don't want to cause drama as we work in the same company and I'm trying to keep my professional reputation intact.

 

I'm glad you have the option of finding and moving into your own place.

 

It's also the universe's way of teaching you "haste makes waste" regarding people in your life whether they're roommates or others. Be more careful.

 

When you come home to a peaceful new environment for yourself, you will be much happier and sound.

 

Since you work at the same company as your soon to be ex-roommate, remain peaceful and professional. Act natural, be polite, well mannered, professional and leave it at that. You will be fine.

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Hopefully you will get that place of your own Rivoli. And sooner rather than later.

 

Nonetheless:

 

"tired of being overly accommodating towards people"

 

Leaving aside the current situation it is important to learn not to ever be overly accommodating, in ANY situation.

 

There are no "signs" Rivoli. Life is a matter of practicalities, by and large, and acquiring a good level of shrewdness.

 

And, remember also, that there are many out there who are mentally unwell, but can present initially as seemingly well-adjusted.

 

Thank you!

 

That's very true. She is incredibly controlling from what I gathered to the point where she will make calculations about the hours spent working in the living room. For instance, if she doesn't work from there the in afternoon, she will use those 2/3 hours to invite her boyfriend over and hang out; every single time she does this, her boyfriend is around in the evening. It's exhausting mentally just having to deal with this type of maneuvering. She came across as sound and rather mature, but I think the amount of controlling she exercises with herself and others seemingly is clearly showing something else is going on beneath the surface.

 

She pestered the plumber because she was afraid he was going to mess her bathroom's arrangements before the poor guy even touched anything. Thankfully, her put her in her place in front of me. I think in that moment I knew she was going to be trouble.

 

In order to be able to focus my energy on other areas of my life, I need to remove those which are causing me unnecessary frustrations. This sharing situations is one of them. What this whole COVID ordeal has taught me is that sometimes you need to look at what truly matters and remove what's bringing you down. I don't have time for juvenile considerations. I started renting this apartment I was 26, four years later, I'm simply not in the same headspace. I want to come home and be at peace with myself and my surroundings. I don't want to come in and see someone's boyfriend or some morose individual in my space that I'm working hard to be able afford!

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