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What does this mean?


Salboo

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OK this is going to sound really pathetic but hear me out... I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and in that time he has mentioned his ex twice... that’s it. I have never asked about her but obviously I have always been really intrigued about her and how I measure up etc...I have recently met one of his female friends and we get on really well and have been chatting a lot. We were sitting alone together and she was telling me about how much she likes me and how glad she is that my partner met me. She started talking about his ex and had nothing nice to say about her. She was saying she never get on with her, was never friends with her and didn’t understand my partners relationship with her. She then said ‘I never knew what he saw in her at all and you’re just so beautiful’... I was a bit taken aback and was embarrassed so I didn’t say anything else. But that line is playing on my mind... as shallow as this sounds does that mean I was more attractive that his ex?

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Try to leave the past in the past. He's smart not to go on about an ex while with you. Ignore idol gossip. They dated, they broke up...leave the past in the past.

 

Do not get into comparisons. That is borne of insecurity and will negatively affect your relationship. It doesn't matter what she looked like, he cared for her at one time, so comparisons are a rabbit hole you don't want to go down.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and in that time he has mentioned his ex twice. I have always been really intrigued about her and how I measure up etc.
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I wouldn't pay any mind. Don't compare yourself with his ex because it's over. You're his girlfriend now so concentrate on being happy with your relationship with your boyfriend. Ignore his female friend's comments. Let it go in one ear and out the other. And, I wouldn't trust his female friend if I were you. You could be next and she can bad mouth you, too. You are fair game. Tread lightly and beware. :eek:

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Attraction is far too subjective to make any assumptions based on what this one person said.

 

Obviously your boyfriend was attracted to his ex in some way or he likely wouldn’t have dated her. And what does it matter at this point? Have you always harboured some insecurity about this ex, or?

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Was this a long distance relationship for the earlier half or earlier portion? How are you just starting to get to know his female friends or this one in particular after three years? I'm reading this more as insecurity about yourself and how you look(your own attractiveness).

 

You'll have to get used to the fact that he has an ex or exes before you. Try enjoying the relationship and creating positive, happy and healthy memories together - focus less on the past and that's when it becomes more of the past as the both of you create your new life together. You've got three years now together. I have to ask - what's your relationship like overall? Is it dull/unfulfilling or are you happy with him?

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It means that you are way over the top insecure and you treat relationships like a competition and people like trophies you can win or lose and that's toxic and disordered af.

 

His ex, who she is, what she looks like, what other people think of her has zero relevance to your current relationship. Like none, zero, zip, nada, nothing. Get your head wrapped around that and work on your insecurities before they destroy your relationship. Keep in mind also, that a woman who will badmouth his ex to you, will also badmouth you to the next girl, so don't put too much stock into that. In fact, beware and distance yourself from people like that. She is not a friend, she is a frenemy.

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I have never asked about her but obviously I have always been really intrigued about her and how I measure up etc.

- Why are you doing this? That is odd.

 

Each person is different, as is the relationship.

 

Are you one to feel like you are not good enough? And if you land someone good you wonder if you are enough etc?

Don't get involved with someone to try & re assure yourself.

 

You know what they say... never depend on someone to try and make you happy.

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Why does this female friend of his seem to know so much about his ex yet only meets you after 3 years?

 

The term beautiful is not confined to appearances.

She could be talking about your personality.

 

But who cares?

 

Why are you so insecure? Because that is not a beautiful trait. But something that could harm your relationship?

Are you working on that?

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OK this is going to sound really pathetic but hear me out... I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and in that time he has mentioned his ex twice... that’s it. I have never asked about her but obviously I have always been really intrigued about her and how I measure up etc...I have recently met one of his female friends and we get on really well and have been chatting a lot. We were sitting alone together and she was telling me about how much she likes me and how glad she is that my partner met me. She started talking about his ex and had nothing nice to say about her. She was saying she never get on with her, was never friends with her and didn’t understand my partners relationship with her. She then said ‘I never knew what he saw in her at all and you’re just so beautiful’... I was a bit taken aback and was embarrassed so I didn’t say anything else. But that line is playing on my mind... as shallow as this sounds does that mean I was more attractive that his ex?

 

You sound very insecure.... which is fine, but you need to own it and nip it in the bud instead of going down the rabbit hole of comparing yourself to others.

 

At the end of the day there will always be someone out there that is better than we are at something so spend time building your confidence and self-worth instead of how you "measure up."

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